


Flying Free

by gremlinwriter



Series: Freedom [1]
Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Aged-Up Character(s), Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Badass Eren Yeager, Badass Levi (Shingeki no Kyojin), Badass Mikasa Ackerman, Canon-Typical Violence, Eren "Reckless" Jaeger, M/M, Minor Marco Bott/Jean Kirstein, Nonbinary Hange Zoë, Older Eren Yeager, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Mikasa Ackerman, Rating May Change, Slow Build, Slow Burn, Smart Armin Arlert, Titan Eren Yeager, Titan Shifters, Titan!Eren, i think it qualifies as slow build but correct me if I'm wrong
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-21
Updated: 2021-02-16
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:55:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 132,412
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26026807
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gremlinwriter/pseuds/gremlinwriter
Summary: Eren knew there were a lot of rules he had to stick to. No one could find out the truth about his kind, he had to be careful at all times and that his job was to take out the mindless-murderous Titans with his friends. Until he happened upon a group of riders from one of the cities, most of them already slaughtered and he decided to save what lives he could, not only once, but twice.
Relationships: Armin Arlert & Eren Yeager, Levi/Eren Yeager, Mikasa Ackerman & Eren Yeager
Series: Freedom [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2068602
Comments: 617
Kudos: 995
Collections: Anime FF





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I've been working on this AU for quite a while, I personally haven't watched past Season 2, read a bit further in the Manga and have been spoilered on a few things that happen down the line, so be aware that this is the extend of canon material I am aware of. 
> 
> That said, I've cheerfully thrown most of it straight out the window and cobbled together this AU idea, where titan shifters exist, as well as the mindlessly-murderous Titans we know and (maybe not so much)love from SnK.
> 
> Eren and Levi are closer in age as well (as much as we know about Levi's age in general, last I heard it's been a bit of a mystery what age he really is) and the different walls and districts in canon are individual, walled-off cities in this story.  
> I might add or work over the summary in the future, but for now, it's the best I can make it.
> 
> Further things you can expect in this story:  
> \- Grammar and spelling mistakes, I try my best, but some are going to slip by.  
> \- Long chapters, I am incapable of writing short ones.  
> \- A bunch of introspection, since I am incapable of not writing those.  
> \- A few background relationships that are going to get tagged at one point in the story, if there is one that you feel uncomfortable with, drop a question in the comment box and I'll let you know what pairings are planned (and be aware that it might be a spoiler), though they won't be too focused on.
> 
> Thank you for reading this far and I hope you find this story enjoyable! I certainly quite enjoy writing it.

"Eren, we need to talk." His mother's soft, unusually solemn voice stopped him on his way out. Eren turned to the kitchen and padded inside, finding his mother sitting at the table. "Please, join me."

"Am I in trouble?" He asked, while a quick glance around showed that his father wasn't present, which wasn't surprising. Eren rarely saw him, he always seemed to be somewhere else, since he was one of the best doctors around. His mother didn't seem happy with his long absences either, but since his father was helping other people, she never said anything. Eren wanted her to smile more, though and tried to make her laugh whenever he could.

He wriggled up on a chair and returned her serious gaze as much as he could as an eight year old. He hoped he wasn't in trouble. Then again, he couldn't recall doing something he shouldn't. He had already gotten scolded for pushing a boy who had made Bertolt cry the other day, so it wasn't that.

His mother shook her head. "No, you're not in trouble."

For a second, she sat in silence, before straightening in her chair. "Eren, I would like to speak with you about the Titans," she said and he knew what she meant when she said it like that. His mother wasn't talking about the people of their villages, some gifted with the talent to shift, who could turn into titans at will, but never lost rational thought or control of themselves. She spoke of the Titans living outside the forest surrounding their homeland. She spoke of the monsters.

"They're bad, right?" Eren said, certain in his knowledge. His mother smiled at him, but it was so sad he immediately reached out to touch her arm. He hated it when his mom was sad.

"Let me tell you a story," his mother said, her voice soft. "Of shifters and humans and the monsters that were created." She clasped his hand in hers and took a deep breath. "The monsters we created."

In a quiet, gentle voice, his mother told him of the folly and callous narcissism of two shifter scientists, who had been born years and years ago. She told him those two were very gifted and kept driving each other to new heights, challenging each other to do the impossible. Often, their inventions and discoveries were for the betterment of their people. 

But they dared each other just as often to do something for no other reason than to see if it could be _done_. In their research and in their experiments, they had no regard for morals or when enough was enough. One day, they discovered that the shifter gene of their people could be drawn from their bodies once they died. It was a difficult and complicated process and didn't always work.

His mother looked even sadder now, her voice growing even softer. "And they made a terrible mistake. They thought themselves gods in the making, they thought they could recreate what shifters are born with. They injected other people, normal people, with the titan essence. It worked, in a way." Her mouth twisted bitterly. "But the titans they made were all wrong. They were mindless and they ran rampant. They killed, without mercy or consideration, driven to a constant hunger. And they only craved human flesh."

Eren stared at her, wide eyed and his mother leveled a heavy look at him.

"This is the legacy they left us with. This is what our shifters are fighting when they travel past the forest." She reached out to cup his cheek with her free hand. "The monsters walking beyond the forest aren't bad Eren, not by choice, but they have to be stopped."

"But...they were people once," he said. "Is it right to kill them?"

His mother sighed softly."They were people once, yes. But they can't be turned back and now they wander these lands, destroying and killing every other human they encounter. We have to do something, this is our mistake and...killing them is the only solution."

She took a deep breath and continued, "We have to take responsibility for what was done by our people. We created a nightmare for humanity and we have to take care of it before it manages to destroy everything. People were already forced to built walls to stay safe." She gave his hand a gentle squeeze. "It's also why we hide behind our forest, so far away from the cities. To protect you and all the other children until you're old enough to decide whether or not you want to join the fight."

Eren gripped her hand back. He looked at her, determined and sure.

"Then I'll help! It doesn't matter if I'll be a shifter or not, I'll go and fight with the others!"

His mother briefly closed her eyes and leaned forward to kiss his forehead. "You are a brave boy with a righteous heart, Eren. And you're also driven and stubborn. Promise me this, if you really will join the hunters, be careful. I want you to come back home."

Her voice broke slightly at the last word. Eren slipped from his chair to give her a tight hug. He was young, but even he knew of the shifters that never returned. He knew of the dead that were brought back by their comrades. Of old Lillian across the street, who had wept for weeks when her husband and daughter died on a hunt. He had seen enough grieving people, had at times seen shifters return with haunted, hollowed gazes. He didn't understand, not really, but he knew enough to realize that his mother was scared for him.

"I'll come back home, mama. I promise!" He even hooked pinkies with her and while his promise didn't chase the worry on her face away entirely, she smiled back at him.

"You're a good boy. Now go play, alright? Just be sure to come back in time for supper." She kissed him on the cheek and sent him on his way. "And remember, don't go into the forest."

~*~

A month later, Eren got into a stupid, childish - in hindsight - fight with Ymir and she managed to egg him on enough that he ventured into the forest to prove he was neither a chicken nor a child. After getting hopelessly lost, he happened upon a small group of kidnappers with two children.

By evening, he found his way back out of the forest, this time with the addition of a girl called Mikasa and a boy called Armin. He brought them straight to his mother, blood still clinging to all of them, his hands tightly holding onto theirs.

"They have no one else," he told her as she stared at them in horrified surprise. "Can they stay? Please, mama."

"Come in." She quickly ushered them in, checking them over for injuries and getting the whole story out of Eren, with Armin occasionally pitching in quietly. The kids had been kidnapped three weeks ago and their parents and grandfather respectively got killed in the attack. The kidnappers had taken them out of their city and had been on the way to another city to sell them in underground societies, when Titans had forced them to leave their path. They had been chased for quite a while, until they had managed to find shelter in the forest, where Eren had happened upon them.

"They were hiding in the forest because Titans were after us and they no longer knew how to get to a city," Armin whispered. "They were talking about...leaving us, as a distraction to the monsters, when Eren showed up."

Eren's mother soothed the children and gave them some new clothes and something to eat, before she hurried out. The shifters patrolled and protected the forest, to ensure no Titans ever came too close. That people had slipped past them was bad news and they had to know. Their villages surrounded by the forest had to remain protected and undiscovered.

Eren knew he didn't have to ask again if Armin and Mikasa could stay, his mother's gaze said it all when she hurried outside. They had the space and the means, thanks to his father, to take care of the two.

In the morning, his mother sat the children down and told Armin and Mikasa the truth. Of who the people here were, where they were now and she gave them the option to stay or leave. She wouldn't force them to stay, she said. Eren knew that it was forbidden to tell outsiders about the shifters and their handful of villages, but Mikasa and Armin had to know the truth before they agreed to stay. If they wanted to go, there were caravans of traders who occasionally traveled to the cities for business and they could take them along.

To Eren's joy and relief, the two decided to stay.

~*~

Two and a half years later Eren transformed for the first time and almost crushed their home beneath him. An older shifter reacted just in time and got him to hold still before he accidentally stepped on any houses. Eren, to his glee, realized he had turned into one of the big titans.

Figuring out how to turn back was more tricky, but once he managed it, he cheered loud enough that his voice echoed down the street in a high-pitched bellow. The older shifter laughed and clapped him on the back hard enough to send Eren stumbling.

"Well done, kid!" He said with a proud look and wide grin on his face.

Eren joined the hunter training the next day and Mikasa and Armin determinedly followed him. Non-shifters didn't join the training often, since their mortality rate in the field was a lot higher than the shifters, but they were never turned away when they showed up and wanted to learn. 

The shifters had, over the years, collected a special gear that was left behind by the soldiers from the cities. Or rather, the gear had been pilfered from dead groups found during the travels. From people who fought back against the Titans and didn't survive to return home. The shifters had scrounged what parts and pieces they could, at times to repair broken equipment and sometimes returning with gear still fully functional. It allowed normal people to keep up with Titans and kill them and gave shifters the chance to fight if they were too exhausted to shift. Most of it was a bit scratched up, but they were all in good working condition. 

"It will be hard." The instructor said, staring at all the newbies. 

Eren resisted the urge to glance at Bertolt and Reiner, who stood beside Annie and Ymir. Annie and Ymir were from two different shifter villages nearby and they all had known each other more or less since they had been children, since their parents were friends. Those four had discovered their abilities a couple of months before him, though from the looks of it, only Annie had made it out of the beginner class already. He was determined to catch up to them. Mikasa and Armin beside him looked just as determined.

"You will start training and get your studying schedule today as well. As you get older, your training will get even harder. You're expected to finish when you're eighteen at the earliest, twenty at the latest, s be sure not to fall behind." The instructor gave them a curt nod. "Start with running laps. The last three to reach the finish line will run an extra one."

Mikasa, to no one's surprise, finished first. Eren and Armin just barely managed to make it before the last three and as they stood there, gasping for air, Eren thought he understood the hard work lying before them.

The next weeks, turning to months and then turning to years, however, taught him that he never stopped learning and training never stopped being gruesome. But he got stronger, he got better and with every story he could wheedle out of the older shifters, he grew ever more determined to keep his vow to fight the Titans. To put a stop to what his own people had done to the world two generations ago.

~*~

The first time Eren met a scouting group of humans - all of them Titan fighters as far as he knew - he was almost sixteen and maybe, probably, shouldn't have snuck past the forest. But he and the other shifters had gotten into a stupid bet and he was the last one to go to a lake outside the forest and retrieve a stone from the shore, to prove he actually had the guts to break the rules and the skills to get past the patrols.

Eren had managed to convince his friends to let him do this without secretly following him, as Mikasa was won't to do, when she thought he was going to do something supremely idiotic. Eren, if he was honest, was very excited about getting a look beyond the forest. He had heard so many stories over the years. Of vast grasslands that reached beyond the horizon and forests that were so big one could walk for days without reaching the end. He knew he probably wouldn't get to see those during his trip to the lake, but the thought of catching a glimpse of the world out there was setting his heart racing with anticipation. 

It was simple enough to slip past the patrols, once he knew which paths the shifters took and as long as he stayed in his human form, he was easy to overlook. It helped that a thick fog had spread across the land since that morning and with his dark green cloak, he was nearly indistinguishable from the bushes around him.

Subsequently, Eren realized that he could see jack shit when he reached the other side of the forest. The sun was hidden beyond a cover of slate-grey clouds and the mist made it impossible to see further than a few steps. But the lake wasn't supposed to be far, so it should be alright. As daring as they all were at their age, they didn't really want to get into serious trouble with the adults. And even less with their instructors, if those ever caught wind of this bet, they would let all of them run laps until they puked.

The tall grass whispered around his knees as Eren started walking. It was...surprisingly quiet out here. When the lake didn't come into view what felt half an hour later, Eren started to get a bit nervous. Had he gotten lost? Shit. He glanced around, but could see nothing beyond murky fog and a grey sky overhead. A drop fell, followed by another as it started to rain.

Eren was too stubborn to give up, though and kept on walking. The lake had to be somewhere around here after all and he wasn't going to be the only one returning without a stone. Even if Mikasa and Armin wouldn't care, Ymir would never let him hear the end of it.

At one point though, after walking a while, Eren got even more nervous and unsettled. He was soaked to the bone and he hadn't found anything yet. Swallowing and glancing around, he decided to shift. He should be able to see over the fog this way, hopefully, or at least spot the forest so he knew that he hadn't gotten too far from where he was supposed to go.

With a burst of steam and a crash of what seemed like lightning, Eren felt his titan form envelop him. For a split, dizzying second the whole world warped and shifted as the ground raced away from him and then the body finished growing, fingers curling and feet planting solidly on the ground. Glancing around, Eren was dismayed to realize that the fog was reaching a lot higher than he thought, but he could see better now. There was no lake. And no forest either.

He was lost.

For a second, he stood there, staring ahead dumbly. Vague panic fluttered against his ribs and he forced himself to remain calm. It was alright, he couldn't have gotten too far from home. Right? No, he shook his head. He would be fine. At best, he'd find his way back in given time and at worst, a group of shifters would be dispatched to find him. As long as he managed to either stay a titan until then or transform a second time later in the day, they'd have little trouble spotting him. It would be embarrassing as nothing else, but he'd be fine. He'd get back home.

Eren wasn't ready to give up yet, though. He also wasn't the type to wait around until he got rescued, so he started walking in a direction he thought was right. Lifting a hand to shield his eyes from the rain, he squinted a bit and took large steps. A little while later, he spotted a forest ahead, but this one seemed smaller and darker than the one hiding the villages. The trees were not as massive and tall as the protective ring around the land of the shifters. It seemed denser, though. Either way, he was definitely _not_ on the way home.

Eren was about to turn away, when he heard a blood-curling, terrified scream. It raked an icy shiver through his insides and briefly froze his breath in his lungs. His stomach lurched with and he whirled around. That scream sounded human, but he had never heard a scream like that before in his life. It sent his heart racing with a spike of startled fear and he started to run in the direction of the sound without thinking.

Yells and more screams rose from the mist and he finally saw the murky shape of something big and moving emerge. A Titan. How far did he wander to not only see one but also run into actual other people? Because there were people surrounding the monster. Not from his home though, their attire was entirely different.

He watched the monster reach its hand down and he saw two of the people right in front of it. There were bodies already lying on the ground and Eren lurched forward with a roar. He knocked into the Titan just as it looked up, a person clutched in a fist and raised toward its mouth. Eren caught a glimpse of the red haired lady in the Titan's grasp, before he wrapped his own, thankfully bigger, hand around the Titan's fist. Pushing the limb away to keep the woman from being devoured, he slammed the monster to the ground. He felt the grip around the woman loosening and quickly snatched her out of the hand, his other arm pressing the Titan's face into the mud with as much strength as he could.

The Titan twisted beneath him and the next second, surprisingly sharp teeth sank into his skin, tearing through muscle and ripping off a junk of flesh. Blood spilled, steam immediately rising and thickening the foggy air further. Eren fumbled to keep the Titan down and he couldn't help but be grateful that he couldn't really feel the wounds he suffered in this form. He knew the injuries were there, but the pain wasn't more than a sharp sting on his arm, instead of the deep agony it should have been.

Wedging his knee up, he managed to pin the Titan further to the ground, while he tried to carefully hold his fist with the lady away from the monster. For a second, Eren was deeply terrified of accidentally squishing her. They had people carrying training at home, but that had always been controlled and careful so far, without the panic and fog of a real battle.

The Titan tried to bite him again, teeth snapping, but the attacks had no real finesse behind it. It certainly was no match to the people Eren sparred with regularly while transformed. It was smaller than him, which worked further in his favor. He just had to get at the monster's neck and take it out.

Shifting his grip, Eren ended up grappling hectically with the Titan for a hot second or two, before he managed to flip it far enough that he could grab its hair with his free hand and pull its head to expose the nape. Not wasting a second, he viciously bit into the flesh of the exposed neck. Scalding hot blood burst across his tongue and for a moment he could feel the way vertebrae crunched and ground beneath his teeth, before he tore out the flesh. The Titan collapsed and a thick plume of steam rose sharply into his face.

Eren flinched back and blinked his eyes clear. He was breathing heavily and his heart was racing with adrenaline and fear. He quickly spat out the mouthful of flesh and startled when he noticed movement from the corner of his eyes.

A blond guy had struggled to his feet and was heavily limping towards him. He looked as though he barely managed to remain upright and one of his feet dragged oddly behind him. Still, despite being bloodied and obviously injured, he held a gleaming blade before him. He looked equally terrified and grimly determined to fight.

"Give her back!" He screamed roughly and Eren startled again. Oh, right, shit!

Quickly he glanced at his fist and uncurled his fingers, worried that he might have gotten the lady hurt after all. A rush of air escaped him in relief when he saw the woman still alive and mostly unharmed. She was shaking and staring up at him with wide eyes. Eren considered trying to calm her, but didn't know how. He knew his titan throat only made threatening or downright weird noises and he wasn't supposed to give away who he really was either.

After a second of tense, awkward staring, he slowly and carefully stretched out his hand towards the blond man. He caught sight of saw a third person still alive, lying on the ground with obviously entirely broken legs. The downed man stared at him, frozen and terrified with wide eyes and blood covering almost all of his face. Eren felt a sudden burn in his chest when he saw the injured one and, a bit to the side, the dead people, broken and bitten apart.

Close to the blond, who stood stock-still, Eren pressed the back of his hand into the damp grass and made sure to keep his fingers stretched out and still. After a heavy second the woman began to move. Slowly at first, as if her whole body was too stiff, then she quickly scrambled off his hand, slipping briefly in the mud and backing up. She grabbed the blond man when she reached him and dragged him with her, even if he ended up falling against her with a pained shout.

Just as Eren pulled his hand back slowly, he heard the sound of hooves. A single horse broke through the mist and he got one glimpse at a person sitting on the animal, a green cape with two wings billowing in the wind, before the rider was out of the saddle.

The attack struck lightning quick and the only reason Eren didn't get his neck sliced open in a heartbeat, was because he slipped on the mud while startling away. The blades of the man cut clear through the flesh of his shoulder, though, cleaving out a chunk of flesh. Eren barely had a second to realize the man was still airborne and smacked a hand to his neck, before the next attack almost severed his hand from his arm.

Panic clawed anew at his chest and his lungs burned with his wheezing breaths, as Eren kept frantically scrambling away, his thoughts swamped by a sudden rush of fear. The attacks were performed with such vicious speed and brutal, relentless precision, it briefly made him forget any and all training he ever got.

The rider was terrifyingly fast and Eren barely managed to get his other hand up in time, to protect his neck with both hands. Scrambling to his feet, he realized if he had been just any slower or more dimwitted, he'd be dead twice over. Blades cut bloody lines down his arm, though did not sever it and Eren quickly backed up. Run, he had to run, he stood absolutely no chance against this guy!

Blood flowed and steam rose as another attack sliced along his arm, making one of them drop away from his neck, dangling at his side as dead weight.

Eren was barely aware of making a choked, panicked noise as the rider kept attacking, moving so fast and strongly he honestly looked unbound from the pull of the earth. Finally, Eren managed to duck beneath an attack, avoiding it by the skin of his teeth and he ran away.

His steps thundered over the ground and for a second he felt incredibly killing intent behind him, the rider still in the air, before it redirected. Eren was pretty certain the only reason he made it out alive was because the rider didn't want to leave his injured comrades behind.

Eren raced through the fog, not stopping for even a second, even after his injuries had healed. He didn't even dare to slow down a bit and glance over his shoulder. The sound of the click, hiss and whirl of the gear of the rider seemed to ring in his ears a long time after his escape. Eren had trained with that gear himself, but he'd never before in his life seen anyone so deadly with it. Not even Mikasa, who was undoubtedly the most skilled had been that fast before.

Eren kept running until his foot suddenly met water and he stumbled to his knees. Breathing heavily, he realized he was kneeling in the damn lake he had been searching for in the first place. He shuffled to the shore before dissolving his titan form, too exhausted to keep it up any longer.

Slumping to the muddy ground, his groping fingers closed around one of the stones he had to get and he realized he was shaking all over. Eren stared up at the rainy sky with wide eyes, his boots filling with lake water and mud caking his legs and back.

A part of Eren hoped the injured strangers back then would be alright, but mostly he couldn't stop replaying the attacks of the rider. He hadn't known someone could be that fast, this fierce and relentless and frightening. Mikasa came close, speed and force-wise and Annie was probably the second best at hand-to-hand combat after her and her skills while shifted were impressive, but none of them had ever been truly scary before.

The rider had been _frightening_.

Rolling to his side, Eren stood back up and made sure to take the stone with him, even if his fingers felt numb. His knees were still weak and his legs shaky, but they supported his weight. From here he could actually see the faint outline of the forest that protected the shifter villages. His body felt sore all over and he was exhausted. He had upheld his transformation for longer than ever before and he had to regenerate during that time as well.

His mind circled back to the defeat of his first Titan and then again to the rider. Who attacked like vengeance incarnate and made the crest on his cloak look like actual wings.

Then Eren realized, that, after what happened today, Mikasa wouldn't let him out of her sight for _months_.

~*~

"Now, I know you all passed your exams and I know you're nineteen now," Eren's mother said, managing to sound both proud and stern. "I still want you all to promise me to watch over each other and to come back home soon."

"Mom, we aren't allowed to go far on our first trip anyway," Eren tried to remind her. 

He understood she was worried and scared for them, but they'd be alright. Armin was a veritable mastermind and Mikasa had proven to be the strongest and fastest student among all of them. And Eren was a shifter, as long as he managed to stay away from the survey corps - he now knew what the people in green cloaks with the wings were called - he would be alright.

"We'll be careful," Armin promised with a smile. He and Mikasa were already strapped into their gear and Eren finished with the last buckle of his own gear. Their backpacks were leaning near the door and their cloaks were hanging from hooks above them.

"We'll be away for two weeks at most," Mikasa said calmly. "Ten days, if everything goes without a problem."

"I'm your mother, let me worry about you," his mother said and pressed a kiss to their heads. "Now you can go."

Armin chuckled softly, while Eren rubbed a hand through his hair, ducking his head and Mikasa gave a curt nod. They picked up their bags and cloaks and left, the gear they were strapped in clanking slightly with every step.

Annie and Ymir and Bertolt and Reiner met up with them before the forest. They all went on their first hunt today and Ymir and Reiner looked as excited as Eren felt. Bertolt seemed a bit more pensive and nervous, while Annie watched them with her somewhat impassive face. Though, maybe, just maybe, there was a tiny gleam in her eyes.

"Think I'll meet a cute girl out there?" Ymir asked with a grin, one hand lazily draped over one of the blade boxes at her side. She sounded flippant about it, but Eren could tell that she meant it. Reiner grinned at her.

"With your charms? Sure." There was a mixture of gentle sarcasm and something genuinely warm in his voice. Ymir elbowed him in the side and made him stumble a step with a surprised grunt, before they grinned at each other.

"What about you all? What do you hope for?" Ymir asked them, while she ducked away from Reiner trying to catch her in a headlock. Everyone paused briefly, though Ymir still leaned a bit away from Reiner.

"I'd like to see the ocean," Armin said. His dream hadn't changed since the time it had first developed and there was a soft smile on his face as he thought of it.

"I'd like to travel as well," Bertolt said and smiled in that soft, warm way of his. "I heard of so many amazing places, I'd like to see some of them. What about you?"

Annie gave them a small shrug and left it at that and Mikasa didn't seem to want to add anything herself either.

Reiner hummed. "I guess for now I just want to fight. Do something right, you know?"

Eren nodded. "Yeah, those Titans have to go and I would like to see the land, too. Maybe we can visit one of the cities one day."

"Wouldn't that be a thing," Ymir mused with a wistful sigh. "There must be so much in the cities and so many people. Just imagine it."

None of them really could imagine it, though. They had grown up in the villages of the shifters and the lush grassland inside the ring of the forest. Eren couldn't even imagine what the gigantic walls looked like, that protected the cities.

"Let's go," Annie said. "We don't want to leave the forest late."

They split up once they reached the other side of the woods. Reiner and Bertolt went one way with Annie and Ymir and Eren went the other with Mikasa and Armin. Newbies always had to stick together at first and it would take a couple of trips before the older shifters would even consider letting them go in pairs of two. It was a safety precaution, as far as Eren knew, most shifters went out in pairs, or maybe in groups of four, if they wanted to take out a bigger gatherings of Titans. Even the seasoned shifters rarely traveled alone. It didn't really matter to Eren though, since he knew that Armin, Mikasa and he would stick together, even once they were allowed to go in smaller groups.

Eren felt a wide smile spread over his face once they stepped past the forest and for the first time, he saw the surrounding land clearly, no fog and no dark clouds. There was a lot of wide grassland and for a moment, he took a deep breath, grinning up at the sun.

"Should we walk?" Armin asked, already turning in the direction they were supposed to go for their first hunt.

"Or I could shift," Eren offered, still smiling and there was a feeling of freedom flowing into his bones with every breath. He was past the forest and he could go anywhere if he wanted. The whole world was there and he was finally setting foot in it.

"I wouldn't mind," Armin said with a smile and Mikasa gave a nod.

While Eren had a ring in his pocket that allowed him to break skin and shift, he somehow had always preferred to do it differently. With a laugh, he grabbed both Armin and Mikasa and viciously bit down on his hand.

Transforming without harming others was one of the earliest lessons shifters got and Eren took great care in ensuring Armin and Mikasa ended safely on his shoulders. In the back of his mind, there was always the memory of his first transformation, the almost squashed houses and the first time he saw Bertolt transform. Bertolt was the biggest shifter alive, the biggest one in history in fact. Whenever he shifted, it was like a force of nature and the first few times, people had gotten hurt, until he had gotten tight control of his shift and even then he had to be incredibly careful and keep his distance if possible.

He felt a small twinge along his shoulders, as Armin and Mikasa anchored themselves down with their gear and then he started jogging. The feeling of joy and freedom spread further and further and when he heard Armin laugh and saw Mikasa smile into her scarf from the corner of his eye, he felt ready to jump and cheer, though he resisted the urge. Jumping around in his titan form with his friends on his shoulders wasn't the smartest of ideas.

They saw some lighting strikes in the distance a little while later, one especially big and Eren knew the others had transformed as well. Man, they really had to go out as a group one day in the future and go after clusters of Titans.

Eren and his friends reached their first destination ahead of time, due to him transforming twice and allowing them to travel faster for a while. At the same time, Eren knew that he needed a break and he was glad when they stopped. He was good at holding the transformation for a couple of hours and if he took a long break, he could squeeze in a second shift, but he was starting to push his limits. Mikasa and Armin scouted for a place to stay the night, while Eren stepped back and transformed. The burst of hot steam couldn't harm them this way and he himself was always unbothered by it.

Mikasa waved them over to a large cluster of boulders in a small depression, just big enough for the three to huddle into. Armin handed him a field flask with water once they set their backpacks down and Eren gratefully took it and sat on the grass. He found himself smiling again and the marvel of being out in the world hadn't lessened even one bit.

"It's it gorgeous?" He asked as they watched the sun slowly sink beyond the horizon, bathing the sky in brilliant colors.

"Yeah," Armin murmured, as he sat down beside him. 

They exchanged smiles and Eren flopped back to lie in the grass, feeling pleasantly exhausted and sore from upholding his titan form, smiling up at the sky dipped in orange. "I can't wait to see it all."

~*~

Their first trip beyond the forest went well and without trouble. They had found two Titans wandering about during that time and the ten days were up before they knew it. They returned in time and after leaving a detailed report, they were sent home. Eren's mother was more than happy to have them back, hale and whole and cooked them a celebratory meal.

The next hunt was two weeks later and it went without trouble as well. As did the two hunts after that. By then, they were no longer confined to a certain number of miles around the forest. The 'newbie area' as seasoned hunters called it, where fewer Titans were and a low chance to run into any fighters from the cities.

On the sixth hunt, however, things got scary. They happened upon a group of four Titans and Eren was certain, he'd never forget the sight of Armin getting swatted to the ground like a fly for as long as he lived. The way his friend had slammed into the ground and bounced back up like a ragdoll was forever seared into Eren's mind. Mikasa had been absolutely furious, murdering the Titan who had done it before Eren could even get to him. The other three Titans had been dispatched quickly after that and they had huddled around Armin, worried and bloodied.

Armin, thankfully and by some miracle, hadn't been badly injured. Shocked and scared certainly, but only his ribs and one arm were broken and he had a minor concussion along with some serious bruising and a bleeding gash on his forehead. 

Mikasa had patched Armin up and Eren had carefully carried him on his palm, as they had hurried home as fast as they had dared. They had returned quiet and a bit subdued and a doctor had rushed Armin off to be examined and treated. Eren's mother had been worried sick until the doctors had told them that Armin would recover without trouble. Once Armin was back on his feet, they trained harder and went back out.

The next hunts were rough, but not too bad. At this point, they were more familiar with dispatching Titans and they were a good team. They got better and with their confidence growing, they travelled longer and farther.

"Is that a wall?" Armin asked one day, sitting high up in a massive tree and squinting into the distance. The next second, his eyes widened and his mouth briefly fell open. "That's a wall!"

Eren and Mikasa both looked in the same direction and a surge of excitement shot through Eren when he saw that Armin was right. There was a wall in the distance! There was a city! It looked like a small rising bow of solid stone and he wondered how big the city was. It seemed to be of a round-ish shape, since the edges of the wall dipped down and disappeared into the green of the distance.

"Which one do you think it is? Trost?" Eren asked, leaning forward as much as he could, as though that would make the wall easier to see.

Armin furrowed his brows. "No, I think it's Maria. We're headed too much in a western direction to be near Trost."

"Let's pick a place for our camp," Mikasa reminded them of their original objective. "We're not here for the wall."

She was right, of course. They weren't even going to head towards the wall. No, Eren and his friends had picked this forest with its massive, thick trees as their base for the next couple of days. They would stay here and hunt the Titans in the area before returning home. Still, Eren couldn't help glancing at the wall in the distance then and again.

When night fell, they had picked a nice spot and set up their tents. Titans weren't really a problem after sundown, since they depended on the sun to move and while Eren and the other shifters didn't share that trait with them, Eren had to admit that he had a fondness for the sun. If there was a spot of sunshine to be found, he would always end up inching towards it.

"We might have to be on the watch for other people," Mikasa said, just as they were getting ready to sleep. "The survey corps can cover a lot of distance on their hunts and we're close enough that they might drop by this forest, if they are on the move."

Eren and Armin gave her an understanding nod. It was, of course, a rather small chance that they would run into anyone from the city on the days that they were wandering about, but being careful wouldn't hurt. Eren knew he could be a bit of a reckless guy at times, but when it came to the safety of his friends, he always did his best to be mindful and keep an eye out.

The next day, they decided to split a bit to cover more ground. They didn't go too far from each other, they were still within earshot if anyone yelled, but it did allow them to comb through the forest better. Eren transformed, while Armin and Mikasa kept to the treetops. Which were so far high up, even Eren had trouble reaching them, so most other Titans wouldn't even be a danger to his friends.

It was then, as he wove his way past the trees, that Eren saw the group of riders approaching the woods. It was the first time since that fateful day around four, almost five, years ago that he saw riders again. Their green, winged capes fluttered in the wind and he kept still and quiet to hopefully not draw their attention. They were keeping a brisk pace, their horses carrying them quickly into the woods and just before they went out of Eren's sight again, they split up into two groups. Probably to check the forest or to head to two different locations.

Eren couldn't help but feel a bit excited. After that day years ago, he secretly had hoped to see riders again. He wasn't sure if he wanted to see _that_ rider again, but he had wanted to see others.

A sound to the side caught his attention and Eren saw one of the smaller Titans toddling his way, heading unerringly the way the riders had taken. It barely reached up to his knee and with an angry growl, Eren took two steps and lunged. His fingers dug into the back of the titan's neck and with a strong twist and jerk, he ripped the flesh free, the Titan going limp. He let it drop from his fingers, where it smacked to the ground and joined the rest of the body in disintegrating.

Eren glanced in the direction the smaller group of riders had taken. What if they ran into more Titans? He twitched a step forward, before forcing himself to stop. Should he check up on them? It was a general rule to stay away from the survey corps unless a shifter saw a chance to save lives and even then some instructors had hinted to keeping themselves safe first. A dead shifter couldn't help anyone after all and the survey corps would kill them too if they got the chance. But what if they did need help?

Just a quick check, Eren told himself and headed in the direction of the smaller group of riders. Hopefully the other group would be fine, he doubted he could catch up with both without drawing attention. In-between trees, he caught a brief glimpse of Mikasa, changing direction to keep up with him and signaling to Armin to do the same. They probably had seen the riders, but they both trusted Eren's judgment. He was deeply glad and grateful for his friends in this moment.

Still, Eren wouldn't get too close, just close enough to see if the riders were fine before backing off again. There was no sneaking up for shifted titans after all, not even Ymir, who was undoubtedly the lightest on her feet, was capable of sneaking. They were all simply too big for it.

When the riders came into view though, Eren saw that they had encountered two other Titans. The survey corps group was smaller than before and Eren saw that there were already broken horses and bodies sprawled across the ground, lying unmoving and still. Lunging forward, he realized that he would be too slow. The two Titans descended on the last three riders and he watched as one got entirely flattened into the ground and the second rider was smacked sideways out of the saddle and into a tree. The third rider had been grabbed and picked up, the Titan shoving him into its mouth.

Eren reached the Titan the next second and realized that he only had a chance to grab the rider back, because the Titan was less set on swallowing the guy right away and instead seemed content to just chew on him. Grabbing its jaw, Eren snarled at it, angry and worried for the stranger. He forced his fingers in-between its teeth and yanked, entirely dislocating the jaw. The bleeding stranger tumbled out and Eren caught him, before he fell more than a meter or two.

Snarling in absolute fury, Eren reached around the neck of the stumbling Titan and gripped the flesh with his free hand. His fingers dug bloody grooves into it and with a powerful, squelching rip, he tore the flesh from the neck. The Titan collapsed and he turned, only to see Mikasa swinging back into the tree-tops, the second Titan already dead on the ground and steam rising as it began to turn skeletal.

Eren stepped away from the hot steam and quickly uncurled his fingers. The guy didn't look good. One of his arms was bent at an angle, obviously badly broken and there was blood soaking his clothes along his body, marking where the teeth had broken his skin. He was still conscious and stared up at Eren with wide, terrified eyes and he was trembling all over. Eren noted the freckles across his face and did his best to not look absolutely murderous. Which was hard, no titan shifter ever looked nice in their other form and most didn't have much control over their facial features either. Out of all of them, only Ymir managed a tiny bit of broken speech when transformed, the others were reduced to growly sounds.

There was a rustle behind him and he felt something sink in against his spine. A second later, Armin landed against his neck, held up by the anchor of the gear.

"One of them is still alive," Armin whispered, just loud enough for Eren to hear. "Down to your left, blond hair, missing an arm. It looks bad."

Quickly glancing down, Eren felt Armin push off and leave again and Eren spotted the man his friend had meant. From this high up, Eren just barely noticed his chest still moving. He was bleeding out, though. Slightly closing his fingers around the injured guy in his palm, to keep him from tumbling, Eren leaned down and eyed the downed rider. Shit, he had to move him or he was going to die. As gently as he possibly could, he picked the unconscious one up and after a hesitant second, very carefully deposited him beside Freckles in his palm. Who now stared at him with an open mouth, though he was still shaking.

Eren just kept his mouth firmly shut and tried to glance between Freckles and Armless as pointedly as possible. With a gasp, Freckles sprung into action. His working hand was unsteady, but even with an obviously broken arm and one leg that seemed broken as well, he managed to unbuckle his belt and draw it tight around the stump of Armless. Maybe that was enough to save his life, but only if Eren got these two back to the other riders as quickly as possible.

Only, where were they? And what if they had ridden too far for Eren to reach them in time? He glanced up to the hiding spots of Mikasa and Armin and Mikasa gave him a quick, understanding sign before she swiftly left.

"Please." Freckle's voice startled Eren and he glanced down at the two people in his palm. "Please don't kill us."

He honestly didn't know what to do. Eren felt terribly shitty at seeing the fear in Freckles' face, but he couldn't very well transform back. Armin couldn't exactly join them either, without Freckles panicking for his safety. The best thing Eren could probably do at this point was just continue to not eat or harm the guys in his hand. Which he would never do on principle, just alone the thought of eating a person made him want to vomit.

A quick reflecting of light caught his attention and he spotted Mikasa a few trees further away. She lowered her blade from the ray of sun she had used and motioned for him to follow her. Armin started moving as well and Eren did the same after a second. He made sure his friends were out of view from Freckles, just in case, though he still caught glimpses of them among the canopy.

Freckles reflexively held onto the tip of his thumb and the other guy at the same time, grimacing at the pain his arm must be in. Eren brought the hand carefully closer against his chest and did his best to walk as smoothly as possible. Armin had once told him that it wasn't that much fun to be carried in a hand, there was a lot more bouncing going on than if he stood on Eren's shoulder. Eren had tried it standing on Bertolt's hand after that and had to admit his friend was right. Hands moved a whole lot more than people realized and being carried around in one was a constant exercise to keep his balance. Out of all of them, Reiner was the best at carrying others.

Still, with one side of his hand braced against his chest and his steps slow and careful, Eren was pretty certain he was doing a good job with holding it steady.

Eren saw Freckles good hand briefly fall to his gear, but it was visibly busted and only one blade was left. His comrade was injured and unconscious as well. Eren saw the moment Freckles realized there was no chance to escape, his hand balling to a fist and he seemed to try and cover Armless as much as possible without outright throwing himself over the guy.

Eren, possibly against better judgment, tried to make a reassuring noise. To his surprise, it wasn't too bad. He sounded a bit weird, but the noise he made ended up between awkward gurgle and strange creak, but didn't sound threatening. Well, Eren certainly hoped so.

Freckles stared up at him, his tanned face ashen and good hand tightly griping the shirt of his comrade. So Eren looked away from him and resolved to find the other riders as soon as possible. Mikasa seemed to have spotted them, considering the way she traveled ahead of him and kept glancing back to ensure she stayed in his sight and that he followed. Armin wasn't visible, but Eren heard a rustle up above his head here and there and knew his friend was keeping pace with them.

After another couple of steps, Eren couldn't resist and glanced back down. Freckles looked a teensy tiny bit less terrified out of his mind and instead was now staring up at Eren in a mixture of fear and confusion.

Eren tried the calming noise again, this time pitching it a bit and he was pleasantly surprised to hear the way it rumbled slightly in his chest. It wasn't a growl, more like a deep hum. It wasn't exactly a calming noise, but it was a nonthreatening one at least. He'd take what he'd get.

"You, you won't eat us? Do you...understand me?" Freckles asked after a second and Eren couldn't help but worry for the paleness of his face. Had the Titan done more damage than Eren had thought? Was he bleeding out internally? Freckles gave a humorless, shivery chuckle. "What am I doing, talking to a titan."

Eren just hummed at him again and kept walking. They had to be catching up with the riders soon, right? Considering that Mikasa wasn't urging him to go faster, Eren hoped they were getting closer.

"Where are we going?" Freckles asked hesitantly, as though he didn't quite know why he asked in the first place. "Where are you taking us?"

Eren felt a light twinge against his neck and a moment later, Armin's feet found purchase against his shoulder blade, safely out of view from Freckles.

"We're getting close to the second group," Armin informed him and Eren had to strain his hearing a bit to catch his soft words. "Are you sure about this? You could leave them and hide and Mikasa and I could get the corps attention."

Eren considered it for a moment, before he shook his head slightly. A lone, deviant titan was easier to explain and should the corps catch sight of Armin or Mikasa, that would create a whole slew of questions.

"Alright." Armin pushed off again and Eren heard the sound of his gear, as he swung back up into the trees. A glance down showed that Freckles still hadn't noticed anything. Though then again, why should he? Titans and people didn't mingle after all.

Another glance down showed that Freckles was still sickly pale, but he seemed to have regained control of himself. Eren did his utmost best to be careful and he resisted the urge to walk a bit faster. The last thing the two injured guys needed was to get jostled around unnecessarily. Thankfully, the second group of riders came into view soon. They had stopped, which was probably the only reason Eren had been able to catch up to them. Freckles no longer looked ready to keel over, but he was clearly exhausted and drained.

Turning his hand slightly so Freckles could see better, Eren hummed. Freckles startled, once again looking wild-eyed, before he looked the same way Eren did and saw the riders as well. He jolted up right, only to hiss in pain.

Eren kept heading for the group, though he could admit that apprehension crawled up his spine. It helped when he caught sight of Armin and Mikasa up in the trees. Mikasa's face was focused and serious and Armin looked anxious but determined. No matter what happened, his friends would help him get out alive.

The riders caught sight of him a moment later, jolting into motion and jumping onto the backs of their horses. That was the moment Freckles stood up as much as possible and waved, before his leg gave out and he collapsed back against Eren's fingers, who reflexively curled them inward to try and steady him.

"I'm here!" Freckles shouted and Eren saw the hesitant, tense way the riders didn't immediately take off. Instead, they spread out, weapons drawn but didn't attack. Yet at least. "Please, don't attack! We need help!"

An angry and worried looking rider urged his horse forward a bit. "Marco, what the fuck? Are you alright?" He shouted back, eyes wide and face going pale.

In all honesty, Eren didn't really dare to go any further. He stopped and ensured his movements were slow and clear. He cautiously lowered himself to a knee and kept his gaze on the riders. The angry rider urged his horse forward again, ignoring the warning shout of another rider, just as Eren pressed the back of his hand into the grass, uncurling his fingers slowly from Armless and Marco, who had already grabbed Armless and tried to drag him, though without much success. Angry rider jumped from his horse once he got close enough, though his face said all about how much he hated doing it and he was tense all over and he was forced to put his blades away to help his friends.

"Fuck, fuck, what the fuck!" The angry rider hissed as he dragged Armless, while Marco half crawled, half limped his way from Eren's hand and collapsed into the grass. As soon as both were a few steps away from Eren's fingers, the angry rider placed himself in front of his friends, blades at the ready again.

"Jean," Marco said, exhausted and winded from moving, but he reached up with his good hand to lightly touch Jean's elbow. Eren held still a moment longer, staring back while his heart beat nervously. "I think...I think it's okay."

Jean glanced at Marco in obvious disbelief and confusion, before he quickly pinned his gaze back on Eren, angry and afraid. Eren slowly sat back on his haunches and withdrew his hand in a way he hoped made sure he didn't intent to grab them. Seriously, fuck all those Titans that ate people. No one should ever have to be this terrified.

"What the fuck is going on?" Jean asked barely loud enough for Eren to hear.

"It...I think it helped us." Marco explained, while the other riders finally came closer, though they looked a mixture between determined and afraid as well. All of them still had their blades in their hands. A leaf tumbled down from above and Eren knew his friends crouched directly above him, probably also with the blades out. Marco continued, "It carried us here."

"That's impossible." Another rider said, voice rough and angry, but the look he gave Eren said that he didn't quite believe what his own words. Then again, it was hard to argue against clear evidence. Eren leaned back and carefully straightened, moving as slowly as he never had before. He tried not to startle them, but they flinched back anyway, but at least no one attacked.

Eren took a step back and then another one. One hand rose halfway to his neck, before he stopped himself. He was acting oddly enough already, to the riders at least.

"Should we attack it?" one of the riders asked nervously, her face tense.

"We can't afford a fight if we want Marco and Hubert to survive," another rider hissed back. "Let it get away, if it doesn't attack. We need to return to Maria as quickly as we can, if we want Hubert to make it. Let it get away."

The riders remained still and quiet and Eren backed up. He wasn't stupid enough to turn his back on them, that was just an invitation for them to try and get to his neck. While he'd get a hand up fast enough to protect it, it would still end in a battle. Eren kept stepping backwards until the riders had vanished from view, at which point he turned around and took large, ground shaking steps away. Soon, he felt Armin and Mikasa land on his shoulders again, anchoring themselves with their gear.

"Everything alright?" Armin asked and Eren nodded. He managed a vaguely questioning sound and Armin gave him a reassuring smile.

"They took off as soon as you were gone from view." His face turned a bit more pensive. "I hope those two make it."

"If they manage to get back without encountering Titans again, they should," Mikasa said and she cast a glance back. "That was risky, Eren."

"Mikasa isn't wrong, though I understand why you did it," Armin added, giving the side of his neck a small pat. "Maybe we can come up with a better solution next time."

Eren couldn't exactly talk or even communicate all that well in his current form, so he settled for an exhale, that ended up sounding unintentionally hissy and the topic dropped away. He'd help again, though. The sole reason why he had joined the hunters had been to help, after all. Help defeat the Titans so people could be safe, so the terror his people had created would be dealt with. He couldn't exactly just walk away and let people die that could have survived with his help. Like Marco and Hubert.

"We should stay away for a while," Mikasa suggested. "In case they come looking for you."

Eren had to admit she was right and changed direction to head back to their camp. They should pack up and leave, maybe with a detour on the way back home so they could take down some more Titans along the way. Still, he felt glad that he had been able to save lives.


	2. Chapter 2

Eren opened the door, already shouting a greeting to his mom, when he noticed the bigger pair of shoes beside the door. Casting a glance at Armin and Mikasa, he toed off his own boots and trudged inside, to find his father sitting at the kitchen table. His mother immediately set the freshly brewed coffee aside to head to them and pull them into hugs.

"How was the hunt?" she asked them with warm smiles and a quick once-over, most likely to check for injuries.

"It was fine," Armin reassured her, while Eren's attention shifted to his father.

He couldn't remember the exact time he had last seen his father at home. Maybe half a year ago? Longer? If his mom weren't so utterly certain that Grisha was faithful to her, Eren would seriously consider that his father had a second family somewhere, who, along with his numerous patients, caused him to stay away for such lengths of time. 

Personally, Eren wasn't really bothered by his father's absence, not anymore. He had grown used to it as a kid and with his mom and friends, it wasn't like he got lonely. Besides, Reiner's father was more than happy to always teach them everything Grisha missed out on and that Eren's mom didn't know. At this point, even if his father was home while a pipe broke, Eren would sooner head over to Reiner's place, than to knock on his father's door.

What upset Eren, was that his mom was sad and lonely a lot because of Grisha's absence. She was understanding, of his father traveling around a lot to help the sick and injured shifters and villagers, but it made her sad as well. Eren hated it when she was sad and sometimes he worried about her as well. Now that Armin, Mikasa and he were gone for weeks at a time, she was all alone in the house.

"Eren." His father gave him a kind smile and got up to greet him with a hug. Eren returned it half-heartedly. "It's been a while. Have you grown again? You hair is getting long, it's a good look on you."

Eren briefly reached up to touch the tips of his hair, which brushed his shoulders by now. He already had longer hair than his titan form. The main reason why his hair had gotten so long, was because Eren kept forgetting to cut it. And he kind of liked it like this, if he was honest.

Eren and his father got along alright, mostly, after his mom had asked him not to argue on the topic of his father leaving so much all the time. Eren still hated that it made his mother sad and a part of him was angry with his father for it, but he had grudgingly accepted his mother's request and he was happy to see his father whenever the man dropped by. It was just...a bit complicated at times.

Sometimes, Eren couldn't help but wonder why his father had to make his rounds and it took him so long until he came home. Surely, there were other good doctors? Or he could teach the doctors to do better jobs, at the very least. Sometimes, Eren couldn't help but think that, maybe, Grisha didn't love them as much as he claimed. That, maybe, he just felt responsible for the child he had helped create and the wife he left to care for that kid by herself, so he dropped by once in a while, left money or supplies and took off again.

"And you two, you have grown so much as well." Eren's father turned to Mikasa and Armin, though he didn't hug them. He had never protested that his friends lived in the house, but he had never treated them quite as parental as Eren's mother did. He was still kind, no doubt, but in his eyes, they were always the strays Eren found in the woods and dragged home. Then again, his father never spent enough time home to really get to know them.

"So, how is it, the hunting?" Eren's father asked. "You should have been on a couple of trips by now, I think. Congratulations on passing the exams, by the way! I was so proud when I heard it."

"They can tell us in a minute, Grisha," Eren's mother interjected kindly, before she turned back to them. "Bring your things to your rooms and clean up. I'll make a light lunch in the meantime and then you can tell us everything that happened."

Eren and his friends headed up the stairs and set down their backpacks, removing the clothes that they needed to wash later today. While they always did their best to stop at lakes or travel along rivers to clean their things, they usually had to wash their clothes once they were back home. Eren cleaned up as much as he could, before changing out of his travel clothes and heading back down.

"So, how was it?" his father asked as soon as he took a seat. "I travel a lot among our villages, but I don't really get to go past the forest."

"It went well," Eren said and gave him a watered down version of what had happened. 

Eren left out that he had carried two riders from a city and just told his parents that they had kept the guys from being eaten. Mikasa and Armin, who had joined them at the table at that point, shot him a subtle look and stuck to his version of the story as well. Eren didn't want to worry his mother and he didn't feel like sharing that much with his father, especially since he couldn't quite tell how the man might react to it. Eren wanted to avoid a fight at the kitchen table, especially with his mom looking so happy.

"I'm glad you could help," his father said, while his mother set down a plate with sandwiches. "Are you going to stay a while? I'm going to be home a week, we could visit the festival in a few days together."

Eren had, honestly, forgotten about the festival. They had a few of those scattered throughout the year, to celebrate a couple of things, the seasons, harvest, solstice and some other occasions. The festival in a few days would be to welcome summer and celebrate the approaching shorter nights and longer days.

"We'll stay," he decided after exchanging a quick glance with Mikasa and Armin. While they didn't share his near burning drive to take down the Titans, they were just as dedicated to the job. Still, his mom was important to all of them and her face had lit up hopefully at the suggestion.

His mother smiled warmly. "I'm glad to hear it. It will be good for all of us to be together again. How were things for you, Grisha? People are doing well, I hope?"

"They were ,for the most part and the rest I could handle well enough." Grisha chuckled and took a sip of his coffee. 

Eren stuffed another sandwich into his mouth to keep from asking why he hadn't been home sooner then, if things had gone rather well. His father told them about the regulars he visited, the people who had chronic sicknesses or other ailments, or in some cases, chronic stupidity and got hurt a lot. Eren occasionally tuned his father out as he ate and once his friends and him were done with lunch, they helped his mother clean up, before they excused themselves.

"Of course, you must be exhausted." His mother brushed kisses to all their foreheads and then ushered them out of the kitchen. "Go and rest."

They headed up to their rooms and Eren fell asleep the moment his head hit his pillow. He slept through the rest of the day and the night. It wasn't unusual, most hunters were exhausted after returning home and Eren was no exception. The older shifters had explained, that it was a mixture of knowing you weren't safe out in the field, which made for poorer rest and the physical exertion, with only rations and whatever fresh food could be found or hunted to tide them over.

When Eren Woke up, a glance out the window showed that dawn had only just begun and there were still stars across the sky. Feeling thirsty, he padded out of his room on silent feet. Armin and Mikasa probably were still asleep and he didn't want to wake them. He knew exactly which steps on the stairs to avoid, so they wouldn't creak. Halfway down, he heard voices from the kitchen, which was rather unusual. His parents should still be asleep.

"Do you really have to go already, Grisha?" his mother asked. "Can no one else take care of this? You promised the kids you'd go to the festival with them."

"I know." His father sounded regretful and genuinely sorry and at the same time, there was urgency lining his words. Eren heard the snap of the latches of his doctor's bag sliding shut. "I'll try to come back in time for it, but just in case I can't, explain it to them?"

"Of course." His mother's voice was soft and Eren heard the sadness she tried to hide.

There was a brief rustle, followed by the sounds of a kiss. "Forgive me, Carla, but this is important. The baby shouldn't come this early and I have to hurry, if I want to help."

"No, I understand." His mother ushered him out of the kitchen and Eren ducked against the wall to remain unnoticed, in case one of them glanced his way. Though with how dark the house still was, they probably wouldn't see him even then, if he held still. "Hurry, then. Lives shouldn't be lost, just because I wish you had more time for your family."

"I'll try to stay longer next time." His father brushed a quick kiss to his mother's cheek, before pulling on his boots and hurrying out the door. Eren caught sight of a messenger on horseback anxiously waiting outside, with a horse for his father ready.

His mother closed the door with a quiet click and Eren was about to say something, when her shoulders slumped and she pressed her head against the door. Her hand pressed over her mouth and her shoulders hitched. Jump down the stairs, the noise startling her, Eren hurried to her side and pulled her into a hug.

"I feel terrible," his mother whispered. "I wish he would stay, when others need him so much. I want that baby and mother to live, believe me, but I wish it didn't always have to be him."

Eren hugged her tighter. "You can wish for as much as you want," he replied fiercely. "Wanting him to stay doesn't make you a bad person."

He hugged her until the slight shake in her inhales vanished and she pulled back. Her eyes were dry, but her smile was strained.

"I'm proud of you, Eren, but don't hate your father for it. He's saving lives, which is what we all can ever try to do." She took a step back, lightly touching the corners of her eyes, as though to check that there was no wetness clinging to the lashes. "I'll head back to sleep. If you're hungry, there are leftovers in the kitchen."

Eren watched his mother pad away to the bedroom she occasionally shared with her husband. There was a restlessness now boiling beneath his skin and his teeth ached slightly with how tightly he pressed them together. Dragging a hand through his hair, he sighed roughly, before grabbing his own boots. Eren knew there was little to be gained if he stayed home right now and he wasn't hungry either. He needed to clear his head.

Stepping outside and closing the door quietly behind him, he headed for the training fields, which were a bit removed from the village, so training shifters didn't accidentally destroy houses. To his surprise, he found Reiner at the grounds. His friend was running through a few basic forms and looked up, once Eren stepped onto the sandy ground.

"Hey Eren, everything alright?" Reiner asked, smoothly moving through the stances for hand-to-hand combat. "You're usually not here this early."

"I could say the same about you." Eren joined Reiner after a moment.

Reiner shrugged. "I tend to sleep a lot and wake up early after returning from hunts and I get restless, so I come here and watch the sunrise while I train."

That did sound nice. Eren was usually too lazy after a good long sleep to go exercise or be out and about at dawn. Reiner cast him a glance, a small furrow between his brows.

"Want to spar? We can shift if you want, you look like you need to let loose a bit," he suggested after a moment and Eren broke from his current stance with a relieved nod. Reiner gave him a grin, already pulling the ring with the hidden thorn out of his pocket. "No need to hold back, you know I'm tough."

Eren couldn't help but snort in amusement, before he backed up a few steps and lifted his hand to his mouth. He bit into it just as Reiner pierced his thumb on the thorn and lightning filled their worlds. Eren felt himself soar up, body forming around him and between one second and the next, the new body connected with him and he lifted his fists in front of him. Reiner was across from him, transformed, broad and armored and ready to charge.

They collided with near feral growls and Eren relished in the burn of it all, the fighting and subsequent grappling. They could get rough with each other in a way they couldn't while being human. Their titan bodies not only were sturdier, but they also took the brunt of the pain and healed quickly, so Eren only felt twinges and maybe some sharp stinging while sparring with Reiner. The training grounds were big enough to let them dodge and attack and tackle each other and finally, Eren had something else to focus on than his mom crying and his own upset emotions.

When they were done, their bodies dissolving into a burst of hissing steam, Eren collapsed onto his back, breathing hard. Reiner was in a similar state, hands braced on his knees and sweat sliding down his brow, as he gasped for air. Above them, the sky had grown lighter and the rising sun threw pale morning light across the land, bathing the world in a light, golden hue. It really was beautiful, Eren understood why Reiner came out here to watch the sunrise.

"Thanks," Eren said when Reiner walked over to him and dropped into the sand to sit at his side. Eren lifted a fist and Reiner bumped it with his own. "That was fun."

"Glad I could help." Reiner gave him a lopsided smile, before growing more serious. "What happened?"

Eren closed his eyes and heaved a deep sigh. "My father. He left again."

"Ah." The simple word carried a world of understanding and Eren felt Reiner pat his shoulder. "If there is anything I can do to help, let me know."

Eren hummed, the sound vaguely thankful and noncommittal at the same time. The truth was, there was nothing either of them could do. Eren's father would do what he considered to be the best thing and his mother would continue to be sad. Sometimes, Eren wondered if they should break up, but didn't voice that idea. His mom loved his father and when his father was home, he was a warm and kind man, always patient and helpful. He just wasn't home often enough, in Eren's opinion. He dragged his hands over his face with a groan. It all felt so stupidly complicated.

They sat together in silence, as they watched the sun rise farther and Eren let his mind wander, quietly glad that he wasn't alone right now. His thoughts drifted away from his parents and back to the riders in the woods.

"Hey, Reiner?" he asked, tilting his head to look at his friend, who gave him a questioning hum. "Have you guys met any soldiers from the survey corps?"

"Not really. Ymir and I saw a group on our last hunt. We split from Bertolt and Annie for a bit, because there were two separate Titan groups, that's when we saw them. We kept our distance though. Why, have you?"

"Yeah, kind of." Eren wasn't sure how much of the story he should tell. While Reiner was rather calm and a bit more laid back about things than others, he was big on the idea of staying safe, if possible. "They passed through a forest I was in and I think they saw me, though there was no fight and they moved on."

Eren sat up and reached back to ruffle some sand out of his hair. He glanced at Reiner. "I wanted to ask, do you guys want to go on a hunt with us sometime? We could go after the big groups of Titans together."

Reiner grinned at him and gave him a pat on the shoulder. "That's a great idea, I'll go ask the others and we can coordinate a trip." He got to his feet and brushed sand from his butt. "You good? Or do you want to go another round?"

"I'm good, thanks." Eren draped his arms over his bent knees. "Just going to watch the sun a bit longer."

"Alright, I'll drop by later and let you know if the others are up for a joint hunt." With those words, Reiner headed back to the village and Eren looked back at the sun.

He couldn't stay here too long, though. There was a new batch of young shifters that had recently discovered their powers and their training would start soon. It was a weird thought, to be one of the adults now, one of the hunters the kids might ask all kinds of questions about the world beyond the forest. There was so much Eren still didn't know and so much he hadn't seen, he felt as though he could spend his whole life traveling and still he'd find new things to discover and learn. 

In the end, though, that wasn't as important as taking down the Titans. This, he had sworn himself, was what he'd dedicate his life to. Still, he couldn't help but hope he'd get to see some amazing things along the way. The ocean too, if possible, if only to fulfill Armin's dream.

One day, the threats would be over and the world would be safe and he'd do his damnest to see that day arriving as soon as possible.

~*~

The festival was a beautiful affair, with large tables laden with food and there was music and dancing. Bonfires had been lit and everyone stayed up until late in the night, celebrating together. Eren, since he was of age now, was allowed to drink some alcohol, though his mother requested that he refrain from getting too drunk.

They had a great time together, Eren was glad to see his mother enjoy herself, after being subdued after his father's fast departure. She even danced with some of the villagers and told Eren to go have fun, when she sat together with her friends, talking and laughing, as they shared stories.

Eren grabbed one of the bottles and quickly found Mikasa, Armin and the others, mostly because Reiner tried to balance Ymir on his shoulders, while she tried to juggling with four bottles. They fell from her hands within half a minute, which was still rather impressive, considering that Eren was certain she had never juggled before. Annie caught the bottles with a deadpan look, while Bertolt snickered into the palm of his hand and Ymir threw her head back, laughing loudly.

In the end, Eren had ended up in a grassy field, the fires illuminating the nearby festivities and with his friends spread out around him. They weren't quite drunk, Ymir had maybe drunk the most and Annie and Mikasa looked entirely unaffected, but they all enjoyed themselves. Bertolt nodded off in the middle of his sentence and Reiner had a giggle fest with Eren, as they tried to tell each other increasingly stupid jokes.

Ymir started snoring shortly after Bertolt fell asleep and she rolled over to drape one arm across Bertolt's legs, who mumbled incoherently without waking up. It was a great night.

They all fell asleep there in the field, the earth cool beneath them, but the fires spreading heat and the alcohol a pleasant warmth in their veins. They woke with no headaches, which was just another upside to being a shifter. Only Armin had a tiny bit of a hangover, which was cured easily enough with some water and a hearty breakfast they pilfered from last night's leftovers.

"So, do you know where you want to go hunting together?" Ymir asked, while she ripped off a chunk of bread and seemed to consider her plate. She then poked a big hole into one half of the bread with her fingers and shoved the sausages inside, before taking a bite.

"We could go after bigger groups to the west or south," Bertolt added, handing Annie the last bowl of potato salad, which she accepted with quiet thanks. "Though that would take us closer to the cities, those always attract the most attention."

"I don't mind, as long as we don't get too close to a city," Annie said, pushing her hair behind her ear. Everyone looked a bit bedraggled right now and Eren was sure his own hair was mussed and probably had some grass and bits of dirt in it. Sleeping on the ground did that, not that he cared overly much. Sleeping in the wild for days when they were on hunts often left him looking like that.

"Sure." Ymir shrugged. "I don't care either way and it could be fun." She grinned. "We could see who kills the most Titans."

Eren resisted the urge to lift a hand and point at Mikasa. Though, now that Eren thought about it, he honestly couldn't quite tell if his own kill count didn't come close to hers. She was faster than him, faster than any of them, really, but he had the advantage of his shifter abilities on his side. Eren could grapple or kick Titans after all and if he got both his hands properly on their necks, he could kill two of them at once, where Mikasa had to swing from one to the next.

"I'll ask the traders once they're up, if they recommend a place for us to head to," Armin offered. "They came back from visiting three cities yesterday, maybe they know which one has the biggest gathering of Titans nearby. I should know where we can go by afternoon."

They still wouldn't get too close to any the cities, but it was a good idea. 

"Then it's agreed," Ymir said happily, before she took another large bite. "Let's leave tomorrow?"

"Fine with me." Reiner sat back and Eren shared a quick glance with Armin and Mikasa, before they nodded as well. Tomorrow then.

~*~

"Aren't we a bit too close to the city?" Armin asked, while they crouched on the roof of a decrepit outpost. At least, Eren thought it might have been an outpost once, but it was only half standing, as though a Titan had once fallen on top of the surrounding walls and part of the building, crushing it to rubble.

They were, indeed, a bit close to a city. Rose, maybe, but Eren had to admit he didn't have the best understanding what city was where, especially since all he had ever seen so far, was a wall in the distance. They had a map, of course, but Armin was usually the one using it and Eren trusted his friend to inform him in which area they were.

Half a mile from the half crumbled outpost ,they saw a group of eight Titans shuffling around together and a bit further from those, was another group, this one with twelve Titans. Those certainly were the largest groups Eren had ever seen so far. 

The traders had told them that Titans tended to gather together, the closer they were to a city and the city walls themselves were constantly surrounded by them. Eren couldn't even imagine all those Titans in one place. Briefly, Eren wondered if there was ever a chance to go right up to the city walls and attack the Titans gathered there. Probably not. They would only end up getting attacked and maybe even killed by the city fighters, if they survived fighting against all the other Titans.

"We'll be fast about it," Eren said, while Reiner frowned slightly and Annie stared at the group of slowly shuffling Titans intently. "There's seven of us, we can take them down and if any survey corps riders show up, we'll leave. They won't be able to keep pace with us, right?"

As he spoke, Eren couldn't help but think back on that rider all those years ago. How fast he had been. If any of the soldiers from the cities were that fast, he might end up eating his words. Still, he wanted to do it. There was no way they could walk away now and let these Titans continue onward.

"I'm in," Ymir said with a shrug and Mikasa gave a small nod. Armin tried to smile, though he looked like he was already calculating how best to approach the groups.

"We're already here, so why not," Bertolt added, though the way he kept fiddling with his gear, showed that he was just a tad nervous. Reiner hummed in agreement. Annie said nothing, but the glance she gave them, told them she would join them.

"I'll ride on your shoulder," Bertolt said, turning to Reiner. "I'll shift when we get close, that's going to take out some of them, too."

Reiner nodded. His titan form was the best equipped to resist the destructive power Bertolt could unleash when he shifted without holding back. Bertolt was always very careful and out of all of them, he had the best control, to the point where he could decide how much damage his shift caused, if any at all. Eren still remembered how much Bertolt had cried as a child, when he had accidentally hurt others and how he had refused to shift for weeks, until Reiner had convinced him to try again. How other kids had shunned him for it. Reiner and Bertolt had trained together for weeks, until Bertolt had developed the iron control he was known for today.

"Alright!" Ymir stood up and stretched her arms above her head for a moment, before grinning at them. "Let's go!"

With those words, she jumped off the wall, already cutting her hand on the blade of a small knife she kept on her person. A crash of blinding light later, she waited for them at the bottom of the outpost. Ymir was the smallest shifter Eren had seen to this day and, in all honesty, she was the most terrifying one, looks-wise.

Eren jumped after her, using the gear to propel himself a bit farther, so he wouldn't end up stepping on her. A bite to his hand later, he transformed and as his feet hit the ground, he felt brief twinges, as Armin and Mikasa joined him on his shoulder. Two flashes of light followed and Annie and Reiner joined them, transformed and as formidable as always. There was a small glint of metal, as Bertolt joined Reiner on his shoulder and gave them a thumbs-up. His smile was just a tad nervous around the edges.

It felt unexpectedly powerful, to charge at the group of Titans with his friends, the earth shaking beneath their feet. For a moment, Eren felt as though nothing short of an army might stop them. As they got closer to the group, Reiner let loose a bellow that caused the Titans to look at them and caught the attention of the second, larger group as well. Bertolt flung himself forward with his gear and Eren quickly brought his hands up, shielding Armin and Mikasa, who had already hunkered down.

The force of Bertolt's shift was contained enough, that Eren only felt a bit of a prickle along his skin, though no damage was done. When Bertolt straightened, easily towering far, far over all of them, four of the eight Titans were unmoving at his feet, already dissolving into steam.

It was easier than Eren had expected, even when the second group of Titans joined the fray. While Bertolt moved cautiously, always keeping track of where they were, a stomp alone was enough to take out a Titan right away and Annie could crack skulls with her hardened fists. Ymir was the fastest of the shifters and Mikasa and Armin bounced between all of them, using their friends as anchor points to swing around and take out Titans with their blades.

Eren got his hands on three Titans, before his friends had taken out the rest. Armin was braced against Bertolt's knee, anchored on the flesh of his leg, and Mikasa stood on the back of Annie's hand, where she had landed when Annie had offered it to her.

A burst of hot air later, Ymir swung herself up to Eren, perching on his head and he resisted the childish urge to shake his head and see how well she managed to keep her balance or if she'd fall off.

"That was kind of anticlimactic," Ymir remarked, though Eren could hear the bright smile in her voice. Bertolt had lowered one hand and lifted it a moment later, Armin carefully held in his palm. They probably were keeping watch together, since Bertolt had the best view.

"Should we look for more groups?" Ymir asked and Annie shrugged, though she kept watch on their surroundings as well. 

They were rather noticeable, Eren had to admit. Bertolt stood out like a red mountain and they all didn't exactly look like regular Titans either. Most shifters had some kind of look that Titans didn't have.

"Bertolt?" Ymir shouted to get his attention. "See anything?"

Bertolt looked back up and gave a glance around, before shaking his head. There was another massive plume of steam at their sides and Reiner swung out of it, anchoring himself to Eren and swinging up to his shoulder.

"Alright everyone, turn back!" he shouted. Bertolt lowered his hand and Armin jumped, heading for the free hand Annie offered to him. Eren lifted both of his to shield Ymir and Reiner, as Bertolt turned back. There was so much steam, it stole his view for a long moment. Stepping back and out of it, he saw Annie, who now had Bertolt crouched on her shoulder as well.

Eren made a noise at his friends, who jumped down and away from him, before he gave up his form. Annie was next and they converged on the ground, watching as their leftover titan forms began to dissolve, shrinking down to skeletons which slowly began to crumble away. The Titans they had killed had mostly disappeared by now as well.

"It's not too late yet," Reiner said with a glance up at the sky. "We should keep hunting, if we're already in the area."

They picked a direction at random and headed that way together. However, since no more Titans had showed up after all the ruckus they had caused, it took them a little bit before they found more again. The four Titans they encountered before sundown, were all walking on their own. No more groups.

"We should head back tomorrow," Annie suggested, once they settled down at the edge of a forest for the night. She had lit a fire and Ymir and Mikasa had left to see if they could find any animals or wild fruit around they could eat. If not, they still had rations, but it was always good to try and supplement them with fresh food, to make them last longer.

"I'd like to stay and explore the area a bit," Eren admitted. He glanced at Armin. "If you and Mikasa are up for it?"

"I don't mind." Armin gave him a small smile. "And I think Mikasa won't mind, but let's ask her when she's back."

"We're heading back ahead of you, then." Reiner fed some more twigs into the fire. He hid a yawn behind his hand and let himself fall backwards onto his bedroll. "Today was good, let me know if you want to hunt together again."

"Me too," Berthold said with a smile and Annie gave them a nod.

Ymir and Mikasa returned soon, though they hadn't found anything to hunt and the berries hadn't been ripe yet. They shared their rations and Annie and Armin volunteered for the first watch, with Mikasa and Reiner taking the second and Bertolt and Eren taking the third. Ymir offered to wake up early and let them sleep in a bit longer, before they split ways after breakfast. Mikasa, when Eren told her about his plans to stay longer, merely nodded in agreement.

It was fun, traveling with all his friends. A bit unfamiliar still, even after the week it had taken them to get close enough to a city to find Titan groups and there was some shuffling and quiet voices as Eren closed his eyes, but it was nice. Eren fell asleep curled up in his bedroll, the heat of the fire warming his back and Ymir snickering about something. Soon, it would get warm enough that they wouldn't need fires to stay warm during the night and the forests would be full with bounty. He couldn't wait for it.

~*~

Eren swung himself along the canopy of the tree, Mikasa and Armin a bit further away from him in search of Titans, when he noticed a group of survey corps riders. The crest on their fluttering capes gave them away clearly enough. Eren zipped up onto a sturdy branch and watched them as they rode along a path between the large trees. Were they headed for that old, half collapsed outpost Eren and his friends had been at a few days ago? They certainly went in that direction.

Eren eyed the riders closely, though from his position, he couldn't make out their faces. His thoughts wandered back to Marco and Hubert and he wondered if they were alright. If they had survived the trip back home. With a dull thud, Mikasa landed at his side. She glanced at him and then sighed softly.

"You're still worried about them, aren't you," she said quietly and Eren couldn't help but give her a chagrinned smile and rub the back of his neck. He had tied his hair back with a hair tie Ymir had loaned him.

"Yeah." Eren's voice trailed off and he looked back at the riders, which were gaining more and more ground. Soon, he wouldn't be able to see them between the trees anymore. "I wish I could know if they made it. They were pretty badly hurt."

Mikasa was silent, until Armin joined them on the branch. "We can go back, I suppose. Maria is farther from here, so it's going to take us a few days until we reach it. We have the rations for the trip."

Eren gave her a hopeful look and Mikasa's face softened slightly. It was barely visible with the way her red scarf hid half of it, but the corners around her eyes eased a bit. He suspected she was smiling a tiny smile beneath the scarf.

"Thanks," Eren said. For all that he tended to decide where they went on hunts, his friends content to follow, they tended to decide when something was too dangerous. Apparently, according to his friends, he could be a bit too reckless for his own good. "You're okay with it too, Armin?"

Armin gave him a smile and shifted so he could lightly knock their shoulders together. "Yeah, don't worry. But we should leave soon, if we want to leave Rose behind before nightfall."

So the city they had been close to this time was Rose. Eren followed Armin, who lead them out of the forest and once they were far enough from any possible riders, Eren transformed, his friends hitching a ride on his shoulders once more.

It took them nearly a week to reach the forest Eren had helped Marco and Hubert. Once they arrived, they first searched for a good spot to set up their camp and then killed all Titans in the area. It was a bit of a relief, to leave his backpack and bedroll in a designated area, while Armin hid their food bags in the canopy of the massive trees. There was absolutely no way bears would reach it, or even get lured towards their camp, high up as the food was.

"We might not see any of them, while we're here," Mikasa murmured, while Armin swung his way back down. "You know that, right?"

"I know." Eren was well aware how slim the chance was, of being around while riders were in the exact same area as him. He nudged their shoulders together and gave her a smile. "Thanks for indulging me."

Mikasa didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. She merely returned to finishing the fire pit with the stones they had collected on the way. Once Armin rejoined them and they were satisfied with the camp and had marked the area to find it easily, they set out in their usual pattern. They kept a bit of distance between each other, while remaining within eyesight and combed the surrounding woods. Eren found two Titans, but no trace of riders. He didn't transform, which made it easier to occasionally touch down to the ground and look at any visible tracks. There were a lot of deer tracks, some wolves too, but no hoof prints from horses. Maybe they were in the wrong area? This forest was pretty big.

They spent four days in the woods and Eren knew they would have to leave soon. While they had hunted game to eat, their rations also had to last them the way home and they were reaching the point where they'd have to pack up and leave the next day.

"We'll be able to stay longer soon," Armin said, after they had poured over the rest of their supplies and Mikasa told them they'd leave tomorrow. "Once the berried and fruit and wild vegetables are ripe, we'll have more food to go on."

That did sound nice. Eren gave them a smile. "Thanks. And don't worry, I'm just glad we could stay as long as we did."

"We still have today," Armin reminded him. "Maybe someone will show up."

The day passed just like the previous ones and Eren and his friends left the forest behind without having met anyone. Eren couldn't help glancing back, at the woods and then the wall he could see in the distance. Maybe they could return again soon, in a few weeks or so. At least once during the summer.

They returned home and Eren and his friends decided to stay two weeks to help his mom out and spend some time with her. She had a big vegetable garden and had started up a few sewing projects during their absence as well.

"I'm trying to see if I can earn some more money that way," his mom said, when they sat beside her in the living room one evening. 

She had made a shirt for a kid for one of her friends and currently embroidered some bees along the sleeves. It looked pretty good. Eren knew she liked sewing and had seen the beautiful wedding dress she had made herself years ago, but he had never really seen her do anything with her skill. At least not outside of prettying up a few of his things and teaching him and his friends how to fix any rips and holes in his clothes. They had had to mend a lot of holes during their hunts and Eren was deeply glad his mother had taught him how.

"You're good, this looks very nice," Mikasa complimented quietly and his mom smiled warmly at her.

"Thank you. Let me know if any of you want any of your things decorated, I'd be happy to do it. Or try my hand on something a bit more elaborate."

The days home were nice, but Eren felt the urge to leave grow within him again. The world beyond the forest called to him, a desire to see all the places the older shifters had told him about in the past. His mother understood and sent them back on their path with rations and a kiss to the forehead.

"Come back soon," she said with a warm smile and Eren was relieved to see she wasn't as sad to see them go as the previous times. A bit melancholic maybe and always a bit worried, but not sad. She waggled a playful finger at them. "Don't make me worry about you more than I already do."

"Yes, mom." Eren gave her a smile in return and Mikasa lifted her face enough to ensure her scarf wasn't hiding that she smiled slightly as well.

They set out traveling fast and hard, with Eren holding his titan form as long as he had the strength, or otherwise all of them traveling on foot, until they found Titans to kill or a place to camp for the night. They returned after two weeks, though they only spent a few days at home this time, before they set out again. 

With the nights growing ever shorter and the days warmer, food in the wild became more readily available. Summer was usually the season where shifters hunted for the longest time. They had an easier time with finding meals and the long days heightened Titan activity, allowing the Titans to travel longer distances, before the night forced them to be still.

When at last, Eren and his friends wanted to remain out and hunting, for as long as they could and summer lasted, his mother wasn't particularly happy, but she understood. Eren's father had come home once during their absence and at that thought, Eren hesitated at the door, his pack slung over his shoulder. Should they really leave her all alone for that long? Before, Eren and his friends had always been around, but since they were full-fledged hunters, they were more out in the world than back home. Which wasn't unusual, most hunters were traveling a lot.

"It's alright," his mother said, when she noticed him hesitating. She pulled him into a hug. "I'm...I've decided to be better about this. I meet my friends more and I'm busy with making things for others." She gave him a smile. "I'll be alright. Now, go and do what you've always dreamt of doing."

"You're the best," Eren decided, firmly. He walked out the door, with Mikasa and Armin waiting, their bags packed. He paused and glanced back at her. "We'll still try to drop by, if we can."

Her smile softened and she ushered him out the door. "I know. Stay safe, as much as you can."

They left the village, saying goodbye to a few neighbors along the way. Eren caught sight of Bertolt sheepishly rubbing the back of his head, while his mother fussed over a loose button. Reiner was waving goodbye to his father and made his way to his best friend, waving at Eren and his friends, as they approached each other.

"Where will you head?" Reiner asked, when they briefly stopped beside each other. "We're planning on heading east and splitting up for a bit, before meeting up again."

"We'll probably go west," Eren said, with a quick glance at his friends. Armin nodded, while Mikasa merely adjusted her scarf. West was where Maria was, too, and Eren still kind of hoped he'd find out what had happened to Marco and Hubert.

"We can meet on the way back," Reiner suggested. "We can swerve to the south, if you want. There are those ruins, the ones that look like a tower that got snapped in half, remember?"

Eren nodded. They had seen those ruins once in passing and the hunters tended to mark places like that on the maps, since they were good spots to meet up or camp for the night.

"So, let's meet there in two months?" Reiner asked. "We would head there around that time and we could wait a week or two. If you don't show up, we'll just take another way back. Plans can change out there, after all."

That was very much true. Since hunters had no way of contacting each other when on different trips, they couldn't let their friends know if they could make it or if they had to head home early. Or if they had died, which Eren hoped happened to none of them.

"We'll try to be there. We'll wait two weeks too, if we're there first," Eren said, after exchanging a quick glance with his friends, getting nods from both of them. Reiner smiled.

"Great. Have a good hunt." He patted Eren and Armin on the shoulder and gave Mikasa a nod, before he walked on. Bertolt, meanwhile, stood carefully still, while his mother sewed the button on properly, while he was still wearing the shirt.

They continued walking and on their way through the forest, they met a patrol of shifters, who wished them a good hunt as well, offering a few tips on where they would find the best food and what places would have little to offer, unless they managed to catch some hares or birds.

The novelty of stepping past the forest hadn't worn off yet and Eren found himself still taking a deep breath, a wide smile spreading over his face. It was almost strange, just how _free_ he felt beyond the tree line. Sometimes, he wished that he wouldn't have to go back. That he could stay out in this freedom and travel and travel until he had breathed in all that existed, until his friends had fulfilled all their dreams and the world was, finally, free of fear.

But Eren knew that he'd miss his mother terribly, that he loved the village and all the people he had known since growing up. He'd miss Reiner, who had always been that more brotherly friend and he'd miss gentle Bertolt and quiet Annie and mischievous Ymir. He'd miss home too much, to truly leave it. Eren would try his best to balance his urge for freedom and his love for his home as much as he could.

"You want to head back to Maria", Mikasa's quiet and firm voice drew Eren's attention. At his nod, she hummed softly. "Alright, but first we're heading to a few new places before that."

Eren grinned and slung his arms over the shoulders of his friends. He had grown a lot in the last two years before graduating and he could now comfortably pull them against his side. Mikasa had been the tallest by an inch or so when they had been teens, but as young adults, he had definitely become the tallest of their little group.

"You guys are the best!" Eren said and Armin chuckled, patting him on the arm. "Want me to shift?"

"Sure." Armin already let a hand fall to his gear, while Eren dragged them a bit closer still, so he could reach one hand with his teeth. They didn't mind and had said they preferred it like this, than having to swing up onto his shoulders once he was done shifting.

The sharp pain and taste of blood on his tongue filled his senses, followed by the burst of his titan form. Once done and with his friends securely in place, Eren followed Armin's directions and started jogging, still feeling exuberant and free and a roiling noise slipped out of his throat, as he accidentally laughed with his titan form. It sounded kind of weird. On his left shoulder, Armin started laughing as well and even Mikasa chuckled for a moment, so Eren made the noise again, pleased and joyful.

~*~

Summer was a whole different time, compared to the cold early spring they had started out in. The nights were pleasantly warm, even though they found themselves assaulted by countless mosquitoes. None of them were spared, though Armin managed to find a few herbs they could burn and the smell kept the little bloodsuckers mostly at bay.

Eren quickly learned that while long days made for long travels, it also became exhausting for him rather quickly. He still worked on lengthening the time he could remain a titan, but summer really made him push those boundaries, so they could cover more distance. His friends, in the end, made him stick to two shifts per day and they couldn't be longer than five to six hours each. That was enough to leave him tired each evening and with a constant, slight ache in his muscles.

At last, Maria came into view again, as they headed into the same large forest as the last few times they had been here. They had a little over a month left, before they had to head towards the ruins to meet with their friends. Camp was set up and they found three Titans as they scouted the area. Eren and Armin started to gather berries for dinner afterwards and Mikasa was off to catch a rabbit. Eren had never quite mastered the quiet swiftness necessary to hunt game successfully and Armin had admitted that the thought of having to kill an animal made him squeamish, so Mikasa had silently taken the job onto herself.

Back at camp, Armin fetched water to boil and Eren started to chop up the wild onions they had dug up. Mikasa returned with a hare a little while later and Eren helped her skin the animal, before Armin chopped the meat up and added it to the pot. With some wild herbs added to it, it already started to smell great.

That night, they laid on their backs and stared up in the sky, at the millions of stars visible through gaps in the canopy. That was a sight Eren never tired of. The night sky was a mesmerizing view.

~*~

Eren perked up with a flash of excitement and nerves, when he heard the sound of hooves heading in his direction. He was currently in his titan form and stepped around a few of the massive trees to peer in the direction of the noise. He spotted the horses and fluttering green capes a moment later and noticed that the riders were traveling at top speed. Their horses were stretched long and the riders bent over their necks. 

The sound of ground shaking footsteps caught Eren's attention a second later. He saw a group of five Titans emerging between trees and running after the group. One of them sprinted a good bit ahead of the other four, moving smoothly and for a heart stopping second, he was strongly reminded of Annie. Then a beam of sunshine hit the Titan and he saw that it didn't even really look like her, but the Titan had a similar blond haircut to Annie's when she was transformed. Something about its movement was off, too. It wasn't flailing its limbs, it wasn't malformed in a way and it was far faster than it had any right to be. It was running like a shifter ran and it was catching up quickly, while the other Titans toddled behind in the strange way they tended to run.

Eren knew Mikasa and Armin weren't too far, like always, and they'd hear him. With a roar, he charged at the Titans, weaving between trees and slamming right into the blond. It had a creepy, incredibly wide grin on its face and Eren noticed that it didn't take its eyes from the riders until it lost its balance and fell into the bushes between trees. Only then did it look at him, gaze empty. There was a strange, cold sort of relief in Eren, at seeing no awareness in those eyes. He had almost, almost considered the thought, that _maybe_ , this one understood _something_ , as impossible as it seemed. With how it had moved, with how focused it had seemed. But its gaze was just as glazed as those of all other Titans. It still majorly creeped him out.

With the strange Titan successfully knocked to the ground, Eren planted his feet firmly and spread his arms, just in time to brace against the rest of the Titan group running into him. Briefly, he was deeply thankful for all the training back home and how much Reiner liked charging at fellow shifters. It was only because of that, that Eren wasn't immediately thrown off his feet. He managed to hang on, though he was pushed back a bit, his toes digging and dragging through dirt, as the Titans were forced to slow down. He saw the blond one get to its feet from the corner of his eye, but that was when Mikasa fell from the canopy like a silent shadow, blades flashing. She descended like wrath made flesh, blood spraying, before she already moved on, the blond Titan dropping dead, a hiss of hot steam rising in its stead.

Eren felt teeth dig into his shoulder and arm, as the Titans tried to wriggle past him, one even attempting to climb over him, only to find no purchase, their hands scrabbling against his shoulder and the side of his face. Eren saw Armin and Mikasa appearing again and with his friends joining the fray, he dared to move from his bracing stance, to grab the two Titans directly pressed against him. His fingers dug into the flesh and he pulled one forward by its hair, just enough to clamp his teeth on the neck, while another Titan fell to Armin's blade. 

Eren dug his teeth into the flesh and ripped. The Titan fell slack beneath his teeth and steam rose into his face. The third Titan fell to Mikasa's swords and his friends swung back up into the canopy, using the steam to remain unseen, while Eren turned to the last Titan. It barely reached to his shoulder and he made quick work of it.

Spitting out blood and flesh, Eren wiped the last of the evaporating blood from his chin and turned around. He had half expected to see the riders gone and felt slightly surprised to see them still milling a bit further away, one rider closer to him than the rest of the group. Squinting slightly, Eren tried to make out the rider's features. For all his size, his eyesight as a titan wasn't any better than when he was human and with the shadows of the forest, he couldn't really see if he knew any of the riders.

Deciding not to push his luck, Eren took a step to the side and then another one, watching as a few riders jerked their horses around, ready to bolt. Above him, leaves rustled and Eren resisted the urge to glance up, to check if it was Mikasa or Armin, or if both were right there, moving with him. They deliberately made noise in situations like this, so Eren could track their movement without anyone else noticing them.

Eren was taking another step to the side, slow and deliberate, when the rider away from the group and closer to Eren, rode a few steps in his direction. A second rider broke from the group to catch up to the first and Eren heard warning shouts from the rest of their comrades. The second rider grabbed the shoulder of the first one and now they were close enough, riding through a sunbeam, that Eren recognized them. The first rider was Marco, the second angry Jean. He released a breath of relief. Marco looked fine and was obviously back in fighting condition.

"It's you, isn't it?" Marco called out, while holding out a hand when Jean tried to grab for his reins. Marco's face was a strange mixture of fear and nervous determination. "You saved my life, do you remember?"

"What are you doing?" Jean's voice was just barely loud enough for Eren to hear and strained with worry. "This is dangerous, Marco!"

"I don't think it's going to hurt us," Marco answered. "I think...I think it helped us, just now."

Marco hesitantly urged his horse forward a bit. The animal obeyed, but Eren noticed the way it was tense and ready to spring into action at any signal of its rider. It only made sense, the horses knew that the sight of Titans meant running, either away or towards it.

Eren genuinely didn't know what to do. He was happy to see Marco alive and well, but should he leave, now that he knew the other guy lived? Should he stay? Should he wait until they left?

"Do you remember me?" Marco hesitantly asked again.

Eren, for lack of a better idea, slowly lowered himself to a knee. Jean jerked back and Marco looked ready to bolt as well, but both remained where they were. When Eren held carefully still after that, Marco exhaled and then lifted his chin in determination, before gently urging his horse forward again. Jean followed, his face showing how much he hated what they were doing, but he stayed with his friend.

Marco's nerves seemed to leave him once he came into easy grabbing range and he quickly stopped his horse again. Eren resisted the urge to cover the back of his neck, with two riders so close, but he didn't dare move and startle them. Mikasa and Armin wouldn't let anything happen to him, either and it didn't look like Marco was going to attack him anyway. Jean did have a hand on a blade, but he seemed willing to refrain from drawing it, as long as nothing happened.

"Hello," Marco said after a moment of strained silence, his voice tinged with nerves and his shoulders tense. "I'm Marco. And thank you, for your help. If you can understand me, that is."

Eren didn't react. He knew very well that he shouldn't be interacting with riders in the first place. Marco's face fell a bit, before he tried to smile. He had a kind face, Eren noticed, if a bit pale and sweaty. Eren thought he spotted a scar along the side of Marco's neck, most likely left by the teeth of the Titan that had tried to chew him up.

"Alright, Marco, let's go back," Jean said, voice tense and quieter than before. He reached out a hand to lightly touch Marco's back, without looking away from Eren. "We're really pushing our luck here."

"Yeah, okay." Marco turned his horse around and they trotted away, though both kept glancing back. Eren resisted the urge to wave. It was strangely encouraging and warming, to see that his interference had made a difference. It was one thing to kill Titans and know they couldn't hurt anyone and an entirely different thing to see someone alive because he had been there to help.

Eren waited until they had caught up with their group, before he rose to his feet again. A moment later, the riders urged their horses forward and they raced off between the trees. Once they were out of view, Eren heard rustling and glanced up, just in time to see his friends drop from branches above him. They landed on his shoulders and Armin exhaled heavily, pressing a hand to his chest.

"That was rather stressful," he remarked. "Are you okay, Eren?"

Eren made a low noise at him and tilted his head just enough to lightly nuzzle Armin with his cheek, who laughed and had to raise his arms to keep Eren's hair from covering him.

"This will happen more often, won't it?" Mikasa asked, a rare dry tone to her voice and Eren tried to make an innocent noise at her and was startled to hear just how unexpectedly squeaky he ended up sounding. His friends blinked, surprised as well, before Armin burst into strong enough laughter, tears gathered in the corners of his eyes. Mikasa turned away, but Eren caught the shaking of her shoulders and he huffed a grumble at his friends, though inside, he was smiling. 

He loved making them laugh.

~*~

Eren shook Titan blood from his fingers and glanced around. This forest always seemed to have Titans in them and Eren wondered if it was due to the proximity to Maria, or if Titans simply tended to wander through this area more than they did elsewhere.

He carefully stepped past the disintegrating corpse and from the corner of his eye, noticed a burst of steam between the trees, a little bit away from him. One of his friends had hunted successfully as well. They would stop soon for the day, to eat dinner and get some rest. Eren started to look for berries and other growing food as much as he looked for Titans. Just as he found a nice patch of blueberries and bent down to inspect them, he heard the sound of hooves, slightly muffled by the forest floor. 

Surprised, he straightened and tried to spot the riders. After seeing Marco last week, he honestly hadn't expected to meet any riders again so soon. A spark of unease travelled down his spine. Should he have left the forest? Were they coming to kill him, since they had met him in the woods twice already? Unsure what to do, Eren raised a fist, about to knock on the tree to alert his friends - he wasn't going to roar with riders around - when the riders came into view.

Eren hesitated and when they slowed their horses down, he quickly knocked against the tree anyway. Better he behaved weirdly in their eyes, than to be without the backup of his friends, should they turn out to be hostile riders.

"Whooo, is that the one?" One rider asked excitedly, turning to their comrades. They had darker, reddish-brown hair and were the first person wearing glasses Eren had seen out in the field. Beside them was Marco, to Eren's surprise, who nodded.

That was about all Marco managed to do, before the rider with glasses already flung themselves out of the saddle and straight towards Eren, who jerked away. Immediately, he slammed one hand over his neck and stepped back. The strange rider redirected, to anchor themselves to the tree Eren had knocked against.

"Sorry, sorry, didn't mean to startle you!" they said, voice raised so he could hear them easily. They were grinning widely. "I'm just so excited! A non-hostile Titan!" They turned back to the rest of the riders. "Guys, he's really not doing anything!"

Eren took another wary step back and felt relieved when he heard rustling above him. One of his friends was there already.

"Be careful, Hanji," a voice answered and one of the riders split from the group. Eren caught a glimpse of dark hair and silver-grey eyes as sharp and unyielding as the strongest of blades, before he focused back on Hanji, who was currently the closest to him. This was quickly turning into a situation he did not like. Eren took another step back.

"Oh, no, no, please wait!" Hanji held up their hands, before wriggling one at the sharp-eyed rider in a shooing motion. "Levi, back up please. You're making him nervous."

Levi shot his friend an unimpressed look and while he didn't back up, he did stop his horse. After a second, Marco carefully nudged his horse forward, followed by a red haired woman. It took Eren a long second to actually recognize her and he bit back a surprised noise. That was the lady, the lady from years ago! The one he had helped, when he had searched for that stupid lake and had gotten lost.

Oh, shit. Eren felt himself blanch. Did that mean _that_ rider was around, too? The fast, dangerous one? Eren backed up another step and Hanji's face fell.

"Aww, no, look, we mean no harm!" They held up their hands, before giving Levi and Marco and the lady a significant look. "Guys, come on, you agreed to let me try this!"

"Did I now," Levi answered, about as dry as sand and as unmoving as a boulder. One of his hands remained firmly on his blade and Eren noticed that he had already kicked his feet out of the stirrups, in preparation for having to launch up in the air at a moment's notice. Levi would, without a doubt, attack the very second Eren so much as breathed wrongly. "I remember telling you this is a shit idea."

"It's okay," Marco told Eren, sounding a bit nervous and he inched his horse a bit forward again. "It's me, remember? Marco?"

Eren liked Marco, as much as he could like a person he hadn't exchanged a single word with, but the other guy seemed kind and sincere. Eren, however, wasn't a complete moron and there was no way he'd take a single step closer to all these people with all their shiny blades. He heard a second rustle above him and exhaled softly. Both his friends were here.

"It really is you," the red haired woman suddenly spoke up, her face full of disbelief. "The Titan who saved me. Me and Farlan."

That must be the blond Eren vaguely remembered. If he was honest, most memories of that day were overshadowed by the vicious rider. Who, looking back, might have mistakenly thought that Eren had been the one to attack his friends and had wanted to save them from him. At least, Eren hoped so. He wasn't keen to a repeat performance of that time almost five years ago, if that same rider was present right now.

"Ooh, you have to let me take a look at you!" Hanji exclaimed, almost vibrating with excitement. They remained on the tree though, maybe sensing how close Eren was to bolting. At least the other riders kept back and Eren briefly spotted Jean and how unhappy and nervous the guy looked.

"Do you remember me?" the woman asked, staring up at Eren, who just stared back at her. He didn't react, just kept his hand on his neck.

"He certainly knows we're a danger," Hanji said, gesturing at him. "He's covering his neck, see? Hm, maybe his eyesight is bad? Maybe he can't see your faces well."

Eren's eyesight was perfectly fine, thank you very much. Hanji waved an arm to get his attention.

"I'm coming over, okay?" they said. "I'll not do anything, just land on that tree right beside you." They pointed at said tree and Eren glanced at it, before looking back at them. Their grin was far wider now. "Oh, I think he does understand! Or, well, my pointing, at least."

They wasted no time in swinging over and Eren warily shifted to keep both Hanji and the riders in his view. The dark-haired, silver-eyed man had slightly drawn his blade, but it wasn't fully out yet and his gaze on Eren felt like a hawk's. No, more than that. Like a predator's, whose teeth were seconds away from tearing into his throat. Suddenly, Eren got the chilling sensation that if anything went wrong, he might be fucked.

Hanji was eyelevel with him now, hanging from the new tree from the hooks of their gear. It looked a bit different than the one Eren and his friends were using. Kind of shinier, sleeker, with a few extra bits he hadn't seen on any other gear before. A new model, maybe?

"Hanji." Levi's voice, for all that it remained steady, carried a warning tone now and his eyes narrowed. "Don't make me save your ass."

"I'll be fine." Hanji waved a hand at him again, while never taking their eyes off of Eren. They leaned forward, still grinning with unbridled excitement. They pointed at themselves. "Hanji. Han-ji."

Eren couldn't have replicated their name even if he had wanted to. He couldn't speak in this form. After a heavy, tense second, he settled on making a low noise back at them. Hanji gasped, clapping both hands against their cheeks, their eyes shining.

"Again, try again! Han-ji." They made encouraging gestures and Eren stared at them, feeling a bit helpless. What kind of situation had he gotten himself into? Should he just bolt? Could he even run away, without them following? How long could people keep pace with him anyway? He knew he could outrun them, but he needed momentum for that kind of speed. They could just cut his hamstrings before he got that far and then there'd be no running at all, at least not until he had healed again.

After another heavy second, he grudgingly grunted at Hanji, carefully shifting until he had shuffled another step back and away.

"Well, that didn't sound like my name at all," Hanji said, but they didn't sound disappointed in the least. They turned to Levi. "I think he understands me!"

Levi didn't say anything, merely kept his eyes steadily fixed on Eren. Who really would like to leave now.

"Here, can you do this?" Hanji asked, lifting a hand and making a deliberate waving motion. Eren just stared at them and tried not to move a muscle, more than aware of Levi's sharp gaze on him. When nothing happened, Hanji's face fell a bit again.

"Come on, for me?" they tried, waving again. Eren took a slow, deliberate step back. Hanji sighed, before placing their hands on their hips and pouting at Levi. "I'm blaming this on you."

"Leave it, Hanji." Levi briefly nodded at their horse, which was patiently waiting with the other riders. He still didn't take his eyes off of Eren. "This isn't going anywhere. We should leave, before more of these things show up."

Eren heard a rustle above him, just as he took another step back. Hanji made a disappointed noise.

"But, Levi, he's one of a kind, he's harmless even!" They pointed at Eren. "I'm close enough to become a snack and he hasn't even reached for me! All he's done is protect himself and back away. That's not Titan behavior, you know it isn't."

Levi's eyes narrowed slightly, but he didn't protest. Eren took another step back. He really wanted to go, now, preferably.

"Hey, it's okay," Hanji said. They paused, then gave him a smile that was surprisingly reassuring. "We're just going to let you walk away, okay? And tomorrow, we'll be back and we can talk some more! Then you can see we mean no harm either."

They gave him a bright grin and Eren hesitated, before he took another step back. Hanji merely waved at him and Eren stepped back further and further, until the riders were out of view. None followed. Still, he only stopped walking backwards, when Mikasa landed on a branch nearby and gave him a nod. With a hiss of steam, Eren collapsed his titan form, pulling out of the flesh a bit faster than he probably should. Stumbling away from the steaming, disintegrating body, he sat heavily on the forest floor, pressing a hand to his racing heart.

His friends landed skillfully, barely making any noise. Armin and Mikasa crouched at his side a moment later and Armin put a hand on Eren's shoulder, looking worried.

"That was scary," Eren had to admit.

Mikasa frowned heavily, her gaze dark, as she glanced back in the direction of the riders. Eren could tell that she wanted to leave right away and Armin looked rather unsure on what to do as well. For a moment, Eren wanted to tell them to pack their bags. That he'd transform again and leave the woods tonight. They could spend the two weeks they had left traveling, before they had to head towards the ruins to meet with the others.

A sudden thought came to him then and he bit his lip. What if he could get the riders to accept that he wouldn't harm them? What if, in the future, the riders would let him help, without him scaring them half to death? What if they knew he was friendly and he wouldn't have to worry about them killing him like any other regular Titan? 

Oh, man, he'd break rules with this dumb idea, but what if it was _worth it_? Eren glanced up at his friends and they both immediately sighed.

"This is probably a bad idea," Armin murmured, though he smiled wryly and gave Eren's back a gentle pat. "But, you know I'm with you."

"Hm." Mikasa reached out to take Eren's free hand into hers, her gaze serious and intense. "As long as you listen to us and go, if we think it gets too dangerous."

"Thank you." Eren pulled them into a hug. When he let go, he got to his feet and tried to change the subject. "Did anyone find something good to eat? I had a patch of blueberries, but that's where the riders maybe still are, sooo..."

Armin huffed an amused breath and tapped his knuckles against Eren's shoulder. "Come on, I found something too, and you're going to explain your plan while we're gathering."

~*~

Eren stood in the area where he had met the riders yesterday an hour or two after sunrise and he didn't have to wait long. The riders appeared shortly after him and Eren wondered if they had camped somewhere nearby. Some of them looked a tad frazzled, so their night probably hadn't been the best.

"Hello!" Hanji shouted, as soon as they spotted him, grinning widely and already jumping out of the saddle. Eren put a hand over his neck again, but this time, he didn't jerk away when they landed on a tree beside him. Hanji's grin widened. "See? We're harmless, too!"

That was so far from the truth, Eren almost laughed. However, he was willing to try this. Silently, he decided that if today didn't go well, he'd keep his distance in the future. If there was a chance, though, for the riders to know he really meant no harm, he wanted to take it. And who knew, maybe he'd somehow find out if they knew anything about the strange Titan he had seen before. The one running like a shifter, at a fast and steady sprint. Eren would also ask Reiner and the others once they met up, maybe they had experienced something equally strange.

Eren, after a moment of deliberation, tried to hum at Hanji, though the sound came out a bit more growl-y than intended. Their face lit up.

"Yes, hello! You remember, me, right?" They leaned forward so much, Eren half expected them to fall, despite the hooks of their gear. They patted their chest. "Hanji. I'm Hanji."

The other riders had caught up with them by then and Eren noticed that they were coming a bit closer than yesterday. As he glanced over, he spotted Levi right away, who was in front of the group, feet out of the stirrups and hand on a blade, though the weapon remained sheathed. The man seemed utterly calm, but had eyes just as sharp and dangerous as yesterday. Marco gave Eren a smile and a wave. Eren hummed at him, too, after a second.

"Oh, I think he's getting it!" Hanji bounced slightly on their feet. "This is Marco." They pointed at him. "Mar-co."

Eren couldn't help but feel somewhat wryly amused, but decided to play along just a little bit. If the riders were to trust him, they had to know he had a bit of intelligence. He made a noise at Marco, again, who looked pleasantly surprised. Hanji laughed, clapping their hands happily.

"Yes, exactly! Hanji, Marco and that is Levi." They pointed at the man in question. "Le-vi."

Eren made a noise at Levi and saw a slight raise of the man's eyebrow, though he otherwise he didn't show a reaction.

"This is Jean," Marco continued, patting his friend's shoulder, who briefly looked startled and then grumpily resigned.

The red haired woman nudged her horse forward a step and tapped her own chest. "Isabel. I'm Isabel."

Eren dutifully made noises at both Jean and Isabel in turn, making Hanji gasp.

"He even remembers the order!" They made a noise of excitement and jumped a little in place. Eren side-eyed them, still half expecting them to end up falling. They were hanging at the side of a tree, after all.

"Can you wave?" Hanji asked, demonstrating by waving themselves. "Please? Wave?"

Eren wasn't sure if he should. It was one thing to let them know he recognized them, but how far could he go in this? After a long second, he lifted his free hand, though he didn't wave. That seemed like a good compromise, right? Hanji looked as though he had given them everything they ever wanted.

"Yes! You get it!" They waved at him again and Eren just lifted his hand again. Maybe he could get away with pretending to mimic without fully copying what they did? Honestly, he was just winging this whole thing. 

Hanji tried to get him to do a number of gestures after that and Eren weighted carefully how much he did and what he did. He pretended to need a number of demonstrations, before doing the bare minimum of what Hanji tried to show him. They seemed over the moon no matter what, though, and the rest of the riders were quiet and no one attacked anyone. All in all, so far, it wasn't too bad.

Right up until Hanji hopped again in victory, after getting Eren to touch his head, and their hooks lost their grip in the wood. Without thought, Eren lunged, catching them before they fell farther than two or three meters, but it was enough. Levi was out of the saddle and above Eren with a speed that made his heart lurch and he jerked back. The attack, however, never came. Levi landed up on a branch, when Hanji quickly flailed their arms at him.

"No, don't attack!" they shouted. "I'm fine! He just caught me, see?"

The frightening look was slowly fading from Levi's eyes, but Eren didn't dare move and he only slowly exhaled, when Levi slowly let his blades sink down again, never looking away from Eren either. Fuck, Levi was as fast as that rider, years ago. Wait, was Levi that very same rider? Eren wasn't sure, he hadn't really seen the rider's face back then, but it could be possible. Maybe? Either way, that had been a really close call.

"Really, it's okay," Hanji said and Eren glanced at them, when they stood up in his palm. Then they grinned and looked so excited, he wondered if they were going to pass out. "I'm on your hand! You're holding me!"

Eren honestly didn't know what to make of Hanji, but their excitement seemed honest and real and a part of him liked that he had made someone happy with such a simple thing. Still, it was probably for the best if Hanji got up on a tree again or something. After a moment of waiting and Hanji simply remaining on his hand, Eren shifted very slowly and very carefully. With great deliberation, he then held his hand up to the branch where Levi crouched. Hanji got the hint, thankfully, and jumped from his hand. Levi watched him carefully, but his gaze was less cutting and hard and a little more thoughtful now.

Before Eren could take his hand back, Hanji reached out and placed theirs on the tip of his index finger. There was pure wonder on their face and Eren kept his hand where it was.

"I've never been able to touch a Titan I didn't tie down first," they whispered, eyes bright. They looked at him, smiling wide and happy. "You're really warm."

Eren left his hand where it was and allowed Hanji to pat his finger, examining the nail and pressing against the flesh to try and feel the bone beneath. It was probably the longest Eren had held still in a while and he felt kind of surprised at his own patience. Usually, he wasn't really the type to be motionless like this. Levi remained where he was, blades still out but held at a non-threatening angle and he kept a close eye at both Eren and Hanji.

At last, Levi spoke up, "We have to go, if we want to get back to Maria before nightfall."

"It's too bad you can't come with us," Hanji sighed and Eren lowered his hand again, after they gave his finger a parting pat. "There would be so many tests to run! So much to try!"

Tests didn't exactly sound fun and Eren definitely wasn't up to be some kind of experiment or to get locked up.

"We can't stay another day," Hanji said and they sounded genuinely regretful, before perking up. "You'll be around, won't you? I'll try to come back soon."

Eren probably wouldn't be around a while himself. He made a quiet noise at Hanji, who smiled at him.

"Don't worry, I'm sure we'll see each other again. Take care, nice Titan!" They waved at him and Eren took a step back, lifting his free hand to mimic their wave. Their face brightened and they waved with both hands now. But, yeah, no, Eren was going to keep his neck covered.

He took a step back and watched as Hanji launched themselves from the branch and with a quick, elegant maneuver with their gear, landed in the saddle of their horse. Levi followed Hanji after a last glance at Eren, though he only sheathed his blades once he was back in the saddle as well. At Levi's signal, one after another, the riders turned their horses around and left. Marco waved at him and Eren lifted his hand, watching the guy smile at him.

As soon as they were gone from view, Mikasa and Armin dropped onto his shoulders and Eren felt bad when he saw both of them stretch. Having to hide in the treetops for however long this took and holding still, couldn't have been comfortable. He made a low noise at them, lifting his hands to lightly nudge their shoulders with a fingertip. Armin merely chuckled and patted his finger, while Mikasa gave him a calming look.

"That went surprisingly well," Armin commented. "All things considered. Was that enough for your plan, Eren?"

Eren tilted his head slightly, considering, before he offered a slow nod. The riders probably knew now that he meant them no harm. At least he hoped so. He still wouldn't shy from another meeting like this one, as nerve-wracking as it had been, should it be needed or should the chance arise to further prove that he wasn't going to eat them. 

All in all, he did feel rather satisfied with how things had gone today. Eren felt like laughing and made a weird wheezy noise, which caused Armin to chuckle and Mikasa to reach out and pat the side of his neck.

They spent the rest of the day hunting and once Eren had shifted back, he couldn't stop thinking about the day, feeling excited and rather accomplished. People had even smiled at him. Maybe, this dumb idea wasn't so dumb after all. He really hoped so.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since I had a sudden rush of inspiration, the next chapter was done far sooner than I expected. Thank you all so far, for liking this story, it's such a joy to write! I hope you'll like this chapter!

No more riders showed up, during the last days they spent in the forest. Eren wasn't too surprised and, if he was honest, for once glad for it. The last encounters had been stressful enough, he was happy to just focus on hunting Titans for now.

"We should leave early," Mikasa said, the evening before their departure. "Just in case riders are out there. I don't want them to see any of us."

That was sensible enough, in Eren's opinion. "I can shift, if you want. We would get away faster."

Mikasa nodded and Armin handed them their bowls with dinner. Summer really was quickly becoming Eren's favorite hunting season. For once, they didn't have to be conscious and careful with their rations and they were getting better and better at finding edible plants and roots and animal trails. His mother always tried to pack them as many rations as she could, but there was a limit to how much they could carry comfortably, even with Eren shifting for hours every day.

Mikasa was the one who woke them with the sunrise and after a quick breakfast, they blearily grabbed their bags. They moved to a spot where Eren had the space to shift without breaking any trees. He yawned a last time, before pulling his friends close and biting onto his hand.

By the time he stepped out of the woods, the morning sun had risen nicely and the heat of the day was already setting in. Eren felt a burst of anticipation, as he looked towards the horizon. To meet his friends and to head home again soon, too. 

"Riders!" Armin suddenly hissed and the next second, Mikasa and he dropped down behind Eren, their feet hitting his shoulder blades, while Eren turned to the side, surprised and baffled. Armin was right, there were riders heading their way.

Eren carefully kept facing the riders, to keep his friends hidden, while he half stepped back into the woods, so they could swing up into the canopy without being seen. With a hiss of gas and the help of their hooks, Mikasa and Armin pulled up into the leaves and vanished from sight. Running didn't even occur to Eren, until they were already safely hidden away.

"Jahooo!" Hanji's voice drew his attention and he glanced back at them, lifting one hand to cover his neck. Hanji waved at him, excited and happy, before they were out of the saddle and moving towards him at an impressive speed. They weren't quite as fast as Levi had been, or that rider years ago, but they definitely came close.

Hanji landed on a tree branch this time, right below where Mikasa and Armin had disappeared and Eren tried not to give anything away. He made a greeting noise at Hanji, who brightened.

"You remember me, even after nearly two weeks!" They clapped their hands against their reddened cheeks, looking utterly delighted. "Do you remember the others as well?"

As they pointed, Eren glanced to the side. Levi was there again, feet out of the stirrups like the last two times and hand at his blade. He looked calm. Calm and deadly. Eren was certain, that Levi would still attack him without a moment's notice, should he become dangerous. Marco and Jean were present as well, though Isabel wasn't. Instead, there was a blond man, who, when Hanji waved him to them, propelled himself forward and up with his gear, landing beside Hanji. Levi, to Eren's surprise, followed the man to a nearby tree, though he kept enough distance to remain out of immediate grabbing range, one blade drawn but held at a non-aggressive angle. For now.

"This is Moblit," Hanji introduced the blond man, placing a hand on Moblit's shoulder, who looked more than suspicious and wary of Eren, but he must trust Hanji a lot, to follow them anyway. "My assistant. Moblit, meet Huckleberry."

Eren just barely bit back the sudden urge to laugh and ended up making a sort of coughing noise at Moblit, who still looked highly doubtful if this was in any way a good idea. Huckleberry? Oh no, no one could ever know about that name. Even _Annie_ might crack a smile if she'd heard it and Reiner and Ymir wouldn't stop laughing. Bertolt would laugh with them, though not quite as much, since he usually didn't much like making people feel as if he was mocking them.

"Hello," Moblit said after a pause and Eren just stared back, unsure what to do. Hanji didn't seem to care, barreling right on.

"Do you still remember how to wave?" They demonstrated by waving themselves. Eren lifted a hand, careful to keep it slow enough that no one felt alarmed. Hanji and Moblit were both rather close and he didn't want to look like he was going to grab them. That would only end in disaster.

"Hey, think you can catch me?" Hanji asked, making a hopping motion. Eren just barely kept from jerking back. Were they insane? Not that Eren wouldn't catch them if they decided to jump at him, but that was a lot of trust to put into someone they thought was a Titan. _He_ knew he was safe, but two meetings with no one dying, apparently were enough for Hanji. To Eren's relief, Moblit grabbed Hanji's belt and kept them on the branch, his face a mixture of stern and exasperated.

"Don't be a damn idiot," Levi chided them with a side glance.

Hanji looked briefly disappointed, before they perked back up and lifted their hand, palm facing up and fingers stretched out. "Can you do this? Hold out your hand like this?"

Eren had a strong suspicion where they wanted this to go. He was certain, the moment he offered his hand, they'd hop onto it. He wasn't sure if Hanji was just reckless or brave, or a mixture of both. Hanji kept repeating the motion of their hand, trying different changes and kept encouraging him, until Eren grudgingly gave in.

He held out his free hand and Hanji brightened. To Eren's surprise however, they didn't jump onto his palm. Instead, they reached out and clasped one fingertip with both of their hands, pressing down experimentally.

That was the moment smaller Titans emerged from the forest, far enough from them that Eren hadn't heard them coming, especially with most of his focus directed at the survey corps, but close enough that they would catch up to the soldiers, before they would manage to truly run.

"Titans!" One of the riders on the ground shouted and Eren moved, his hand slipping from his neck and the Titans lunged towards them.

Eren just barely managed to catch one around the chest and trip the other, when Levi was already on the move, with Hanji shouting something and the riders kicking their horses into motion.

Eren felt frozen, as he watched Levi descent on the tripped Titan with a speed that made it near impossible to see. He flew through the air, as though gravity had no hold on him, as if the winds themselves were aiding him along and Eren couldn't help but hold his breath, watching Levi strike out with a flash of his blades, too fast for Eren to follow with his eyes.

The Titan Eren had managed to trip up fell in a spray of blood, with Levi already turning midair and racing forward again, landing against the side of a tree with the help of the hooks from his gear. It was only then, that Eren realized he had the second Titan grappled in a way that made it hard for anyone to reach the neck. The Titan was, luckily, of the slim variety and barely reached up to his ribs, so while it tried to wriggle free, Eren could keep it in his hold, even with how he hadn't been able to look away from the lightning fast way Levi had attacked.

Holding onto the Titan's face with one hand, Eren bent the head out of the way and shifted his other arm enough to get his teeth into the flesh with a snarl. With a strong jerk, he ripped the flesh out, the Titan falling limp and he let it slip from his arms, spitting out the bite he had taken.

"He's really killing his own kind! I've heard, but seeing it is so interesting!" Hanji moved closer to them, landing beside Levi, who kept a close eye on Eren, though his blades were once again at a non-threatening level, the blood on them already evaporated.

Eren, to ensure the hot steam didn't get blown their way, toed the corpse of the Titan a bit further to the side.

"We shouldn't stay long," Levi said, calm and steady, without looking away. Eren ended up meeting his gaze again and found himself on the receiving end of a heavy, indiscernible, but still sharp look. "Who knows how many more Titans are in the area."

With what Eren had seen just now, he was very sure that the rider years ago had been Levi. He didn't know with complete certainty, but unless there was anyone else that fast, that terrifyingly incredible with a blade, that free looking when using his gear, he was pretty sure Levi was that same rider. He still felt awed and that same mixture of impressed and intimidated, that he had felt years ago. Only now, he wasn't at the receiving end of that deadly skill, which had obviously, naturally, only grown deadlier over the years.

"Oooh, I wish you could tell us why you hunt Titans, but not humans," Hanji said, braced against the side of a tree, a little bit above Levi. They pointed at the Titans. "Huckleberry, why did you kill them?"

Eren tried really hard not to get into a sudden coughing fit, as he heard the name again. It was just...so weird. And maybe just a bit ridiculous. He didn't react to Hanji's question, but he did cast a quick glance around, to check for more Titans. He couldn't hear any, but if they were small enough, walked slowly and were at enough of a distance, he wouldn't notice their approach until they came into view.

"Maybe it's an abnormal," Moblit suggested, who had followed Hanji over. He, too, had his blades drawn, but kept them pointed down and at his sides. "Though I've never heard of one attacking their own kind."

Were abnormals Titans that acted differently? Eren thought back on that blond one with the creepy grin and how it had moved like a shifter. Moved like Annie. It was then, that Eren remembered he still had his neck unprotected. His hand twitched up, rising, before he paused. No one had attempted to kill him.

"We won't hurt you," Hanji told him, smiling. "Don't worry, you can keep your neck uncovered if you want!"

Eren hesitated, watching them carefully for a long moment, before he slowly let his hand sink. It was foolish, but then again, everything about communicating with riders was foolish. So far, at least, it hadn't got him killed.

"He seems to understand something," Levi said, surprising Eren. The other man was still scrutinizing him, without giving anything away himself. "Don't let your guard down, though, we don't know what's going on with him."

"Captain Levi!" One of the riders approached, a pretty woman with shoulder-length blond hair and brown eyes. The other riders were a bit spread out, keeping a careful eye on Eren. "More Titans are on the way!"

The woman pointed and Eren glanced that way, spotting six separate, big Titans steadily meandering up a hill and their way. They'd form up into a group soon and they'd pick up speed quickly as well, to get to people before they could run too far away.

"Get ready to move, we're leaving," Levi commanded, casting a glance at Hanji. "You got what you wanted?"

"Not nearly," Hanji said, but they didn't sound sad or disappointed. If anything, they kept smiling. "But we already know more than before. See you, Huckleberry, stay safe!"

With those words and a jovial wave, Hanji pushed off the tree, their gear propelling them back to their horse. They landed neatly in the saddle and Moblit followed behind them, after casting one last, frowning glance at Eren. Levi was the last to depart and Eren suspected that he had been guarding Hanji's and Moblit's retreat, in case Eren had decided to act out.

Their eyes met for a moment, before Levi was on the move, leaping into the air and returning to his horse, the riders already kicking them into motion. Sticking to the side of the forest, they galloped away and Hanji briefly turned around to wave. Eren lifted his hand back at them, though his gaze slid to the approaching Titans. They started to change course, to keep following the survey corps.

The sound of leaves rustling warned him, before hooks anchored into his shoulder and with a hiss and the sound of their gear, his friends joined him once more.

"We can't fight them," Mikasa warned, probably guessing what Eren was contemplating, her gaze on the Titans. "The riders would see us and you can't go alone."

She was right, as much as he didn't want to hear it. Fighting all alone against this many could become dangerous and deadly very quickly and his friends couldn't go with him, without the survey corps spotting them. Besides, the Titans were bigger than the ones Eren had fought back when he had seen that strange blond one. It was also the kind of group and sizing, that their instructors had clearly warned them against taking on without additional hunters. 

Eren watched as the riders seemed to pick up speed again and broke away into the forest. The Titans, who followed them at top speed now, started to slow down once they reached the tree line, a good half minute after the riders and Eren could tell that they had lost sight of them. They began milling about, as though the survey corps were going to magically reappear if they waited long enough. Eren exhaled with relief and Armin patted his neck.

"We should go," his friend reminded him quietly, though he looked relieved as well. They couldn't attack the Titans, even with the survey corps gone, as much as it rankled Eren. He gave Armin a nod and, with a last glance to the forest, turned away. They had ruins to reach and he hoped, that the soldiers would get home safely.

They traveled at a steady pace, with Eren taking long breaks between shifting, so he could keep up the strength to stay a titan. He still could uphold the transformation for a good five to six hours, before he needed a break and had to recover for a while, before he could shift again. If forced, he could stay a titan until he passed out, which let him go on a good three to five hours longer, depending on the exertion, but it left him incapacitated until he had recovered his strength. Regeneration injuries also ate a rather significant part of his energy.

The days passed as they traveled steadily, until they reached the ruins. From the looks of it, they were the first to arrive, just as the sun began to set. Eren dropped his titan form and his friends shooed him away from helping set up camp. If anything, they shoved food and a field flask into his hands, with Armin telling him to rest and replenish his energy. As necessary and good as it was, to get to push himself in summer, Eren felt as though his body was one big muscle ache these days. He wanted to get better, though. If he could hold the transformation longer, if he built up his strength, he could do _more_. A sudden shadow fell across his shoulder.

"Boo," A voice rasped into his ear and he jolted, swinging his arm around and Ymir ducked beneath his elbow attack with a snicker, before hopping out of his reach. "Yo, Eren."

Past her, Eren could see the rest of their friends climbing over a half broken wall, to join them. Everyone looked fine and unharmed and Eren shot Ymir a halfhearted glare. He was happy to see them, even if he could have done without the scare. Not that he was going to admit that, Ymir wouldn't stop laughing otherwise. She was already smirking, too self-satisfied for her own good.

"Everyone alright?" Reiner asked, while he set down his pack. "Did you get into any trouble?"

Eren exchanged a glance with Mikasa and Armin. Half of him wanted to tell the others everything, about the idiotic, but maybe successful shit he had gotten up to. On the other hand, maybe not yet. Later, when he had a better idea on what to do from here on, when it came to the riders.

"We've seen a weird Titan," Eren said instead and watched as the others turned to him, frowns on their faces. Eren briefly looked at Annie. "It kind of looked a bit like you, at first glance and it moved like we do. You know how Titans run all weird? This one didn't. This one sprinted like a shifter and it was very focused on a group of survey corps riders, even when I attacked it."

"Shit." Reiner sat down and Bertolt put a hand on his shoulder, looking worried himself. Annie frowned now and Ymir lost her smirk.

"We've seen something like that, too," Bertolt said. "Titans usually walk around until they notice people, or until something catches their attention. This one was, it was almost as if it was searching. It kept looking around and it rifled through a ruin. But when we approached it, thinking it was maybe a shifter, if a weird one, it attacked us."

"Had the same creepy blank stare as all other Titans," Ymir added, while sitting cross-legged, looking unhappy. "We thought it was just a coincidence."

"What do you think it could mean?" Eren asked and it was quiet for a moment, before Armin straightened.

"We don't really know what exactly the scientists did, when they created Titans," he said. "Some of their papers got destroyed and others were stolen, but maybe some Titans got heightened senses or a stronger drive for certain things?" 

To Eren, it didn't sound impossible. Hunters didn't know much about what process the scientists had used and their teachers had only covered at what time the Titan creation had happened and in what a vast quantity the scientists had created Titans. There had been multiple, different trials and experiments, the scientists thinking that _this time_ , it was going to work the way they wanted. But even those lessons had never gone into details. The formula to make Titans had been destroyed long ago, after a period of unsuccessful testing by other people, to see if the effects could be reversed. The doctors, back then, hadn't wanted any idiots to recreate the titan essence and screw even more humans over. Whatever still existed of the old scientists research, was locked away somewhere secret, and only a handful of people knew where.

"We should report it," Bertolt suggested, while he slid to the ground beside Reiner and was joined by Annie a moment later. "Maybe other shifters know what's going on."

Only, none of the adult shifters had ever mentioned strange Titans before. Sure, they had talked about how weird Titans _looked_ and how their proportions could be all off or what absurd noises they could make, but never that their behavior was out of the ordinary. Still, it was worth a try.

"Man, enough of that." Ymir reached out to smack Reiner on the shoulder and gave Eren's boot a light kick with her foot. "Cheer up, you guys, we can still handle them, everything's fine. Come on, we're not here to mope, are we?"

Reiner huffed and reached out to ruffle her hair, which quickly devolved into a little wrestling match between the two, but it had the desired effect, that they all relaxed. Eren found himself exchanging an amused smile with Bertolt, while Annie and Mikasa moved on to discuss hunting, so they would have a nice dinner tonight. 

Ymir was right, as much as Eren wouldn't say it, for it always made her unbearably smug, but they really could handle the unusual Titans. And everything else, they could always figure out later.

~*~

Eren leaned over Bertolt's finger and he couldn't resist admiring the view, despite feeling absolutely drained. He had been shifted for nearly eight hours, carrying his friends and considerably shortening travel time. They all took turns shifting, but Eren had most certainly pushed his limits a bit too much. Any longer and he'd be too exhausted to even sit up, never mind stand or walk.

This high up, thanks to Bertolt's height, he could see _so much_. Before, back at home, whenever Bertolt had picked him up, he had been able to see the entirety of the shifter lands and the forest with its massive, tall trees surrounding it. Now, now he saw something different. A rushing river in the distance, wide grasslands and forests that rustled in the wind. The late afternoon sun was casting a brilliant, golden light over everything and it stole his breath away. It was a beautiful view and it certainly helped distract him from how tired and slightly shaky he felt.

Bertolt made an inquisitive, growly noise and Eren grinned up at him. "You have the best view."

Bertolt very gently and very carefully moved his hand up to his shoulder, where Reiner and Ymir were already sitting. Eren took the hint and jumped, using a hook of his gear to anchor himself. Settling down cross-legged, Eren kept admiring the landscape, while his friend kept walking on.

They had hunted together for two weeks and then had decided to head back home together, taking a detour to two ruins along the way.

"We'll be back soon. Bertolt," Armin called out from Bertolt's other shoulder. Bertolt moved his head to peer down at him and Armin motioned to their surroundings. "If you see the forest, let us know."

Bertolt nodded and looked forward again. Eren felt legs thrown over his lap and threw Ymir a halfhearted glare. She was the only one currently not anchored to Bertolt and she smirked at him, before she laid back on the broad shoulder and closed her eyes, her hands folded beneath her head. Eren almost considered throwing her off, just to annoy her back. Nothing would happen to her, he knew. For one, she could transform and two, she had gear as well. And even if she didn't bother with either, Bertolt would catch her.

In the end, Eren settled on using her legs as a resting spot for his arms. It was nice, being together like this, after not seeing each other for over two months. Their groups tended to have similar hunting times, so they were used to see each other between trips. Since they had known each other since childhood, Eren liked checking in with his friends, if only to know that they all were hale and whole. He doubted that any of them would die out in the field, but sometimes that thought popped up and he couldn't help but wonder about 'what if's.

"How soon will we be home?" Ymir asked and Reiner hummed thoughtfully. He was leaning against Bertolt's neck, though he had anchored himself down and he had his eyes closed, an expression of relaxed peace on his face.

It was hard not to feel at ease, on Bertolt's shoulders. He was just so damn tall, it felt like no danger could possible ever reach that high. Well, Titan's certainly couldn't, but the survey corps were an entirely different thing. Still, even Eren felt like leaning back and letting himself be carried, while he just rested and recovered.

"Shortly after sundown," Reiner added after a moment, opening one eye to look at them. "Unless we're willing to shift to carry the others and run with them."

Bertolt running wasn't a good idea. Not only did it take him a good while to build up momentum, but he could cause a lot of damage and would leave deep footprints, along with a trail of destruction, which was way too easy to follow for others. Eren hid a grimace at the thought of shifting again. Not that he could, he was currently entirely out of strength for that.

Ymir snorted, her eyes still closed and she grinned. "Too much work." Suddenly, she swatted at something and she scowled, opening her eyes with an incredulous look. "How are there already mosquitoes?"

Reiner snickered and Eren smirked at her, earning a light kick against his knee, so he simply shoved her legs off and watched as Ymir didn't even try to hold on, as she slid from her perch. She merely flipped him off, while she fell. Bertolt caught her, before she fell too far and managed to give them a disapproving look, despite his unmoving face. Ymir stuck out her tongue, before reclining in his hand and Bertolt sighed, a deep and heaving sound. Reiner just reached up a hand and patted the side of his neck, a smile on his face.

Bertolt spotted the forest surrounding their homes, just as the last bit of sunlight began to fade. He alerted them with a growly noise and pointed with his free hand.

"I look forward to a proper bath," Reiner sighed and Eren could only agree. Summer especially had left them more sweaty than usual and while they had sought out rivers and lakes when possible, they spent days at a time without getting to bathe properly.

They reached the forest just as the moon rose above them and they all swung down from their spots, giving Bertolt enough space to transform back without scalding any of them with the steam. The sensation of falling, the power of zipping through the air with his gear never stopped making Eren's heart soar. He couldn't use his gear willy-nilly, they only had so much gas after all, and had to be careful with how much they used while out in the field. Still, it was fun, whenever he got the chance to swing around, without the added adrenaline from having to fight Titans as well.

Back on the ground, they lit the small oil lanterns they carried with them and started their trek through the woods. They reached the other side of the forest in good time and split up with a few quick words. Everyone was eager to get to a proper bed and the chance to get properly clean. Eren felt ready to fall asleep standing, by the time they reached their home and he was dragging his feet slightly. They were quiet, easing their way inside and Mikasa killed the flame of the oil lantern, once they had gotten out of their boots. 

Their cloaks were left on the hooks beside the door. They hadn't taken them along this time, since the weather had been so warm. They hadn't really had much rain either and even that had been more like a warm shower than anything else, with the sun drying them quickly afterwards. And for the night, they had a rain-proof tarp to keep dry while they slept.

They snuck up the stairs and whispered goodnight to each other, before slipping into their rooms. Eren set his pack down and striped right away, leaving a trail of clothes on his way to the bed. He'd bathe tomorrow and clean up after himself. For now, he was far too tired and still sore all over. As soon as he was settled in, he relaxed into the mattress and was asleep within a second.

~*~

Eren and his friends stayed home almost a whole month, before they decided to head out again in the next days. Eren's mother had pulled them into long hugs, upon discovering their return in the morning and Eren had been happy to be back for a while, especially since he could really rest and the constant ache of overexerting himself faded again.

It was almost easy to forget, here, what a world laid past the forest keeping them safe, beyond the shifter patrols that scared any other people away and ensured that no Titans wandered into their lands. Here, things were mostly peaceful and the fear of Titans minimal and there were always shifters around to deal with any issues arising. The neighbors were happy to see them back and they had been invited to lunches and dinners and people had readily shared gossip with them and reminisced how quickly Eren and his friends had grown up. It was familiar, a life Eren knew well and he felt comfortable and welcome at home.

However, Eren had grown up on stories of the world out there, had seen some of it already and he knew, a simple life, a life restrained to this encircled land, wasn't for him. Maybe it never had been for him and he was certain it never would be. His friends and he had, however, talked with the older hunters about what they had seen. Their reports had been marked down, though no one had had an explanation, beyond reassuring them that the Titan had probably just been a weird exception.

"Do you want to head back to Maria?" Armin asked, the evening before their departure. They sat at the big kitchen table, their gear spread around them for maintenance. The bags with their rations were leaning by the door, ready to be packed into their backpacks, along with the light-weight cooking gear they used out in the field and a first aid kit.

Eren thought about it for a moment, while he checked that the hooks still worked properly. The last thing anyone needed, was for the gear to fail. He had heard enough stories about how fatal such things could be, of hunters dropping from great heights and dying upon impact. Of non-shifters ending up killed or swallowed by Titans, because their gear had jammed and they hadn't been able to get away. It could happen so fast, too. Eren only had to recall the time Armin had been swatted to the ground, to know how close to death they were out in the field.

"I wouldn't mind going back," he decided after a moment. "But if you guys want to go elsewhere, we can do that, too."

They had indulged him a lot, after all. Eren knew that Mikasa still had her reservations about the whole friends-with-riders thing or being close to a city, but she trusted him and his judgment enough to go along with it. Which was high praise, considering Eren honestly didn't know what he was doing half the time. Though, to be fair, so far, he had been able to successfully wing it.

"Hmmm." Armin briefly stopped oiling his gear and leaned down, to pull out their map. Eren and Mikasa moved some of their things out of the way, so he could spread it out on the table. "Is there anywhere that interests you? I'm okay with most destinations."

Eren looked at the map, at the marked ruins and the names of cities. Most hunters tended to pick an area they preferred as their usual hunting ground and only few groups were all over the place, picking new directions every time they headed out. The ocean wasn't on that map, though Eren had heard rumors of where it might be. Shifters hadn't gone to the ocean, at least not that Eren knew, for the journey was long and took them farther from home than the hunters were comfortable with. But maybe, next summer, Eren and his friends could travel there anyway. Even if it took a long time to get there, even if it took them away from everything they knew and past the lands drawn on the map.

"We should head to Maria at least once more, before winter," Armin suggested. "The snow is going to limit how far we can travel and there won't be much food we can find in the wild."

Eren made a face. Winter was harsh, unforgiving and uncomfortable for travelers. It snowed a lot and they had to plan their journeys very carefully, to have places to sleep at night without freezing to death or getting snowed in. Eren couldn't uphold his transformation for a whole day, not even for half a day without breaks and without collapsing entirely afterwards. And the hours he had to spend as a human, so he'd regain the strength for a second shift, they would have to make their way through the snow on foot. There were some hunters who used winter as the season to stay home, to care for their families, repair houses and do some other work around their home, or helping out in one of the other villages.

Eren knew that they could request horses for their hunts, and while the animals were trained to remain mostly calm around shifters, they didn't necessarily like it. Though, even horses struggled to keep up with shifters in the snow and carrying them while transformed wasn't an option either. The animals needed extra feed as well, which took up space in their travel bags. Eren had always felt more comfortable with shifting for as long as he could, to carry his friends and shorten their traveling time, than having to deal with the logistics of taking horses along. Nevermind that horses got killed rather regularly by Titans, if hunters took them along.

"I'd like to drop by Maria again," Eren said and his friends nodded. "If we get a particularly bad winter this year, we might not get to travel much at all."

"We're heading to Maria then, if you want, and on the way back, we can drop by this ruin." Armin tapped the marked spot on the map. "Though, there's no hurry yet, we still have some time before winter hits, that leaves us a couple of trips to get around."

Eren wondered what hunting would be like in winter. Training during that time had been a massive pain in the ass, it was constantly cold and walking through knee- or even waist-high snow had become exhausting very quickly. They also had to keep checking their gear, to ensure the coils and wires didn't freeze, especially over night. Eren wondered if the survey corps had the same problems, or if the newer gear he had seen on Hanji didn't share the same issues as the old models.

Armin folded the map away and they finished cleaning and checking their gear. Eren's mother was out today. She had borrowed a friend's horse to head to a market a village over, since the traders had returned from their summer route. As far as Eren knew, that was the last time for this year that they would head out. The next time they would leave again, would be in spring, once winter had released the land from its clutches.

Eren had once thought about going with the travelers to cities, but the last years, training had consumed his life entirely and the instructors would never have let him go for the long stretches of time the traders were gone. And now as a hunter, there was no time either. 

Traders weren't fond of such requests anyway. They had everything organized to their liking, what merchants came and products were transported and they had their designated shifters, which accompanied them for protection. The traders stuck to a strict time plan, since the cities had to free their gates from Titans to allow them in. From what Eren had heard, the guards at the city gates got suspicious too, if too many unfamiliar faces showed up, even if they were accompanied by the usual traders.

Once their things were organized and packed for the next day, they decided to cook dinner, so Eren's mom didn't have to. While Armin tended to take care of cooking when they traveled, they all had gotten good at making decent meals and with all the spices his mother had in the kitchen, dinner would become pretty tasty.

"I'll look into ways to take more spices along, other than salt and pepper," Armin murmured, as Eren stirred the pot and Mikasa cleaned up the cutting boards. "If I can find containers that are small and light enough, it might work."

"We can ask the other hunters," Mikasa suggested, as she dried the boards.

It was a comfortable evening, calm and warm. The sort of evening that felt like Eren's favorite sweater, soft with wear through the years and always smelling pleasant. And yet, beyond that, he already felt the calling of tomorrow. The call of the world out there, with an ocean somewhere in the far, unknown distance.

~*~

It was raining heavily when they reached the forest close to Maria. The skies were dark with heavy clouds and the winds were strong, with a storm threatening to break out over them. Eren had shifted the early morning hours, when the thick rain had started falling and he had kept his friends shielded beneath his hands as much as possible. Mikasa and Armin wore their cloaks, to shield them from whatever water made it past Eren's hands. With summer over, it got noticeably cooler and the rain felt especially cold today. Eren just hoped that they wouldn't have an early onset of snow this year. That happened sometimes and left them with a long, dark winter.

Since they had been close enough to their destination, Eren and his friends had decided for him to keep going and to rest once they were there, even if it would wipe him out for the rest of the day. It was the sort of cold, wet and too windy weather that easily made people sick and would keep them miserable and waterlogged. Sleeping the rest of the day and night to recover his strength, seemed like a small price to pay, compared to getting absolutely everything wet.

Maria wasn't visible in this weather. Where they usually saw the wall in the distance, like a small belt, grey and dark and over two centuries old, there was nothing but rain today. It got a little better in the forest, where the canopy kept some of the rain at bay, though not too much. Eren's hair stuck to his face and neck, dripping water and he kept looking around for suitable shelter. 

He could feel that he was steadily running out of strength. Due to the bad weather and the worry about an approaching storm, he hadn't shifted back once since that morning and had had to fight Titans along the way as well. Eren knew they had to find a place to hunker down soon.

When he finally found a spot where they could tie up the weather-proof tarp, he was breathing heavily. The forest was murky around them, heavy with rain and dark with the thick clouds above. While Mikasa and Armin slipped from his hand, Eren crouched over the spot, doing his best to shield them from more rain. It was a bit of an awkward job, but worth it, if it meant they wouldn't get rained on while setting up camp.

"Alright, done!" Armin shouted up at him and Eren moved back, peering down at them. A dark green tarp had been stretched over their bedrolls. A fire would be near impossible in that weather, unless they somehow managed to find enough dry wood and bark, which Eren doubted.

"We'll have to secure the area," Mikasa added and there was concern in her eyes. "Will you be alright, staying like this a bit longer?" 

Eren nodded, straightening back up. He knew if he shifted back now, the exhaustion would hit hard and he wouldn't be able to do much. His friends couldn't leave him alone at camp, near defenseless and going out alone was too dangerous. They couldn't forgo checking the area either, in that terrible weather, a smaller Titan could easily happen upon them without them noticing it in time. The rain kept drumming down around him, washing out other sounds and while he couldn't get cold as a titan, he sure as hell felt soaked to the bone.

Wiping some of his hair out of his face, Eren looked around, but with the twilight forest and heavy rain, he couldn't see much. His friends zipped up into the trees, though Eren saw that they moved a bit more cautiously than usual. Rain made everything slick and tree bark could become as slippery as wet soap. Eren had once broken a leg that way, because he had been swinging full force through the forest at home during a rainstorm. When he had tried to land on a tree, his leg had slipped and he had fallen onto the branch at a bad angle, getting the leg beneath him and breaking it in the process, before he had plummeted to the ground and broken two ribs upon impact.

"Let's stick closer together," Mikasa decided. "Visibility is too bad."

His friends marked the trees as they moved, so they'd find the way back to camp in all the rain and heavy wind. They had gotten lost before and had only found their camp again through sheer coincidence, a lesson they'd definitely learned from. Eren hoped they wouldn't find anything, it was the sort of weather no one should be wandering around in and all the woodland creatures had hunkered down long ago.

The scream, that was abruptly cut off, echoing through the trees, therefore, came as an absolute surprise. Startled, Eren jolted into motion, growling at his friends and hearing the hiss of their gear as they followed him. His exhaustion still pulled at him, but his racing heartbeat pushed it back for the moment.

The scene they happened upon, as Eren broke past the trees into a clearing, stopped him in his tracks for a second. He'd seen carnage before, back when he had gotten lost searching for the lake and happened upon Isabel and a second time, when he had saved Marco. But he had never happened upon the aftermath of a Titan attack, when everyone was already dead. When not a single soul was still left alive and aside from the rain, it was so weirdly _quiet_.

Strewn across the clearing were the bodies of at least ten riders and their horses. Dark puddles of blood mixed with rain colored the ground, red smears stretched across trees and lone limbs and pieces of gear were strewn about. Some torsos and mostly intact bodies remained as well, their empty eyes wide and staring up into the sky, expression frozen in horror even in death. Braced over them, were two Titans, with short limbs but big torsos and Eren saw one shoving a limp body between its teeth, while the other was chewing on a pair of legs.

Mikasa and Armin went zipping past him and Eren roared and charged. The Titans looked up, but didn't stop in their chewing, only once Eren was falling on one, with Mikasa and Armin attacking the other, did they spit out what was in their mouths. Eren grappled the first Titan to the ground, one hand grabbing its head, the other holding it down as much as he could, while its fingernails scrabbled against his arms, leaving bloody grooves. He sank his teeth into the neck, as deep as they could go, before he crunched down, muscle and tissue tearing beneath his bite and hot blood filling his mouth. With a gurgled snarl, he ripped the flesh out and the Titan went limp, slumping to the ground.

Spitting out the flesh and blood, Eren looked back at all the dead people. Slowly, he crouched over one and reached out, only to hesitate, his fingers hovering over the still body. What if any of them had been riders he knew? Armin landed beside his hand and swallowed hard, before reaching out, the expression on his ashen face was a mixture of heartbroken and horrified. He looked as though he might throw up.

"They were killed recently," Armin said, after slowly turning the dead soldier on his back. A young man with matted, black hair and he had one leg and part of his hip and side bitten out. Armin looked up, as Mikasa joined them. "What do we do?"

"We could bury them," Mikasa offered, glancing up at Eren. "You'd have to dig, we have no other tools and there will be a lot of roots in the way."

Of course, burying the dead was the sensible thing to do. Only...those people belonged to the survey corps. Who would tell their loved ones that they had died? Who would tell their superiors, their friends, what had happened to them? They weren't shifters or from one of the shifter villages, so it wasn't like Eren could carry them home. Should they really just bury them? No one in the city would ever truly know what had happened to them, if they did that.

Eren couldn't transform back, not yet, he wouldn't have the strength to create his titan body a second time, not without a long sleep and some food. He could, however, uphold his currently existing one just a little bit longer.

Trying to convey his worries about the dead ones, he lightly pinched a green cloak with wings between his fingers, lifting it. His friends stared at him, confused and soaked through, despite the thick cloaks they wore. Eren tried gesturing at all of them and then pointed in the direction he thought Maria might be in.

"We can't take them to Maria, Eren," Mikasa said and he shook his head, holding up the cloak with the wings again. It was darkened with blood and a bit ripped at one corner. His friends exchanged a look and Eren suddenly got an idea, almost smacking his free hand on his face. Right, he was such an idiot sometimes. He shuffled a step to the side, so he could write in the dirt. His friends watched attentively, as he wrote out his worries.

"We can bring them outside the forest, in case someone comes looking for them. The survey corps seem to split up into smaller groups, out here," Armin said, giving him a careful and worried look, as though he was trying to gauge if Eren had that much strength left. "But we won't be able to guard them, you need to rest." He carefully didn't look at the corpses, his voice growing quieter. "And if we don't bury them, the wildlife isn't going to leave them alone, once this weather blows over."

Eren hadn't thought of that. Still, trying to get the bodies home, was better than burying them right away. If they buried the riders, no one would ever know of their fate or where they were laid to rest. If no one showed up, they could always dig a grave the next day and lay to rest what hadn't been eaten by the animals.

Eren wrote out: 'let's try' and his friends helped him gather the bodies. After he had carefully picked up the mostly intact bodies and larger corpse pieces in one hand, he held out his cupped hands for his friends. Mikasa and Armin brought him whatever else they could find, from heads to stray legs and hands. Mikasa's face was stony and unmoving and Armin still looked ready to throw up. Eren made a concerned, worried noise, which still was rather growly.

Armin patted his thumb, leaving a bloody smear behind. His friend didn't try to smile and they finished the gruesome work as quickly as they could. With his hands full of the dead, Eren waited until his friends hopped onto his shoulders, before he straightened. Armin was the one to guide him out of the forest, while Mikasa kept jumping onto trees to mark them for their way back.

By the time they reached the edge of the forest, Eren knew he wouldn't be able to walk back as a titan, not if he didn't want to straight up pass out the second they reached camp. His breathing had grown heavier again and his sight was blurry now. He stepped past the trees and very carefully placed the dead on the grass.

Walking a few steps from the dead, he motioned at his friends, who were quick to leave their spots on his shoulders . It was almost a relief, to let go. Eren managed to pull half out of his titan form, the body already steaming and disintegrating, before he realized he didn't have the strength for the rest. Thankfully, Mikasa was there a moment later, hooking her arms beneath his and with a strong, long pull, she dragged him free.

"Are you okay?" she asked, her voice holding an undertone of worry. "Can you stand?"

His legs were shaking pretty badly. It had been a while, since Eren had pushed his limits to the point where dark spots were dancing in front of his eyes. His grip, when he tried to pull himself upright on Mikasa's shoulder, was weak and his hands trembled. Mikasa easily slipped under his arm and helped him stay upright. They shuffled away from the stifling steam that rose from his disintegrating titan form.

"There are riders." Armin's voice suddenly cut through the rain, pitched in alarm. Eren lifted his head, though his sight was still too blurry to see much past the haze of rain. "They're coming this way!"

Eren's knee buckled when he tried to move faster, to hurry and Mikasa's grip tightened, her fingers digging into his ribs uncomfortably, but she kept him upright. She started dragging him away, one hand letting go of the arm across her shoulders to reach for her gear and Armin was rushing towards them, but they were too late.

The riders emerged from the heavy rain like phantoms and Eren hadn't heard them until they came into view. He hadn't even heard the rattle of the cart two horses pulled along. Then again, his senses were a bit dulled right now, from his sight to his hearing and to his sense of smell, which didn't really pick up much of anything at the moment.

"Oh fuck!" someone shouted and he managed to straighten a bit. With a nauseating lurch, Eren realized that he would be no help at all, right now. At most, he was a burden, his free hand falling to the gear at his sides, but his fingers not properly gripping the handle he needed to move away quickly.

Mikasa shifted them a bit and Eren lifted his head, when she let him slip to the ground. She stood mostly in front of him now, one hand on his shoulder, the other hidden beneath her cloak and Eren caught a glimpse of her half drawn weapon. His heart was pounding and he tried desperately to figure out how to get them out of this, but couldn't come up with anything. His thoughts were starting to grow heavier.

"Shit, are you alright?" one of the riders asked, pulling up beside Armin. "What _happened_?" There was anguish and fear in their voice and the other riders quickly spread out around them, some already jumping off their horses to rush towards the bodies, crying out as they recognized them.

"Load our fallen onto the cart," a steadying voice joined the fray and Eren noticed the way the soldiers grew quieter, a bit more centered, and moved to obey the command. Eren tilted his head enough to look past Mikasa's protective hovering and saw a blond, well-built man with a slight beard. Or at least, he thought it was a beard, but he couldn't see well enough to be sure. "Keep watch for Titans and try to hurry, we need to get out of this weather and away from here."

As soon as the rest of the soldiers followed his command, the man turned towards them. "I'm Mike, Mike Zacharias." He nodded towards the half vanished body of Eren's titan form. "Did you kill that Titan? We noticed the steam and came to investigate."

They had probably thought that it had been their comrades, only to find them dead and Eren and his friends in their stead.

"We - yes." Armin sounded nervous, but was quick to straighten up, shifting to stand a bit more in front of them. "We happened upon it just now."

"I don't think I've seen you around before," Mike continued. He leaned forward in his saddle and met Eren's eyes, frowning. Eren felt Mikasa's grip on his shoulder tighten slightly. "Did any of you get injured? Your friend doesn't look alright."

"He got hit in the head," Armin answered and shuffled a step to the side, drawing Mike's attention away back to him. "I'm sorry, we, we were too late to help -" His voice broke and Eren tried to get up and help, somehow, do something, but Mikasa's grip ensured he went nowhere and stayed where she could guard him. He shot her a look, but her attention was entirely focused on Mike and the others.

"Did you see what happened to them? Why they're...in a pile like this?" Mike asked, before he frowned. "You don't look like you're with the survey corps, what are you doing out here?"

"We were with traders," Armin said and Eren was sure, only Mikasa and he could catch the tiny tremor in his voice, the way he sounded when he was forced to lie on the spot and come up with something believable quickly. "They, we ran into Titans and we were the only ones who made it. We've been out here for a week."

"Damn," Mike murmured under his breath. "You're coming with us, then. Don't worry, we're returning to Maria and if we push it, we'll make it back today."

Oh. Oh no. They couldn't. They weren't supposed to go into cities and they sure as fuck weren't supposed to be found by any survey corps. Eren pushed to his feet, giving Mikasa's arm a squeeze when she tried to silently get him to remain still and where she could cover him. However, as soon as he had gotten up, he pitched into her side, his legs too shaky to support him on their own. His gaze met Armin's briefly, his friend's eyes wide and even with his sight a little fuzzy, Eren could tell how panicked his friend was and that he struggled to hide it.

"Come on." Mike reached out a hand to Armin. "Let's get you to safety and your friend to a doctor."

Eren tried to come up with an excuse why they couldn't go. Why these people should leave them in the wild, where Titans could happen upon them at any moment. He met Armin's eyes again and saw the same sort of helpless conclusion he had come to. They couldn't say anything. Not without looking either like complete lunatics or making everyone suspicious. After all, in the eyes of the riders, who in their right mind would refuse protection and a way to return to a city? Eren suddenly understood, why their instructors and older hunters had been adamant about keeping a very generous distance to cities or, if they had to get close, why they shouldn't stay in that area longer than they had to.

Armin took Mike's hand and was pulled onto the horse behind the man, who waved two other riders closer, a man and woman respectively. Mikasa glared at the riders from beneath her hood, who jerked back in surprise.

"It's okay," Eren murmured at her, though he shared their worries and trepidation. "We'll be fine."

She glanced at him, before she grudgingly helped the man to pull Eren up onto the horse. He sat in front of the slim man with long fingers and who swallowed nervously, when Mikasa gave him one of her dark, warning looks.

"Do not let anything happen to him," she threatened quietly, but as unforgiving and unmovable as a brick wall. Then she ignored the hand the third rider held out to her and swung up onto the horse behind the woman.

The last of the body pieces were loaded onto the cart and Mike ordered the group to move again. Despite Eren's best efforts, he slumped back against the man holding him in the saddle, the rain quickly soaking him through, despite the cloak he was wearing. The wind simply kept blowing the wetness right into his face and against his front.

"How's he doing?" Mike's voice drew Eren's attention and he noticed that he had drifted off despite himself, when he had to force his eyes open again. His hands felt icy from the rain, his body heavy and aching. Tilting his head, he managed to catch Armin's gaze, who looked worried.

"He's out of it." The man behind Eren answered. "And I haven't noticed him bleeding from anywhere. With luck, only his head got hurt."

Only, Eren's head was fine, he was just completely drained. Not quite unconscious, but close to it. They were riding fast and the clouded sky had grown darker above them. Eren moved his hand to tangle in the mane of the horse and he pushed himself to try and remain awake, at least a bit longer. Time still slipped him by, the sky growing darker and darker and before he knew it, he heard Mike shouting for them to prepare to get into Maria quickly.

"Fire the flare," Mike commanded over the rain.

"Isn't it too wet to be fired?" One of the soldiers shouted back.

"It's a new model from Hanji, they said it should be fine even in this kind of weather," Mike answered and a moment later, a bright green light got fired in the sky. Eren tracked it with his eyes, until it disappeared again.

Despite Eren wishing to see everything and not miss a moment, he slipped in and out of it and when he forced his eyes open again, they were inside the walls. There was so much stone and so many lights were lit. Buildings passed them by, as Mike led them through the streets at a brisk pace, but not too fast, so the horses wouldn't slip on the wet cobblestone. The wish to see everything warred with Eren's urge to tell his friends to get away, but both were swept away by his exhaustion.

"We're here," Mike said and everything drew to a stop. Eren heard the creaking of leather and boots hitting the ground. 

Mikasa was at his side a moment later and when the man at his back let him go, Eren readily tipped into her waiting arms, trusting her to hold up beneath his weight. She wouldn't let him fall and he felt better being close to his friends than surrounded by strangers. Strangers who'd most likely kill him the second they found out what he was. She kept one arm over her shoulders when she carefully set him on his feet and Armin slipped beneath Eren's free arm, offering more support.

"Quick, get him in," Mike said and issued more orders to his soldiers, gentle but firm, when he told them to take care of their fallen comrades, where to take them so they'd be readied for cremation and to get the horses to the stables.

"I'm going to explain your situation," Mike said, as he led them into a building, the drum of the rain stopping and growing muffled when a door fell closed. Eren could hear them dripping water onto the floor. "Here, head down the hallway to the door to the left and let the doc take a look at your friend. I'll find you as soon as I'm done with my report."

The doctor, when they stepped into his office, was a blond man with a calm face. Eren noticed that he wore a brace on his leg and limped heavily, when the man quickly joined them, telling his friends to put him onto the bed.

"He's exhausted and hit his head," Armin said. "But I think it's more the exhaustion that got him."

"Let me be the judge of that," the doctor said calmly, but with a reassuring undertone, upon seeing the anxious look on Armin's face. "I'm Farlan, by the way."

"Armin and they are Mikasa and Eren." Armin stepped out of the doctor's way but remained close. Mikasa hovered nearby, one hand beneath her cloak and most likely ready to draw a blade if necessary. They weren't safe here, Eren knew. As much as he had secretly hoped to get to see a city one day, he never wanted it to happen like this. And it should have never, ever, endangered his friends.

Gentle fingers slipped into his hair, carefully feeling along his head for any bumps or cuts. There was a focused furrow between Farlan's brows.

"Hm, it doesn't seem he's gotten hit hard." Farlan tipped his head up, watching his eyes and holding a lantern close. Eren resisted the urge to squint, the man was just checking his pupils, after all. "Pupil response is normal. Do you feel dizzy or nauseous? Any headaches?"

"No." Eren shook his head, his limbs feeling heavy and his body direly requesting sleep. He must look like it too.

It was only when Farlan limped a step to the side, to set down the lantern, that Eren suddenly connected the dots. He sat up with a start, his eyes wide. Farlan, Isabel had mentioned that name. The blond man from all those years ago! His eyes fell to Farlan's leg and the brace and Eren vaguely remembered how, back then, Farlan had dragged that leg behind him, when he had demanded Isabel back.

"Everything alright?" Farlan was quick to reach out steadying hands, the furrow between his brows deepening. "Do you need to throw up?"

"No, no, I'm fine." Eren forced out, feeling as though he had been hit by brick, on top of his exhaustion.

"He needs rest," Mikasa cut in, quiet and unyielding. 

Armin nodded, explaining further, "We've been traveling nonstop for days. Eren pushed himself the most, out of all of us and he hasn't eaten anything yet today."

"I see." Farlan took Eren's pulse for a moment and checked him over, before straightening. "It seems that he just needs rest. Still, he should stay the night in one of the beds, just to be sure. Would one of you stay with him?"

"We'll both stay with him," Armin said and they helped Eren up of the bed. Farlan walked ahead, to a smaller room next door. There were two, empty beds in it, along with bedside tables and two chairs. Everything was clean and well cared for. Eren found himself eased onto a bed, once his friends had helped him out of his gear.

"Rest," Mikasa murmured, after Farlan left with the instructions to come get him immediately, if anything changed. "We won't let anything happen to you."

"We'll figure it out," Armin promised, but he couldn't quite hide that he felt anxious.

Eren fell asleep, with Mikasa pulling the two chairs closer and Armin hovering by his head, smoothing down the blanket around his shoulders.

When Eren woke up again, he felt heavy and his joints stiff, the same way they always felt, if he laid still for too long. Blearily opening his eyes, he noticed Armin asleep at the foot of his bed, sitting in the chair, but his upper body slumped onto the mattress. Mikasa was asleep in her seat, her head tipped at a slightly uncomfortable angle, but Eren could tell that both his friends would wake the moment he sat up or anything happened. It was a fighter's rest.

Moving his head, he saw sunlight spilling into the room. There was a man in the second bed now, heavily bandaged, but he was breathing steadily. Glancing back at the window, Eren thought he saw something through the white curtains, but he wasn't sure. Might have looked like a building.

The next second he sat up sharply, startling his friend's awake, with Armin jumping to his feet and Mikasa already reaching out to Eren with one hand, her other one falling to the gear she still wore, ready to defend or attack. Both of them were still in their gear, while Eren's leaned beside the bed. Oh no. They were in a city. They were in Maria. Excitement warred with dread and he lifted his head to stare at his friends, his eyes wide.

"Oh, fuck." The words escaped on a whisper and his heart raced in his chest, as he stared at his friends. "What do we _do_?"


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter fought me quite a bit and I'm not sure how well it turned out in the end, but I hope I managed to write it well enough! I hope you have fun reading!

"The survey corps commander has questions for us," Mikasa murmured, after casting a quick glance to the injured guy in the other bed. The wounded soldier seemed deeply asleep, but she kept her voice low just in case.

Armin nodded. "Mike agreed to wait until you woke up, Eren, but they'll ask where we're from, who we are and what traders we've been with." He rubbed a hand over his face, grimacing. "It was the only thing that came to my mind. Traders are the only ones aside from the survey corps, who brave the world beyond the walls. But that lie isn't going to hold up, once they get into contact with the other cities, to check which traders didn't come back and if there are any families of ours they can inform that we're still alive."

"But your lie should be believable until then," Mikasa said. "Do they have a reason to mistrust us?"

"Only if we look guilty of something," Armin murmured. "I haven't heard of anyone else leaving the cities. Smugglers usually stay within the walls or pay traders to take their goods along. We should say we were with the Mitobe Brothers, they're the biggest trading company that I know of and have plenty of business between the cities. As long as they believe us, we should be fine. "

"I'm sorry," Eren said, running his hand through his hair. "This is my fault."

Mikasa gave him a look. "It isn't. None of us are at fault for what happened." She glanced at Armin. "Your quick thinking bought us time. We now have to figure out how to get out of here."

"Right, right," Eren mumbled and fidgeted with the blanket across his lap. He glanced up at his friends. "You grew up in cities, right? What do you remember?"

"Not all that much," Armin admitted. "My grandpa was a farmer and until, until those human traffickers showed up, I only went into the city a handful of times."

"I lived at the outskirts too," Mikasa said, a slight furrow between her brows. "I don't remember much, either."

"But you know more than I do," Eren said. "I know nothing about what life inside the city is like. Do you think you can answer any questions, see if you can buy us more time? Or should we try to run now?"

Before either of them could answer, there was a brief knock at the door. Farlan stepped in a moment later, with Mike following him. The doctor looked pleasantly surprised to see them all awake and he gave Eren a smile.

"It's good to see you up, I was getting worried. How are you feeling?" he asked as he walked over, with Mike closing the door gently and waiting unobtrusively. Eren felt frozen in place, his heartbeat picking up. "Any headaches? Nausea? Does anything feel off? Any pain?"

"Just stiff joints," Eren answered after a moment. "But I always feel like that, when I sleep that long."

Farlan's brows furrowed slightly. "Does that happen often? You slept over a day."

"Uh, no," Eren admitted and couldn't resist glancing back at Mike and his calm, unreadable face. "I try not to get that exhausted, usually."

"Hm." Farlan eyed him, before he gave a small nod. "Let's give you one last examination and if nothing comes up, Mike can take you to speak with the commander."

It was probably the first time in his life, that Eren wanted an examination to last forever. However, it was over within a few minutes and Farlan let him go with a clean bill of health, though he reminded Eren to eat and drink as soon as possible. He cast a stern glance Mike's way at those words, reminding him to tell the commander to keep the questioning brief, if possible. 

Mike gave him a nod and turned to Eren and his friends. "Please, leave your gear here."

They visibly hesitated, before Armin reached for his buckles and began to take his gear off. Eren had to give Mikasa half pleading, half urging look, for her to do the same. They'd be fine, as long as none of them messed up with the lying. Eren just had to keep reminding himself of that. No one knew he was a shifter. There wasn't even a reason not to believe Armin's story. People weren't insane enough to venture beyond the walls just for shits and giggles and especially not without further backup.

Mike waited patiently until they were done. "Alright, follow me, please."

"What do we do?" Eren whispered as they filed out of the room and Armin swallowed, before straightening.

"Leave it to me," his friend whispered back.

"Everything alright?" Mike asked, casting a glance over his shoulder back at them.

"Yes, sir," Armin answered quickly. "Just checking in with Eren."

Mike hummed, giving them a look Eren couldn't quite decipher. He was more than aware that without the urgency of more Titans and terrible weather, there was time now. Time for Mike to really look at them, to pick apart what they said and notice if anything sounded off. He felt as though his heart was trying to beat its way straight out of his chest.

Mike opened a door at the end of the hallway and stepped out into a courtyard. Eren felt his mouth drop open, as he looked around. They must still be in the outskirts of Maria, since he couldn't remember Mike taking them far into the city, but Eren had never seen so many buildings at once. The houses were only to the left, though, and Eren heard a faint neighing to the right. That must be where the survey corps horses were. 

Everything looked different. The houses were all rather built closely together, doubtlessly forming a huge net of alleyways and little corners. The blue sky stretched above them, with some thick, white clouds lazily drifting about, the storm and heavy rain long gone. No matter where Eren looked, though, he always saw the massive walls surrounding and protecting Maria.

Armin bumped into his side, giving him a warning look. Eren quickly closed his mouth and forced himself to stop gawking and staring around, as if he'd never seen a city before. It was hard, he wanted to look at _everything_.

Mike led them across the courtyard, greeting a few other soldiers along the way. All of them wore jackets with the survey corps wings on the back.

"Where are we?" The question escaped him before he could stop himself.

"Oh, I thought your friends had caught you up, you're in the survey corps headquarters of Maria," Mike answered. "I'm bringing you to the commander, he has a few questions for you."

Eren swallowed the dozen other questions that clamored in his mind and kept his gaze pinned to Mike's back, to avoid staring at everything again. He suddenly felt grossly out of place, like he was too awkward or too different, as if every wrong move would cause something to break around him.

Mike led them into another building and Eren couldn't help but glance around the hallway, taking in the long carpet beneath his feet and the architecture around him. Nothing at home looked like this. At least, not to Eren's knowledge. Mike stopped in front of a door and knocked. He was told to enter and Mike pushed the door open.

"Commander Erwin, I'm bringing the survivors we found outside the walls," Mike said, stepping aside and gesturing for Eren and his friends to enter.

The room beyond the door was an office, with a dark wooden desk and the walls were lined with filled bookshelves. There were two chairs in front of the desk, with one more standing at the side of the room. Behind the desk sat a blond man with broad shoulder and a serious expression. And behind him, leaning against the large window, was none other than Levi. Eren felt like he might throw up with nerves. Or have a heart attack. Should he fake being ill, so they'd be brought back to Farlan? Or would only he get sent back, with his friends remaining here?

"It's good to see you up, please, take a seat," Erwin said, gesturing at the chairs in front of his desk. "I'm Erwin Smith, commander of the survey corps. And this is Levi Ackermann, captain of the special operations squad."

"Hello." Armin was the first to speak and Eren firmly reminded himself to do his best and stay calm. "I'm Armin Arlert and these are my friends, Eren Jaeger and Mikasa Ackerman."

Eren stiffly took a seat, trying his hardest to neither stare too much at Erwin or Levi, nor let them out of his sight entirely. It ended with him kind of focusing on the middle-distance and stealing quick glances at the faces of both men. Armin sat beside him, while Mike brought over the third chair for Mikasa.

"Mike said he found you beyond the walls, on your own," Erwin said, interlacing his fingers on his desk. Eren's mouth felt dust dry. "You said you were traders?"

"We were with traders," Armin corrected gently. "We were hired for protection. We're no soldiers, but we've been protecting traders a few times before." He paused and Eren briefly wondered if Armin struggled with keeping from fidgeting as well. "But this time, when the Titans attacked and we fought, it wasn't enough."

"How did you survive?" Erwin asked.

"We were close to a forest and we managed to get up in the trees. We waited until night fell." Armin's voice sounded slightly shaky, if sincere and where others might hear that he felt guilt and shame, Eren only heard the tremor of lies. If Armin got really emotional, his voice started to crack, too. Eren hoped no one noticed the lies, but then again, these people didn't know them, they had no way of knowing Armin's tells. At least, Eren thought so.

Armin swallowed and continued, "Everyone else was dead and once the Titans stopped moving, we ran. We've been traveling at night and hiding during the day for a week and when that storm broke out, we thought that Titans had a harder time spotting us. We were trying to find our way back to a city or, if we were very lucky, to meet a squad of the survey corps."

"Did you see what had happened to our soldiers?" Levi asked and Eren couldn't help but glance at him. He met steel-grey eyes, sharp and attentive as always, but without the murderous, threatening edge he had experienced as a titan. It was still rather intimidating.

"There was a Titan," Armin spoke up and cast a glance at Eren.

Eren swallowed and opened his mouth, "The soldiers were already dead, when we arrived. I'm sorry, we couldn't help them." There was a genuine ache in his voice. The whole reason why Eren had decided to become a hunter, was so that Titans wouldn't kill and eat people anymore. And he had liked helping. That he had been too late, this time, ached. "The Titan was moving them into a pile. I think it wanted to shove them into its mouth all at once."

It left a bit of a bitter taste in his mouth to say that. He had carried those bodies, after all, had tried to get them somewhere they could be found and taken home, but the lie had to be believable, so he came up with some kind of explanation for the pile of corpses, that made some sort of sense.

Erwin nodded. "An abnormal, then. Which city are you from? We'll send a message, to let your superiors and family know you survived. Which traders were you accompanying?"

"We were with some wagons from the Mitobe Brothers and we came from Rose," Armin answered. Rose was a good distance away, it would take a messenger a week just to get there. Maybe that was long enough for Eren and his friends to book it out of here.

Levi tilted his head slightly. "You said you're no soldiers, how did you get your gear?"

Eren swallowed and glanced at Armin, who seemed to have an answer prepared, or at least, he looked like he did.

"It was the only gear we could pay for," Armin answered. "There are some places that rent old gear out to freelancers, as long as someone vouches for them and it's returned on time."

Levi didn't say anything else, aside from a short, quiet hum. Eren hoped that Armin was right about old gear being rented out, instead of lying through his teeth, at least with this one thing. Eren was very well aware that their gear was outdated, it was a good ten years old, as far as he knew. However, it worked well and did its job and there wasn't really anything newer at the shifter villages anyway. 

There hadn't been any other usable gear brought back in recent times, despite the best efforts of the hunters. Everything that had been collected from corpses in the past few years had been far too wrecked to salvage, or to reverse engineer. It wasn't like the cities sold their gear to outsiders either. Eren knew the traders of the shifter villages had tried for ages to buy equipment directly from the cities, instead of having to pilfer dented and broken stuff from the dead, but they had always been rebuffed so far.

He was more than aware that Armin was constructing a truly well-made lie and Eren hoped to the heavens that he wouldn't end up confusing any details later, if anyone asked him to retell the story again. Armin had done a terrific job of lying so far and they just needed for the commander and Levi to believe them, at least a little. They just needed a few more days, to figure out how to escape from the city. They just needed some _time_.

"Where were the traders going to go?" Erwin asked and Eren couldn't help but look at him and Levi again. Levi's eyes were still on them, steady and sharp and not threatening or dangerous. Well, no, it would be more correct to say that the man gave off the air of someone who could get very dangerous, but, right now, he seemed calm. Eren resisted the urge to fidget nervously and realized that beneath his slightly tousled hair, his neck was getting damp with cold sweat.

"To Trost," Armin said. "The Titans attacked two days after we left Rose, there were too many of them and we couldn't fend them all off."

Eren was suddenly deeply glad that he had left the talking to Armin. He wouldn't have come up with half of those lies, never mind managed to keep spinning them in a way that made sense.

"Have you been part of a military branch, before becoming help for hire?" Erwin asked. Eren couldn't read his face at all and his blue eyes weren't giving anything away either. It was the same with Levi, whose face was entirely inscrutable. Was that just normal for them? Or was it because they doubted Armin's tale? Or was Eren himself too nervous right now to pick up on subtler cues?

"No," Armin said after a moment. It probably was the best choice to be truthful here, they couldn't possibly fake their way through that, too. Eren couldn't even say what other branches of the military there were, he only knew of the survey corps.

He felt utterly useless and far more scared than he wanted to admit. What would happen, if these two didn't believe them? Would they get locked away? Something worse? The only thing Eren was certain of, was that they would never suspect him of being a titan. They didn't even know that shifters existed. 

He just had to stay calm and try not to give anything away. Eren was keenly aware of Levi standing in front of the window and Mike behind them by the door. Running was out of the question and would only cause more trouble than it was worth. They wouldn't even know where to hide in the city, if they managed to get away in the first place. Levi might not have his gear on, but Eren didn't doubt for a second that the man was formidable, even without extra equipment. 

"Who taught you to fight Titans?" Levi asked. 

"Some soldiers taught us, if we bought them drinks," Armin answered and Eren tried his best to look like he knew what his friend was talking about. "They taught us how to use old gear that we rented."

At this, Erwin frowned slightly. "You have no formal training?"

No training they could admit to. Their instructors were at home, after all, and they'd all skin Eren alive, if they ever caught wind of this.

"Not officially, no," Armin answered and Eren nodded, to at least look like he was agreeing with what his friend said, instead of sitting there like some human doll. "This wasn't our first job at escorting traders and we've gotten into contact with Titans before. Just, not that many at once."

"Hm." Erwin eyed them a moment longer, before he sat back in his chair and his face seemed somewhat friendlier than before. "Well, you're safe here, for now. We're going to send a messenger bird to Rose, to inform them of what happened."

Eren felt as though he was reeling a bit, at the sudden end of the questioning and he couldn't help but stare at the commander in surprise. His heart was still beating too fast. They were going to send a bird? Shit, he had no idea how fast birds could fly and how much time they would have before Erwin received an answer from Rose.

"Is there somewhere we can stay?" Armin asked. "We don't know anyone in the city and all our things got left behind in the attack."

Erwin hummed and smiled and Eren couldn't help but think that he'd never seen a smile that said absolutely _nothing_. "You can stay in the barracks for tonight, I only ask that you give up your gear."

"Thank you." Armin dipped his head and Eren quickly copied him. Things seemed to have gone alright? They weren't getting arrested and neither were they going to be put out on their asses in the streets. Was it safe to assume Erwin had believed their story? Would they be put under observation? And how should they escape without their gear? 

A sudden thought hit him, reckless and maybe stupid, but they had to try and book it before the messenger bird came back. Eren lifted his head, ready to try and throw his friends and himself into an even riskier situation, if it meant they got out of Maria in time.

"Uh, sir, is there a chance we could join the survey corps?" he asked and got the brief impression that he had taken Erwin and Levi by surprise. 

Both focused on him now and Eren resisted the urge to swallow and instead sat up straight and didn't look away. The survey corps were their best ticket out of the city. Eren had no idea how traders worked in Maria, if there would be any more trips before winter. He didn't want to be stuck here for months, assuming they weren't getting arrested for their lies and he had no idea if they could just scale the walls willy-nilly and jump down the other side. If they would get their gear back at all, after handing it over. Well, they'd probably never see their gear again, once their lies were exposed, even if they somehow would avoid getting arrested.

"You do not want to return to Rose?" Erwin asked, one eyebrow raised just a bit.

"No, sir," Eren answered and ended up looking at Levi rather than at Erwin. "There is nothing for us in Rose. And after everything we've seen out there, please, let us fight the Titans!"

It was easy to speak with all the conviction and determination he had and he was vaguely aware that he ended up sounding far more intense than he had intended. Removing Titans was what he had dedicated his life to, what he'd do until he was either killed or the last Titan was gone. There was a brief expression flitting through Levi's eyes, too fast for Eren to catch, before it was gone again. 

Looking the man in the eye always felt intense, for some reason. Even now, but Eren wanted this and this was important. Erwin looked considering, before shifting in his seat to glance back at Levi, one eyebrow raised questioningly.

"What do your friends think?" Levi asked.

"We will join as well, if you'll have us," Armin said, steady and certain. Eren felt a fierce appreciation for them welling up inside of him. Even after getting them into this mess, they were willing to go along with this, definitely reckless, plan and stand by his side. He owed them, like, two bars of chocolate. Or something equally nice and hard to come by.

"We're going with Eren," Mikasa added, face cool, but the tone of her voice was unshakeable.

Levi leveled them with a heavy, hard look. Whatever he saw on their faces seemed to be enough for him to give Erwin a curt shrug.

"We could always use more soldiers," Levi said. "If they can pass the test, they'd at least have previous experience with fighting Titans, compared to other recruits."

Erwin turned back to them and this time, his smile seemed a bit more real and less politely formal. "You'll partake in a test for tomorrow, then, if you don't have injuries to recover from. You can demonstrate your skills with the 3DMG and if you're good enough, we'll find a spot among the soldiers for you." Erwin turned more serious. "Be sure you don't want to return to Rose, though, transferring you afterward you sign up is going to be nearly impossible."

Eren resisted the urge to exhale with a bit of relief. If they could snag a spot among the survey corps and join a trip beyond the walls, they could get conveniently lost. Just disappear and head home. He certainly wanted to get them back out of the city, before the messenger bird returned and their bullshit story would collapse spectacularly around them.

"Thank you," Armin said and Eren quickly dipped into a grateful bow while sitting. "We're going to do our best not to disappoint."

"Of course." Erwin still smiled at them a moment longer and glanced past them to give Mike a more serious nod. "Get them situated, and report to me afterwards."

"Understood, commander," Mike answered and when Erwin looked back at them expectantly, it took all of Eren's self-control to not jolt out of his seat and rush out of the room. His body still felt stiff and he stood up once Armin rose to his feet.

They followed Mike out of the room, who didn't say much, past asking them to come with him. They headed back through the courtyard and this time, Eren had an easier time not staring at everything. Not because he wasn't curious anymore, but because he was trying to calm his heartbeat back down. Mike brought them to a side-building, which apparently held nothing but bed- and bathrooms and a mess hall.

"You can stay here, Eren, Armin," Mike said, motioning at one door, before nodding to the other. "Mikasa, you can sleep here. Don't worry about your gear, I'll have it picked up from Farlan and taken care of."

"Thank you," Eren said and resisted the urge to ask what would happen to their gear. He didn't want to mess anything up now that they had escaped Erwin. "For saving us, out there."

"Of course," Mike tilted his head. "Humanity has to stick together against Titans, after all. Rest up, lunch will be in an hour. If you need anything, there should always be someone around who can help you."

Nodding, they watched as Mike turned around and slipped into their rooms. While Eren and Armin waited until Mike was gone, Eren noticed that the room held a pair bunk beds, two of which were clearly already claimed, but no one else was currently in the room. A moment later, Mikasa slipped into the room with them, closing the door carefully.

"Do you think they believed us?" Eren asked, sitting down heavily on the bottom bunk of the unused beds. Erwin and Levi had been impossible to read and Mike hadn't given anything away either.

Armin swallowed, his lips pressing together, before he glanced at Eren. "I think we didn't give them a reason not to believe us. We wouldn't gain anything by lying ourselves into the survey corps, they're not the guards of the king, nor are they rich, from what I know. And even if we were criminals, we would have sooner disappeared into the underbelly of the city, instead of sticking around soldiers."

Armin paused, chewing on his bottom lip, before taking a deep breath. "I think, we're okay, for now. People don't run around the wild on their own and traders get attacked all the time. Our story is sound. We just have to gone before the bird returns and they find out we lied about everything."

Eren rubbed his hands against his face, sitting still for a moment, before he leaned back. "Thank you, for going along with me, when I got us signed up for that test tomorrow. I was thinking, if we get to join the survey corps, we can escape that way."

"I thought as much and it's not a bad plan. It should, at the very least, give us access to gear and gas, in case we have to run," Armin said and sat down beside him, while Mikasa sat on Eren's other side. A shivery laugh escaped Armin, as he brushed his bangs back from his forehead, wiping sweat away. "I thought I was going to get us arrested."

"You saved us in there," Eren said, as firmly as he could. "Thanks to you, we have a chance to figure out what to do."

Mikasa frowned slightly, glancing out the window. "We should try to scour the city after lunch, if they let us go."

They wouldn't get to escape, not without their gear, but they could at least get a bit of an overview of the city. Maybe figure out a few spots where they could hide, if they really had to run. Despite everything, Eren started to feel a bit excited at the prospect of getting to see the city.

~*~

Eren was certain that he was staring like an absolute moron. He was vaguely aware of Mikasa taking him by the wrist and leading him along, before he could draw attention with how he had just stopped walking and started gawking. 

He swiveled his head, trying to take in as much as he possibly could. There were so many buildings and they were all big. Most houses back in the villages were one story tall, two if people were particularly well off, like Eren's parents. Some hunters s even shared a house with others, because they were home so rarely and needed nothing more than a room with a bed. 

Eren stared at the stone houses, the wooden structures, the cobbled streets, the lanterns evenly spaced along the roads. Mikasa led him through an alley and when they emerged on the other side, they seemed to have found a market place. There were _so many_ people. 

For the first time in his life, Eren felt like he could get lost among humanity and never be found again. Mikasa's grip on his wrist tightened slightly and she kept glancing towards Armin, making sure he was still there. Eren reached out with his free hand, fingers snagging Armin's jacket, when he was hit by the sudden fear, that not he was going to get swallowed up by this city, but his friend.

While Mikasa and Armin stared and looked around as well, they didn't do it quite as much as Eren did. Maybe it was because they remembered enough from before getting kidnapped and not everything felt new and strange, or maybe because being here brought forth more of their early childhood memories. Eren was honestly too busy craning his neck and trying to look at every shop and cart, to ask them if this was how cities always were.

"Close your mouth, Eren," Armin said and there was mirth in his voice. Eren looked at his friend and he didn't know what his face looked like, but Armin's expression softened and he smiled. "It's rather overwhelming, isn't it? Hey, Mikasa, is there a place where we can see the most of Maria?" Armin asked and Mikasa looked up, scanning their surroundings. Eren did the same and a bit further away, he saw something like a tower rising above the roofs.

"What about that?" he asked, nodding at it.

"No, that's a church. If we climb that, we're only going to get arrested," Armin said and Eren blinked. A church? Oh, right, he had heard about that before, but right now, he honestly couldn't remember much about the religions or believes of the cities. He did file away the knowledge that churches were not to be climbed.

"Excuse me," Armin slipped out of Eren's grip and approached one of the vendors. "We've been wondering, what would be the best spot to see as much of the city as possible? We came here with some traders and we'd like to see Maria in her entirety as much as we can."

The man looked briefly disappointed that they didn't buy anything, but he readily gave Armin some directions.

"Thank you!" Eren shouted to the man, when they dove back into the sea of people. With his friends leading the way, Eren allowed himself to gawk some more without the worry of getting lost. 

He wasn't sure how long they were on the streets, but he kept stopping frequently, looking through the windows of a shop or at statues and even a fountain or two. There were a lot of different smells too, and a few times he found himself trying to follow one, his friends allowing a quick detour, until they found a bakery or a tavern serving food. Eren noted very difference between Maria and the village he had grown up in. Everything in here seemed so much bigger. So much more.

Right up until they climbed a long set of stairs and then stepped onto a bridge that rose over a wide, deep river, like the hulking back of a giant. His mouth dropped open and he stopped in his tracks. The sun was starting to sink, bathing the city in golden light and casting sharp shadows. The city seemed to stretch before him and it would have seemed close to endless, if not for the massive walls and Eren felt struck speechless with awe.

"I forgot what a sight cities can be," Armin murmured, sounding a bit awed himself. "I think my grandpa took me to a place like this, once."

Mikasa leaned against the railing of the bridge, a breeze picking up and ruffling their hair. Eren felt like he could spend a year here and still he wouldn't have seen everything, wouldn't have discovered every alleyway and nook and cranny. Only the walls, so damn huge and imposing, didn't let him forget the ugly truth of everything. It was a sobering thought, that the people here were only locked behind these walls because some shifters, Eren's people, had been stupid, cruel jackasses once upon a time.

Between the walls and the city was a broad strip of fields and forests, most likely to ensure the city could keep itself fed. The only part where no fields and grass grew, was right at the entrance to the city. The survey corps headquarters were rather close to the gate and Eren thought he could spot the building from where they were, but he wasn't entirely sure.

"It's beautiful," Eren found himself whispering. The city was a different kind of beauty, compared to massive forests and large grasslands, to watching the moon and stars reflected in a still lake and to seeing wild herds of horses galloping freely. Maria was a beauty made entirely by human hands, by their creative minds, their unbroken will to flourish despite everything else. Never, not once in all his daydreams and ponderings, had Eren imagined a city to look like this.

"Are all cities like this?" he asked, glancing at his friends. Armin leaned against the railing as well, looking thoughtful.

"I heard that Mitras is supposed to be gorgeous. It's the city of royalty and the capital of the king, so that's where most of the money is. I heard there are halls made of marble, lined with gold. Of a golden roof that shines like the sun itself."

That sounded amazing, too. Eren couldn't even imagine it, or how much gold would have been necessary to build something like that. If it was true in the first place, people did like to exaggerate, especially if they hadn't seen something with their own eyes before.

Looking down at the river, he was hit by a sudden thought. "Do you think we can get out of here using the river?"

"I don't know," Armin said and glanced at the sky."But we should head back, before it gets too late and we make people suspicious of us."

They headed down the bridge again, only for Mikasa to ask them to wait a moment. There were a few boats tied to the side of the large river walls and she walked up to a captain, conversing a few minutes. When she returned, she slightly shook her head.

"There are grates below the walls, where the river flows in and out of the city. They're there to keep the small Titans from being dragged in and plugging up the water flow and to keep people from smuggling anything out of the city that way."

Well, there went one possible escape plan, but at least they knew now.

They managed to make it back to the survey corps barracks just in time for dinner. Lunch had been interesting enough, but people hadn't paid them much mind, with half the hall empty, the soldiers either out training or taking care of other tasks and some were still out on an expedition. Now, though, there were a lot more people. Whoever hadn't been around in the afternoon, certainly was there now.

Eren and his friends managed to snag a table and some food and Eren was glad that not everyone was dressed in full survey corps uniform. There were enough soldiers in normal every-day clothes, that they didn't stand out like sore thumbs.

"Oh, are you new here?" a familiar voice said and Eren looked up in surprise, to see Marco stopping beside their table, food and drink in hand. He gave them a friendly smile. "I'm Marco Bott, welcome to the survey corps. Mind if I take a seat?"

"No, no, sit down!" Eren quickly motioned at the free seats and tried not to stare at Marco. He hadn't met the other guy outside of being a titan and was surprised to see that he was rather tall and surprisingly sturdy looking. Then again, being a titan seriously warped how people looked to him. Even Armin and Mikasa sometimes looked smaller than they actually were. "I'm Eren."

"I'm Armin," Armin joined in with a smile and while he must have recognized Marco, he didn't give anything away. "And this is our friend, Mikasa."

"Nice to meet you," Marco said. "What brought you to the survey corps? Oh, do you mind if Jean sits with us?"

"No, not at all," Eren said, just in time to see the other guy striding towards them. Jean didn't look angry this time, not even tense or worried. Which, well, made sense. There was no danger here. Jean did give Marco a curious look, who merely smiled warmly and Jean sat down across from him.

"Yo," Jean said simply. "I don't think I've seen you around before."

"We're new," Armin said. "We hope to join the survey corps here in Maria. We're supposed to have a trial run tomorrow."

Jean hummed in understanding. "I'm Jean Kirstein, by the way."

Eren and his friends introduced themselves again and for a few minutes, any conversation stopped, while they ate. Eren felt a mixture of awkward and curious. He hadn't thought he would ever get the chance to talk with Marco and Jean and especially outside of his titan form. At the same time, Eren was more than painfully aware that he understood nothing about city life and he feared to give himself away or looking like a complete fool, if he asked them any of the questions that burned in him.

"Do you want any tips for tomorrow?" Marco asked. "Or do you think you're prepared enough?"

"What should we expect?" Eren asked. Would it be different from the exams back home? He wondered where they were supposed to show off their skills. In the city? Or the outskirts? Maybe in one of the forests inside the walls?

Marco hummed for a moment. "They're going to set up mockup titans, in the farming area of the city, to avoid any possible property damage. You'll have to show off your skills and how good your are with your gear."

"You're most likely expected to take down the dummies in a certain timeframe," Jean added, eating the last bite of his meat, before pushing his plate a bit aside. Eren had noticed that the guy had pretty good table manners, especially compared to some other soldiers around them. "The rest is your technique." Jean eyed them. "Say, you're not from Maria, are you? We would have seen you around during training before, otherwise."

"Yeah," Armin said, rubbing the back of his head in a sheepish manner. Eren tried not to choke on the last bite of his bread. He knew it was only normal, that people would ask them where they were from, but he really hoped they would stop soon. It made him nervous. "We're from Rose, we, well, it's a long story, but we were hired by some traders and there was a Titan attack. The survey corps found us and brought us here."

Marco winced, his grip tightening around his fork for a moment. "I'm sorry that happened." There was a moment of awkward silence, before he cleared his throat. "But you're safe here."

To Eren, it sounded like Marco said it half to himself as well and he tried not to shrink into his seat a bit. While Eren knew it wasn't his fault, he felt weirdly guilty for a moment, remembering what had happened to Marco. How close to death he had been and how injured he had been.

Jean's face had darkened slightly and he kept a close eye on Marco, shifting in his seat, moving a leg and Marco jolted slightly a moment later. Jean had probably prodded him with his foot beneath the table.

Marco gave them a smile, but it looked a bit paler than before. "Anyway, I'm sure you'll do fine."

"Any additional tips?" Eren asked, hoping to distract from the previous, heavier topic.

"Don't suck, I guess," Jean said, getting a slightly reproachful look from Marco and Eren couldn't help but roll his eyes. It broke the tension on the table, though, with Armin smiling to himself and Marco sighing in fond exasperation at his friend.

"I'm sure Jean meant to say, that you don't have to worry," Marco said.

"Mhm, sure," Jean answered sarcastically, but a smile was tugging at the corners of his mouth, while he grabbed his mug. "That's absolutely what I meant."

"We'll be fine," Armin said reassuringly. "Right?"

"Yes." Mikasa's tone allowed for no arguments and Eren couldn't help but chuckle at her and her unshakable confidence. 

Yeah, the test was currently the least of their worries.

~*~

The test was decidedly _not_ the least of their worries. When they had gotten up in the early morning, someone had fetched them for Levi, who had taken them out to the farms and to one of the forests inside the walls. 

They hadn't gotten their old gear back, instead, they had been given the new models. The shiny, new models that Eren had absolutely no idea how to use. Well, no, that wasn't quite right. The basic functions seemed to still be the same, at least he hoped so, but there were extra bits and triggers now and he honestly couldn't tell what they would do. Propel him faster? Help him if anything jammed? He wished he could ask without sounding like an idiot.

"Is there a problem?" Levi's voice cut through his thoughts. Erwin wasn't there with them, but Mike had accompanied Levi, along with two other people, who had introduced themselves as Petra and Erd.

"I, uh, never used new gear, none of us did," Eren admitted after a moment, deciding that sounding like a moron might be smarter than smacking straight into a tree, because he had underestimated what the gear could do. "What does this trigger do?"

Levi looked at him a moment longer, before he sighed and stepped closer, giving a nod to Erd and Petra. To Eren's surprise, he got a brisk, slightly brusque, but easy to understand explanation for everything, while Petra and Erd explained the gear to Armin and Mikasa as well. Levi side-eyed him, once he was done.

"Think you get it?" The man asked and Eren nodded quickly. "Alright." Levi turned to the others. "Rules are simple, kill the dummies as fast and efficiently as you can. Show us you know what you're doing."

They got into a starting position and Eren eyed the wooden mockups, with the fleshy looking necks. Was that real flesh? Or some other material? Eren doubted it was real flesh, that would be far too wasteful and would start drawing flies like nothing else. Mike glanced at them and gave the signal to start.

Eren pressed the triggers at the handles of the gear and found himself flying through the air, eyes wide in surprise. The gear was faster than their old one and not only that, it was a _dream_ to use. He could take such tight turns now! There were hooks to pull himself _backwards_. A wide smile spread across his face before he could stop himself and for a second, Eren dearly wished he could just go for a race through the trees with his friends.

The test was far less intimidating, once he got used to the fast, beautifully smooth responses of the gear and what crazy mid-air maneuvers it allowed him to do, which had always been limited and a bit hard with the old gear. The blades cut just as sharply as his old ones and Eren flung himself through the air, keeping constant tabs of where Armin and Mikasa were. One of the first lessons they had had during their training at home, aside from how the gear worked, had been to not crash into their own comrades.

Eren wasn't sure if their time was good or not, but he had to viciously bite down on a grin when he was finally done and landed in front of Levi and the others again. He was just barely out of breath and his blood was singing with how much unexpected fun this had been. Eren was sure that he still looked pretty ecstatic, despite his best efforts at composure. Mikasa had finished a second or two before him, no surprise there, and Armin landed a moment after Eren did.

"This gear is amazing," Eren said, unable to swallow his happy awe entirely. He reeled himself in the next second, clearing his throat. "How'd we do?"

Levi's face gave absolutely nothing away, neither did Mike's. Petra however, had a tiny smile in the corners of her mouth and Erd looked curious.

"Not bad," Levi said after a moment. "Still sure you want to join the survey corps?"

"Yes," Eren answered without a pause and maybe a bit too fiercely. Levi held his gaze a moment longer and then glanced at Mikasa and Armin. He quirked a questioning brow.

"Our decision hasn't changed," Armin said, as steady and certain as yesterday. Mikasa gave a curt nod, standing tall and unafraid.

There was a beat of silence and Eren tried not to let it get to him, to keep himself from sweating with nerves or to look away and start fidgeting. At last, Levi gave them a curt nod.

"Mike will take care of you." With those words, Levi turned around and walked away, Petra and Erd falling in behind him. Eren fixed his stare on Mike. 

"Did we pass?" Eren asked and Mike gave them a small smile.

"Yes, you did well. Come on, I'll get you situated. You'll have to fill out the same forms as the other recruits and we'll see about preparing you for your first trip." His face turned serious. "It's going to be different to escorting traders. Be ready for that, there is nothing but danger ahead and our mortality rate is high."

Eren nodded and tried not to show how damned relieved he was. They were a step closer to returning home. Now, they only had to get put on a mission before the messenger bird returned. That should be possible, right?

~*~

As Eren and his friends picked up their lunch, they looked around the tables and Eren spotted Marco, who waved them over with a smile the second their eyes met.

"How'd it go?" Marco asked, as soon as they took a seat at the table. Jean was with him, along with two people Eren hadn't met yet. A young woman with reddish-brown hair, who was busy shoving a piece of bread into her mouth as far as it would go and a smaller guy with a buzzcut. "Oh, please meet Sasha and Connie. Guys, meet Eren, Mikasa and Armin. They're new."

Connie gave them a wave, while Sasha paused just long enough in devouring her food, to give them a curt nod, before she tore into another piece of her bread. Eren had never seen someone eat as though they had had to live days without food. If everyone at the table hadn't been so relaxed about it, he would have felt tempted to offer her his bread as well, worried that something had happened to make her so ravenous.

"So?" Marco asked, leaning forward with a smile. "Did you pass?"

"Yeah, we did," Eren answered and found himself grinning, while Marco's face lit up.

"Congratulations! Welcome to the survey corps", he said and Jean smirked at them.

"I see my advice worked," he said and Eren snorted.

"Your advice was shit," he said, but the grin was still on his face.

They dug into their food afterwards and Marco was willing to answer any questions they had about what working for the survey corps meant. Jean pitched in at times, his comments a mixture of thoughtfully helpful and sarcastic side-remarks. Connie shooed Sasha away from his food, when she was done with hers and tried to pilfer some of his.

"Some of our friends are out on an expedition right now," Marco said, after they ran out of questions and they were done eating. "I'll introduce them to you once they're back. Do you want a tour of the place?"

Since Mike's tour had more or less just consisted of showing them their rooms and telling them where the bathroom was, Eren and his friends nodded. 

"I'll go with you," Jean said, finishing the last dredges of his drink. "I don't have anything else to do right now anyway."

Marco gave them a far more useful tour of the headquarters. Aside from the barracks, there was the medical wing and the massive stables with the horses and pastures beyond the buildings. There were the offices of the high ranking soldiers and Marco gave them a quick run-down of who to approach if they had any trouble. 

The only area kind-of off limits was Hanji's lab in the cellar, and mostly just because one never knew what they were experimenting on this time and the regular soldiers didn't bother with going there, unless they were tasked with delivering something. Eren wondered what Hanji would be like, if he met them when he wasn't a titan. He probably wouldn't find out, though, considering that he planned on booking it out of here with his friends at the first chance they got.

"Just be sure to keep everything clean," Marco said, once he showed them the supplies closets and washing rooms. "Captain Levi is a stickler for hygiene and it doesn't matter if you're from his squad or not, he'll let you clean everything from top to bottom and twice over, until he's satisfied with it. And never let him catch you slacking off."

"Only if he's here, anyway," Jean tacked on, leaning against the doorframe. "His special operations squad and he are out on expeditions a lot."

"We have one day in the week off, if we're not out on expeditions," Marco continued, leading them back into the hallway. "Aside from that, if you've taken care of all your chores and duties for the day, you're welcome to spend the evening out in the city. We don't do that much, since the mess hall provides us with free food, but a number of soldiers like spending their free time elsewhere."

"That's one of the reasons why people join the military," Jean added, shoving his hands into the pockets of his pants. "It's dangerous work, but it keeps people fed and housed. Only the best are accepted in the military police brigade, though. They're the ones guarding important people and if you're a really special case, you even get recruited to Mitras. The rest usually choose the garrison, to guard the city and keep the Titans from bugging the walls too much. And whoever is left and crazy enough, joins the survey corps."

"We can show you around the city on our next day off, if you want," Marco offered. "It must be strange, being somewhere new. What are other cities like? We get to go beyond the walls, but we don't really travel to other cities."

Eren glanced at Armin, hoping he'd know what to say, or how to lie their way through that conversation too. He felt bad, putting his friend through all that stress, but he didn't know what else to do either. Eren resolved that, as soon as they were back home, he'd buy Armin a dozen books or nudge him off to the hot springs or something. Hot springs were relaxing, right? Eren had never been particularly interested in them, but Ymir enjoyed them quite a bit.

"Rose is not that different," Armin answered. "But maybe, that's because home always feels normal and not very exciting. And thank you, we'd appreciate a tour, we went out yesterday for a bit and I was worried we'd get lost."

"Yes, that's very kind of you," Eren tacked on, doing his best to be polite. Marco was very nice to them so far and Jean wasn't bad company either. A bit rough around the edges, maybe, but he didn't seem to be a bad guy.

"You're welcome," Marco gave them a smile. The clopping of hooves drew their attention and they looked out of the window to see a group of worn and rather beaten soldiers arrive. Both Marco's and Jean's faces shifted, a mixture of relief and worry, though Jean was a bit more subtle about it. Marco turned to them. "Looks like our friends are back. Come on, I'll introduce you to them."

~*~

Eren laid on his back, staring at the bunk above him, where Armin slept. He found it hard to fall asleep tonight. Not just because of everything that had happened, but also because the bed was unfamiliar and everything smelled different and the sounds were strange. Living in a city was far noisier than he had expected.

Across the room slept two recently returned soldiers. Eren had to admit that he had forgotten their names and he had only met them when he had returned to the room for sleep and had found them flopping onto the mattresses, worn out and exhausted from their expedition.

With a sigh, Eren sat up and wondered what he was supposed to do. Lying still wasn't working and no matter what he tried to think about, he always ended up making plans upon plans of ways they might escape the city. Thanks to Marco, who had explained the garrison a bit more over dinner, Eren now knew that there were always guards up on the walls. Every hour of the day, in case something happened or they needed to draw Titans away from the entrance gate, so the survey corps could get out or in unhindered. Climbing the walls to escape was therefore the last thing they should attempt. 

Dragging a hand through his hair, Eren hoped they would get to leave soon. He had no idea how fast birds could travel, how long they needed to rest or if the messenger bird was going to get switched out for a new one for the return answer. Either way, it was only a matter of days, before an answer arrived.

Getting to his feet, Eren peered at the top bunk and found Armin asleep, slightly curled up and with the blankets almost pulled over his nose. It reminded Eren of when they had been kids, and Armin had slept in his room in the very beginning, because of the nightmares. Mikasa had joined them most nights and they had made blanket nests on the floor and had even dragged Eren's mattress off the bed and half beneath his desk, so they could built a blanket fort. 

Eren had promised to watch over them and Armin had always fallen asleep like this. Slightly curled up and with only a bit of his head peeking out from his covers. Eren, despite his best efforts, had usually fallen asleep shortly afterwards and sometimes Mikasa had been the one sitting up and watching all night and sometimes she had fallen asleep along with them.

God, his mother would be worried sick, if they didn't come home soon.

Deciding to get a bit of fresh air without waking anyone, Eren slipped out of the room and stepped into the dark hallway. It was a rather cold tonight and he briefly ducked back into the room to grab his boots. Pulling them on, he wandered down the hall with quiet, slow steps, peering out the windows as he passed them by. The bits he could see from the city from here were still amazing and a part of Eren itched to go and explore it all.

Since he felt too awake, even after walking the hallway up and down twice, Eren decided to head down the stairs. It wasn't like he could get lost and it wasn't like he planned on leaving the headquarters. It should be fine.

He ended up walking towards the mess hall and noticed a faint light spilling from beneath the door. Opening it, thinking someone had forgotten to put out a lantern, he was surprised to see Levi and Hanji sitting at the end of one of the tables. Levi seemed to be drinking a cup of tea, holding it in a rather unique way and Hanji was waving their hands around, clearly in the middle of saying something. Both glanced over before Eren could leave again.

"Uh, sorry," he said, unsure if he should go or not. "I didn't mean to disturb you."

"Why the hell are you awake?" Levi asked, setting the cup down and frowning over at Eren. "It's the middle of the night."

Hanji's face suddenly brightened. "You're the one of the trio Mike picked up, right? By that forest a couple miles out of the gate?" they asked, getting to their feet and waving him over. After a moment of hesitation, Eren stepped into the mess hall and towards the table. "Did you see Huckleberry out there?"

Hanji was quick to describe Eren's titan form and Eren regretted getting up in the first place. This conversation could only bite him in the ass. Hanji looked hopeful, though, and Eren suddenly wondered, if maybe, he could put a good word in for himself. Maybe he could say that they had encountered Huckleberry and everything had been just fine.

"Uh, yeah, we saw him," he said after a moment and flinched back when Hanji nearly lunged for him in excitement. Only Levi snatching their belt and pulling them back into their chair, kept Eren from being grabbed.

"Sit your ass down," Levi said, glowering at Hanji. "Don't jump at recruits."

"How was he?" Hanji asked, while Levi leaned back in his seat, but they didn't try to get up again. "Did he look okay? I haven't seen him in weeks. Was he friendly towards you?"

Levi gave their legs a light kick beneath the table. "Let the guy answer, for fuck's sake." He shot a glare at Eren, who blinked in surprise. "And take a seat, if you're not going to leave, this is going to take a while."

Gingerly, Eren edged around the table and chose to sit beside Levi, across from Hanji. That seemed like the safer option, even if the other guy was rather intimidating. Eren noticed the side-eye Levi gave him, but the captain didn't say anything.

"Uh, he seemed, non-aggressive?" Eren answered Hanji's questions, trying to figure out how to word everything properly. "He killed a Titan that almost caught us and never made a move to grab us."

"Did he try to communicate?" Hanji asked, leaning their arms onto the table. Levi picked up his cup again and took a sip. It smelled like simple herbal tea.

"No," Eren decided to answer, keeping his behavior when shifted in mind. He hadn't really communicated with riders until Hanji had showed up. "Just stared at us until we were gone. Did you meet him before?"

Hanji launched into a detailed retelling of the meetings and while Eren had been there for all three of them, it was weirdly interesting to hear about them from someone else's point of view.

"I'm still figuring out just how smart Huckleberry really is," Hanji continued. "He certainly seems to get that we're people and he recognizes us. I think there might be more to him, but I can't say for sure until I've run a few more tests." They sighed, turning hopeful eyes to Levi. "Too bad we can't capture him and bring him here."

"That Titan's too fucking big," Levi said. "Forget it."

Eren really, really didn't know how to feel about this turn of the conversation, aside from very awkward and kind of weirded out. At least they weren't thinking about actively killing him. But, well, good to know that people had considered kidnapping him. Not that they would have been aware of the kidnapping part, since they thought he was just a Titan, if an odd one.

Levi tilted his head to look at him. "What I want to know is, why did you join us when you could have joined the survey corps in Rose just as well?"

Oh no. Eren had no idea how to answer that question, shit, he had to say something before the silence lasted too long! "The instructor there didn't like us."

"What?" Hanji frowned at him. "He didn't let you sign up?"

"Yes," Eren nodded, grasping for words and hoping to heaven and hell that he wasn't going to put his foot into his mouth. He had to actively remind himself, that no one here had reason to doubt their story. At least, not yet. "He had a grudge against my father and when we wanted to sign up, he wrote onto the papers that we're unfit for service."

Eren had heard a story like that from an older shifter once, where an instructor had to be switched out because he had refused a non-shifter to join training, because he hated their parents. Surely that was a thing that could happen in cities, too, right?

Levi scoffed, looking annoyed. "What a damn moron. Tell Erwin the man's name, he'll write to the guys in Rose. The least that idiot deserves, for refusing soldiers for a dumbass reason, is to get demoted to latrine duty for the rest of his life. I doubt Rose is better off than we are, soldiers are always needed."

"Alright, I will," Eren lied through his teeth. He would absolutely not do that, because he had no name to give in the first place. He was just relieved he had managed to say something without messing up.

"Has Huckleberry done anything else?" Eren asked Hanji after a moment, hoping to change the topic. "I know it's weird, but I think he was keeping us from being eaten."

Hanji brightened back up, smacking their palms against the table strong enough that Eren jolted in surprise.

"That's what I'm saying!" Hanji grinned at him. "He shows actual altruism, he's carried people to safety, has fought Titans for us, he _understands_ people when they give him enough time to grasp a concept. There's got to be more to him."

"Don't put stupid ideas into his head," Levi cut in. "Titan's aren't nice. Who knows what's wrong with this one, just because it hasn't attacked, doesn't mean it won't. Letting your guard down is just stupid."

Hanji pouted at him. "Come on, Levi, you said my theories have some merit."

"I said they're not complete garbage." Levi set the cup down and leveled a serious look at Eren, who instinctually sat up straighter. "I know you said you've been beyond the walls before, so I'm sure I don't have to explain to you how dangerous Titans are. If you head out there with other soldiers, don't think you'll find non-aggressive Titans. In all of history, there hasn't been a single Titan that helped humans."

"Until Huckleberry," Hanji cut in cheerfully. "He saved soldiers from being eaten." They glanced at Levi with a meaningful look. "He saved Isabel and Farlan."

"Which was the only reason I didn't cut it down where it stood," Levi said and Eren felt a brief shiver run down his spine. He had been that close to death? Well, fuck. "And why I went along with your attempts to communicate with it."

"Successful attempts!" Hanji declared victoriously. "I've already compiled a list of things I want to try the next time I see him."

Which would be a while, if Eren had any say in it. This whole stint was stressful enough, he didn't want to repeat it. Once they had escaped form Maria, it was probably for the best to keep their distance for a couple of months. 

This was also probably his cue to excuse himself. While Eren was still no closer to feeling sleepy, he knew it was too late to continue staying up. That, and he was rather worried to say something weird or something so wrong, Armin's carefully selected lies came crashing down on his head.

"Well, I should probably leave you to it," he tried to sound smooth and ended up sounding awkward instead, as he got to his feet.

To his surprise, Levi finished his tea in one last swallow, before he stood up as well and leveled a frown at Hanji. "You head to bed as well."

It was probably a weird thing to notice, especially since Eren hadn't really paid attention before with his nerves and everything new, but he was surprised to see that the top of Levi's head barely came up to his neck. The man had seemed larger than life every time he had seen him before. He also had a very strong back and shoulders. Actually, Levi in his entirety just looked strong in a way Eren had never seen with anyone else. Not even Reiner, who worked out the most among their friends, managed to give off this air of coiled, controlled power.

Levi tilted his head and Eren blinked, realizing he had stared. The captain narrowed his eyes and Eren quickly stepped back, resisting the urge to hold up his hand in a pacifying gesture and said, "Well, goodnight."

"Night!" Hanji merrily waved, as Eren stepped back further. Levi said nothing and turned back to Hanji, while Eren began to walk away. Behind him, he heard a brief scuffle and glancing over his shoulder, found Levi manhandling and prodding Hanji away to the opposite door, with an expression of someone long-suffering, who didn't expect anything to change anytime soon. It was kind of funny, Eren had to admit that.

Eren returned to the room he shared with Armin and the two other guys, feeling weirdly better than before. Slipping back beneath the covers, after taking off his shoes, Eren let go of a long exhale, sinking into the mattress.

"You okay?" Armin's lowered, sleep roughened voice surprised him and Eren found himself briefly smiling up at the top bunk, even if Armin couldn't see.

"Yeah, sorry to wake you," he whispered back. 

Armin didn't answer, but there was a rustling sound and Eren could imagine his friend burrowing back beneath the blanket. Rubbing his face with both hands and pushing his fingers into his hair, Eren wondered if talking to Hanji and Levi had been smart. Probably not, considering it had been his idea. Still, for how nerve-wracking it had been, it had been rather interesting. And kind of strangely fun. Just a little.

~*~

"You're my favorite person right now," Eren whispered, while Marco laughed, giving his shoulder a pat.

"Come on, you haven't even seen anything yet," he said.

With those words, Marco led them further into the museum. They had today off, six days after Eren and his friends had unwittingly found themselves stranded in Maria. They had spent the last days training with the other soldiers, preparing for the next expedition and learning the ropes around the headquarters. So far, everyone seemed satisfied with their performances. The even had gotten some praise, once they had gotten used entirely to the new gear. Eren honestly hoped that he wouldn't have to go back to using the old one.

Jean sauntered after them, looking a mixture of bored at their surroundings and amused at Eren's enthusiasm. Mikasa looked indifferent, but Armin's eyes had brightened and Eren shared a grin with his friend. It had been Marco's idea to come here, after Eren had mentioned how little he knew about the city's history. 

Eren had never seen paintings like in this building. They wandered through halls filled with history, seemingly from the first settlement within the walls all the way to today. Eren felt like he stopped in front of nearly every single painting or statue and just stared for a good moment. It was amazing.

"And these guys were the founders," Marco said, pointing at the biggest painting of them all. It reached almost from the floor to the ceiling. The king who had decreed for the walls to be built when Titans first showed up, was portrayed along with his family and their closest advisor. The advisor, according to the plaque, had been like a brother to the founder king.

Eren stared at the serious looking painting. The founder king stood tall, beardless and with wavy brown hair. His wife was a slight woman with intense, grey eyes and black hair. In front of them stood their son, a solemn looking little boy with dark hair and dark eyes. And beside them, a tall but slim man, with slicked back brown hair and green eyes. He had a surprisingly pretty face.

"Is this really how you want to spend your day off?" Jean asked. "I think the only thing more boring would be taking on extra cleaning duties."

"Just a few more minutes, Jean," Marco said with a smile. "They're having fun."

Jean huffed. "Yeah, fine."

"You know, you can just leave, I'm sure we‘ll manage without you," Eren said and Jean rolled his eyes at him.

"You should be thankful that Marco took you in the first place. Now go stare, your minutes are ticking."

Eren was tempted to flip him off, but followed Armin to the next painting instead, Mikasa trailing after them. She eyed everything they passed, but Eren could tell that she didn't find it particularly interesting. From the corner of his eye, he saw Marco lightly nudge his shoulder against Jean's, giving him a smile. Jean softened and sighed, before smiling back.

They ended up staying a few more minutes, though Jean didn't say anything. Afterwards, Marco and Jean took them on a tour through the streets, showing them the most important spots and which shops sold at a discount for soldiers, in case they wanted to buy anything. Eren did his hardest to pretend he had seen a city before and like he wasn't still taking all the sights in.

They returned to the headquarters in time for lunch, where Krista and Daz joined them at their table. Those two had returned from an expedition on the day Eren and his friends had passed the test to join the survey corps and they had been just as friendly as Marco in welcoming them. Sasha, to no one's surprise, was done with her food before the rest of them had eaten even half of theirs.

"Here," Krista said, handing Sasha her bread roll, making the other woman gasp.

"You're an angel," Sasha whispered, staring at Krista with shining eyes. "A true goddess."

The next second, she tore into the bread like a starving madwoman. Eren was still getting used to her table manners, but it was becoming rather amusing. He'd never seen someone eat as though the food might grow legs and run away at any second.

"When do you think we'll be sent out?" Eren asked between bites.

"Tomorrow, probably, I've overheard some squad leaders talking and they've been upping the training these past few days," Connie answered, nudging his bread away from Sasha's questing fingers, who had, somehow, already decimated what Krista had given her. "The commander usually tries to give the soldiers time to rest, before sending them out again. However, with winter approaching, my guess is, all the healthy ones will be sent out."

Marco nodded. "Once it starts to snow, fighting Titans gets way harder, especially since they aren't bothered by snow or the cold. Our superiors will try to squeeze as many expeditions in as they can."

"There will be an announcement over dinner," Jean said. "It's probably going to be a rough crowd tonight."

Tonight then. Tonight they'd find out if they would get to leave tomorrow with the others. Eren just barely resisted the urge to share an excited and nervous look with Armin and Mikasa. If they were lucky, they'd get out of here tomorrow. They'd get to go back home.

"Don't worry," Marco said, a kind, reassuring smile on his face. "Stick with your squad and listen to your squad leader and it should be fine."

Eren had to admit, that he'd end up missing these guys. They had been here just a few days, but it had been long enough that he really liked most of them. Even Jean, who could be a bit annoying at times, but seemed to be a good guy at his core. Eren was almost sad to just ditch them all, but the urge to go home was bigger. His mother had always been so worried something might happen to them, he really didn't want to scare her. Besides, if they stayed, their lies would come to light. It was for the best if they left.

"We'll be fine," Mikasa said calmly, glancing up when Sasha tried to reach across the table and the woman immediately snatched her hands back. Connie sighed heavily hand cut off half of his potato, dropping it onto her plate. Sasha lit up and Connie rolled his eyes at her with fond exasperation.

"You act like they're starving us here," Connie scolded her, flicking her lightly in the forehead. Sasha looked like she couldn't care less, swallowing the last bite of the potato. Connie grinned and leaned forward. "Hey, has anyone told you the story why Sasha is known as the potato girl?"

"Oh no, not that one!" Sasha groaned. "I thought people had forgotten about that!"

Laughing, Connie launched into a story from their training days and Eren found himself listening and laughing along with the others. It was nice, how everyone shared their stories with them, explained jokes and made them feel welcome. If circumstances had been different, Eren could see himself staying. He'd fight side by side with them, launching at Titans and watching each other's back. Under any other circumstances, he might have found a home here.

They were one of the last people to leave the mess hall, having sat together as everyone shared stories of their training days. Even Eren had pitched in with a story or two about his mishaps while learning to use the gear, carefully selected to not give anything about his home away.

When they walked out into the hallway with the big staircase, Eren stopped in his tracks, when he saw Levi walking up the stairs, with a limp Hanji thrown over one shoulder. Hanji's lab was downstairs, from what Marco had explained.

"Is everything alright?" His voice was worried and he jolted forward a step, wondering if Hanji needed help. Levi paused for a moment, glancing his way.

"Yes. Now mind your own business." With those simple words, Levi walked past them, as though he wasn't carrying a grown person over one shoulder, like a sack of potatoes, and disappeared through another door.

"Oh, I guess no one informed you," Sasha said. "Captain Levi regularly knocks squad captain Hanji out and, uh, throws them into a bath."

"What?" For once, Eren didn't ask, but Armin, sounding as baffled as Eren felt.

Connie chuckled. "Yeah, apparently, Hanji forgets to bathe and refuses to be distracted from their research. So, yeah. We're all pretty used to it at this point."

"They're very good friends," Krista said with a smile.

"You should get used to it," Jean added. "Most people here are headcases."

"That's not very nice, Jean," Krista scolded, though Eren noticed that she didn't refute him either. Jean merely shrugged.

They spent the rest of the day together, maintaining their assigned equipment and getting ready for the possibility of being sent out.

Dinner was, indeed, a rowdy crowd. It seemed like every soldier, who currently wasn't recovering in the medical wing, was present for dinner. The mess hall was chock full and the only reason Eren and his friends weren't hard pressed to find a seat, was because Marco and Krista had kept some free for them. Their table was rather crowded, though, with everyone bumping elbows and it was far louder than previous nights. It was kind of overwhelming. Eren had never eaten at such close quarters with so many people at once. Only festivals at home brought so many folks together, but there was a lot more space and it wasn't quite as loud.

Just as they were done with dinner and Sasha had managed to steal a whole bread roll from an unsuspecting soldier, who had talked with his friends, Erwin stepped into the room. Levi and Hanji were at his side and the mess hall fell quiet, while everyone craned their necks to look at their commander.

"Tomorrow, I want everyone who hasn't returned from an expedition in the last two days, to get ready to ride out," Erwin's voice was calm and steady and carried easily. "We will start our 62nd expedition beyond the walls at seven in the morning. Get your gear and horses ready in time and follow the command of your squad leaders."

"How do we know which squad we're with?" Eren whispered and to his surprise, Jean leaned over.

"There will be a list pinned at the blackboard. Some squad captains also approach the soldiers beforehand, talking them through what their jobs are going to be."

Erwin tacked a small speech on, about the importance of humanity not only exterminating Titans, but also ensuring they explored the surrounding lands, for hopeful expansions in the future.

"Expansions have never worked," Jean said, once the commander had left again and the mess hall descended back into chatter. "There are numerous ruins from past attempts, but people at most manage to build a building, before they're hopelessly overrun by Titans and have to give up."

"We have to try something, though," Marco said, his face solemn. "Maria is on the verge of overpopulation and at this rate, we'll soon have to rely on other cities trading more food with us. Expansion is the only way forward."

"That or people getting killed off," Connie said with a grimace. "I was what Trost did, a couple of years ago. They were hit by a famine and even with the aid of other cities, there wasn't enough food to keep the whole city fed. The major made the decision to get rid of people in marked districts, so the rest would survive. He called it the Mercy Massacre."

"He was executed for that decision," Sasha added, her hands curling into fists. "But that was only afterwards."

Eren couldn't help but stare at them, horrified. That had happened? He had never known people suffered like this inside the walls, faced struggles like this. It made his life back home in the shifter lands look laughably easy in comparison. There was never worry about food, in the villages. They had enough land to keep themselves fed and even if a famine hit, everyone got together and shared resources. But of course, it wasn't that easy for the cities.

Heavy silence reigned, until Krista leaned forward and captured their attention. "Shall we go see which squads we're with?"

"Hopefully the same as usual," Jean said, though he got up and along with him, everyone else rose to their feet. "The commander tries to keep soldiers in squads that work well together."

Outside the mess hall, they had to wait a bit and shuffle their way forward to the blackboard. There were a bunch of other soldiers also looking at the lists and they talked amongst each other.

"Oh, you're with us," Marco said with a smile, when he had reached the list before Eren and his friends. Eren managed to duck around a smaller soldier and finally could read the names as well.

Marco was right. Eren and his friends were in a ten-man squad under Mike, along with Marco, Jean, Connie, Sasha and Krista. The last name on the list was unfamiliar to him. Eren felt restlessness rising within him. Tomorrow, they'd go beyond the wall. All they needed, was a chance to get away.

"How long are you usually on expeditions?" Eren asked.

"If nothing happens, a few days. We'll get filled in on the route tomorrow morning and we'll stick to it, unless too many Titans attack us and force us to retreat," Marco answered.

"We should try and get enough rest," Connie said, once they shuffled their way back out of the crowd. "We won't get to sleep much out in the field, I'm heading off to bed early. Night guys."

"Me too." Sasha fell in with Connie. "Night everyone!"

"Goodnight," Eren answered and while he felt too much anticipation for the next day, getting as enough sleep as possible was probably not a bad idea.

They splintered off into small groups and headed up to their rooms. Eren exchanged a look with his friends and saw the same determination he felt reflected back at him. They'd finally get out of Maria. Once they were past the walls, all that was left, was to slip away and book it. They should be able to do that. Maybe the first night, even. They'd wait until everyone was asleep and they'd sneak past the guys keeping watch and disappear into the dark.

They'd be gone before the messenger bird came back from Rose. They'd hurry back home and tell just a teensy tiny lie about getting lost or getting injured and needing longer to return. It wasn't unusual, hunters sometimes were delayed by a multitude of things and Eren and his friends would return to their lives as if nothing had happened. No one at home had to know they had ended up in the city. Everything would be fine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As a little fun-fact side note: Levi knocking Hanji out to bathe them is actually canon. It's been mentioned in an interview and I found it too funny to pass up on.  
> Thank you for reading this far!


	5. Chapter 5

Eren made a quiet, soothing noise at his horse, the mare was restless and he felt her keep shifting from foot to foot. Eren had to work on keeping her from just walking forward, either into the next horse or squeezing past them until he ended up beside Erwin. Or she might fidget too much and bump into the big, horse pulled cart to his right.

The soldiers had about five of those carts for the expedition, one was laden with medical supplies and food, along with extra gas and blades for their gear. The other carts had nothing but building materials on them. Erwin had another attempt at creating an outpost planned and they had all gathered in front of Maria's gate, while they waited for the guards to open it.

"Gates open in thirty seconds!" One of the garrison soldiers shouted, his voice carrying well, so everyone heard him. Eren tightened his grip on the reins. "Get ready to leave at once!"

Eren spotted Levi and Hanji a few horses ahead of him and just behind Erwin. Hanji looked more than excited and Levi as calm and unshakable as always. Mike was at Hanji's right side and Eren would have to stick with him and follow his commands on this expedition. Levi had Isabel at his left side and she was ruffling the mane of her horse and laughed at something he had said.

A light tap at his shoulder got Eren to glance back and he saw Krista, leaning towards him as much as she could and offering a hair tie between her fingers.

"I thought you might want one," she said, giving him a smile. "So your hair doesn't get tangled or obscures your vision."

"Thank you." Eren accepted it gratefully. He hadn't gotten around to picking any hair ties or even ribbons up and in all the excitement, had honestly forgotten to look for a piece of string this morning too. He quickly tied his hair up as well as he could, feeling over it for a moment for any missed strands. "How do I look?"

"A bit crooked, but fine," she told him. 

Before either of them could say anything else, the gate started to rise with a deep grinding noise, slow and heavy, like the movements of a behemoth. The gate itself was far, far thicker than Eren had anticipated.

"Forward!" Erwin shouted, the moment the gate was up far enough to allow them through. The horses jolted into motion and Eren's mare galloped forward with barely a nudge of his heels. He had learned horseback riding during training, of course, but he hadn't been in the saddle since graduating as a hunter. He'd forgotten how much fun it could be.

They tore out of the gate and suddenly, the land stretched before him, green and wide, with clouds drifting lazily across the sky and the trees of the distant forests changing colors, as they wore the coat of autumn. The sun had just risen and the air was still cold, his breath misting in front of his face. It would get warmer in an hour or two, but autumn had unmistakably settled and it would grow only colder from here on out.

No Titans were in sight, the garrison had killed the unmoving ones that had lingered by the gate during the night and had lured away whichever Titans had shown up with the rise of the sun. Eren couldn't resist but breathe in deep, a feeling of freedom flooding back into his bones and he didn't bother with reining in his mare, just let her run, as long as she didn't overtake Mike. Finally, they were out of the city.

Hanji pulled ahead of Erwin with a whoop, while Erwin tried to call them back. Behind them, the gate closed again, a heavy and strangely final sound, that startled Eren out of his joy. He glanced back and noticed how most people looked pensive and alert, instead of happy to be out of the walls. Suddenly, he couldn't help but think of all the dead soldiers he had seen before. How many of these guys wouldn't make it back this time?

No, he couldn't think like that. Especially because it would make him hesitate when it was time to leave. They _couldn't_ stay. There was no way it would go well, not with their lies, not with who Eren was and not with people at home waiting for their return. If they stayed away too long, they would be proclaimed dead and he didn't want to do that to his mother and their friends.

Facing forward again, Eren kept an eye on their surroundings, while Erwin had Hanji wrangled back into position and led them onward. The plan of the survey corps, as Mike had explained that morning, was to head to a previously built outpost, one that was still mostly intact. They were going to fix it, rebuild the broken parts and create a defensive wall against Titans. The wall would have to be made of wood at first, there was no way they could transport that much stone, nor would the city hand out that amount of resources. But if it worked, if they managed to hold the outpost and not be overrun by Titans, they would finally have taken a first real step towards expanding Maria. They'd be the first city to expand since the walls had been created.

To Eren's surprise, the squads didn't split up. As a titan, he had always met smaller groups of soldiers, but this time, everyone stayed together. Erwin led them at a fast pace, with their horses steadily running along. There were two Titans in the far distance, but they didn't seem to notice them.

"It's unusually quiet," Jean remarked, his horse keeping pace with Eren's. Jean kept a sharp eye out and only one hand on the reins, the other resting by the handles of his gear, in case anything happened. "We're rarely this lucky."

"Let's not jinx it," Connie said from behind Jean and he mostly focused on their surroundings as well. "I'm taking any bit of luck we can get."

Their luck held, mostly, with only one Titan crossing their path. It was decimated by Levi so quickly, all Eren saw was a blur of motion, the flash of blades and the captain flying through the air, tiny in comparison to the Titan, but at the same time, far, far deadlier.

They reached the ruins of an outpost Eren hadn't seen before by midday. Maybe it was because the outpost was closer to Maria than he or other shifters ever went and the traders weren't one for exploring either. They stuck to their routes and didn't deviate, unless Titans forced them to.

The outpost looked like it had been almost finished at one point, before something had torn down part of the building. Abandoned building materials were strewn about and if Eren wasn't wrong, he could even see some broken blades glinting in the grass, half swallowed by the dirt.

They were quickly and neatly divided into two groups upon arrival. One of them, with Erwin leading them, would fan out and keep Titans away, with the other group unloading the carts and setting everything up. Levi's squad would ride out, with the sole purpose of hunting down Titans in the area as soon as they spotted them. Hanji, despite their pouting over not coming along, would be responsible for getting everything organized at the outpost and to start setting everything up to repair and finish the building.

Mike's squad was one of those staying by the outpost and while Krista took care of their horses with Sasha and two others, Eren and the other soldiers started cleaning up the area, so the carts could be unloaded. Hanji, meanwhile, checked the integrity of the still standing parts of the outpost. They returned with the good news, that the walls and ceiling seemed sound and they could sleep and eat inside.

"There's definitely enough space for us," Hanji said, before they started helping as well, directing a few people to sorting through the crushed walls, to see which stones were still usable.

Removing the rubble and debris was easy, if strenuous work. Once, Eren saw a thick plume of steam rising farther away and he couldn't help but feel a bit nervous and worried for the other soldiers. By the time the sun started to set, they had cleared the outpost far enough, that they could start reconstructing the broken walls tomorrow. Hanji had a tent set up to the side, with a foldable field table in it and on the table, were the plans for the outpost. Eren had caught only a glimpse of them, while Hanji had sorted through the papers, marking down which materials would be used for which parts of the building.

"How is the outpost going to help?" Eren asked over dinner. The soldiers had pulled back inside, thankfully not destroyed, canteen and rations had been handed out. There were no fires to be lit tonight, to keep from catching the attention of Titans before the sun was completely gone. Erwin and the others were on their way back as well and a handful of soldiers would keep watch at night.

"If we can get this outpost up and running, we can use it as a base," Marco explained. "We can set up another outpost more easily from here and if we can establish enough of them, if we can keep an area safe, builders from the city will be sent out and they can start expanding on the walls."

"Isn't that going to take forever?" Armin asked. "The walls are huge."

"There are some tools and machines to help with the work, but yes, it would take a while, two years at the very least." Marco sighed, rubbing a hand over his face. "But what choice do we have? Inside the city, everything is safe and Maria has been growing steadily over the last years. We need more land."

"Mitras is the only city without that problem," Jean said, his face twisting slightly with distaste. "The king and his court only keep selected people there, so they never have to worry about food running low or how to make more space for more families to live in."

Briefly, Eren thought that shifters would be able to help. They could do what they already did in the forest at home and keep a perimeter around the outpost, to fight off any Titans. The people here would be able to build their walls and expand with relative safety. Eren stared down at his hands, wishing for a moment that things were at least a little simpler. That shifters could reveal themselves, that he could help in more ways than one. However, it was a pipe dream and Eren was well aware of that. Not only would the villages not agree with him, there was also an incredibly high chance that the people of Maria would sooner kill him than let him help. Levi had put it rather succinctly after all: there were no nice Titans.

Maybe in the future, he could entertain the idea again. If he managed to earn more trust as a titan, if he managed to convince some more shifters at the villages to help him. Maybe then, they could do more than just hunt for Titans. Maybe then they could actively help the cities have better lives, too.

A bump against his shoulder drew him from his thoughts and Eren glanced up to see Mikasa look at him, a question in her eyes. He gave her a weak smile and saw the brief pinch of her eyebrows, before she exhaled and pressed their shoulders together again, remaining in contact. It helped relax him, a little, and soothed the sudden ache in his chest.

The world wasn't a fair place and Eren found himself reminded of that again and again.

~*~

Eren stared at the dark ceiling, listening very closely. Everyone seemed to be asleep, but he honestly couldn't tell for sure. He had never had Ymir's knack for knowing when someone was asleep or not, but he thought that the other soldiers must have nodded off by now. Sitting up carefully, Eren squinted in the dark, making out vague shapes around him, either stretched out or curled up in their sleeping bags. Mikasa and Armin moved a moment later, looking like vengeful shadows in the dark, as they rose to their feet.

Slowly, Eren eased to his feet as well. Picking his way over to the door with great care, Eren only barely avoided stepping on Jean and another guy, whose name he had, admittedly, forgotten. The weird haircut of the guy, however, was one of the strangest styles Eren had seen in recent years.

Eren exhaled softly, when he managed to reach the door without accidentally tripping or waking anyone and Mikasa and Armin joined him. Eren briefly listened to the calm breaths around him. His hand hovered over the door handle and he felt a fissure of unease spreading through him, making him hesitate. But, no, they had to go. His mom and their friends were waiting at home and the messenger bird would be back from Rose one of these days, so it wasn't like they could return to Maria anyway.

Opening the door just wide enough for them to fit through, Eren scooted out into the hallway. Mikasa was next and Armin last, who paused just long enough to grab their boots, which were lined up beside the door, along with the boots of the others. Eren eased the door closed again and took his boots from his friend. He slipped them on and kept a careful eye out for anyone else. The guards were outside, as far as he knew, since that was where everyone expected the danger to be. The squad leaders probably didn't think that anyone was dumb or suicidal enough to disappear into the night on their own. Not out here, where nothing but Titans would await them.

Eren made his way down the stairs, moving slowly enough that he made as little noise as possible. It was cold, the autumn chill far more pronounced with all that stone. His friends were behind him, keeping a step back, so they wouldn't run into him if he had to stop suddenly.

Following the stairs around a bend, Eren noticed a faint shine of light. Slowing down further, he peeked around the corner and bit back a curse. Levi was awake, sitting at the end of a rickety table. Across from Eren, at the other end of the room, was the door leading outside. Leaning forward a bit more, Eren saw that Levi wasn't alone. Hanji and Erwin sat with him and they had a dim lantern on the table. There was a door at the side, though Eren didn't know where it led. The windows were covered with thick cloth, to avoid any light to be seen from the outside. The chair creaked, as Levi leaned forward a bit, bracing one arm on the table.

"It's too damn quiet," Levi said, voice lowered and Eren just barely managed to hear him. "There should be more Titans."

"Don't jinx it," Erwin said dryly, though he frowned the next moment. "But I agree. We usually run into more of them."

"It's a disappointment, really," Hanji sighed and leaned heavily on the table. "There was only one around and I didn't even get to see it."

"Do you have any idea why there are so few Titans?" Erwin asked and Hanji straightened a bit. They looked unusually serious, as they thought about it.

"No, sadly enough," Hanji answered, still serious. "We might just be lucky this time."

"For now, at least," Levi murmured. "We could just as well wake up to ten Titans descending on us."

Erwin made a face. "Let's hope that won't happen." He sighed and stood up, his chair scraping over the ground. "I'll check in with the night guard and get some rest. Good night, you two."

Levi just nodded, while Hanji gave Erwin a smile. "Sleep well!" they said and Erwin smiled back, before ducking out of the room.

A long moment of silence descended and Eren wondered if they should sneak back to their room, so no one would spot them, or if they should risk it and wait. If Levi and Hanji left, they could get out. The only way out was through this room, after all and once they were out of the building, all that was left was to grab some gear and sneak past the night guard.

Suddenly, Hanji sat up straight, sucking in a sharp breath and smacking their palms onto the table. Eren startled, though Levi didn't. Hanji's eyes sparkled and they grinned wide and excited. Levi glanced at them and Eren saw how he raised an eyebrow. 

"What if," Hanji started, voice deliberately slower, but filled with barely leashed excitement. "We manage to lure Huckleberry here?"

Levi tilted his head slightly and Hanji was quick to elaborate, "Think about it, Levi. He hasn't hurt any of us, but he has killed other Titans. If we can lure him here, he could be extra protection!"

Eren felt himself shrink back a bit on instinct. Levi sighed. "Why do you think it's going to help us? Or even stay? We haven't seen that Titan in the last few weeks."

"Yeah, we'd have to find him first," Hanji mused, rubbing a hand over their chin, but they kept grinning. "But, what if it works, Levi? I know we can't capture him, but it's not too far from here to the forest. We could probably get him to come here."

"You just want to study it," Levi said and Hanji flapped a hand at him.

"Yes, of course, but that's not all. I mean it Levi, consider it, just for a moment. What if he can help us finish this outpost? We'd finally be successful in expanding!"

Hanji threw their arms wide, as though to emphasize their words. Levi's eyes narrowed slightly and he leaned back in his chair. To Eren's surprise, he really seemed to think on it.

"Isn't it worth a try?" Hanji wheedled and they leaned forward into his space as much as they could. Levi pressed a hand to their face and pushed them back into their seat.

"Run it by Erwin," Levi said after a moment of Hanji expectantly waiting, looking like they just barely refrained from shifting restlessly in their seat. "And we're going to plan this, if he says yes."

With a loud noise of happy triumph, Hanji jumped to their feet, fist bumping the air. Levi gave their leg a light kick. From the looks of it, it must have felt like a nudge at most, since Hanji barely reacted to it, aside from grinning widely.

"Calm the hell down. If Erwin says no, we won't do it. And I mean it, Hanji, don't run off." Levi's voice lowered to a serious tone and Hanji visibly reeled themselves in, looking sheepish.

"I haven't done that in a while, Levi! But yes, I promise, no ventures without you or Moblit to nag at me."

Levi scoffed and nudged their leg with his foot again, before waving a hand at them. "Go to bed, you've been up and active for way too long."

"Alright, alright," Hanji said easily, smiling warmly and stepped back from the table. Eren felt a hand grab his arm and give an urgent tug, drawing him away and back up the stairs. "Night, Levi, sweet dreams!"

Eren hurried after his friends, doing his best to be quiet. They just barely managed to slip back into their room, while Hanji walked up the stairs. Everyone was still asleep. Calming his faster breathing, Eren listened intently. Hanji wandered past the door a moment later and Eren exhaled, rubbing a hand over his face.

"What now?" Armin whispered and Mikasa frowned at the door. "Should we wait until Levi goes to sleep?"

"If he stays up too long, we won't be able to travel far enough and when we have to stay, we'll be too tired tomorrow to fight well," Mikasa said, voice so quiet Eren just barely heard what she had said. She glanced at Eren, a question in her eyes and a fighting will in her stance. She'd probably agree immediately, should Eren suggest that they should try to knock out Levi to get past him. Only, Eren was rather certain they'd fail at doing that.

"Stay here," Eren decided after a moment. "Get some rest, I'll go see if Levi's going to bed soon. If he doesn't, I'm going to come back up. If he leaves, I'll come wake you."

"Don't watch longer than an hour," Mikasa murmured, briefly touching his arm, her eyes serious. "This whole thing is dangerous and you can't afford to be too tired."

Eren gave her a nod and waited until his friends headed for their sleeping bags, before he stepped back out into the hallway. Mikasa was right, being here was dangerous, not only because they had to get away, but also because of the Titans, which would get active again once the sun rose.

Sneaking down the stairs, Eren saw the same low glow of light as before. However, Levi wasn't at the table anymore. The lantern was still on, though, and Eren leaned forward a bit, frowning. Glancing around, he took a step away from the stairs. He had to find out if Levi had stepped outside for a moment or if he would be gone for longer. If it was the latter, that would be the chance they needed to get away.

Eren had walked fully into the room, when the door at the side opened and Levi walked through, holding a steaming cup of tea. His eyebrow rose slightly and Eren felt like a child, caught with his hand in the cookie jar.

"Why are you awake?" Levi asked, walking to the table with measured steps and he gently set the cup down. He eyed Eren for a moment. "There aren't any trouble, are there?"

Eren had no idea what his face looked like. His friends had teased him that he was always so openly emotional as a kid and he had gotten better at hiding his feelings over the years, but right now he was so caught off guard, he didn't know how much of his shock and nerves showed on his face.

"Uh, no, everything is fine, sir," he said and resisted the urge escape this situation by walking backwards, up the stairs all the way back to the room, like some lunatic, without saying anything else. "I just have a lot of restless thoughts."

Levi merely hummed and took a seat. Somehow, he managed to make the least amount of noise possible, while sitting back on the rickety chair. He picked up the cup of tea and gave him a look.

"Are you going to just stand there like a moron?" Levi asked and Eren opened his mouth, unsure what to say, when the man kicked a second chair out from beneath the table. "Sit down. No need to creep around just because you can't sleep. Or you can go join the night guard for a bit, I don't care."

"Thanks." Eren quickly sat down, before he ended up thrown out to stand guard as well. That wasn't his intention at all.

Sitting beside Levi, who took a careful sip of his - from the looks of it freshly brewed - tea, Eren interlaced his fingers to keep from fidgeting and forced himself not to jiggle his knees. Levi didn't say anything, he merely sipped his tea and Eren found himself calming down after a few minutes, when nothing else happened. It was really quiet, he couldn't hear anything from outside and he found himself watching the slight lowering and lifting of Levi's hand, whenever he moved the cup.

To Eren's surprise, he ended up getting unexpectedly sleepy. Maybe it was because the tension drained out of him and his exhaustion caught up to him, but he was certain he could walk up the stairs and fall asleep after lying down on his sleeping bag. When his eyes started to droop, he felt a sudden nudge against his calf. Glancing up, he found Levi already looking at him and realized the captain had prodded his leg with his boot.

"Go to sleep," Levi said. "You're no use to anyone, if you fall asleep here."

Eren leaned back in his seat, wincing slightly at the long, creaking groan the chair made. He was about to ask if Levi was going to get some rest as well, before he thought better of it. They didn't really know each other. Eren might have met him before as a titan, but they had maybe two conversations so far and Levi seemed like a private person. Or the type of person who might get irritated if Eren prodded too much.

"Thanks, for letting me stay," Eren said instead and noticed that Levi's tea was almost gone. "Good night, captain."

Levi didn't answer, but Eren noticed that he watched him get up and step away from the table, before he focused back on the opposite wall and finished his tea. Levi remained where he was, though, and it didn't look like he intended to leave anytime soon. There was no escaping tonight.

As Eren walked up the stairs, he hoped that Levi wasn't an insomniac or someone who notoriously slept very little. If the guy sat here every night, Eren and his friends would have to come up with a new plan. Or they'd have to run away during the day, even if that was so much more dangerous.

Stepping back into the room with the two sleeping squads, his among them, Eren felt his way back to his sleeping bag. He still felt tired and ready to sleep. Lying down, he pulled the sleeping bag closed around him and felt exhaustion pull him under, gently and insistently. His last thought was that Levi's company had been surprisingly nice.

~*~

Eren fidgeted with the reins of his horse, though only a tiny bit so he didn't bother his mare. He was part of the day guard, along with the others from Mike's squad. Levi and his squad had ridden out shortly after breakfast, to kill any Titans they found in the area, but they couldn't be everywhere at once and any Titans that approached had to be stopped by the day guard before they reached the outpost.

Nothing had happened so far and half a day had already passed. While Eren had spent a day or two without encountering Titans before while hunting, it felt wrong this close to Maria. It was normal to find very few Titans close to the shifter villages, but the farther they had gone from home, the more Titans they had encountered. Levi had been right last night, it was too quiet.

"Everything alright?" Marco asked, startling Eren out of his pensive thoughts. Marco nudged his horse closer to Eren's and his face was kind and a bit concerned. "You look worried."

"It's so quiet," Eren said and couldn't help but stare back out into the wild. There was a large meadow before them, with a forest right beside the outpost to their left. They would need the trees to create a wooden wall later on. If they managed to build the outpost to the point where they could add a wall. "It feels wrong, that nothing happens."

"I know what you mean," Marco said and reached out. His hand was callused and he gripped Eren's shoulder gently and reassuringly. "All of us are tense and alert. I don't think there was ever a single expedition without casualties or a battle. It makes sense that we only get tenser, the longer nothing happens."

While that was pretty sound logic, Eren just felt like there was more to it. Of course he was waiting for something to go wrong, he always expected to fight the second the left home. However, there was a bad feeling in the pit of his stomach and it just wouldn't go away.

"Be careful, alright?" Eren found himself asking, looking at Marco. He could still vividly recall the first time he had ever met the guy, bleeding and with broken bones. Marco had been so close to death and Eren really liked him, even more now, after having spoken with him. "Please."

"I will." Marco was serious and steady, giving his shoulder one last squeeze, before letting go. "You too."

Eren nodded and stared back at their surroundings, while Marco rode ahead a little bit. They had split up into pairs to spread out farther while they kept watch and further away, Mikasa and Sasha were riding together. Eren felt like he couldn't look away from their surroundings for too long, or something terrible would happen. The only reason he wasn't too worried about Levi and his squad, was because he honestly couldn't think of anything that Levi couldn't kill. Not with his speed and skill with the blades.

Eren felt a prickle at the back of his neck, his hairs suddenly standing up and he glanced back to the forest. For a second, Eren thought he saw nothing, but then he spotted the shape among the trees. It was tall and thin and moved steadily forward. Eren's eyes widened and he jerked his mare around, urging her into a sudden sprint. 

"Titan!" he shouted as loudly as he could, already reaching for his gear. Getting his feet out of the stirrups, he stood up in the saddle, his horse still running full speed and Eren threw himself forward with his gear. The Titan had stepped past the trees now. It looked strangely malnourished, eyes huge and sunken in. Everything about it looked as though it hadn't eaten in weeks.

Eren flung himself towards the Titan and saw more people doing the same, flying through the air, their blades glinting in the light. Eren noticed how the Titan tracked their movements with its eyes. While it wasn't strange that Titans looked at targets, they usually were more sluggish about it. This one quickly glanced from soldier to soldier, though its gaze was just as glazed over as those of all the other Titans. It took a step back and lifted its hands far faster than it should have.

Eren watched in horror, as one of the soldiers got snatched right out of the air and thrown into another one that had been about to attack. Both of them crashed to the ground, bouncing back up like ragdolls, the limbs of one bent weirdly and the other's back bending at a terribly wrong angle. Eren heard shouts behind him, but they didn't sound close enough.

Eren pushed himself further with the gas, his hooks sinking into the arm of the Titan and he pulled himself right up to it, going so fast the wind stung his eyes. The Titan stared straight at him and Eren barely avoided its other hand, as it tried to grab him. He released the hooks just in time to throw his weight around and sink the blades into the arm, cutting a large chunk of flesh out.

The Titan screeched. There was no other word for it. It didn't roar or scream, but released such a high-pitched screech, it hurt his ears. Eren quickly anchored himself in its flesh again, pulling swinging around and pulling forward. He attacked again, taking more chunks of flesh out. Its arm was nearly severed now and hung limp and steaming at its side, but Eren's blades had broken in that last attack. Eren ducked beneath the Titan's other hand just in time, as it tried to grab him and he discarded the broken blades. He was reaching for new ones, when he saw Connie and the soldier with the weird haircut from the corner of his eye. They zipped up, flinging themselves over the head of the Titan, blades at the ready and eyes on the exposed neck.

The Titan suddenly snapped its head back further than should be possible, its mouth opening frighteningly wide. Eren saw Connie redirecting and changing course just in time, but the other guy was right there and visibly panicking. Shouting a warning that he knew was too late, Eren squeezed the triggers as tight as they could go, flinging himself forward. The good hand of the Titan came up, still faster than should have been possible, considering its size, slamming the terrified guy straight into its wide open mouth.

For a second, Eren felt as though any air had been punched out of his lungs, the scream of the soldier ringing in his ears, the look of utter terror in his wide eyes burned in his mind. Eren moved without thinking, bridging the last smidgeon of distance between him and the Titan, his blades coming down on its hand. With another shrill scream, it wrenched the hand away from its mouth and Eren let himself drop, jamming one blade straight between its lower teeth to keep from falling into its gullet. The other guy was still there, thank fuck, but sliding to the back of the mouth. Eren reached out, snagging the guy's wrist at the last second. With a grunt, he managed to stop the soldier's slide downwards and the guy gripped him back tightly enough that Eren felt his bones grind.

Connie screamed something and Eren saw him move with a flash of blades from the corner of his eye and the Titan shrieked again, this time throwing its head forward. Eren used the momentum to pull with all his strength. With a wet sucking sound, the soldier slid free and was flung straight out of the mouth.

"Eren!" It was Connie again, zipping towards him, one blade at the ready and his other hand outstretched. "Jump!"

Eren was ready to push off the teeth, when the good hand of the Titan came up and slammed against him. Eren realized too late that he had no second blade ready to use in his defense, he had let go of the handle when he had grabbed the other guy. He found himself crushed onto a large tongue, the handle blade stuck between the Titan's teeth ripped from his grip and the jaws of the Titan slammed shut, throwing him into sudden, lightless darkness.

Sliding as the Titan began to swallow, Eren scrabbled around frantically and found himself jerking to a stop, half down the back of the Titan's throat, the tongue moving to try and get him to move. The blade he had jammed between the teeth! It was still stuck, keeping him from being devoured. Groping around hectically, Eren managed to find the cable with the second handle, dragging it towards him. The blade between the teeth wouldn't hold forever, it would break under too much pressure. 

His fingers found the second handle, slick with spit and he gripped it as tightly as he could. Eren heard a dull snap above him and found himself sliding. Twisting, he managed to jam the other blade into the side of the Titan's throat, sinking it in and holding on with both hands, as his descent jerked to a stop again. His heart was racing and he just barely kept from falling into panic.

Pulling himself up as much as he could, with his slick fingers slipping slightly on the wet handle, Eren found himself thrown forward unexpectedly, as the Titan opened its mouth to release another ear-splitting scream. This close to its vocal cords, Eren actually felt something pop painfully in his ears and everything went dull and fuzzy, before the tingle of his healing started to set in.

Using the momentum, he managed to kick his legs free from the throat and threw himself across the tongue, pulling the blade free with a strong jerk and piercing it straight into the roof of the mouth, hanging on with heaving breaths. He was almost out, he could make it!

The Titan's head had jerked again, when his blade had sunk into its flesh and it screamed once more and Eren clicked the blade free from the handle, leaving it stuck in the roof of the mouth and he threw himself forward, pushing off the tongue. Between one second and the next, he lunged over the row of lower teeth, the jaw snapping shut just a split second later and biting down on his survey corps cloak. Jerking to a stop, the collar digging into his throat, Eren twisted quickly and slipped free, plummeting straight down. The next second, he was caught by a strong, familiar arm, all air briefly crushed out of his lungs and he caught a glimpse of Mikasa's face, her expression a mixture of terrifyingly furious and scared.

"I have him!" she shouted over her shoulder and a sudden rush of hot steam erupted at their backs, while Mikasa hurtled them to safety. Eren briefly saw Marco ahead of them, holding onto the guy Eren had dragged out of the Titan's mouth, moving to get him to safety.

Mikasa brought them to the roof of the outpost and they landed a bit roughly. Looking back, breathing heavily and his heart still racing, Eren saw the Titan crumbled to the ground. It was dead and the flesh already disintegrating off its skeleton. 

Connie landed at their side a moment later, his eyes wide and blades gripped tightly. "Are you alright?"

Before Eren could answer, hooks slammed into the roof a pace away from them and a moment later, Levi landed, bits of Titan blood clinging to his blades and fading quickly. He gave Eren a glance, as though to check that he still had all limbs and didn't need immediate medical assistance.

"Any injuries?" Levi asked and Eren shook his head. His ears were fine again and aside from that, he hadn't gotten hurt. He was, however, slick with spit, even if that was slowly sizzling off of him, much like the blood had now disappeared from Levi's blades. Levi turned to face all of them. "Send a squad, see what happened to the soldiers patrolling the forest."

Eren felt himself pale when he realized what it meant. Of course, the Titan couldn't have gotten past the patrol without killing them. Connie sprung into action, jumping down the roof and heading for one of the squad leaders tasked with building the walls.

"It was too fast," Eren found himself saying, drawing Levi's attention back to himself. His voice held a slight tremor, which he tried to will away. His heart was still racing. "Titans are usually not that fast, when they're this big."

The bigger, the slower the movements, because all the mass had to gain momentum first. Eren knew it from his own titan form and how fast Armin and Mikasa always seemed to zip around him. He knew it from how glacially slowly Bertolt moved when he just started walking. That Titan had been too fast.

There was a small furrow between Levi's brows. "Tell Hanji about it, they keep track of all the abnormals we encounter."

Eren was sure Hanji kept track of all Titans that they encountered or that were reported to them, not just the abnormal ones. Levi sprung into action again after a moment, as though to make sure they weren't going to say anything else. Eren saw his squad catching up to him, his horse running with them. Levi returned to the saddle and led them into the forest, while a squad prepared to depart from the outpost.

"Something was wrong with that Titan," Eren found himself saying and he noticed that Mikasa still held onto a fistful of his shirt. He was half glad for the contact and clenched his hands into fists to hide that his hands were shaking. He had never gotten even close to being swallowed before. It would have been a death sentence too, he wasn't allowed to shift around other people, after all. The instructors at home had been very firm, that, should they somehow ever end up in the company of city people, that they were supposed to choose death over revealing that shifters existed.

Mikasa's grip tightened. "Let's go talk to Armin."

She gently but insistently pulled him along and they only took a few steps, before Armin already joined them, eyes wide and slightly out of breath. He, too, reached out and he gripped Eren's arm, as though to reassure himself that everything was alright. Eren told him of his observations and Armin frowned, while Mikasa slowly let go of his shirt again.

"I don't know what that means," Armin admitted and he sounded slightly unsettled. "Let's go talk to Hanji. Maybe it really was just one of those abnormals."

Eren nodded and followed his friends off the roof. The bad feeling that had settled into the pit of his stomach before hadn't left, though. If anything, it seemed to burn deeper than before.

~*~

Dinner that day was a solemn affair. They had lost six people, four patrolling the forest and two in the attack by the outpost. They hadn't found any remains of two of the four soldiers that had died in the woods. Only their dead horses. There was nothing to bring home to the families, not even an arm or leg that could be buried.

The guy Eren had saved had thanked him countless of times, voice and hands shaking and Eren had done his best to help him calm down. Though, truth be told, the incident had shaken him as well. Eren had, sometimes, during sleepless nights, thought about how he might die. It had always been a thought he had quickly shut down, but somehow, getting swallowed whole hadn't really been on his list of possible death scenarios.

"We have to go," Mikasa whispered as they collected the dishes after dinner. Their squad was responsible for clean up today and the other soldiers who weren't part of Mike's squad had left already, to go to sleep or head out to stand guard for the night.

"I know," Eren whispered back. "We'll find a way."

Getting to the gear wasn't even the main problem. It was easily accessible and not locked away, in case of an early morning attack. However, the squad leaders had woken them early day, usually right as the sun began to rise. Eren was rather glad that autumn meant they had a bit more time to sleep, compared to the short nights of summer. The problem with escaping was how they should get to the gear in the first place and then how to leave without anyone seeing them.

Eren had thought about volunteering for the night guard, but he didn't want to leave everyone without full protection. If his friends and he left secretly, their posts wouldn't be covered and if any Titans managed to attack at dawn because of that, it was their fault if anyone got hurt or died.

"What're you whispering about?" Jean asked and Eren glanced up, to see him balancing an impressive amount of plates in a large stack. Jean gave them a slightly annoyed look. "Stop slacking off. The sooner we're done, the sooner we can go to sleep."

"Bring the dishes to us!" Connie shouted from the rudimentary kitchen. "Sasha, Krista and I'll clean them."

Eren hurried to collect the rest of the plates, cutlery and mugs, before following Marco and Jean into the kitchen. Krista already had her hands in soapy water and Connie was drying what she handed him, while Sasha put the dishes back where they belonged, as soon as Connie was done.

"Let's sweep and then we should be done," Jean said, once they dropped the last of the dishes off in the kitchen. The next second he made a face. "Fuck, right, captain Levi is here."

"He checks how well the squads did, in case anyone slacked off," Marco explained, giving Jean a small, warm smile. "It will be alright, we'll just be thorough."

Jean sighed, but seemed to soften at Marco's smile and they got the tools they needed from a supply closet. Eren was surprised to notice just how much dirt all the soldiers had dragged in, once he started sweeping. It must have been from working on building the whole day, but someone had stepped into horseshit as well and removing that was a bit of a hassle, compared to just sweeping dust and dirt. They were finally almost done, when an idea hit Eren.

"You can go ahead, if you want," he told the others, casting a meaningful glance at Armin and Mikasa. Realization flashed over their faces as they met his eyes. "We'll finish wrapping this up."

Jean scoffed. "Levi will rip all of us a new one if he finds you working alone." He frowned and seemed to bristle. "Besides, ask your friends if they agree, instead of just offering, dipshit."

Damn it. Eren had hoped to send them off sooner and then sneak out with his friends before Levi came to check on how clean everything was. Registering what Jean had said, he felt himself scowl the next second. Eren wasn't trying to be some kind of asshole or whatever else Jean thought, he just wanted to get his friends and himself out of here.

"It's fine, we talked about it beforehand," Armin pitched in, before Eren could answer and gave Jean one of his disarming smiles. "Today was rough, we wanted to talk about it a bit without anyone listening in."

"Oh." Jean seemed to calm down and his frown got a more concerned edge as he looked at Eren. "You alright?"

Eren shrugged. The truth was, he wasn't really alright, but he had come out of today's ordeal alive and unharmed and really, that was what counted in the end. Jean and Marco exchanged a glance, Marco's concern more openly visible, before they looked back at him.

"We finish up and leave first," Marco offered with a kind, understanding smile. "If anyone asks, we tell them you're fixing a mop that broke. That should be fine, right, Jean?"

"Sure." Jean returned to cleaning the last of the tables. "Just don't take too long, alright?"

"Thanks," Eren said, feeling a surge of gratitude and guilt. They weren't going to discuss anything, after all, aside from maybe how best to reach the gear so they could abscond. Still, Eren felt glad to know that Jean and Marco had his back. For now, at least, that would probably chance the second Eren and his friends fucked off.

To his surprise, Jean reached up to give his shoulder a pat. Not only that, but he gave Eren a solemn, serious look as well. "What you did today was brave. Reckless, sure, but brave too."

Jean returned to cleaning without another word. Eren didn't know what to do for a long second, as he was hit by a sudden rush of feelings, an urge to stay. Just a little bit longer. Just a day, or two. He felt torn between the wish to stay with these people and the wish to go back home, to his mom and to his other friends.

"Hey," he found himself saying, his mouth feeling slightly dry. "How long do you think it would take, until the outpost is built?"

"You mean if we don't get attacked and half the squads killed off?" Jean asked grimly. His voice had grown dark and there was a brief, faraway look in his eyes, as if he had seen it all before. Had ridden out with comrades, with friends and had returned with so many dead to burry and mourn. "If nothing happens, we'd probably be done at the end of autumn, maybe early winter. When the snow hits, we'll be forced to head back to Maria though, no matter if we're done or not. Continuing would be nearly impossible once winter sets in."

Until winter. That was, that was a couple of weeks away. Maybe a month and half, two months, if snow was a bit late this year. The survey corps would stay out here longer than Eren had anticipated. In his head, he had expected that they'd stay out as long as the hunters usually did and he hadn't thought that they would remain beyond the walls that long.

Eren and his friends could stay another day or two. Maybe even a week. They'd seriously push their luck if they stayed past that, but hunters had come back later than expected before. There had even been a pair that had been gone a month during winter, because they had gotten lost during a blizzard and gotten into trouble with some Titans afterwards. Eren and his friends had to go home soon, of course, but maybe they didn't have to leave _right now_.

"Why?" Jean asked and Eren jolted out of his thoughts.

"Just wondering, is all. We haven't really been part of any expeditions before," he said and it wasn't even a lie. Not really. He had been on hunts before, but never anything like what the survey corps were doing.

Jean hummed in understanding and returned to his work. Eren collected the last of the dirt on a dust pan and threw it out of the window. He found himself thinking back on today's Titan. It had been too fast, it had been off, weird. He still remembered the blond Titan all those weeks ago, when he had met Marco again and frowned. That was two, very strange Titan he had encountered now. And Reiner and the others had met one, too. Maybe he was over thinking it, but he couldn't help but feel like something was wrong. Just what was going on?

Levi stepping into the room pulled him from his thoughts and they all watched quietly, as he took quick stock of the room. Levi even ducked into the kitchen for a moment, before he stepped back out. Brushing his hand beneath a table - and now Eren knew why Jean had cleaned them so thoroughly before - Levi glanced up and gave them a nod. From the corner of his eye, Eren saw Jean exhaling slightly.

"Good job, get some rest soon," Levi said, before walking out of the room again.

"That went well," Marco said with a smile, before turning to Eren and his friends. "We'll leave now. Do you want us to wait up for you?"

"No, go ahead and get some rest," Armin answered with a warm smile. Eren saw the slight regret in his friend's eyes and realized that Armin felt conflicted about leaving like thieves in the night as well. "We won't take long."

"You guys are staying here?" Sasha asked, drying her hands as she and the others emerged from the kitchen. "Is everything alright?"

"Yes, don't worry, we'll head to bed in a few minutes ourselves," Armin reassured her and while Sasha still seemed a bit confused, she nodded.

The others left the canteen and Marco was the last to close the door, giving them one last, parting smile. Eren hesitated a moment, before he glanced at his friends. Armin eyed him a moment, before a knowing, slightly wry smile appeared on his face, but there was a spark of relief in his eyes too. Mikasa sighed, somehow managing to sound both resigned and exasperatedly fond at the same time.

"Four days," she said, giving him a stern look. "Then we leave."

Eren exhaled with relief and lurched forward, wrapping an arm around each of them and dragging his friends into a tight hug. Armin chuckled against his shoulder and reached up to gently pat his back. Mikasa, while she didn't quite return the hug, leaned slightly into it, before she pulled back.

"But we leave sooner, if anything happens," she said. "And Eren, don't pull anything like today again."

"Uh, no promises," Eren sheepishly admitted and quickly lifted his hands placatingly with a slight yelp, when she glared at him. "I promise to be careful, though!"

Mikasa narrowed her eyes slightly and Eren refused to admit that it made him sweat. Then she settled back slightly and seemed vaguely mollified. Not happy, but mollified.

"We should probably go, shouldn't we?" Armin asked and he had a pensive little frown on his face. "Before anyone checks on us?"

"There is a door in the kitchen," Mikasa said and waved them to follow her. "It should take us either out back or at least past the stairs."

Depending on how the outpost had been built. Eren regretted that he hadn't taken a closer look at the blueprints Hanji had had unrolled upon arrival. They extinguished the lanterns and stepped into the kitchen. Mikasa opened the door at the end of it and to Eren's surprise, he stepped into the entrance room, where he had sat last night with Levi. That explained how Levi had managed to get himself some tea rather quickly. He wondered if Levi had a stash of tea hidden somewhere in the kitchen, or if he carried some in a small box in a pocket at all times.

No one was in sight, so they headed up the stairs and Eren felt a little better, knowing he had a bit more time here with the others. It wouldn't last, of course. It couldn't, but they could stay a little longer, without having to worry about leaving. Four days was barely any time, in the grand scheme of things, but it was infinitely better than nothing.

"Thank you, you two," Eren found himself saying, as they reached their floor and stepped towards the room they slept in with the others. "You are the best."

Armin bumped their shoulders together with a teasing smile. "What would you possibly do without us?"

"Probably something really stupid." Eren thought about it for a second and nodded. "No, most definitely something really stupid."

Armin muffled a laugh behind his hand, to keep from disturbing anyone already asleep and Eren saw Mikasa half smile, half smirk, from the corner of his eye. He bumped his shoulder lightly against hers as well and found himself smiling, amused and relieved. 

They had four more days and he had the best friends in the world.

~*~

Eren awoke with a start, sweat clinging to his brow and his back. When he sat up, he felt feeble and shaky from the nightmare. He was no stranger to terrible dreams, there had been plenty of those and especially after he started to hunt. When Armin had been nearly killed by a Titan, Eren hadn't slept well for weeks.

He rubbed a hand over his face and took deep, quiet breath, shaking off the last dredges of sleep that clung to him. He didn't go back to sleep right after a nightmare, he had learned early that it only caused his brain to continue the dream. He had to stay up a bit, before he could try to get more rest.

Eren didn't know how late it was, but it was still dark outside and everyone was asleep. He heard a faint bit of shuffling to the left, there was muffled snoring coming from a corner and someone mumbled in their sleep behind him. Squinting, he saw Armin and Mikasa, who slept to his right, their bedrolls dragged as close to his as possible. He had scared them, too, when that Titan had almost swallowed him today. Or was it yesterday? He didn't know how long he had slept before the nightmare woke him.

Eren sat in the dark for a long moment, listening to the quiet breaths and snores and that one person mumbling behind him, before he got to his feet. He wanted to walk off his nightmare jitters and maybe doing a round through the outpost would be enough that he could go back to sleep afterwards. At the door, Eren grabbed his boots and slipped outside as quietly as he could.

It was dark and quiet and cold, though he saw stars through a window at the end of the hallway. Eren walked down the stairs, listening to the quiet of the outpost. If he was honest, he was only a little surprised when he noticed a glow of light at the end of the stairs. Reaching the last step and walking past the stairs, he saw Levi awake once again. The captain sipped tea like last time and had a lantern on the table, the light dimmed a bit. Levi's glance snapped to him the moment Eren appeared and one of his eyebrows raised slightly.

"Can't sleep?" Levi asked after a moment, setting the cup down with a gentle click of porcelain on wood.

Eren decided to go with the truth and nodded. "I'm just trying to shake a nightmare, I'll go to sleep again in a bit."

Levi seemed to accept his explanation and there was a dark sort of understanding in his eyes, as he picked his tea cup up again. Eren wondered if he had trouble sleeping, too, or if Levi was someone who simply didn't need a lot of sleep. Or if he maybe was like some of the older shifters, the ones who had gone on so many hunts, had seen so much shit, they couldn't sleep much anymore. Then again, it was none of his business and Eren wasn't enough of an asshole, or a moron, to prod the captain with such personal questions.

"Can I sit?" Eren asked instead. He didn't really know where else to go and the only other thing he could do was walk the stairs up and down a couple of times. Or sit in the dark canteen and he didn't want to do either of those options.

Levi didn't answer, but after a moment he pushed a chair out from beneath the table with his foot, similar to how he had done it last night. Eren sat down, the chair groaning beneath his weight. The wood of the table was a bit rough beneath his hands, as he ran his fingertips over the grain. Briefly, he wondered how long the table had been here already and how old the outpost was.

They didn't say anything, but Eren found himself calming down from his nightmare jitters anyway. Maybe it was because Levi was so calm, sipping his tea without hurry. He seemed steady, not quite relaxed, though Eren doubted that anyone here was really relaxed out here, aside from maybe Hanji, but his shoulders weren't tense either. The windows were still covered up and Eren wondered if anyone from the night guard was close by, or if they were spread out around the outpost.

He glanced at Levi and found him setting his cup onto the table, his fingertips brushing the rim, as he watched the flickering flame in the lantern. Eren wondered if Levi was thinking about something or if he was listening for any signs of the night guard moving about. Night was the safest time for them, Eren was well aware of that, since Titans weren't active. Still, the night guard was needed, to ensure that, as soon as the sun set and rose, someone was there to watch out for straggling Titans. Some Titans only needed the faintest bit of sunlight to start moving again, slowly and sluggishly maybe, but they were all the more dangerous, since most people wouldn't expect them to be prowling about already.

Eren couldn't help but wonder what the world would be like without Titans. If the cities would keep their walls or take them down, once the threat was gone. If he could go anywhere he wanted and see all the cities without worries. If the Titans were gone, would Eren get to visit the friends he was making here in the survey corps? He hoped so. If there was a reality where all Titans could be exterminated in his lifetime, Eren would like that. He'd like traveling back and forth, visiting people he cared about and seeing new places, too.

Eren noticed that the slightly restless brush of his fingertips over the wood had stopped and he had settled into his seat, the tense knot between his shoulder blades unwinding. He started to feel tired too, his body and eyelids growing heavier in a way that told him he could return to his sleeping bag now, if he wanted. He'd probably have no more nightmares tonight.

Eren remained in his seat. If he was honest, he didn't want to leave this quiet, calm atmosphere quite yet. Levi's presence was nice. They hadn't said anything to each other after he had sat down, but Eren still felt comfortable. He lightly rested his elbows on the table and watched the flickering flame of the lantern as well.

"I should go back and get some sleep," Eren reluctantly said after a few long minutes of enjoying the moment. He needed rest, especially if more freaky Titans were going to show up. Even for regular Titans he had to be on top of his game. "Thanks, for letting me stay."

Levi merely glanced at him and Eren stood up, his body feeling unexpectedly languid. Levi remained where he was and Eren got the impression, that he wouldn't move anytime soon. Maybe the captain really was the type to sleep very little. If that was the case and he sat here every night, then Eren and his friends had to figure out a way past him, when they had to leave.

As Eren pushed the chair back beneath the table, he took care to lift it slightly so the legs wouldn't scrape over the floor. He noticed that Levi's cup was empty and he realized that Levi hadn't picked it up in a little while.

"Good night," Eren said and Levi hummed and leaned back in his chair, which creaked a bit.

"Night," Levi said and Eren found himself giving the captain a small smile, before he left.

Four more days. They had four more days, before they had to leave. And once they were gone, they most likely wouldn't return to Maria or the survey corps. Aside from being a titan, Eren wouldn't get to interact with any of the soldiers here again. A sad thought, but he tried to tell himself that it was alright. It was better this way. They could never find out the truth about him, especially since it would endanger all the other shifters as well.

It was fine. No matter how little time four days were, Eren was determined to make the most of it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little trivia fun-fact (if the source I used is correct): Levi sleeps around 2-3 hours each day.
> 
> Thanks so much for reading, I hope you had fun! =D


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this chapter turned out alright and that you're going to like it! Happy reading everyone!

"Hey, Eren," Sasha called out and Eren made an acknowledging noise back, without straightening from where he had slumped against Armin's side. He was sore all over and he still felt the tingle of his healing powers in his limbs, though it was sluggish, after hours of already taking care of his bruises.

Today had been brutal. At dawn, Titans had stumbled upon them and then it seemed as though fate had made up for how long things had been quiet before. They had gotten quite a bit of constructing done and the soldiers were all exhausted, both those who had built and those who had fought. Eren and the others had their day divided to help on both sides out. Four more soldiers had been injured, though thankfully not heavily, and six more were dead.

"Are you going to eat that?" Sasha asked and Eren was about to motion for her to take it, when he heard the slap of skin on skin and opened one eye to see Mikasa fending Sasha away from his food. His friend then glared at him.

"Eat," she demanded, pushing the plate towards him. Mikasa was right, Eren knew. He had helped built things for hours today, had fought Titans and his healing powers had been activated as well. He seriously needed to eat, if he didn't want to collapse tomorrow. His body just felt so heavy.

Armin, too, now nudged the plate closer and Eren forced his hands to move. At least it was simple, dry food and he could remain leaning against Armin, while he took bites off his bread roll. His friend was a great pillow, even if he smelled like stone and cement right now. Sasha didn't even look sad at being denied food and even seemed relieved that he was eating now. That didn't stop her from trying to pilfer from any of the others, though, and Krista gave up half her roll again, while Connie shooed her away from his plate.

"Are you okay?" Marco asked. He sat on Armin's other side and leaned forward to look at Eren. His brows were furrowed and there was the shadow of a scruff starting to grow along his chin and cheeks. 

Shaving wasn't exactly something all soldiers religiously kept up with, when out in the field. Eren himself had to admit that he had, once, gotten a bit of a beard before, but only because he had lost his shaving razor while traveling. Ymir had laughed her ass off, when she had seen him return and even Armin had admitted that Eren looked rather weird with a beard.

"Yeah, tired," Eren answered between bites. "Are we on building duty tomorrow, too?"

Marco nodded. "Yeah, but they're going to split three of us off and put them in other squads to join the day guard. To fill the ranks back up."

To fill the spots of people who had died or had gotten injured. The casualties weren't high enough for Erwin to call a retreat and no one seemed surprised at that. Eren couldn't help but wonder how many of these soldiers were worried about dying, or their friends dying, before the outpost was either completed or they were forced to run.

Eren only realized that he had started to doze off, when a hand at his shoulder shook him awake. Blinking blearily, he opened his eyes to see Mikasa leaning half over him, a small frown on her face.

"Get some rest," she told him quietly. "Another squad has to clean tonight, so we can leave."

A different squad was selected for cleaning duties every day. It was easier that way, to ensure no squad was too stressed with extra jobs that lasted too long, when they had their days full of either building or patrolling. Cleaning up after everyone certainly took its time and energy.

Eren rose to his feet and noticed that the tingle of healing was gone from his limbs, where it had fixed the bruises left by the straps of the gear. He did notice that he was rather rank, though, after a day of labor.

"Can I take a bath? Or at least wipe down somewhere?" Eren asked the others and Jean rose with a nod.

"Come with me, it's our turn tonight anyway, since we've been building the whole day," he said and led Eren and his friends out of the canteen. They made a quick trip up to their room to pick up spare clothes, before heading down again.

The bathroom, as it turned out, was just a big room filled with buckets of cold water and clean cloths. They let the ladies go first and Eren slumped against a wall and tried not to fall asleep standing upright. It was Connie who nudged him, once it was their turn and with how cold the water in the buckets was, Eren found himself waking up quite a bit again.

They cleaned their dirty clothes as well and set them out to dry, slipping into their spares. Eren was shivering slightly, from the cold air and the cold water and he hurried up the stairs together with the others, eager to get into the sleeping bag. There, at least, he'd get warm again. As soon as they werein their room, everyone wriggled into their sleeping bags as quckly as they could.

As soon as he stopped shivering slightly, Eren's eyes fell closed. Armin and Mikasa had fallen asleep already and Eren heard some soft snores from where Sasha and Connie slept beside Krista. Marco and Jean had their bedrolls somewhere further back in the room and Eren heard them whisper to each other. Their voices were too quiet to make out individual words, but it was easy to fall asleep listening to the gentle hum of their soft conversation.

The next day, Eren found himself selected for day guard duty, along with Armin and Sasha. Mikasa wasn't happy about it, but her ability to carry heavy things without breaking much of a sweat really came in handy with construction work. In all honesty, Eren just waited for the day Mikasa grew strong enough that she'd start chucking whole boulders at Titans. That would be pretty cool. And terrifying. But mostly really cool.

"We'll be careful," Armin reassured her with a smile. When Eren had tried to do the same, she had merely narrowed her eyes at him and, well, that was fair enough. He _had_ gotten almost eaten, after all. 

With how many Titans they had encountered yesterday, today was hopefully bound to be quieter. The survey corps certainly couldn't withstand too many intense attacks, even with all the seasoned soldiers they had among their ranks.

Mike sent them to a woman named Nanaba, since she would be their temporary squad captain, while they guarded the outpost. Nanaba was collected and calm and gave them concise and clear instructions. Eren didn't feel worried following her orders, she seemed to know what she was talking about. She sent Eren, Armin and Sasha into the forest, along with three others from her squad. Six people to guard the part of the forest that reached the outpost, which should be enough. 

If they saw any Titans approaching, they were supposed to fire one of the two flare guns she handed them, so other soldiers could come to their aid and so the people at the outpost knew to be on their guard. Everyone filled up their blade boxes and Eren got a new cape as well, since his last one had gotten torn up, before they set out.

Levi and his squad left together with them and Eren watched them ride off for a long moment. Their faces were focused and serious and Levi had the same sharp, dangerous look in his eyes, that Eren knew from when he had met the man as a titan. Levi's squad would ride around nearly non-stop the whole day, only returning to switch out their horses, so the animals wouldn't get overworked and to take breaks to eat and drink. 

Eren and the others would fan out and keep guard on an area designated to them. They'd remain mostly in that area, taking slow rounds and they had rations with them, so they could eat and drink without having to leave their posts.

It was weird to ride out without Mikasa. Eren caught himself glancing around at times, to check if he could see her, only to remember that she wasn't there. His friends always were with him out in the field and if he didn't see them, he heard them, rustling in the trees so he could track their movement through hearing. It felt almost like something was off balance, or just slightly knocked askew, without her there.

"I think today will be better than yesterday," Sasha said, once the early afternoon sun had risen above them. It was still cold in the forest, the air not warming as well as out in the open, but the dappled sunlight and colorful leaves drifting down more than made up for it. Eren had seen one of the other soldiers, Jin if he remembered correctly, occasionally catching a tumbling leaf out of the air and if they deemed it pretty enough, they tucked it into a pocket.

Compared to yesterday, it really was quieter. They hadn't encountered Titans yet and hadn't seen any fired flares from the other guards. It was a relief, after how rough the previous day had been and Eren really hoped it stayed that way. He didn't want to drag any more dead back to the outpost.

"Ooh, look!" Sasha's delighted voice drew his attention back to her. "Mushrooms! Guy's I'm going to pick them, it will go great with dinner."

"Sure," Jin said, giving her a smile. "I wouldn't mind a good mushroom soup tonight."

Sasha swung herself out of the saddle and took off her cloak to start gathering mushrooms on it. Eren and the others began pointing other patches out to her, when they saw something and Eren kept a careful eye out for any Titans and listened closely for heavy footsteps. But it was peaceful, quiet and a rather lovely day. Sasha kept her horse close at all times, just in case she had to get back into the saddle quickly. She had a happy smile on her face and hummed a little melody, a song Eren had never heard, but it sounded pleasant and merry. Maybe he'd ask her later what song it was, once they were done with guard duty.

"Look!" Sasha called out and they all glanced over. She proudly held out her cloak and the truly impressive amount of mushrooms gathered on the green cloth. There were enough, she wouldn't even be able to tie it closed. "I'll leave it here against the tree and pick it up when we're done for the day."

"Sounds good," Jin called back, smiling. They were the furthest from the group and had peered deeper into the forest. They glanced up and caught a bright orange leaf, that, from the looks of it, was perfectly intact. With a soft little smile, they tucked the leaf into their pocket.

Eren almost felt tempted to do the same. The leaves were beautiful and had so many different colors and shades and he enjoyed the gentle sound of the horses walking over the soft forest floor. He was just reaching up, trying to catch a leaf himself, when big shadows suddenly loomed, stretching large and cutting off the dappling sunlight.

"Titans!" Jin shouted, already rushing forward to attack, while Eren looked over quickly. Four Titans of varying sizes walked towards them between the trees and they were picking up speed. Two of them were small, barely four meters and they were quite a bit ahead of their larger counterparts. Of course, Titans that small were far quieter. Shit.

Eren turned his horse around and kept himself from reaching up to bite into his hand, instead urging his mare forward and gripping his gear. He flung himself out of the saddle once he got close enough, Armin and Sasha already in the air. The two other soldiers, Dieter and Marie, had caught up to Jin first and he watched their blades flash as they attacked. The first small Titan fell easily enough, but the other was fast and the two big ones had caught up to them now. Eren watched as Marie got grabbed out of the air by the small Titan that was still alive and swung around like a ragdoll, her body crashing into one of the trees with a snap Eren actually heard.

The big ones grabbed and grasped and swatted at Dieter and Jin and Eren watched as between one second and the next, Dieter dodged one hand, but didn't see the other coming and was grabbed in a massive fist. He screamed and was jammed into the mouth of a big Titan. A harsh crunch and spray of blood later, he fell limp, one leg getting chewed off and tumbling to the ground, while the Titan threw its head back and swallowed. Eren felt like throwing up for a second, his body going hot and cold and then he finally caught up to Jin.

A scream tore from his throat as he swung around a big Titan, dodging around its swatting hand with his gear and he sank his blades into its neck, blood spraying from the deep slices. From the corner of his eye, he saw Sasha killing the other small one, before the near explosive rise of thick plumes of steam stole his vision. He felt it burn along his skin, but not scalding him enough that his healing kicked in. 

Moving out of the steam, he anchored himself in a tree and swung around, trying to get a good look at the last Titan and the positions of his friends and comrades. Turning, his breath caught in his throat, when he saw three more Titans approaching them.

"More Titans!" he shouted, just as Jin killed the fourth one from the previous group.

They barely had a few seconds to reposition and switch out broken blades, before the second group of Titans was upon them, malformed and strange and mouths wide open, as though they hoped to simply scoop them into their gullets.

"Flare gun!" Jin shouted over their shoulder and Eren realized with a cold jolt, that Dieter and Marie had had the flare guns. One flare gun had definitely gotten eaten, but the other should still be with Marie on the ground and Sasha had kept the small Titan from eating her body.

"I'll get it!" Armin shouted and redirected his course, his gear hissing to reel him forward as quickly as possible. Eren pressed the triggers and hurtled himself forward, the air rushing past his ears. He just had to get to the Titans and keep them occupied, give Armin the chance to touch down and find the flare gun to get them backup.

Sasha curved around one of the massive trees to his left, to circle to the back of the three Titans unnoticed. Eren met them head-on, drawing their attention with shouts, to give the other two a chance to attack. Jin cut across the neck of one of them and thick steam rose, while Eren just barely dodged the grasping hands of the other two. Only two more to go, if they were lucky, they could take them out without needing the flare gun after all.

"Abnormal!" Sasha's alarmed shout drew his attention, just as a Titan with longer hair, limbs malformed and running on all fours, raced onto the battlefield. It was far faster than its two-legged counterparts and Eren felt a flash of visceral fear, as he saw Armin, his back to the racing Titan and bent over Marie's body.

The Titan reached him with two fast leaps and bit down on Armin, before Eren even drew enough air to shout. For a split second, Eren felt as though the world was tilting around him, like his ribs had shattered and his lungs were drowning in blood. The next second, he threw himself around, too panicked and focused on Armin, who had twisted just enough upon impact to avoid getting gobbled up and while he had one arm free, he was held between large teeth, which could and would crush him any moment.

Eren wasn't sure if he was screaming his friend's name, all he saw was the abnormal Titan skidding to a stop and the blood darkening Armin's clothes. The next second, one of the two remaining Titans lunged forward, teeth slamming down on Eren's side and leg. The blade box saved his hip from getting crushed, but the metal broke, burst and splintered, digging into him and he felt the Titan's teeth sink into his leg. For a second, it felt as though his leg was going to get bit straight through, but somehow, just barely, it didn't.

"Eren!" Sasha screamed from somewhere and Eren vaguely registered the sound of an impact, of a blurred body hurtling past him without control. His mind was swamped with visceral terror for Armin and now himself and with a rough jerk of his arm, he managed to sink a blade into the nose of the Titan. It released him with a growl and a shake of its head and he fell, one half of his gear ruined and not responding and leg an inferno of agony.

Just barely in time, he managed to get his hands to work, to use what was left of his gear to catch himself against a tree with a hook, before he fell the rest of the distance, tumbling against the leaf covered forest floor. His leg was already steaming thickly, his healing abilities knitting his flesh together as fast as they could and pushing out the shards of metal stuck in him.

Eren forced himself up, heart racing and lungs aching as he tried to suck in enough air and the abnormal Titan was _right beside him_. It stared at him, slightly grinding its teeth on Armin, whose movements had grown weak. With a scream that was more animal than human, fear and fury bright and scorching in his veins, Eren threw one of the blades, nailing the Titan right in the eye. It let go of Armin with a scream, rearing back and pawing at its face. His friend fell down, white cloth torn and soaked with blood, his gear strongly dented with teeth marks. Shit, fucking hell, the boxes had proved some protection. Thank fuck.

His leg had healed enough that Eren managed to remain upright, shouting at the Titan to keep its attention on him and away from his friend. The Titan growled and scrabbled to get the blade and Eren could see Armin trying to move, but unable to do more than shift a little bit in place, bleeding and fear written all over his face. Eren lifted his hand to his mouth without thinking, his teeth aching with the need to sink in, his blood singing with the urge to _shift_.

"No," Armin's voice was a weak wheeze, barely audible over the Titan, which had managed to grab the end of the blade and started to pull it out. "You can't."

Eren froze for a second, mouth already wide open and the meat of his hand right there. He dropped his hand and gripped his leftover blade, just as the Titan freed its eye and lunged for him. Eren noticed with a spark of relief, that the thing at least didn't step on Armin, when it was already on him, malformed arms and hands scrabbling to get him and a drooling maw wide open.

Eren slashed across its right hand, shifting his weight back and his still healing leg almost buckled under him, but he managed to stay upright. The Titan reared back, steaming hand now clutched against its chest and the moment it shifted its weight to its back haunches, to be able to grab him with its left hand, Eren pressed the triggers. Half of his equipment was still working and it was enough to get a hook into the flesh of the abnormal's right shoulder and fling himself up.

The Titan clearly hadn't expected it and it couldn't reach across its chest to its right side fast enough to catch him. Eren didn't so much land on it, as that he tumbled over the shoulder and just barely managed to grab its hair and stop his momentum. He dragged himself to its neck and slammed his blade down into the flesh. The abnormal roared and bucked and he pulled the sword free, leaving a messy cut. But it was in the right place. He just needed to keep going.

Gritting his teeth against the pain, he straightened more and firmed his footing, holding onto the strand of wild hair tighter, to stay on the Titan. The second cut caused it to throw itself sideways against a tree and he found himself knocked off his feet with the impact, his arm wrenched painfully, as he clung to the hair, now dangling at the side of its neck. He pulled himself up just in time to avoid getting grabbed and slammed his blade in again, finally tearing out a ragged chunk.

It was enough, just barely. The Titan engulfed him in scalding steam as it collapsed and Eren rolled off of it, the flesh already starting to dissolve under him. He landed in the grass with a pained shout and with gritted teeth, he forced himself to move. Eren hobbled to Armin as fast as he could, his leg still steaming with healing. Most of the metal shards had been pushed out, but the largest, deepest ones were still stuck in his thigh.

Falling to the ground beside Armin, Eren felt a nauseating lurch of panic, when he noticed that his friend had fallen unconscious. There was so much blood. Dragging his new cloak from his shoulders, the edges torn just a little bit. Eren pressed it on the largest wound he could spot, a big, deep teeth indent on Armin's chest, curving up to his shoulder. His friend didn't even react and Eren's hands shook and he felt like throwing up. There wasn't enough air.

Someone landed before him and his gaze snapped up. Eren saw Sasha, Titan blood steaming away from her hair and arms and she looked grim, her face pale. He noticed that some blood remained, though, and realized that she had gotten hurt as well.

"The flare gun?" she asked and Eren jerkily shook his head. Armin hadn't had the time to grab it. At least, he didn't think so.

Sasha quickly left and Eren focused back on pressing his hands on Armin's wound, the last of the splinters finally pushed from his flesh. A few moments later, he heard the hiss of the flare gun being fired. Sasha hurried back to his side, sliding some gauze and bandages from various pockets. Eren, with a lurch, realized that he had none of these. Hadn't been given the amount of first aid equipment Sasha pulled from her person.

"I'm trained in first aid," Sasha told him, as she quickly tended to Armin as well as she could. Eren reluctantly pulled back to let her do it, biting back the urge to say he was trained for first aid too. Every hunter was, but he had nothing on him to help with. "Shit, we need to get him to a doctor, he needs to go back to the outpost." Sasha frowned at him, as soon as she forced her gaze away from Armin. "Did you get hit by a lot of Titan blood?"

Eren realized with a jolt, that his leg was still steaming. It took a great deal of effort to stop his healing and the steaming ceased. Sasha cursed and hurried around a bandaged, still Armin to get a look at his leg. It still looked hurt and his pantleg was entirely soaked with blood. Eren was sure there was blood collected in his boot.

"Shit," Sasha said grimly and nudged at Eren, to get him to sit back and stretch the leg out. Eren kept one hand on Armin, his numb, icy fingers clutching tightly at a bit of shirt that wasn't stained with blood. He kept track of every single breath Armin took and how weak it was, while Sasha bandaged his leg. His friend was so pale. There was so much blood. It had soaked his cape, to the point where Eren was sure it was ruined.

The sound of hooves caused him to look up and he noticed a group of soldiers heading their way at full gallop. He couldn't make out their faces, he felt too much and his whole body was shaky. The soldiers raced right up to them and everything turned into a flurry of activity and unsettled questions. Someone provided more bandages, which Sasha used to finish wrapping his leg with and they gently moved Armin. Everyone looked concerned and worried and two soldiers raced off with Armin as soon as they could, to get him back to the outpost.

It was only when Sasha and another guy helped him to his feet, that Eren realized Jin hadn't returned. Looking up, he saw their corpse on the ground, laid out beside Marie and the single leg that was left from Dieter.

~*~

Armin had been rushed off to a spare room before Eren had arrived back at the outpost and the resident doctors had both been called to take care of him. One of the other soldiers, however, was trained and decent enough at sewing up wounds and he had Eren sit down and cut off the pants as soon as possible. It looked better than Eren had expected and even the soldier was surprised to see that it didn't even need stitches, despite the way Eren's whole leg was coveredin drying blood. He was still shaken enough that he barely felt the alcohol poured over the wounds and as soon as the bandages were in place and someone had handed him a new pair of pants, he hobbled out in of the room, ignoring the calls of the soldier telling him to lie down and rest.

He found Mikasa right in the hallway, between his room and the one Armin was being treated in, standing so she could see both doors. She rushed to his side and reached for him. Eren gripped her back, his fingers probably too tight on her arms and he didn't care that she held onto him too tightly as well. It felt grounding, to finally really feel something beyond the clouding mess of emotions in his chest.

"Armin, how is he?" Eren asked, before she could open her mouth, but her heavy, dark gaze said everything. It was the look she got when they had gotten hurt and she hadn't been there to help. Eren knew her protective, concerned anger well enough and that her eyes only got that particular dark spark, when she was helpless to do anything.

She pressed her lips together and she slipped under his arm to take his weight off his hurt leg. "It's bad."

The words felt like they crushed his breath out of him. Eren ducked his head and suddenly he hated that he was taller than Mikasa. Hated that he couldn't curl into himself, make himself smaller behind her, as if that could soften the pain and shame and guilt that seared through him.

Eren felt Mikasa's gaze on him, concerned and the guilt burned brighter. This was his fault. If they had left, this wouldn't have happened.

"I need...can you..." He wasn't sure what he was trying to say, but his chest felt too tight and he couldn't storm into the room and demand of the doctors to make sure his friend would be fine and he couldn't stand in the hallway, with his hurt leg and shaky knees. Mikasa wouldn't let him either, her protectiveness had fully geared up and nothing short of death itself could get past her now or get her to move. Eren needed to sit down.

"By the stairs?" she asked him. "I can get you, if the doctors have news."

Eren gave a jerky nod and hobbled over to the stairs. She lowered him down on the steps and Eren stared ahead, dumbly noticing that the entrance room was just around the bend. The room with the rough table and rickety stairs, where Levi had sat in the dark, with a cup of tea. 

Mikasa hovered at his side for a moment, before she stepped back again and returned to guard the door Armin and the doctors were behind. Eren almost asked her to stay, but the words got stuck in his throat. He knew that Mikasa hated that she couldn't do more for him, for either of them. She liked problems she could solve right away, like a punch to the face or carrying someone or standing guard while they slept. She was good at that, at making herself a wall between her loved ones and danger and keeping them safe. However, there was nothing either of them could do right now. She couldn't scare Armin's or his wounds away, nor could Eren lend his healing abilities to his friend, no matter how much he wished to.

What if Armin died? The thought struck him like a blow to the back of the head and Eren hid his face in his hands, trying to reassure himself that it would be fine. It had to be. He couldn't...what should he tell his mom, if they lost Armin? What should he _do_ , without one of his best friends? Eren would never forgive himself if that happened. It had been his idea to stay, this was on him. 

The sound of steps drew Eren's attention and his head snapped up. He saw Levi standing towards the bottom of the stairs, watching him closely. Eren didn't know what his face looked like, but he felt like he was just barely keeping it together, like he was so close to shivering apart at the edges with worry and fear and the residue terror of seeing a Titan chomp down on his friend.

He didn't know what Levi saw, but to his surprise, the man walked up a few more steps and sat down at his side. A sudden rush of relief hit Eren, when Levi just sat there quietly, with the air of someone who'd only move again if either asked or something happened and he was needed elsewhere.

Levi was just there, beside him, his presence calm and steadying and there were no accusations, no berating. No mistakes Eren had made being recounted and Eren focused on Levi as much as he could and tried to lessen the cold fear that held him frozen.

Steps approached behind them, only to stop, when Levi looked back and to Eren's surprise, the person turned around and left again. It made him feel better, though. He wasn't ready to see anyone, to speak with anyone. He felt like he failed Armin. Failed one of his best friends. And he had failed those other soldiers, too, who had died today. Here Eren had been, with these great, grand thoughts and ideas of being able to help. Secretly, deep down, he had wanted to protect them, to help the soldiers flourish and build their outpost and finally, truly, have a win against Titans.

And here he was, covered in blood, his own and Armin's, three more dead, Sasha hurt and Armin's condition unknown, aside from the fact that it was bad. 

"He'll be alright," Levi said suddenly, his voice quiet so that only Eren heard him. "Believe in your friend."

Eren swallowed hard and fought back the sudden urge to cry, his throat aching and his eyes burning. But the words settled along his shoulders and he felt himself growing a bit more centered again, a little less like he was going to get lost in the turmoil inside of him. Eren realized that this was the sort of comfort he needed, with words that actually helped. The comfort he wouldn't have known how to ask from Mikasa, who would have tried her best, but always preferred to _do_ more than sit beside someone, while they were hurting and she couldn't make it better. And he needed her to guard Armin's door, just in case.

Mikasa was their sword and shield. She always had been, even back when they had been children. When Armin had been bitten by a neighbor's dog, she had always walked between him and the fence, glaring at the animal until it learned to back off, while Eren distracted Armin as well as he could. When another kid had made Eren cry, by telling him his father wasn't home because he was such a shit son, one of the last times Eren had cried because of his father, she had punched the kid in the face, scaring him off. 

Armin had always been knowledge and understanding. The one who grasped even the hardest of concepts, the one who told them of all the stories and showed them drawn pictures of far off places. He had been the one, who had gently but sincerely told Eren, that he was a good person and shouldn't worry what others had to say. Armin was the one who found solutions to problems, who saw his friends struggle and rolled up his sleeves and figure out what to do.

And Eren, Eren was like a big heart. Always blundering forward, more emotion and action than sensible thoughts and smarts. Always the one with too many feelings and too reckless for his own good. The one who moved before he thought and dragged everyone right along with him. The one who tried to do what was right and who trusted his instincts more than the rational voice in the back of his head.

Eren realized that Levi had left his side for a moment, when suddenly, a warm mug from the kitchen was pressed into his shaking, cold hands and the scent of tea wafted up, the steam of hot water brushing his face. Eren jolted and only didn't accidentally spill the tea, because Levi kept hold of the mug. He had a strong hand, with elegant fingers and two tiny, silvery scars.

"Breathe," Levi said. His voice was quiet, almost a murmur. Eren found himself sucking in a deep, shuddering breath and he realized his head was aching and his chest felt too tight. Levi slowly let go and Eren clung to the mug, glad to have something to hold on to. 

Levi sat back down beside him. "Don't blame yourself, we have no control over Titans. And no matter what you think you did, you didn't call them down on your friends. This is on them, not on you."

Eren's sight blurred and Levi didn't say anything else, but the guilt writhing in Eren's chest felt a little less vicious, a little less like it was clawing his insides raw. He clung to the tea and breathed it in and found himself calming a bit more at the herbal smell, the heat of the mug seeping into the cold of his hands.

Eren didn't know how long they sat there, but anytime someone approached, Levi looked over his shoulder and they stopped and left again and Eren stopped paying attention. He felt strangely secure in the knowledge that, with Levi sitting beside him, staring ahead calm and unshakeable, Eren didn't have to worry about anyone seeing him like this. Seeing him still so close to coming undone, held together by tea and a warm presence and careful breaths.

The tea had turned cold, but the herbal smell stayed, by the time someone approached without leaving. Eren looked up to see Mikasa walking around Levi and crouching down before him. Her eyes told him everything he needed to know before she even opened her mouth, the dark anger gone and replaced by something brighter.

"He'll be alright," she said, quiet and with an undertone of relief and Eren didn't hesitate to let his head drop onto her shoulder, to hide the way the tears rose and spilled over.

Mikasa said nothing, merely shifted to adjust to him and one of her hands came up to settle on the back of his head, her fingers lightly curling into his hair. She let him cry, let him bite down on any sounds he might make, as he breathed through the wave of emotion.

When Eren pulled back, he noticed that Levi was gone. He sniffed and reached up to wipe the tears from his face. He took a deep, shuddering breath and his shoulders sagged, as a sudden rush of exhaustion hit him. He rapidly became aware of the pain in his leg and the constant, niggling urge in the back of his head to just use his healing abilities. He couldn't though, not if he didn't want to confuse people cause them to ask questions he didn't want to answer.

"We can see him," Mikasa said. "As long as we're quiet and don't interrupt his rest."

Eren nodded and realized he still held onto a mug with cold tea. Not one to waste things, especially something handed to him out of kindness, he tipped it back and drank it with a few quick, deep swallows. Even cold, it was surprisingly nice and tasty.

Eren pushed to his feet. "Let's go."

~*~

Eren woke up with a painful crick in his neck and an insistent ache in his lower back. Straightening with a groan, he realized that he had fallen asleep in his chair, beside Armin's bed. One of two beds in the whole outpost. Eren's gaze immediately fell to his friend, even as he reached up with a wince to massage his neck. Armin looked too pale. It was the blood loss, one of the doctors had said. 

The blood loss had been one of their biggest worries, too. The injuries had, thankfully, not required a complicated surgery. No bone had protruded from his wounds, no ribs had punctured a lung and his spine, from the looks of it, hadn't been broken either. But Armin had gotten deep wounds, where the Titan had bitten down on him. The gear had protected his legs and hip and the Titan hadn't exerted the sudden pressure, that was needed to cause the blade boxes to break. The Titan Eren had been bitten by had, evidently chomped down with the needed force to break his blade box apart.

Armin would be fine. Scarred, with broken ribs and a broken arm and bruises and contusions all over, but unless he woke up and told them something unexpected hurt, or he couldn't feel his hands or feet, then he should heal just fine.

They had been lucky. More than anything else, Eren was painfully aware of that. Had Armin not twisted in the last second, to lessen the initial impact, if the Titan had chomped down on him again right away, if Eren hadn't intervened, Armin would be dead. Dead like the other three.

Bits of guilt about what had happened today still clung to the edges of his mind and Eren was _so sorry_ about Armin getting hurt, about not being closer, being faster, being better. But Levi's words had helped, even to the point where Eren found he couldn't quite bring himself to regret his wish to stay longer. He still cared for the people here, planned to track Sasha down later and thank her for her help. He still wanted the outpost to be built and for things to finally work out for everyone in the survey corps. He didn't regret asking his friends to stay, but he regreted not being closer when Armin had gotten hurt. He'd be more vigilant in the future, he swore that to himself. He could afford to get hurt, he'd heal, it would be fine, but he'd do everything within his power to keep his friends safe and alive.

Eren watched as Armin breathed and he thought the rise and fall of his friend's chest looked stronger. Less frail and shallow. Mikasa, who slept on a chair by Armin's head, somehow had dozed off in a position that wasn't going to give her a horrible backache later on.

Eren himself still felt roughed up and exhausted and he needed to get up and stretch, if he wanted his neck and back to stop complaining too. Getting up, Eren grimaced at the pain in his leg, only to pause. That hadn't felt as bad as it should have. Shit, had he subconsciously healed himself? Eren didn't have Bertolt's iron control over every part of his shifter abilities, it was entirely possible his body had healed up a bit while he had been asleep. Hopefully not to the point where people got weirded out or, worst of all, suspicious that something was going on. Shit, now he had to check. 

Eren quietly and carefully limped from the room, to avoid waking Mikasa. The door creaked a bit when he pulled it closed behind him and he winced a bit at the noise. It was easy enough to find a storage room with a lantern after that. Eren lit it and leaned against the door, in case anyone noticed the light coming from beneath the door and wanted to see what was going on. He pushed down his pants and carefully peeled the bandages back. He had healed up a bit, but he'd still be able to explain it away. His leg hadn't healed as much as he had thought. Re-wrapping the bandages, Eren pulled his pants back up and extinguished the lantern.

Stepping outside, he hesitated, before hobbling four more steps towards the stairs. There was a faint light coming from downstairs. Someone was awake in the entrance room and that someone was most likely Levi. Taking a deeper breath, Eren slowly eased down the stairs. It was only when he heard voices, that he paused again.

"That's why I proposed that idea!" That was unmistakable Hanji's voice, though Eren hadn't heard them talk like that yet. A mixture of frustration and a pinch of excitement. "Just think about it, Erwin. If we could get Huckleberry's help, we stand a better chance at this."

Eren swallowed against his suddenly dry mouth. Were they discussing the idea of luring him here, to help protect the outpost? Thinking back on Armin's condition, Eren felt torn about the idea now. While he still really wanted to help as a titan, he now worried about his friends getting hurt again, just because he couldn't keep his big heart from spilling all over everything.

There was a long moment of pensive silence and Eren found himself holding his breath. A chair creaked.

"What do you think, Levi?" Erwin asked. Eren wondered how late it was. Since Erwin and Hanji were there too, it couldn't have been too late at night. At least, Eren had the impression that Erwin had the most regular sleep, out of these three. Hanji's sleep schedule probably was all over the place and Levi had always been awake, even in the middle of the night.

There was a soft click and Eren recognized it as the sound of a cup being set down on the table. "If we lose too many people, we'll be forced to leave, again" Levi said, calm and quiet. "We've tried everything we could think of. Maybe, trying to lure that Titan here on our next expedition isn't a completely insane idea."

Erwin hummed, thoughtful, while Eren heard a badly repressed sound of excitement, that had probably come from Hanji.

"What if it attacks us?" Erwin asked.

"Then I'll kill it." Levi answered so swiftly and surely, Eren shifted uncomfortably. He believed Levi and the tone of sharp coldness that had accompanied his words. Should Eren let Hanji lure him to the outpost, he was sure, one misstep and Levi would have his blades in his neck. It was a good thing, then, that Eren had absolutely _no_ intentions of hurting any of the soldiers.

"Alright," Erwin said after another moment of heavy silence and a chair scraped suddenly and there was a surprised grunt.

"You won't regret it!" Hanji said, though they sounded a tiny bit breathless and Eren wondered if they had hugged Erwin or were just too happy about his answer. "When can we go look for him?"

"Only if this attempt fails," Erwin cut in firmly. "And once winter is over. We won't be able to do anything when snow falls, no matter if that Titan helps or not."

"He will, I'm sure he will," Hanji said and Eren briefly felt weirdly touched at how sure they sounded. "He's a smart one, he'll understand what we want from him."

"If you say so," Erwin answered, though there was a warm, amused tone to his voice. A chair groaned and scraped as it was pushed back. "I'll head to bed now. Good night, you two."

"I'll head to the research room and start planning," Hanji piped in. "Night, Levi!"

Levi just hummed and Eren realized that he'd never be able to move up the stairs quickly enough with his hurt leg, to avoid being seen. Feeling caught off guard, Eren decided to just move forward. To pretend he was just now coming down the stairs and hadn't listened to their conversation. He made sure to keep his steps slow and measured and had taken two more steps, when Hanji and Erwin came around the bend. Both looked briefly surprised to see him.

"Eren, good evening," Erwin said, polite and with that damned smile that said absolutely nothing. "Can't sleep?"

"I just wanted to get some water," Eren lied and tried to smile at them, but he was sure it ended up more wobbly than he liked. It had been...a very rough day and he felt everything that had happened in his very bones.

Erwin hummed in understanding and added, "Try to get some rest soon. Good night."

"Night," Hanji pretty much chirped, they were so happy and walked past him with a little wave, Erwin following them.

Eren swallowed and kept going down. Levi was already looking at him, when he stepped off the stairs and into the room. He had probably heard him talking with Erwin.

"Don't strain that leg too much," Levi said after a moment of silence. Without prompting, he then pushed the chair out from beneath the table, like the other nights Eren had met him down here. Eren felt his chest warm a bit at the gesture.

"I heal quickly," Eren said, because establishing that early might be a good idea. Might make people a little less prone to being surprised when he had swift recoveries. And no scars. That was one thing all shifters shared, their wounds always healed without leaving any scars. Otherwise, Eren's hands alone would be a mess of bite scars. 

Eren sat down, giving Levi a small smile, which felt less wobbly than the one he had given Erwin and Hanji. "Thanks."

Levi didn't answer, just picked up his cup again and took a sip. It smelled like the tea he had handed Eren.

"What brand is it?" Eren asked, unable to help himself. It had been good cold tea, which probably was even better when hot. "It tastes really good."

"It's a personal blend," Levi answered after swallowing his sip. "I mix it together myself." He tipped his head slightly to the side, giving Eren a glance. "But you can pick up tea from the Green Gold company in Maria, if you're interested. Their blends are decent enough."

Eren had no intentions of returning to Maria, though if Armin was too hurt to travel and too many Titans forced the survey corps to retreat, they wouldn't have a choice. He hoped it wouldn't come to that.

"I will keep that in mind," Eren said and he meant it. 

Maybe, he could ask the traders back home to bring him some of the tea, once they headed out again in spring. He'd hand them the money for it, enough for a crate and a little extra for the traders themselves, so they wouldn't complain about not running personal errands for anyone. With enough money and a large enough order, they could be convinced, grumpily so, but they did bring what someone asked for.

"How's your friend?" Levi asked. Eren was surprised at the deep sigh that escaped him and the way he leaned back into the chair, his head briefly tipping back.

"He'll be fine." Even now, the stark relief tinged his voice and words. Eren looked over at Levi and found the captain already watching him, eyes silver-grey and gaze calm and maybe understanding too. 

For a second, a dozen words got stuck in Eren's throat and he didn't know how to say any of them. How to tell Levi, how much his silent company had helped, how thankful he had been for the tea and for Levi keeping anyone from approaching. Eren even briefly thought about telling him that he liked these quiet late-night meetings, even if most of them had happened because Eren and his friends had wanted to skedaddle. 

But could he say anything? Partly, Eren felt as though Levi already knew. He hadn't exactly been subtle about his emotions, especially today, and Eren wouldn't be surprised if how he felt was written all over his face. And these late night meetings had always been quiet, with few words being said. Eren didn't want to start rambling or saying too much. He didn't want Levi to take back the unspoken invitation to join him at the table.

"Thanks, for today," Eren ended up saying anyway, voice quiet and his gaze fixed on the table. Here he was again, all heart and feelings and with words tumbling out.

Levi didn't answer, but when Eren glanced up, he looked back and gave him a small nod. It was enough, for Eren to relax. Levi knew what he meant, had acknowledged what Eren had needed to say. With the tension seeping out of him, Eren realized that he wasn't only physically, but emotionally exhausted. He'd gone from having a rather nice patrol, to being absolutely terrified for Armin, to being scared over his survival, to the sudden relief that his friend would be fine.

Eren felt like he could sleep for a week.

"Don't fall asleep," Levi said and Eren realized that his eyes had fallen closed. "Chairs are shit for your neck."

"Oh, I know," Eren found himself answering drily and with a wry smile and glancing at Levi again. Levi raised an eyebrow at Eren's tone, though Eren could swear that maybe, he was just a bit amused too. Maybe. Levi's face was kind of hard to read. Was it a weird moment, to notice that Levi was good looking? He had a nice face, handsome and even a bit pretty, in a way. He had really nice eyelashes, too. And a nice nose. And his hair looked really soft and shiny.

"Hm, suffer then," Levi said, when Eren made no move to straighten or get up and before Eren knew it, the comment made him laugh for a moment. He wasn't even sure why. Maybe it was because of the deadpan delivery of the words, maybe because he was rather certain that Levi didn't mean them.

For all that the captain could be a terrifying and fierce fighter, he had been kind, in his own way. He hadn't sent Eren away, when he had sought him out late at night, had stayed with him earlier today, when he could have walked away just as well. Levi was protective of his friends and pushed them to take care of themselves. Even if that meant he knocked them out and dumped them in a bathtub. 

His chuckle ended with a soft sigh and Eren felt himself sag fully into the chair, staring up at the ceiling. He knew he should go to sleep and not in another chair, but in his sleeping bag. He knew he wouldn't do that, he'd just return to Armin's side and would remain there, until his friend woke up. Though, he realized he wanted to stay right here a bit longer. Because he liked Levi and liked his presence. Mikasa was with Armin, so he was safe and it was night, so Titans wouldn't attack either.

"Can I stay, for a bit?" he asked, voice softer than he had intended.

"Hm." Levi picked his cup back up, a soft tendril of steam curling up towards his face. "Do what you want."

Eren felt himself smile and he enjoyed the comfortable quiet that slowly began to spread around them a moment later. He listend to the sound of Levi setting his cup down then and again between sips. Eren's eyes fell closed, strangely sure in the knowledge that he could just drift for a moment. Maybe it was because of the way Levi had kept people away earlier that day on the staircase, while Eren had tried his hardest to keep it together. Maybe it was because, aside from the night guard and Hanji, everyone else should be asleep and no one should come down here.

It was nice and despite everything that had happened, despite the ache in his leg and his exhaustion, Eren felt better now, than he had before walking down the stairs.

Of course, he knew that things would be completely different, if he had blown his secret earlier that day. Thankfully, Armin had stopped him from revealing his titan form, because neither Mikasa nor Eren would have been able to stitch him back together on their own and Eren wasn't sure if the survey corps would have helped them, had Eren shifted in front of Sasha.

But, right now, his secret was safe, his friends were here and safe and healing. Eren felt comfortable on this rickety chair, at this rough table, with Levi sitting right there. And there was still a little smile on his face and his body was relaxed and he didn't even care that the back of the chair kind of dug into the back of his neck.

It was probably stupid, but he felt _safe_ , here, with Levi.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter fought me quite a bit and I'm still not entirely sure if it turned out quite how I wanted it to, but I did the best I could and I think it's decent enough. I considered letting this chapter end on a cliffhanger, but that didn't feel quite right, instead, I think it turned out a bit longer than the previous one, I hope that's alright!  
> I hope you'll like it and have fun reading =)

When Armin woke up, Eren had just come back from getting his leg checked out and covered in fresh bandages. The doctor had seemed pleased with how his leg looked and Eren felt briefly, deeply, glad that a fellow soldier had treated him yesterday. There hadn't been any questions as to why his wounds looked better already. Eren had still told the man that he tended to heal well, fast even, and should be fine again soon. On his way back to Armin's room, he had noticed that the sun had begun to rise.

Seeing Armin's eyes open, Eren exhaled heavily, his shoulders sagging and he briefly had to bite back a new, unexpected rush of tears.

"How are you?" Mikasa asked before he could. She sat at the very edge of her chair, hands hovering beside Armin, as though she was ready to help with anything at any second.  
Armin's face scrunched up, pain drawing tense lines. Eren watched as he shifted slightly beneath the blankets, only to flinch slightly and immediately settle down again.

"It's bad, isn't it?" Armin asked, his voice rough and cracking on the words. "It hurts."

"I'll go get a doctor," Mikasa said and with the gentlest of pats to Armin's uninjured shoulder, she rose to her feet and left the room with fast steps.

"I'm sorry," the words were out of his mouth before Eren could think about it. This was probably the worst time to apologize. Armin was in pain, he should help before starting to unload all the thoughts that had accumulated over night. "Sorry, how are you? Cold? Do you need me to get a blanket? Or some water? I can -"

"Eren." Armin's voice caused him to stop, halfway out of his seat, before he sank back onto the chair, sheepish and with guilt nibbling at his thoughts. He knew, in a way, that he wasn't responsible for his friend getting hurt. Levi was right, no one controlled Titans. In the light of day however, with his friend so visibly in pain, the guilt flared back up. Not quite as viciously as it would have, had Eren been left to his own devices yesterday, but it was still there.

"Sorry," Eren said again, though quieter this time. "How do you feel?"

Armin made a soft noise, his face still tense with pain. "As weird as it sounds, I think it could have been worse."

Eren couldn't help the humorless huff that escaped him and he rubbed his hands over his face. His voice was a rough whisper, when he said, "Could've been dead."

"I'm not, though," Armin answered, just as quiet and his voice still cracked a bit. Eren really should get him some water.

The door opened before he could ask and Mikasa returned with the doctor who had looked at Eren's leg just a few minutes ago. Eren reluctantly got up and made space, so the man could talk with Armin and check up on him. The doctor asked Armin how he felt, how bad the pain was, if anything felt off and checked the bandages and stitches and gave Armin something for the pain.

"Call me again in a few hours, or if anything feels wrong," the man said, once he was done. He gave Armin a small smile. "Keep going like this, though, and all that's left is waiting until you're healed up. Do you need anything else?"

Armin shook his head and the doctor left again, gently reminding Eren and Mikasa that, now that Armin was awake, Eren needed to rest and Mikasa had to go back to work, even with a night of poor rest. The door closed behind him and Eren and Mikasa waited a moment, until they had heard his steps fade away.

"I guess we're stuck here now," Armin said. He looked a little less tense, now that his pain began to fade. "I don't think I can move."

"Not with those stitches, no," Mikasa agreed, settling back into her chair and Eren did the same. She looked at them both. "What now?"

"Shouldn't that conversation wait?" Eren asked, glancing at Armin. "You need to rest."

Armin frowned, but didn't protest. "Later," he said instead. "When I can think clearly."

"Take all the time you need," Eren reassured him, though the words felt empty. They were in danger out here, all the time. All it took was too many Titans and the survey corps would have to retreat, either forcing them to return to Maria with the soldiers or running away. Armin wasn't ready for travel.

Mikasa and Eren stayed with him a bit longer, but soon enough, Armin drifted off to sleep again and one of the other soldiers came to get Mikasa. She left with great reluctance and quietly told Eren to take it easy. Eren himself couldn't stay much longer, since the other doctor came by and firmly but kindly told him to go and let his friend rest in peace.

Staying in the outpost and off his leg proved to be simultaneously incredibly boring and nerve-wracking. On one hand, Eren had orders to rest and if he couldn't stay in his sleeping bag, he could help peeling potatoes and carrots for lunch and dinner. But there were only so many vegetables to peel for the cooks, or lanterns to refill or spare gear to clean.

In all honesty, Eren was nervous about the fact that Titans could attack any moment. He wanted to be on his feet and pace, but the moment he walked more than to the outhouse or to ask for another task, one of the two soldiers in charge of food told him to sit back down. Not that pacing was much of a great idea anyway. Even with the extra healing his leg had gotten during the night, it still hurt and putting weight on it for too long made the ache turn into sharp pain.

So Eren sat and tried to keep busy, but his mind kept drifting despite his best attempts to focus on anything else. He kept thinking about the attack and the scenes replayed in his head over and over. Worst of all, his brain began to come up with images of Armin dead, especially as he tried to figure out how to do better in the future. 

In the end, his hands were shaking and he had to focus on his breaths to try and keep them steady. Eren thought back on how he had almost transformed and only Armin had kept him from doing it. With a wash of nausea, Eren realized that he didn't know if he'd make the same choice again in the future.

Eren _knew_ he couldn't, shouldn't, shift around people. He'd endanger everyone at home and Armin and Mikasa as well. People might think they were shifters too and kill them to keep them from transforming. But knowing that didn't make it easier to decide what to do. Eren _wanted_ to shift when his friends were in mortal danger. He couldn't lose them.

Armin had gotten hurt before, but they had been able to handle it, mostly at least. They had returned home as quickly as possible and gotten further aid, but even then, they had been sure that Armin would survive. This time, though? One mistake, one misstep and that would have been it. Eren had come _so close_ to watching him get killed.

He couldn't do that again. But could he condemn everyone at home to even more danger? If the soldiers knew about their existence, would they hunt for people who might be shifters? Would they gather their forces to look for the shifter villages and attack them? They would be right in blaming the shifters for the Titans' existence, but everyone at home was trying to fix that and the ones who were responsible were long dead. Over two hundred years dead in fact.

The thought of bringing his dead friends back home to bury them, however, made him want to vomit and crawl out of his skin. Eren felt terrible, at the realization that, when forced to choose between protecting his friends and protecting his secret, so his home would be safe, he couldn't say he'd choose the latter again. He couldn't let his friends die if he could do something about it. It just wasn't right.

But neither was endangering every other shifter by blowing his secret. 

Eren dropped his head in his hands and dug his fingers into his hair. He didn't know what to do. He didn't know what the right or good answer to this problem was. He couldn't lose his friends and he couldn't condemn the other shifters to even more danger and death. On the other hand, Eren would never be angry at his friends, if they revealed the secret in order to keep each other alive.

Eren just knew that he wanted his friends to live, he wanted his mom and everyone at home to be safe and he wanted the soldiers here to live and be safe, too. Shit, he needed to talk with his friends about this. They might be able to help him make sense of this or tell him what to do.

~*~

Over the next couple of days, Eren got no real chance to talk with his friends about the turmoil in his head and heart. Armin slept most of the time away and Mikasa was gone the whole day, while Eren worried himself sick. At least his leg was healing well, though he found that with his mind all over the place, his grip on his shifter abilities slipped a bit when he slept and he healed a bit more than he probably should have. Thankfully, the doctor didn't seem weirded out and merely complimented Eren on how fast he was getting better.

Titans kept attacking, but their numbers were fewer and fewer, until they had a whole day without any battles. Eren suspected it was because they had killed all the Titans in the area. If he was right, they might have a few days of respite, before more Titans arrived again or wandered by.

The nights Eren laid awake, unable to sleep well, he contemplated going down the stairs and seeing if Levi was there. He didn't, in the end, mostly because these problems weren't things he could discuss with Levi and because he worried he'd give something away, with how restless he was.

Finally, Armin seemed well and coherent enough that Eren thought he could talk with them about what was eating him up from the inside. Mostly though, he was really, really glad that his friend was recovering well. The wounds were healing, slowly but steadily and his arm and ribs were coming along well. The bruises still looked frightful, but they would fade again soon enough.

They all sat with Armin that evening, while Armin finished up his dinner. He was propped up on every pillow and rolled up blanket Eren had been able to scrounge up. And since he had been left mostly alone in the outpost, he had found a few things to make Armin more comfortable. 

Armin was eyeing Eren now, a question in his eyes and Mikasa tipped her head as well, to give him a look. Eren realized that he was jiggling his leg and his fingers kept rubbing or scratching at each other. He probably looked a bit frazzled too.

"What is it?" Armin asked, voice lowered, as he set his now empty bowl aside. "You look worried and stressed."

Eren opened his mouth and suddenly, all his prepared and clamoring words fled him. Like smoke on the wind. He floundered for a moment and then took a deep, bracing breath.

"I need to talk about, you know," he cast a quick glance over his shoulder, making sure the door was still closed. He lowered his voice to a barely audible whisper, "shifting."

Armin's face turned serious and Mikasa straightened slightly in her seat, both of them giving him their full attention. Eren swallowed and felt even more jittery than before.

"I know I'm not supposed to do it, around others," he said and while he kept his voice quiet, he spoke faster and faster, rushing to get the words out, "and I know I can't endanger our home and I want everyone to be safe, but I _can't_ lose you and I don't know what to _do_."

"Breathe," Mikasa interrupted him, reaching out to gently squeeze his shoulder. "What do you mean?"

"I want to shift if anything like the attack a few days ago happens again," Eren said and felt how her hand twitched briefly, her fingertips slightly pressing into his shoulder. "I can't stand by again and watch any you get hurt. I can't, I won't go home without both of you."

Silence settled and Eren heard a rustle and a slight wheeze, before a cool hand reached out to cover his restless ones. Eren looked up from his hands and saw that Armin had shifted just enough to reach him. His friend's face was solemn and a glance at Mikasa showed that she was serious as well. Most of all, he saw the understanding in their eyes and with a heavy exhale, Eren felt tension rush out of him. They understood.

"Let's talk about it, then," Armin offered. "So we know where we stand and what to expect, should anything happen again."

"If we're still up, even if we're bleeding, don't shift," Mikasa said right away. "We know how to fight as well as you do, we have each other's back."

Eren nodded and the jitters in his limbs slowly stopped. "Okay."

"If one of us goes down but the other is nearby, don't shift either," Armin added. "That's why I told you not to. You were healing and standing and I knew you could do it without transforming."

Eren knew that, if he had shifted, things would have turned out far worse for them and Armin might have bled out and died. It made him feel a bit better, though, to hear that Armin had trusted him to defeat the Titan. It soothed the leftover guilt that stubbornly clung to him. Or maybe he clung to the guilt, wondering if it hadn't been his mistake, one way or another, after all, that had gotten Armin so hurt.

"I will do that." Eren trusted them as well. Both Mikasa and Armin were smart and had skills that he didn't have. "If I can cover for you, or you can cover for each other, I won't shift."

"Good." Armin nodded and a tiny smile broke through, before he became serious again. "And if possible, try to swing out of sight, before you shift. I know there most likely won't be time for that, if things are already that dire, or you might forget it in a panic, but try to get behind a tree at least."

"I'll try," Eren promised. He felt a bit better, with these new rules established. "Thank you, both of you. I didn't know what to do. The instructors always told us to choose death over revealing the truth, but...I just can't."

"It doesn't make you a terrible person," Armin cut right to the heart of it. "Any of us would do the same. As would our friends."

"If it comes to it, we'll deal with the consequences," Mikasa said and gave his shoulder one last, gentle squeeze, before she let go again. "If we're all still alive, we can at least defend our home. And we won't be alone there either. All the other shifters will fight with us, should it come to that."

"It won't be good, should it come to that," Armin admitted. "And I don't know how angry the people at home would be, or if we'd be punished for it, but..." His face turned serious and determined and there was a glint in his eyes that Eren had seen only very rarely before. Something steely and cold. "I'd sooner deal with that than lose any of you."

Eren felt his shoulders slump with relief and Armin gave his hands a light squeeze, while Mikasa leaned forward to look at them with the same determination on her face.

"We'll keep each other safe," she said, quiet but hard and fierce. "And we'll protect our home."

"We'd have to hurry back quickly though, if that happened," Armin said. "To warn all the other shifters, going out or trading with the cities would be too dangerous. Killing the shifters would be the simple solution, we have to consider that people might want to capture and experiment on them, too."

Eren felt sick at the thought and he was unsure about everything all over again. He took a deep breath. It was better to know as many consequences as possible. He knew he still wouldn't let his friends die, even if it would bring everything bad down on the heads of his people. Eren had a feeling, that no matter what he'd do, he'd always end up feeling guilty one way or another. At least, with his friends still alive, everyone had a chance to fight and protect each other.

"We'll be careful," Mikasa said after a moment of silence. "And we'll keep watching out for each other."

And with a bit of luck, everything would be alright and Eren still had his secret by the time they were back home.

~*~

Eren wasn't sure what time it was when he woke up, only that he hadn't slept for long. The conversation with Mikasa and Armin had helped and he had fallen asleep right after lying down. For a moment, he was confused as to why he had woken up. Then he heard a truly impressive snore. Baffled, he sat up and saw a two other soldiers move and grumble, as they woke up as well.

"What...who?" Jean asked, voice rough from sleep and slightly slurred as he seemed to be only half-awake.

"I'll get it." That was Connie, who shuffled upright and walked over to another soldier, nudging him until he grunted and rolled over and it was quiet again.

"Thanks." This time, it was Krista who spoke, her voice soft and sleepy. Connie hummed and yawned, before he flopped onto his sleeping bag and wriggled back inside. Jean grumbled and burrowed back into his as well, while Krista rolled over. They all seemed to be asleep again within moments.

Eren, on the other hand, still felt wide awake. For a moment, he contemplated going back to sleep anyway. It was warm in his sleeping bag and while it wasn't the softest thing to sleep on, considering he laid on a stone floor, it wasn't the worst thing he had slept on either. That dubious honor belonged to a particularly chaotic hunt, where they had been forced to take shelter from a storm and had slept under an overhang on millions of the spikiest pebbles in existence. At least, Eren had thought so.

Or, Eren could get up and see if Levi was awake. He didn't know if it was a weird thing, that he looked forward to having another of their late-night quiet moments, but he enjoyed them. Levi was good company, in his own way, and Eren had to admit that he liked getting to know him, even if it was just a little.

Standing up carefully, Eren made his way over to the door. His leg was still healing, though it should be done in two or three days. Eren would have tried to push his recover just a _little_ bit more, but he was rather sure he didn't have the needed control over his healing abilities. Once they were back home, he'd ask Bertolt to give him a few pointers, or to teach him how to be better at the small and more finicky stuff.

At least his limp wasn't as pronounced anymore and walking down the stairs didn't take too long either. Seeing the faint glow ahead made him brighten up a bit and he stepped out into the entrance room to see Levi sitting at the table. 

"Mind if I join you?" Eren asked and realized that a small smile had snuck on his face. Levi pushed the chair out with his foot and Eren found that he really started to like that gesture. Somehow, it felt more welcoming than a simple nod would have.

Levi glanced at the top of his head. "Got woken up?" he asked and Eren nodded, leaning forward and folding his arms on the table.

"One of the others snores really well. How did you know?"

"Your hair, it's impressive," Levi said drily and took a sip of his tea, while Eren unfolded his arms to pat at his hair. Oh, damn, that indeed felt like impressive bed hair. Feeling a bit sheepish, but mostly amused, Eren left it alone. He'd fix it later. Eren gave a shrug and folded his arms on the table again.

"I try my best," he joked back and there was a soft huff from Levi. It sounded like amusement and it made Eren smile a bit wider. He liked sitting here with Levi after all and he hoped he was good, or at least decent, company too.

They lapsed back into their regular silence and Eren relaxed into it. After a couple of days of his mind going in endless circles, it felt like he was finally getting some quiet again. His worries were by no means over, they wouldn't be until they managed to leave and go back home, but he felt a little better after figuring out in which situations he'd shift.

Levi's presence helped too, he noticed. Calm and quiet and there was no pressure to talk or entertain. Eren could just be and either think about the coming days or let his thoughts drift however they pleased. It made him sink a bit more into the rickety chair and a small knot of ever-present tension between his shoulders unwound, at least for now.

Eren had never minded being quiet, but aside from Mikasa and occasionally Armin, he hadn't met anyone who he liked to share silences with. Annie, while being a mostly quiet person herself, hadn't really offered her company in moments like these and Eren hadn't asked either. And other people Eren had sat beside, while no one had said a word, had just made him uncomfortable. But the silence with Levi was nice and relaxing and Eren could let his thoughts drift, while he watched the softly flickering flame of the lantern and Levi finished his tea.

It was almost possible to forget where they were and that with dawn danger returned. Eren ran a fingertip over the rough wood in small circles and briefly wondered how late it was. He wondered when Levi got his rest, but still didn't feel like he could ask such a personal question out of the blue. He did start to worry just a little bit, though.

At last, long after Levi had finished his tea, he shifted in his seat. Eren glanced over, as he got up and picked the cup up.

"I'll head to bed, if you stay longer, extinguish the lantern," Levi said and pushed the chair back beneath the table with one hand. Eren watched as he disappeared into the kitchen and emerged again a minute or two later. He probably had cleaned up the cup.

"Good night," Eren said and found himself smiling at the captain.

"Night," Levi gave him a nod. "Sleep well."

Levi's steps were quiet as he walked up the stairs and Eren couldn't help but watch him leave for a moment, the shadows cast by the lantern flickering over Levi's back, before the darkness of the stairs swallowed him. Well, he had a better idea now on when Levi might head to bed. Far too late, but he _did_ sleep.

Eren reached for the lantern a moment later. He didn't much enjoy staying now that Levi was gone and the silence of the night became heavy and strange. The flame extinguished easily and left Eren in complete darkness. He got to his feet and pushed the chair beneath the table like Levi had, before making his way to the stairs.

Everyone was still asleep when he eased into the room and tiptoed back to his sleeping bag, wriggling inside carefully and quietly. Eren stared up at the ceiling for a long moment and realized that he still felt relaxed. There was even the tinniest of upticks to the corners of his mouth. Not quite a smile, but he was pretty sure that if he looked in a mirror right now, he'd see himself look content and maybe just a little bit happy.

~*~

Two days later, Eren's leg was finally healed again and he was allowed back to work. More Titans had been spotted in the distance last evening and everyone counted on them heading their way. Whatever lull in activity they had gotten by killing all Titans in the area, it was coming to an end, as more followed.

The morning, however, brought thick rain and dark clouds. The ground was muddied by the time they got the horses ready and even with their cloaks, they would get soaked through soon enough. Eren watched as Levi and his squad got ready to leave first. Isabel nudged her horse beside Levi's and gestured, talking animatedly, while her hood slipped back a bit. Eren saw Levi sigh and reach out to tug the cloak back into place, while Isabel gave him a lopsided smile.

Mike's squad was part of the day guard and Eren was glad to go and protect the outpost. He was only a bit worried about leaving Armin, but there were other squads and Erwin and Hanji stayed behind as well, to oversee the construction and keep everything organized. Armin would be safe and the building itself would provide some protection as well, should any Titans get past the day guard.

"Keep to a steady trot," Mike told them, as he led them away from the outpost. "We don't want the horses to slip in this weather, only gallop if you have to fight and keep a close eye out. In this weather, Titans have an easier time going unnoticed."

Mike was right. The rain was muffling all other sounds and visibility was shit. On the other hand, Titans would have a bit of a harder time spotting them as well, their eyesight wasn't much better than a regular humans. At least that was what Eren guessed, from a couple of observations. Titans might have a sort of sense that let them seek out humans in the area, but if they were very quiet and careful, they could always slip by or attack before the Titans got the chance to.

They went to their designated area and kept watch, riding along the perimeter and peering out into the rain. In all honesty, things became miserable after a bit. Usually, if rain came down that thickly, Eren transformed and carried his friends in his hands, so they'd be shielded from the rain, until they found somewhere to hunker down and wait until the worst was over. As a titan, rain didn't bother him and his human body remained warm and dry as well.

Now, though, Eren could only try to ignore the way water found its way beneath his cloak. It started to run down his back and at last reached his underwear. Which was an awful feeling. The cold water made him feel like his balls tried to shrivel inwards. The rain even started to run into his boots and would sooner or later reach his socks.

From the corner of his eyes, he saw Mikasa on her horse and Krista was talking to her, as they rode side by side. They were slowly doing their circuit and were close enough to each other, that they could help in case of danger.

Eren started to blow warm air on his hands when his joints began to ache with all that cold water. Jean joined him a few moments later and Eren noticed that he wore gloves, though the rest of him was just as drenched as Eren. They shared a look of commiserating suffering. 

"Fuck this," Jean grumbled under his breath, as they squinted into the rain again. "This sucks."

It really did. Eren briefly spared a thought for Levi and his squad, who'd have an even shittier time right now. With how much they travelled all the time, to try and kill Titans before they came too close, they'd get even more rained on. Eren and the others at least could move slower and avoid the wind blowing rain into their faces.

"Think it will be an early winter?" Eren asked, while he blew on his hands again. Sometimes he mourned the fact that he couldn't give off unnatural heat even in his human form. Right now, that would be super useful.

"Here." To Eren's surprise, Jean took off his gloves and held them out. "We can share, just be careful with them."

It was said in the sort of half defensive, half warning tone, that was reserved for important things. Eren suspected that the gloves had been a gift from someone, but he took them gratefully and put them on gently. He had gloves as well, but they were at home, along with all his other winter gear.

"Thanks," he said and Jean just waved a dismissive hand. The gloves were soft and still warm from Jean and surprisingly, only a tiny bit damp on the inside. They were obviously well made and Eren caught a small embroidery on the inside, tucked away like a good luck token. The words spelled _'From mom, with love'_. Swallowing, he suddenly missed his own mother and hoped she wasn't too worried. Oh, who was he kidding, she was absolutely worried right about now.

It only seemed to get colder as the day progressed and by the time it got dark and they returned to the outpost, Eren felt like a drowned rat and he was shivering just a little. Even with Jean and he switching the gloves back and forth, the thick fabric had become drenched at one point and their hands had grown ever colder, along with the rest of them.

Levi and his squad returned just as Eren had taken care of his horse and unhooked his gear, to leave it in its designated spot. If he felt like a drowned rat, Levi and the others looked like they had ridden through the ocean. Water dripped in rivulets from them and even though Levi still had his hood up, his hair was visibly plastered to his forehead. He looked as unfazed as ever, even as he left a puddle of water after dismounting in the makeshift stable.

Eren hurried inside with Mikasa to get out of their wet clothes and into dry spares. They had no hot water at the outpost, but a kind soul had already prepared hot tea, so Eren grabbed a cup and held it in cold hands. It didn't smell as good as Levi's, it was simple chamomile, but it was still nice. Marco and Jean clung to their tea more than they drank it and their shoulders were pressed together.

"Tomorrow is going to suck too," Connie sighed, as he dropped into a seat at Eren's side. Sasha was helping distribute dinner and Eren was sure that she was trying to snag extra pieces where people let her. Connie had a shawl wrapped around his shoulders, one Eren knew belonged to Sasha, because he had seen her in it a few nights ago, when she had felt cold.

"Don't remind me," Jean groaned and let his head fall back, while he looked up at the ceiling. "It's going to rain for at least a few more days."

"I think we're going to have an early winter this year," Marco added. "As soon as the air smells of snow and the ground freezes overnight, we know we'll probably have to leave soon."

The thought made Eren nervous. He knew his friends and he had to stay until Armin was healthy enough to travel, but that would take at least another three or four weeks, if they wanted to be on the safe side. They might be able to bounce in two, if something really terrible happened, but that would put Armin at risk and they had nothing to treat him with, if his wounds got infected nor did they have extra bandages. Still, he hoped they would be back home before it started to snow.

Food that evening was a hot stew and freshly baked bread. By the end of it, Eren finally felt warm and he headed to sleep along with the others right away. The outpost was getting even colder at night and the hallways felt nearly frosty. That night, Eren slept without waking up once, happy to be in a cocoon of warmth and exhausted from the day.

The next day brought rain again, though a little lighter than before. It was still so cold, their breaths misted slightly in front of their faces and everyone layered up as much as they could. The sky was overcast with thick grey clouds.

"There is a reason Erwin mostly tries this in summer," Connie murmured, as they got their horses ready. Their squad was part of the day guard again today, along with two more recruits, some newbies, to bolster their numbers. "It always gets so fucking cold in autumn."

"How often do the survey corps try to expand?" Eren asked, as he got into the saddle.

"Two or three times a year, if they can," Krista said, gently patting her horse's neck. "It depends on how much funding the city is willing to give them and how many recruits there are. The survey corps aren't the most popular branch of the military, most trainees want to join the garrison or, if they're good enough, the military police."

"The rest of the time we head out for research and discovery," Jean added, while pulling on his gloves, which he had carefully dried last night. "And sometimes we're called in to clear the Titans off the trading routes, if a lot of them have gathered there."

"It should be the garrison's job, though," Sasha said and she peered out into the rain, gently carding her fingers through her horse's mane. "They're the ones guarding the wall, they should help the traders. We're risking our lives enough as it is."

"And that's exactly why they sent us out, instead of risking their own hides," Connie sighed and pulled his hood up, grimacing at the rain. "Why risk your own ranks, if you can send out the suicidal jackasses."

"Now, it's not quite that bad," Marco cut in with a calming smile. "The garrison always kills the Titans around the city for us, if we want to go out." His face turned more serious. "Enough of them die during that job."

"True," Connie grudgingly admitted, before nudging his horse forward. "Come on guys, let's hope the weather clears a bit later today."

They rode out and Eren caught sight of Levi's squad leaving as well. For a moment, their eyes met and Eren was surprised to see the brief nod Levi gave him. He smiled back before he could stop himself and Levi faced forward again, leading his squad away from the outpost.

"The fuck, I don't think I ever saw anyone smile at captain Levi," Jean said, eyebrows raised as he looked at Eren from beneath his hood. Rain pattered down on them, gentle and light and ridiculously cold. "No one aside from his squad and Hanji and commander Erwin, at least."

Eren shrugged. "I like him, I think he's nice."

Jean scrutinized him with baffled confusion, before he shrugged. "Right. Sure." His voice was dripping with disbelief and Eren couldn't help but chuckle. "Man, you're weird."

"Thanks," Eren said with a sunny smile and Jean huffed in amusement, a reluctant smile of his own tugging on the corners of his mouth.

The thing was, Eren got where Jean was coming from. Levi was by far not a very approachable man and Eren had experienced his skills firsthand years ago when he had stumbled upon Isabel and Farlan. Levi was scary, he was powerful and oozed death and lethal grace whenever he had his blades out. But he was also surprisingly kind and understanding. He listened to people, even to the crazy ideas and theories that Hanji had spouted, before casting his judgment. Levi was smart and attentive and so far, had never asked for more than people could reasonably do. His squad obviously adored and trusted him. 

Eren trusted him. Not in the way he trusted Armin and Mikasa, for that there were too many secrets, but he did trust Levi. It was probably foolish, in the grand scheme of things, but it was the truth.

Eren kept a bit of an eye on the two additional soldiers as they headed to their area. They seemed pretty young, maybe a year or two younger than himself and were new to the survey corps. Mikasa was at his side, with Marco and Jean just a bit ahead of them. The ground was even muddier than yesterday, heavy with water and slick enough that none of them dared to ride faster than they had to. At least visibility was just a little better than yesterday.

Today, they were guarding an area rather far from the forest and even as the day started to slowly pass from morning to afternoon, the lighting remained murky. Eren felt as though it was constant evening.

Mike moved around the most, ensuring he got into contact with them regularly, checking in with them and making sure they kept their flare guns beneath their cloaks. With weather this bad, they had been put into pairs and one of the two had been handed a flare gun. Mikasa carried theirs, mostly because they had silently agreed that she was slightly less prone to reckless idiocy. She surely could be reckless, especially when it came protecting him and Armin, but Eren definitely was the one to always tumble into danger head first.

Mostly, though, Mike stayed with the two new recruits, to ensure they had someone experienced with them.

So far, it was quiet. Wet and cold and miserable, but quiet. Eren would prefer all days to be like this than watch anyone else get killed off. He found himself inching towards Jean again, in the quiet hopes that they might share the gloves again and to leech some warmth. Marco was already with Jean though, and Eren watched as Jean more or less shoved the gloves at a bemused, thankful Marco. Jean's cheeks had turned slightly red.

"See anything yet?" Eren asked, as his horse fell in step with the others'. Mikasa was at his back, keeping an eye out in case anything tried to sneak up from behind.

"No, just endless rain," Jean said, while Marco slipped on the gloves, his face lighting up with pleasant surprise and relief. Eren was just a teensy tiny bit envious. His hands were getting really cold.

"You don't have another pair, do you?" Eren asked Jean, who scoffed.

"Who do you think I am, some saint? Get your own." Jean grumbled under his breath, but Eren got the vague impression, that Jean might still offer him the gloves next, should Marco take them off anytime soon.

Eren let go of the reins and shoved his hands beneath his armpits. It made the still dry fabric there slightly damp, but it was nicely warm at least. It didn't make steering his horse easy, but his mare seemed content to walk along with the others, so he just let her. Damn it, his socks were getting wet now. The next second, the rain grew heavy and thick, falling down on them as strongly as it had the day before and the sky seemed to get darker. Eren couldn't help the sigh that escaped him. Of course it had to get worse.

"If none of the soldiers get sick from this, I'll eat my gear," Jean murmured, frowning at their surroundings. "I know the new recruits weren't prepared for that kind of weather."

In all honesty, Eren himself wasn't prepared for it, but that was mostly because he had come equipped for a hunt and running on the assumption that he'd spend a portion of his day as a titan. If he'd known in advance he'd end up like this, he'd have packed thicker socks and picked warmer pants from the uniforms they had been told to choose from back in Maria. Maybe he'd have thought to get some gloves as well.

"They'll be alright," Marco said reassuringly and Eren noticed that he held his hands carefully tucked beneath the edges of his cloak, as though to shield the gloves from the rain as much as possible.

Eren glanced at Mikasa, who steered her horse to his side. She seemed unfazed in the weather and Eren was a whole lot envious of that. She had always been a bit tougher than the rest of them, though he noticed that her knuckles and the tip of her nose were turning slightly red. Otherwise, she seemed fine. Eren on the other hand felt like a cat that had fallen into a lake.

"Think the weather is keeping the Titans away?" Marco asked and Eren shrugged.

"Let's hope so," he said. The truth was, bad weather didn't slow Titans down, but it did affect their vision. They still managed to find people, but it took them longer and if one was quiet and hid well, they'd bumble on past.

They walked on with the occasional quiet bit of conversation, but mostly they remained silent. The stronger rain created a constant noise and Eren had to really concentrate to hear anything past it. They had their lunch atop the horses, which really just consisted of very soggy bread, that fell apart in their hands and some wet, dried fruit.

By the time evening started to approach and the sky seemed to get darker, Eren was ready to light a fire and lie down in it. He felt frozen all over and his friends were in much the same state. Jean had let Marco keep his gloves for most of the time, only occasionally taking them back and handing them over as soon as he had warmed them back up.

Eren noticed their horses getting restless as they got ready to head back to the outposts. The animals lifted their heads from the lowered position and previously rain-drooped ears perked up. They began to snort, drawing in great breaths as though to scent the air.

"Wait a moment," Eren called to his friends. Marco and Jean had drifted a bit ahead of them, with Marco insistently handing the gloves back, pointing out Jean's red knuckles. Mikasa, who had let her horse move a bit to the side, to keep an eye on their flank, immediately stopped, with Marco and Jean looking back.

Eren listened intently. He couldn't hear anything, nor see anything in the rain. Frowning, he slid out of the saddle. A second after his boots hit the ground with a wet noise, he felt what the horses had noticed first. The ground was shaking.

"Titans!" he shouted, just as the first shape loomed through the thick rain. Cursing, Eren scrambled for his horse, while Marco immediately groped for the flare gun and Jean and Mikasa urged their horses on. Swinging back into the saddle, Eren joined them, while behind him, he heard the bang and hiss of the flare. Shit, he hoped the others could see it in this weather and with the sky getting darker. According to Hanji, they should, but what if they weren't looking in this very moment? Would they notice it anyway?

The shape seemed to split, as behind the big Titan, two slightly smaller ones lunged forward.

"Fight or get the others?" Jean shouted over the whistling wind and drumming rain. Eren thought of Armin, who was stuck in the outpost, which was right behind them. If they didn't stop the Titans, if none of the others showed up to kill them, they'd get there and who knew what damage they could do.

"Fight!" he shouted back and Marco, who caught up to them, nodded in agreement. Jean grit his teeth and spurred his horse forward, letting go of the reins to grab his blades and launch himself out of the saddle. Eren followed him a moment later, anchoring himself to one of the smaller ones. Behind him, he heard more hissing and knew that Mikasa and Marco had joined them.

Rain was crashing down on them, making it harder to see and Eren just barely avoided getting punched straight into the ground, by dodging around the Titan's lifted fist at the last second. It whooshed past him and he clicked the triggers, zipping up its arm to slash his blade across its eyes. It reared back with a cry, hands lifting and steam rising. Shit, these were terrible conditions to fight in and his waterlogged clothes didn't help. If he could shift, it would be different, a bit less dangerous, but he didn't have that option now.

Whirling around the wailing Titan, as it protected its face, he pressed the triggers again for a burst of speed, lifting the blades and slashing across the neck. The Titan collapsed in a massive cloud of steam, that entirely robbed him off his view. Cursing, Eren used more gas than he liked to get out of it and land safely on the ground, his foot slipping in the mud and nearly sending him sprawling. Scrambling to regain his balance, he had to lift a hand to push the hood back a bit. 

The rising steam didn't let him see the other two Titans, but he caught glimpse of Mikasa and lunged back into the air to join her. One of his hooks found purchase in the other smaller Titan's thigh and Eren swung by at ankle height, glancing up to see where Mikasa was. He caught a flash of blades and a whirl of movement, before an explosion of steam forced him to retreat again, as the Titan died.

This time, his leg slipped from beneath him, as he landed with a bit too much force. Eren went down on a knee, keeping himself from face-planting into the ground. Slightly out of breath, he looked up, squinting to try and see the others in the rain. His eyes widened when he spotted Marco, right by the big one, obviously trying to distract the Titan, while Jean headed for its neck. Marco was pale, eyes a bit too wide and as the Titan grabbed for him, Eren caught the way he briefly froze up, face turning ashen. It was enough and even when he tried to react again, the Titan's fingers closed around him. Eren was too far away to reach him in time and Mikasa was too far, but Jean wasn't.

The next seconds passed by in a lightning quick flash. Jean redirected with a shout of Marco's name, slamming his blades down on the Titan hand with vengeance, teeth bared in fury and fear. The Titan dropped Marco with a screech and grabbed onto Jean, who had just a second to get wide-eyed and terrified, before the Titan shoved him into its mouth, closed it and swallowed.

Eren moved before he was quite aware of it, with nausea burning in his throat. He caught Marco just before he collided with the ground, both of them landing roughly and tumbling a bit across the grass and dirt. Marco was shaking and ghostly pale, panicked and had a faraway look in his eyes, as he stumbled upright, seemingly unhurt, but one of his blade boxes was dented. He was heaving great breaths, as though he couldn't get enough air into his lungs.

"Breathe!" Eren called and dragged him back further, startling him. Marco's head snapped up and tears gathered in his eyes, as he stared up at the Titan, horror blooming across his face.

Mikasa landed at their side, obviously checking if they needed immediate aid, while the Titan shifted to look at them.

"No, oh no, what have I done." Marco's voice broke and a sob caught in his throat. Eren felt shaken all over, as though shock had frozen his chest solid.

Then he sucked in a sharp breath. Jean had been _alive_ going down. He knew from other hunters that people had a minute or two, maybe three if they had been unharmed, in a Titan's stomach before they were dead. Killing a Titan destroyed everything they had eaten, but it was alive and they still had a chance to get Jean back out. His breath started to grow thin as the realized what he'd had to do. And he would, there was no way he'd leave Jean in there, not when he knew of a way to maybe, hopefully, get him out before it was too late.

"I'll get him," he rasped out, grabbing his cloak and shucking it off. It was too waterlogged to be of any aid in a fight. "I need you to cut his belly open."

Mikasa and Marco stared at him, startled, and Mikasa's face immediately shifted to that look she got when she was willing to bodily drag him away to safety, for his own good. He couldn't let her, even if a part of him felt shaky.

"I can take it," he said, readying his blades and swallowing hard, his heart racing in his chest. He couldn't walk away, not when he could _do something_. What good were his abilities if he couldn't save a friend? "You know I can. I'm the one who has the best chance."

He could heal, he'd survive the stomach acid of the Titans far better than Jean would. If Eren got in there, especially without damaging his gear, he might be able to cut at the stomach from the inside. And even if not, even if it was all too late and Jean died, he'd still get out alive. He'd heal. He held eye contact with Mikasa.

"If you can't get his stomach open, leave," he said and lifted his hand slightly in the way he always did if he was about to bite himself. If Mikasa got Marco away, he could shift without anyone knowing. Mikasa grit her teeth and turned to face the Titan that was starting to lean down and reach for them.

"Alright, go, you have forty seconds, then we're gone," she said and Eren jumped up, ignoring Marco's startled shout.

People usually didn't willingly jump into a Titan's mouth. If shifters got eaten, they transformed if they still had the strength for it and busted their way back out. Eren wasn't exactly the first to pull a stunt like this. Other shifters had to do it in the past to save fellow hunters, but they had been clear about only doing this in very dire situations. Forty seconds, he had that long to get Jean free. It had to be enough. Eren dodged around the hand that tried to snatch him with a burst of gas. The Titan had its mouth wide open, like most once they caught sight of food. Eren involuntarily held his breath, as he crashed onto the Titan's tongue, biting back a sudden surge of instinctive panic. This was the one place they all were taught to avoid. Tucking his blades close and at an angle that was as safe as possible, Eren closed his eyes as the mouth slammed shut and the Titan swallowed.

Going down was the weirdest, most frightening thing to experience, a wet slide of muscle that crushed all air out of his lungs. Then Eren suddenly fell for a second and slammed into a knee-deep pool. Quickly getting up and gasping for air, he came face to face with Jean, who looked like he was either going catatonic with shock or heading straight into a severe panic attack. He had angry burn spots on his face and holes in his clothes, which revealed red skin beneath. Eren grabbed him and hauled him onto his back as much as he could.

"Get your feet up!" he shouted, unable to be quieter, even tough it was almost deadly quiet in here. His breath was going too fast and he held the blades too tightly.

"What the fuck is wrong with you!" Jean's voice was high pitched, near hysteric and just as loud, but he pulled his legs from the stomach acid and clutched onto Eren's shoulders with a painfully tight grip, his knees gripping his hips above the blade boxes. "Do you have a death wish?!"

"I'm getting you out!" Eren shouted back and noticed that Jean's boots had mostly dissolved. The leather had been eaten through in most parts and revealing blistering, bleeding skin that dripped red into the acid. "Hold on!"

Slashing at the inside of the stomach, Eren only realized another flaw in his already flawed plan, when hot steam burst into their faces, making him curse. Jean instinctually ducked his head to hide his face as much as possible. Shit, they had no choice though, there was only one way out and time was running out. Eren slashed again and this time, he dug his blades as deep as they could go, carving a large chunk out.

The Titan screamed and it was weird to hear it from the inside, muffled and almost far away. Eren found himself thrown against the stomach wall, as the Titan jerked and recoiled from the pain inside. He barely managed to remain upright and keep Jean from slipping back into the acid. Holding his breath against the steam and ignoring the way he felt his face tingle with healing powers at the close proximity, Eren carved into the flesh again.

Just a hand's width above his head, a blade suddenly stuck into the stomach from the outside and Eren felt a surge of relief and determination. He shoved his blade through to the handle, to signal where they were, before removing it from the handle and going for a new blade, which he just barely pulled past Jean's knee. His feet started to hurt and he wondered if the acid had already eaten through his boots as well.

He got another piece of flesh carved out, when suddenly a blade sliced just barely past his face and a gust of fresh air rushed in. Eren doubled his efforts and just as he managed to carve an opening big enough with the help from his friends outside, he shoved them through, tumbling into free-fall.

Eren was unable to right them to get an angle for the hooks and the next second, Marco caught them before they hit the ground. They landed roughly and Marco kept Eren and Jean from skidding fully into the mud.

"Insane, you're absolutely insane," Jean gasped out, sucking in air just as harshly as Eren did. Air had never tasted so sweet and Eren suddenly felt ready to cry at the feeling of rain drumming down on them. They were outside! Eren's knees gave out and he realized that he started to shake all over. Fuck, they had made it! Jean jerkily let go of him and fell against Marco, who held onto him with tears in his eyes and obvious concern, carefully taking Jean's weight so his bleeding legs didn't have to carry him much. Eren was pretty sure Jean didn't even register the pain right now.

A rush of steam drew their attention and Mikasa swung out of it, Titan blood slowly disappearing from her face. She hit the ground with more force and managed to skid to their side without losing her balance. She immediately grabbed Eren and looked him over, her eyes dark and grip hard. Eren glanced down and realized that his boots were pretty much useless now. They had started to get large holes and thin patches all over, and bits of steam was rising from his legs as his skin and flesh healed, only to fizzle out a moment later. During everything, he hadn't even noticed that he had gotten hurt.

"Thanks," Jean rasped and Eren looked up, still heaving air and Jean was tightly holding onto one of Marco's arms, his eyes wide and a bit wild around the edges. "You're absolutely crazy, but thank you. Thank you."

"Couldn't leave a friend behind," Eren gasped out and Mikasa shifted into his view.

"Breathe with me," she said quietly and Eren did his best to match her, slowly calming down and the tremor eased out of his limbs. She narrowed her eyes at him. "Never do that again."

"Agreed," Eren mumbled. He didn't want to repeat that. He would, if he had to, to save Armin or Mikasa or any of the other friends he made here. But he really hoped he'd never have cause to do so again. It had been terrifying.

Marco whistled for their horses, eyeing Jean's legs with visible concern and guilt. He was still so pale his face looked grey.

"Mikasa, fire the flare," Marco said, while the horses galloped towards them, careful not to slip in the wet grass. "Maybe they'll see it this time."

With a nod, she drew the gun and aimed it straight up. A line of bright green shot towards the clouds, soon swallowed by the thick rain and slowly fading daylight. Eren locked his knees and forced his legs to carry him, as he straightened up. He realized with a start that the acid had eaten through the soles of his boots and his socks. His bare feet hit cold grass and mud. Marco carefully leaned Jean against Mikasa, when she stepped up to them and he headed for his saddlebags.

This time, the others had seen their call for help. Or maybe, they had seen it before too and just hadn't made it in time, but help arrived quickly. Marco had started to carefully bandage Jean's legs, whose face had begun to tense with pain. The shock was starting to wear off. Eren still felt kind of jittery and kept a paranoid eye out. The last thing they needed was more damned Titans.

Mike jumped off his horse as soon as he reached them, as did Krista with a noise of alarm. She quickly helped Marco with the bandaging, while Mike demanded to know what had happened.

"Titans attacked, we killed them," Mikasa answered, keeping a wary eye out and sticking close to Eren once again. She had picked up his discarded cloak, though, and wrapped it back around his shoulders.

"I was eaten," Jean grit out, sucking in a sharp breath as one particularly badly bleeding spot got covered. "Eren followed me, cut us out with Mikasa and Marco helping."

"She distracted the Titan," Marco pitched in, while Mike started at them in startled surprise. Krista's eyes had gone wide and she glanced between them with equal relief and disbelief. "I helped cut them free."

"You'll tell me in more detail what happened when we're back," Mike said and gripped Jean beneath the arms, while Marco grabbed his legs, careful to touch him above the knees, where he only had a few acid burns. The helped him onto Marco's horse and Marco got on behind him, carefully holding onto him.

Mikasa gave Eren a small boost, once he realized that he wasn't quite as steady as he had thought.

"Thanks," he whispered when they moved back to the outpost and she had steered her horse close enough that their knees brushed from time to time. She glanced at him from beneath her hood. "For trusting me."

She didn't look happy, but she sighed softly. "I wish you would stop being so reckless." Her voice lowered to a whisper that he just barely caught over the falling rain. "We have to leave, before this place kills us."

Swallowing against his dry throat, Eren couldn't say anything to refute her. Mikasa was right, being with the survey corps had endangered them more than just hunting had, which was already dangerous enough.

"As soon as Armin is healthy, we leave," he promised in a whisper. "No matter what."

As long as nothing killed them until then. Eren ducked his head and tried not to think about the vision of Jean getting eaten or what it felt like to get swallowed himself.

~*~

Jean was brought to the doctors as soon as they arrived and Eren and the others were ushered off to get into dry clothes. The others pestered him to get the whole story out of him and Mike listened quietly.

"That was very dangerous, Eren," he said with a grave frown. "But, thank you."

To Eren's surprise, Sasha handed him half her bread roll that day during dinner. At his baffled look, she gave him a small shrug. "You got Jean out. He's...he's a great friend, Eren. I know you're still somewhat new, but we all knew him since we were recruits. I've known all these guys for years. Just, thanks, you know."

Connie and Krista nodded seriously and Marco gave him a smile filled with so much relief and gratitude, he had to look away.

Eren honestly didn't know what to say, but even more than before, realized that it had been worth it. The fear, the panic, the danger, the absolute awfulness. He bit into the bread to hide how touched he felt. He understood Sasha and the others very well. Armin and Mikasa meant the world to him and he wanted them as safe and happy as they could be in the world they lived in. If someone had saved their lives, he probably would have dragged that person into a tight hug in gratitude. Might have cried a tear or two, too.

It didn't make going to sleep that night any easier. Eren laid awake, more than aware of the empty spaces around him. Armin's bedroll, which Mikasa and he still kept rolled out and close to them. The empty roll next to where Marco slept, since Jean was kept in a room with other heavily injured soldiers. The rolls of the soldiers who had died and which had been stacked in one corner.

Even when Eren closed his eyes and laid still, breathing calmly, his mind refused to settle. He noticed one of the others getting up and quietly slipping out of the room, though he didn't open his eyes to check who it was.

Their world was so fucked up. And Eren's people were the reason for it. The reason for all the dead, all the injured ones, all the fear. If he thought about it too much, it made him absolutely furious and he often found himself wishing that he could reach into the past and throttle the scientists.

With a sigh, Eren gave up on sleep and sat up. Everyone else looked to be asleep as he carefully eased his way out of the room. He hoped Levi wasn't.

Since Eren still hadn't gotten new socks - had forgotten to ask, if he was honest, he was pretty sure he could get a pair from somewhere though - he quickly slipped on the spare boots he had been handed. They were a decent enough fit, thankfully.

Sneaking down the stairs, he noticed a flicker of light a floor down, where the injured soldiers were. Concern for Armin and Jean filled him and Eren padded towards the door, wondering if everything was alright, or if one of the doctors had been needed for a late night emergency. As he got close to the door, he heard a voice he hadn't expected.

"This is my fault," Marco said and his quiet voice sounded rougher than Eren had heard from him before. He peered into the room and spotted Marco sitting beside Jean, who was awake as well. "If I hadn't frozen up..."

"No." Jean reached out and gripped his arm. "Don't do that. We have each other's back, right? I watch yours, you watch mine, like we always have and if we mess up, we help each other."

Marco bit his lip, looking torn. "What if I do it again? I saw that hand and...suddenly all I could see was that day in the woods. If that strange Titan hadn't come by, that would have been it."

"Hey." Jean's voice softened and his hand slid lower, to give Marco's hand a gentle squeeze. "Listen to me, Marco. You never make the same mistake twice, you believe in people more than anyone else I know. You always find a solution and you're one of the few damn people I know who are genuinely good. It's going to be okay, we'll figure it out."

"I thought I had lost you," Marco said and his voice broke on a quiet sob.

"Shit," Jean murmured and reached out to drag Marco into a hug. "I'm here, okay? I'm here."

Eren eased back from the door, feeling as though he was witnessing something not meant for him. He felt a niggling of worry for Marco settle in the back of his head. Eren knew what it meant to freeze up. He had done it before himself. No training in the world could prepare them for all the shit the world could throw at them, at least that was what one of the older shifters had told them upon graduating. Eren just hoped he'd not freeze up in important situations.

Heading further down the stairs, to his relief, he spotted the faint flicker of light, growing stronger as he rounded the bend. Levi sat at the table like always, a cup of tea in his hands. Since it was still full and steam rose, it must have been freshly brewed. Eren felt how some tension uncoiled in his chest and his shoulders eased a bit, especially once Levi pushed out the chair with his foot without prompting. His eyes were sharp and serious tonight.

"What you did was really fucking reckless," Levi said, as soon as Eren sat down. "Stupid even. You could have died."

Eren tried to ignore how dry his mouth became. "Jean was still alive, going down," he said, forcing his back to remain straight. He wasn't sorry for what he had done. Not since it meant Jean was still with them. "I couldn't just walk away and killing a Titan destroys everything they ingested."

Levi looked back at him for a long moment, a frown pulling on his brows. "I understand why you did it," he added, surprising Eren. "But one day, doing dangerous shit like that will cost you your life. You were really lucky today."

Eren was well aware of that. There were a multitude of ways to kill him, just because he could become a titan didn't mean that he couldn't be squashed beneath a falling building, or drowned, or beheaded or a plethora of other things. Hell, he just needed to be too exhausted to shift to get killed off like any other regular person. The worst mistake a shifter could make, was think of themselves as invincible. That had killed a number of hunters, who had gotten too cocky and self-confident, to the point where they had thought nothing could touch them. But Eren could survive it if he got hurt and he had to take advantage of that if he could. To keep others safe.

"I know, but I'm not sorry I did it," Eren said quietly. "Jean's my friend."

Levi watched him for a long moment. Something along his face seemed to soften just a bit and he exhaled. It wasn't quite a sigh, but he picked up his cup and took a sip. Silence tentatively settled around them and Eren sank back into the chair, finally feeling some of the calm he had tried to find ever since he jumped into a Titan's mouth. That would give him nightmares. Still worth it.

The room, however, felt a bit colder than usual tonight and Eren felt a shiver climb down his spine. Or maybe that was just Eren, who had spent the whole day getting rained on. Levi sat the cup down with a gently click and rose to his feet. Curious, Eren watched as he disappeared through the door to the kitchen. Two or three minutes later, Levi emerged with a steaming mug, setting it down in front of Eren, who felt stunned and pleasantly surprised.

"Thanks," Eren said with a smile and Levi hummed dismissively, sitting back down.

"It's too fucking cold," Levi murmured and sipped his tea again. Eren took a careful sip as well and realized that this wasn't the blend readily available in the kitchen. This tasted like Levi's personal blend and he had been right, it tasted even better while hot.

Eren hid a smile by taking another sip and wasn't sure if the warm flush to his cheeks was because of the heat of the tea or something else. They sipped the tea in comfortable silence and Eren realized that he felt peaceful. Settled and calm.

Once he had slowly finished his tea, Eren couldn't hold back yawns anymore. A part of him wanted to fall asleep right here, though he knew it would be a terrible idea. Neither the table nor the chair were in any way appropriate.

"Thank you, for the tea," Eren said as he pushed back to get up. "I need to go to sleep."

"Hm." Levi merely tilted his head and watched as Eren vanished into the kitchen to clean his mug. Stepping back out, once it was dried and in its proper spot, Eren gave him a smile.

"Good night," he said and headed for the stairs.

"Eren." Levi's voice made him turn around. Levi threw him a small pack and Eren caught it, his eyes widening when he noticed it was a pair of warm, thick wool socks.

"Yours got disintegrated, I heard. Don't get frostbite," Levi said, turning back to sipping the last of his tea. "And for fucks sake, ask for a second pair, we brought some along. Don't be one of the people who wear the same pair for days without washing them."

Eren couldn't help the amused, slightly delighted laugh that escaped him, tucking the socks away securely and feeling another rush of warmth, this one spreading through his chest. In the flickering lamp light, it almost looked like the corners of Levi's mouth twitched up.

"Alright, I will," Eren promised. "Sleep well."

"Hm, night," Levi answered and Eren left, a smile staying on his face all the way to his room. He slipped out of the boots quietly and tiptoed barefoot across the floor to his sleeping bag. Once there, he put the socks on and wriggled into his bag.

His feet became cozily warm within moments and he finally fell asleep, still smiling softly to himself.


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I thought about splitting this chapter up or letting it end on a bit of a cliffhanger, but in the end, I decided against it. So this chapter ended up rather long! I hope it turned out well and that you'll like it!

Eren stared out across the surroundings of the outpost, frozen grass and earth crunching beneath his mare's hooves. His breath misted in front of his face and it was bitterly, chillingly cold. At least the rain had stopped now, after a week of constant wetness. In exchange it had grown terribly cold practically overnight and any kind of puddle had turned into a frozen mirror. The air smelled of frost and snow. Winter wasn't far now.

Marco rode at his side, while Mikasa was a bit ahead of them and Sasha and Connie a bit behind them. Eren could occasionally hear them talk, but they weren't loud and close enough for him to overhear their conversation. It was a quiet morning so far, but the day had just begun, so there was still plenty of time for things to go awry.

"It's going to snow soon," Marco murmured. Eren noticed that he wore Jean's gloves, though the fingertips and palms looked a little bit rough, due to having been dipped into Titan stomach acid. They were still serviceable enough, though. "Unless we get a sudden rise in temperature, I'll give it two weeks at most before the first snowfall."

"Will the construction work stop then?" Eren asked, a small fissure of alarm zipping through his veins. He hoped they would get those full two weeks. Armin was healing well and in two weeks, he'd have over a month of healing, so they could run. Eren would of course prefer to let his friend recover entirely, but it became clear that the weather wasn't going to allow that. Two weeks. Surely they could stay for two more weeks. 

"Only if the snow persists. The start of winter rarely brings heavy snowfall right off the bat. But if we do get a few days of constant snowfall, then Erwin will give the order to pack up and return home."

Home. The mere thought of it made Eren ache by now. While they had been gone a long time in summer, this was different. He missed his mother and his friends and not having to worry about his secret. And he missed his titan form, missed running with steps that shook the earth and being big enough that he could touch the canopy of the trees with a jump.

Marco gave him a small smile, slightly fiddling with the slack reins of his horse. "In all honesty, I look forward to going back." His smile brightened. "There are still a lot of places I couldn't show you guys. I think I already know where I'll take you next."

Eren blinked, taken aback and surprised. He hadn't even thought about that, he realized. He hadn't thought about his new friends looking forward to showing them more of their home. Eren, Armin and Mikasa couldn't go back to Maria, though. Even if a sudden, heavy snowfall forced the survey corps to leave in a week or less, Eren would bundle up Armin and book it with Mikasa.

"I look forward to it," Eren lied through his teeth, doing his best to smile, hoping it looked real.

"I won't tell you where we'll go, though," Marco continued, a mischievous spark lighting up his eyes. "That will be a secret and a surprise."

Eren was about to answer, when an icy wind brushed past them and they both shivered. The cloaks were thick, but not thick enough to stop the frosty air from sneaking beneath and through the gaps. Eren still had no gloves, but at least his feet were cozily warm, thanks to Levi's socks. He did get a second pair of socks, but he found he still preferred the one Levi got him. They felt warmer, for some reason.

"I wish the cold would affect the Titans too," Marco murmured, tucking his cloak even firmer around himself. Eren felt a bit like a green caterpillar, as he tried to wrap his cloak around himself like a cocoon as well. He couldn't help but think of Levi, who was riding as mercilessly as always, keeping as many Titans away from them as he could. Eren hoped he had thick and warm clothes for that job.

"Yeah, a few frozen Titans wouldn't be so bad," Eren agreed.

As they rode on, the day didn't get warmer. The light remained rather dim, a steady wind blew like ice knives and Eren slowly but steadily lost all feeling in his hands. Even his toes started to go numb and he took to shoving his hands beneath his mare's mane as often as he could. If she noticed his cold fingers pressing against her fur, she didn't show it, just steadily clopped on. At least the frost started to fade, even if the ground remained hard and ice crunched whenever a horse stepped into a puddle that had frozen over.

By the time they returned with the sinking sun, they had fought two Titans and Eren felt so frozen, he had lost all feeling in his hands. When he got out of the saddle and his feet it the ground, a brief spike of pain went through his cold toes and he grimaced. He fumbled with the buckles of the bridle and saddle, as he took them off the horse. His mare briefly nudged his arm, before she was led away to be fed and watered.

Dinner that evening was rather quiet, aside from the soldiers grumbling and complaining beneath their breath. Eren felt tired, mostly because of the cold. Aside from one battle, the day hadn't been taxing, but the constant leeching of heat had stolen his energy as well. Even Mikasa seemed a tad drained. Eren could tell by the way she seemed even quieter than usual, her eyes not as attentive and watchful over everyone. She even ate a bit slower.

Still, even with being tired, Eren and Mikasa didn't miss visiting Armin.

"How are you?" Eren asked once they closed the door. Jean was asleep in a bedroll on the ground. His legs were healing well and the doctors said that he should be fine in given time.

"Better, I can even move a little again without it hurting too much," Armin said with a slight smile. He glanced around carefully and lowered his voice, so only they could still hear him. He was more serious now. "I just need a bit more time before we leave."

"Don't worry," Eren said, though he knew there were plenty of reasons to worry. "Take all the time you need, we'll take care of the rest."

Mikasa nodded, her eyes hard and determined. "We'll go home."

Armin smiled softly. "Thank you. So, tell me, did Eren get into trouble again today?"

Eren groaned, though it was in a joking way, while Mikasa's expression lightened. Since they knew her well, it was easy to spot the way she almost smiled.

"No, he behaved today."

"You get eaten _once_ ," Eren said in mock exasperation. It was almost easy to joke about it now, a week after getting swallowed. It helped that he hadn't had many nightmares so far, but maybe they would appear more often later. Sometimes, his nightmares were the strongest when he was home, when he was warm and safe and didn't have to worry about anything.

Armin had been startled when Mikasa and Eren had told him about what had happened to Jean. Eren had seen how unhappy Armin had been that he hadn't been there, to aid them in any way he could. It had helped, that Eren was obviously alright, but Armin had made him promise to be even more careful. Eren had promised, even though they all knew that they couldn't predict when danger might hit.

"Eren, I want to ask you something," Mikasa spoke up, after they had lapsed into a moment of silence and Armin had breathed carefully through the flash of pain laughing had given him. "Where do you go at night?"

Armin looked surprised and then cast a questioning glance Eren's way. Who suddenly felt...strangely shy. That had never happened before and he rubbed the back of his neck.

"I've met up with Levi," he admitted quietly, speaking softly so none of the other injured soldiers might overhear. Most were asleep, but over by the window, one with a broken arm was still awake and another one with a bandaged head stared listlessly at the ceiling. "At first it was just to see when he went to sleep or if he was there regularly. You know, so we knew when we could leave without being noticed."

"And then?" Armin prompted, voice kept soft as well and while he looked a tad worried, mostly he just seemed really interested about what Eren had been up to.

Eren shrugged helplessly. "I like him."

Mikasa shifted slightly in her seat, straightening in a subtle way that caught his attention. "You've become friends?"

"I don't know if I'd go quite that far," Eren admitted. Or, maybe they were friends? The time he spent with Levi felt...he'd never describe anything about Levi as soft, but when he thought about their late night meetings, the comfortable silences and pleasant company, the mere memory felt soft. Warm and nice, especially recently. Eren wasn't sure if they were friends, but he certainly looked forward to spending time with Levi again.

"As long as he's nice," Mikasa said. There was a subtly undertone to her voice, one Eren only caught because he knew her so well. It was the sort of tone that said 'He better be nice to you, or else'.

He found himself smiling at her, nudging their shoulders together and lowering his voice conspiratorial: "He got me socks."

Armin blinked in surprise and Mikasa looked briefly caught off guard as well, but her shoulders eased a tad and she gave him one of those amused looks of hers.

The rest of their visit, they had light conversations. Eren could have told them more about Levi and the time they had spent together, but he found himself reluctant to share more. It felt too private for that.

Mikasa and he tiptoed out of the room, once Armin started to fall asleep. He still didn't have much energy and tired quickly. Everyone else seemed to be asleep as well by that point, though Jean's face was tense with pain and Eren suspected that he'd wake up again soon. Hopefully the doctors had enough supplies to keep numbing everyone's pain.

Back in their room, most of their friends and the other soldiers were already asleep. It was still freezing cold, so everyone was tucked in tightly. To Eren's surprise, he saw that Marco had pulled his bedroll to lie between them and Sasha, who was snuffling softly in her sleep, her face tucked into her sleeping bag as much as possible.

Marco was still awake, staring up at the ceiling and he gave Eren a weak smile, once he settled down beside them. Mikasa gave Marco a small nod, while she lied down. Armin's sleeping bag was still spread out beside them, a silent but constant reminder that he'd return to their side and they would wait for him.

"Everything okay?" Eren asked softly.

Marco's smile faded and his gaze slid away. "I didn't want to sleep alone."

While they were all in a room with twelve other people, Eren understood what he meant. From the first day, Marco and Jean had picked a corner for their sleeping bags together. Just like Connie and Sasha slept side by side and Eren was used to having Mikasa and Armin there.

"I hope you don't mind," Marco tacked on softly and Eren gave him a smile, tucking himself as deeply into his sleeping bag as possible.

"Of course not. Good night, Marco, sleep well."

"Night." Marco's voice was soft and Eren closed his eyes. While he had intended to just wait a bit and then head down to talk to Levi, he fell asleep within minutes.

~*~

Four days later, things were still freezing cold, but at least it hadn't rained again. There had been hail for a few minutes, but that had been it. Eren hoped it would remain that way. The longer there was no snow, the better.

However, the constant cold wore them all down, to the point where everyone went to sleep right after dinner and remained in their sleeping bags until the morning. Soldiers had started coughing and sniffling over those days and a handfull of them looked as though they were on their way to becoming rather sick.

Eren had snuck out of the room once to talk with Levi, but Erwin and Hanji had been up and after hovering by the stairs for a moment, Eren had realized that they weren't going to leave soon, so he had gone to sleep. It had been nice, though, to hear them talk with each other, friendly and familiar and Hanji had laughed at one of Levi's dry remarks.

"I feel like old salad," Sasha murmured over dinner. "All limp."

She was slumped onto the table, her meal already devoured. Krista beside her seemed like a drooping flower, eyes falling closed and hair limp without any shine. They all looked as worn as they felt. Connie, who sat on Sasha's other side, looked ready to fall asleep on the spot.

The cold wasn't the only thing they had to contend with, more Titans had kept showing up over the past days as well. Fighting them with numb fingers and the icy wind getting below the clothes with their maneuvers was anything but fun. 

"I hope it snows soon," Sasha mumbled into the wood of the table and Connie and Krista hummed in agreement.

At least the construction work had continued steadily and without disturbances. The old walls had been repaired and the crushed ones rebuilt. In another two weeks, and they'd be done with the leftover building work and they'd be able to start building the perimeter fence. Eren wondered if they'd manage to finish the new walls they still had to built. If the survey corps did, they would at least have a finished outpost to return to after winter. They'd have to do some repairs again of course, because winter would leave its mark, but the building would be ready. For that, however, no Titan could ever make it past the day guard and to the outpost. One Titan could undo all their hard work within moments.

After dinner, Eren found himself hanging back. He knew if he went up and laid down, he would fall asleep the moment the sleeping bag had grown warm and he didn't want that quite yet. He missed the time he spent with Levi.

The other soldiers left swiftly, since none of them felt up to hanging around the cold halls longer than necessary. Even the squad that was responsible for clean up finished in record time and then hurried to their room.

Eren headed for the entrance room once the last person was gone, only to pause in surprise when he heard Hanji's voice. They sounded unusually serious and solemn.

"It's getting too cold. Even without snow, we'll have to leave, if the temperature keeps dropping." Wood creaked, as though they leaned forward on one of the rickety chairs. They probably sat at the table, along with Levi and most likely Erwin.

"I know," Erwin answered and Eren wondered if the man had to bite back a sigh. He certainly had that faint undertone to his voice, as if he was tired and worn down as well. There was a long moment of silence. "If the temperatures don't go up a bit again, we'll leave in ten days. I can push the construction crew to work faster too."

Ten days. Eren exhaled softly. Ten days was still enough, if he added the past four days, it would be the two weeks he had hoped for. If Armin continued to heal as he had, they could run in ten days. Armin wouldn't be able to walk on his own, so Eren and Mikasa would have to take turns carrying him, but his wounds would have healed enough that they'd be able to make it, as long as they stole some clean bandages on the way out. And Eren would be able to carry him as a titan without putting him through a world of agony with every jostle and large step.

"Hm." That was Levi and Eren listened a moment longer, though he knew that he probably shouldn't overhear their conversation. But he had the faint hope that Levi's friends wouldn't stay around much longer. "If we need to go sooner, I'll let you know."

"Thank you, Levi. How's it out there? Are there more Titans than usual?" Erwin asked and Eren could easily imagine the way Hanji perked up.

"Not really. They come in waves, but we've been lucky that there haven't been many abnormals so far," Levi answered and Eren wondered for the umpteenth time just how many Titans Levi and his squad killed before they even had a chance to reach the day guard.

"Thank you, Levi," Erwin said, voice quieter than before and grave with seriousness. "Without you, we'd never have come so far."

Levi scoffed. "You're too damn stubborn to give up. You'd have found another way."

"Still, I'm glad to have you here with me. Both of you," Erwin said and there was fondness in his voice.

Eren couldn't even imagine the survey corps without Levi, just like he couldn't imagine it without Hanji and their fascination with Titans. And Erwin to lead them all. It was obvious that they trusted each other and knew what they were doing, which inspired the soldiers to both loyalty and hard work. Eren couldn't imagine that anything less would keep all these people out in the freezing cold for days, to fight Titans and work on Maria's biggest hope. To work on giving back to humanity.

"Well, you could always sanction more of my ideas," Hanji suggested, their voice half joking and half serious and Eren found himself smiling, just as Erwin chuckled quietly.

"We'll see, Hanji. You do have good ideas," Erwin answered and a chair creaked. "But please excuse me. I still have to finish some reports."

"I'll head to bed early for once," Hanji said and a chair scraped across the floor. "Let's hope we'll finish the outpost before we have to leave."

"It would be the first time we manage that," Erwin mused. "Let's try to keep the Titans from crushing it like all the previous buildings."

Eren didn't catch the rest of their conversation, as he swiftly and quietly ducked back into the canteen. He didn't want them to know that he had listened to their conversation, since that was very rude and Eren still preferred to avoid Erwin when possible. A part of him was always a bit paranoid about tipping the man off somehow, that something was wrong or that they had lied to him. The messenger bird must have long since returned to Maria, which was just another reason why Eren and his friends couldn't return to the city.

As soon as two sets of steps faded, Eren eased back out of the kitchen and headed down the short hallway to the entrance room. Levi had just gotten to his feet when he noticed him.

"Oh, sorry," Eren said, feeling briefly confused and a disappointed. Of course Levi wasn't going to stick around when it was this cold. "I didn't want to interrupt you."

"I'm just making tea," Levi answered. He took a step towards the kitchen entrance and after a moment, tipped his head slightly in a silent invitation. Eren quickly caught up to him and felt a smile appearing on his face at the unspoken invitation.

They were quiet as they headed into the kitchen and Eren felt a pleasant, happy warmth spreading through his chest, as Levi picked out two cups, his usual one and a random one for Eren. Levi filled a pot with water and pulled a small silver box from his pocket. He opened it, revealing that a third was still filled with tea leaves. Eren was sure that the box had been full when they had set out from Maria.

"How are your friends?" Levi asked, as he measured the leaves with practiced, careful movements and put them in the cups. All that was left was to wait for the water to boil.

"They're getting better," Eren answered and leaned against the counter. He slouched down a bit and realized that the top of Levi's head came up to his nose now. "Armin's recovering quickly, thankfully and Jean will be alright."

Levi hummed and cast a glance at him, calm and thoughtful. Eren found himself smiling at the captain, feeling happy despite his exhaustion. 

"How's your squad?" Eren asked. "The cold must be even worse for you guys."

Levi huffed softly, a noise of dry agreement. "They're fine, we get hot tea whenever we drop by the outpost to switch out our horses." Levi glanced at him. "How have things been in the field today?"

"A fight, but aside from that, it was quiet. Do you encounter a lot of Titans?"

"Some days more, some days less." Levi glanced to the pot, where the water slowly started to boil. They fell quiet, until the water grew hot enough that Levi took the pot off the stove. He let it cool for just a moment, before pouring it carefully into the cups. Levi took a spoon and stirred the leaves in the water, before cleaning the utensil and putting it back.

"Here." Levi held the random cup out to Eren, holding it in the same strange, careful way he picked up his own cup.

"Thank you." Eren accepted it, curling his fingers around the heat. They headed back out into the entrance room and Eren felt a surge of pleasant surprise, when Levi pulled out Eren's usual chair, before sitting down in his own seat.

They sat in comfortable silence and even Levi was gently cradling his cup, though Eren noticed that he only picked it up by the rim. The tea tasted great like always and though Eren tried, for the life of him, he couldn't figure out what herbs or roots or flowers Levi had used for this blend. Then again, Eren usually drank some simple herb teas when he was sick or it was cold, nothing as fancy as this.

The sudden thought, that in ten days, this would all be over, gave him pause. Eren had avoided thinking about that as much as possible. That he wouldn't get to seek out Levi when he couldn't sleep or got woken up in the middle of the night. That he wouldn't get to see the others for meals anymore, wouldn't get to ride with Marco side by side or laugh as Sasha managed to snag food from someone else.

When they left, they most likely wouldn't be welcome back. Once the survey corps were back in Maria, Erwin would read the truth about their lies in the letter from the messenger bird. Eren was pretty sure that his new friends would be rather upset about that, especially since Eren, Mikasa and Armin were going to fuck off without so much as a goodbye note.

Eren jolted slightly, when the tip of Levi's boot lightly nudged his ankle. Glancing up, he saw that Levi was watching him with a slightly tilted head and a silent question in his eyes. Eren was pretty sure that he had looked rather morose just now. He tried to force a smile, but at Levi's unimpressed look, he let it fall away again.

"I just thought of something unpleasant," he mumbled, lifting his cup and taking a sip to have something to do and avoid Levi's gaze for a moment.

It took Eren a second to realize that the ensuing silence was a waiting one, an unspoken offer to talk if he wanted. He couldn't, though. Eren wished that he could come back. He did want to leave, because he wanted and needed to go home, but he wished he could visit. Could help them build the outpost and joke and laugh with his new friends. He wished he could tell them what he was, so they knew they'd be safe with him when he was a titan.

In the end, he shook his head slightly and changed the topic. "What do you guys do in winter? Do you stay in Maria?"

"Mostly," Levi answered, easily accepting that Eren didn't want to talk about it. "If there isn't too much snow, or a few days of steady sunshine, we sometimes head out. The rest of the time, we help the garrison with taking care of the Titans around the walls. Some soldiers use that time to ask for leave and to take care of their families."

Much like the hunters at the villages did. Eren suddenly realized that he had no idea if Levi had a family waiting for him in Maria. Was he married? Had kids? Sisters or cousins or uncles?

"Do you take time off?" Eren asked, hoping he wasn't overstepping. "Is there someone waiting for you at home?"

Levi eyed him for a moment and Eren couldn't read his expression in the slightest, but he didn't seem offended or annoyed by the question. Thoughtful, maybe.

"No lover or parents," Levi answered. "But my friend Farlan will be happy to have Isabel and I back. I don't really take time off, though."

Eren was glad that someone would be there to welcome Levi once he returned, though he also felt a strange twinge of relief at the first part of Levi's answer. Just hearing about Isabel and Farlan made everything that had happened years ago worth it. Especially now that Eren had met them and got an idea about how much they meant to Levi.

"I'm glad," he murmured and took another sip of his tea. There wasn't much left now and it had cooled to a pleasant temperature, so Eren finished it. "Is there something you look forward to doing when you're back?"

"A bath," Levi answered immediately, voice and face deadpan and Eren couldn't help but break out into laughter.

"Oh, man, yeah," he said once his laughter died down into chuckles, before he sighed longingly. "What I wouldn't give for a hot bath."

Even though they had water out here, it was freezing cold and there wasn't enough fire wood to always heat up enough water for all the soldiers. At least, not now. It would be different if they had gotten around to building the wall and could use the branches of the fallen trees for fire wood, but that hadn't happened and Eren doubted they'd get that far before winter forced them to leave.

Eren looked up and noticed that Levi watched him with a considering look.

"I wanted to ask something," Levi said, the tips of his fingers brushing the rim of his cup. Eren gave him a nod, feeling both curious and nervous as he wondered what Levi would like to know. "Why do you come down here?"

Eren was slightly caught off guard by the question. He hadn't thought Levi would ask that, that they'd remain in silent agreement and acceptance that spending time together like this was alright. Eren had always felt welcome.

"I, uh, hope I don't bother you," he said, rubbing the back of his neck and Levi gave him a dry look.

"Believe me, you'd damn well know if you did," he took a sip of his tea and raised an eyebrow, waiting for Eren to continue.

"I think you're nice," Eren said and heard Levi's small, wryly amused scoff. He gave him a smile. "I mean it. I like this." He gestured at everything around them, the cold room and rough table and rickety chairs and flickering lantern. But mostly he meant Levi. And the cups of very delicious tea.

"Hm." Levi seemed satisfied by the answer and they grew quiet again.

There were a lot of questions Eren wanted to ask. What winter was like in Maria, if they had problems with food shortages with the city getting overpopulated, if they had a lot of trouble fighting Titans with all that snow. He wasn't quite sure if he could ask though, if those were questions someone would ask, if they intended to return to Maria anyway. But, no, there was one thing he could ask.

"Are there any holidays you look forward to?" Eren asked.

Levi leaned back in his chair and Eren realized that the captain hadn't really looked away much during their conversation.

"Not really, but Isabel likes to celebrate the Day of Gifts and Farlan rather enjoys Yuletide." Levi let go of his cup and Eren realized that he had finished his tea.

"That sounds nice," Eren said, though he had no idea what those two holidays were, but the name of the first at least gave him some idea. They had some fests at the shifter villages though, that he looked forward to every year. 

"Do you celebrate anything?" Levi asked and Eren floundered for a second, wondering if he could answer without revealing that he had no idea about the things people did in the cities.

"We celebrate the Day of Gifts," he settled on, because that seemed safe enough. The next second, an unexpected yawn caused him to briefly cover his mouth. He was still exhausted from the cold and while the tea warmed him, now that he had finished it, it made him sleepy as well. Levi raised an eyebrow.

"Go to sleep, if you're tired," Levi said and Eren shook his head.

"I don't want to go yet," he said without thinking, only to pause. He hadn't meant to be _quite_ that forward. On the other hand, did Levi actually look briefly surprised? Eren fiddled with his cup, suddenly feeling awkward and he couldn't help but let his gaze slide away.

"Hm." Levi shifted in his seat and the wood creaked gently. "Do as you like, just don't fall asleep at the table"

That made Eren smile down at his empty cup and he only noticed that his shoulders had tensed up a bit with unsureness, when they relaxed again.

They sat together in comfortable silence and Eren only realized that his eyes had fallen closed at one point, when he felt a nudge against his calf.

"Eren, go to sleep." That was Levi's voice and did Eren imagine it, or did he sound just a tad gentler than usual? Or maybe it was just because his words were quieter.

"Five more minutes," Eren mumbled, his eyes still closed and he dozed off again right away, only to startle awake when a foot hooked around the leg of his chair and pulled it a bit to the side in a strong jerk. Blinking in confusion, he realized he was almost right beside Levi now, who leaned forward slightly, grey eyes a bit more intense than before.

"Go to sleep."

"Okay." Eren answered, though the word had come out quieter than he had intended. He couldn't look away from that sharper gaze. "Yeah, I'll go."

Levi leaned back, seemingly satisfied. When Eren got up and reached for his cup, he waved him off. "I'll clean up. Go and rest."

"Oh, thanks. Good night, Levi. Sleep well." Eren gave him a smile and Levi returned it with a small nod.

"Good night."

Eren hurried up the stairs and when he snuggled into his sleeping bag, Marco on one side and Mikasa on the other. He fell asleep within seconds, with a smile on his face.

~*~

Eren glared up at the grey sky, as a mixture of rain and snow fell down. It turned the muddy ground to half frozen slush and it was even wetter and colder than the rain a few days ago. Their squad was part of the day guard again, after two days of being part of the construction team, and today they rode along the perimeter at one side of the forest. The trees rose massive and ancient to their right, while a sprawling, frost covered grassland laid to their left and ahead of them. Since the land sloped gently downhill, they could see rather far. And without the rain and snow, they would have seen even farther.

"Every time I think it can't get worse, I'm proven wrong," Connie grumbled, whose horse walked ahead on loose reins, while he kept his cloak tightly wrapped around him. They had been given winter cloaks and extra jackets, but even those slowly but steadily soaked through.

Eren sighed in wordless agreement. It was freezing cold and wet and icy winds blew every couple of minutes. The good thing was that Mike had told them firmly to head back to the outpost to warm up every hour and let one of the extra guards take over during their break. Eren was sure that it would probably snow properly tonight, but he guessed it would be another three or five days until it would snow during the day.

Glancing to the side, he saw Mikasa talking quietly with Krista, who shivered slightly as the wind brushed over them again. Krista's cheeks were red, as was the tip of her nose and she wore thick gloves. Sasha had gloves as well, as did Marco, who still had Jean's.

Connie leaned a bit to the side, making the leather of his saddle creek, as he peered at his best friend. "Hey, Sasha, lend me your gloves?"

Wordlessly, Sasha handed them over and Connie sighed in relief, once his cold-red knuckles disappeared inside them. Eren silently vowed to never again travel without gloves once autumn set in. And to keep them on his person, always, just in case. He briefly mourned their backpacks and travel gear, abandoned in the forest where they had set up camp before being found by the survey corps. He was reasonably certain that animals and nature had claimed and destroyed their things by now.

"Hey, I think I see Levi's squad," Marco spoke up and they all glanced up, peering into the terrible weather. Eren couldn't help but admire Levi's tenacity and endurance, that he kept going as strongly and steadily as always, even in this shitty weather.

After a moment of staring ahead with slightly narrowed eyes, Eren spotted the group of riders. They kept more distance to the outpost, though they would slow down to talk with the day guard squads whenever their paths crossed.

Within two or three minutes, Levi and his squad reached them and they slowed down from their brisk trot to a walk. Eren gave Levi a small smile from beneath his hood and got a brief nod in return. Levi's squad looked like they were ready for a break and a chance to warm up, even if it was just for a moment. While Levi himself looked unruffled, Eren noticed that the tips of his ears began to redden and he took care to tuck his cloak closed around him, once his horse had slowed down.

"Everything alright?" Levi asked and Eren nodded.

"No Titans so far."

Of course, just as he said it, four Titans broke out of the forest. Eren could tell that one was an abnormal right away, as it flailed its short legs to approach them as quickly as it could. They were all out of the saddle within a second. Rain and snow slammed against Eren's face as he zipped towards the Titans, just a beat behind Levi.

That smidgeon of a lead was enough that Levi attacked the nearest Titan first, with a speed and viciousness that stole Eren's breath in awe. He focused on his own fight a split second later, throwing himself around and using the gear to dodge around a large hand that tried to grab him. He flung himself past the Titan's neck, blades at the ready, before he descended.

The sharp blades bit through the Titan's flesh like butter, carving out a large enough chunk, that it crumbled in a thick plume of steam. Catapulting himself out of the steam with his gear, Eren squinted against the sleet that came towards him. It was almost as bad as the thick rain had been before. The four Titans had no chance, not against Levi's squad and most of Mike's. Though Eren did notice that Marco seemed grim in his attacks, cutting as deep as his blades let him and not slowing down for a moment.

Thick steam mixed into the rain and snow and Eren pressed the triggers to get further away, ending up close to the trees. As he threw himself around to check that all Titans were dead without his hood obscuring the view, he caught sight of a far off figure, looming darkly against the grey sky. Was that a Titan with _fur_? He hadn't heard about something like that before, did some Titans have a lot of body hair? They usually had none. Was that another of those strange freak Titans, the ones even weirder than the abnormal ones?

" _Eren!_ " Levi's shout drew his attention, just as a thin, tall Titan lunged out of the forest. The first thing Eren noticed were its two rows of teeth, layering like a nightmarish maw into the abyss. The next thing Eren noticed was that it stared at him with eyes that were wild with desperate hunger. _Wrong_ , the animal part of his brain screamed. Something about it was all _wrong_.

Flinging himself around, trying to escape in time, Eren was just a moment too slow, had been distracted during that vital second, that allowed the Titan to reach him. The jaws slammed down on his arm and Eren felt his world black out with pain as it got clean bit off. He would have fallen, hadn't the cable of his handle got caught between the Titan's teeth, jerking him to a stop at lip-height. 

The blazing agony from his shoulder down abruptly became barely bearable, as his healing kicked in and steam rose, sharp and thick. Without thinking, Eren pushed all his power and focus towards regenerating and regrowing his arm as quickly as possible. His breathing was going fast and flat and he realized that in the pain, he had dropped his other blade, bare hand now scrabbling against the thick metal wire that kept him hanging from the Titan's teeth. Dark spots danced in front of his eyes as he got his wits together enough to use his remaining arm to fish for the other wire that was connected to the other blade. 

From the corner of his eye, he saw the hands of the Titan rising towards him, saw the mouth open, his severed arm lying on the tongue, along with his shattered blade and handle. It intended to eat him. To grind him to pieces between its teeth. Eren felt a sudden surge beneath his skin and he just barely resisted the instinctive urge to shift, to save his life.

A blur of a person attacked seemingly out of nowhere, slicing along one arm of the Titan with a flash of lightning quick attacks. A beat later a second person descending on the other arm. The Titan jerked back with a scream, as its hands fell limply to its side. Eren got his remaining blade braced against the metal wire and with two rough hits he managed to sever it.

He began to plummet, his stomach swooping and a massive torso whizzing past him as he just barely avoided colliding with the Titan as it jerked and tried to defend itself from the attacks. Only one half of his gear was still usable, but it was enough to catch himself before he slammed to the ground. The Titan erupted into thick steam just as he managed to stumble away from it and it crumbled down into a disintegrating corpse.

"Eren!" Mikasa hit the ground running as he stumbled further away, skidding to his side. Her gaze immediately fell to his obviously missing arm, the stump slowly lengthening. It had regrown past his elbow by now, but it wasn't happening _fast enough_. He was vaguely aware of breathing too fast, clutching onto his shoulder with his good arm, staring at Mikasa with wide eyes.

She acted quickly, yanking his slightly torn cloak into place and shifting to cover the side with his healing arm as much as possible. The steam rising from Eren wasn't really visible that way and she gripped his shoulder above where his arm had been bitten off, her hand holding onto him tightly enough that it would have left bruises on someone else. Eren felt deliriously glad for it, the hard grasp of her fingers helping him to stay grounded, while his heart tried to beat its way out of his chest and his very skin seemed to hum with the constant potential to shift. 

Eren had never gotten any part of himself bitten off. He had gotten hurt and bitten as a human and even worse as a titan, but as a titan that hadn't been the same. Mostly because the pain didn't transfer as much when he was shifted and because the animal part of his brain was always aware that his actual body was safely in his titan form's neck. And even when he had gotten himself swallowed to save Jean, he had been whole and hale. Scared and hectic, but unhurt, until the stomach acid had started to eat through his clothes.

"Breathe," Mikasa told him quietly, her whole body tense and her free hand still wrapped around the handle of her blade. "You need to calm down."

A figure landed beside them a moment later, so swiftly it seemed as though the billowing cloak actually, briefly, became wings. Levi's eyes were sharp and dark, but they lacked any sort of killing intent. If anything, they were intensely focused on Eren, as he stepped forward, Titan blood disappearing from his lowered blades.

"Did you get hurt?" Levi asked, voice steady but with a slight undertone that made Eren feel as though he genuinely cared. He hadn't seen, Eren realized. Levi hadn't seen his arm getting bit off, not in that terrible weather and not with Eren being a bit away from them.

"Just my sleeve," Eren forced himself to answer, though he couldn't resist the urge to tuck his healing arm a bit more against his side, his free hand fisted into his cloak so hard his knuckles turned white. 

Levi took another step forward, only stopping when Mikasa shifted, her posture turning more defensive. Levi's eyes narrowed and then focused on Eren once more, a small frown pulling on his brows. Eren's arm had regrown to his wrist now, but his hand was still missing. His heart was racing in his chest and he felt nauseous with sudden, vicious fear. He couldn't look away from Levi, mentally begging him not to look, not to ask. Not to _notice_. Eren couldn't be discovered. Not now, not when they were so close to getting back home.

Eren quickly hurried to say something, before Levi could. "My blade got caught and I managed to yank my arm out, but then the wire got stuck between its teeth and I had to cut it. Really, I'm okay." 

Eren wasn't sure how he could tell, but he was sure Levi didn't quite believe him. Maybe because his voice shook slightly, maybe because Mikasa was still angled in a warding, almost warning way, maybe because Eren was sure that right now his emotions were openly visible on his face.

"Let me see," Levi said, as he shifted slightly, taking on a neutral stance and his gaze briefly flickered to Mikasa, before he focused back on Eren. His voice had a commanding note and yet it held a calming quality as well. Like a leader who got others to breathe, to calm down and focus. Only, no matter the tone of Levi's voice, Eren felt a stab of bright hot panic at those words.

"Right, yes," he said, just barely resisting the urge to take a step back and instead just shifted on his feet. 

Mikasa's hand slipped from his shoulder and he noticed how she lightly touched the handle of her second blade. Her face didn't betray anything, but Eren knew her, saw the hart glint in her eyes. She'd defend him, no matter what. For once, that didn't make him feel better or even made him feel exasperated fondness. He didn't want to fight, he didn't want anyone to get hurt. He cared for these people, he didn't want them to hate or fear him. He wanted to just get home safely with Mikasa and Armin.

Eren couldn't hide the trembling in his hand as he grabbed the cloak, slowly shifting it. Swallowing, he forced his healing to become stagnant so there wouldn't be any steam, but he wouldn't bleed either. His palm had regrown now, but his fingers were still stumps and Eren carefully kept his hand curled inward, so it looked like a fist. His heart felt as though it was going to shatter his ribs any moment.

Levi glanced at his arm and after a moment, the features of his face softened just the tinniest bit. Eren was sure he only noticed it because he had spent all those late nights with Levi. Levi gave him a small nod and Eren quickly let the cloak fall back into place again, his knees briefly growing weak with sudden, potent relief. He let his healing resume and Mikasa beside him subtly exhaled, her tense shoulders relaxing a tad. Eren was sure the only reason Levi didn't take a closer look, was the lack of blood and the clearly intact arm. Only the sleeve was missing, like Eren had said.

Levi's gaze met Eren's and it almost looked like he was going to say something. Eren noticed the moment he changed his mind, posture straightening.

"Eren, tell Mike what happened and head back to the outpost," he told him, voice calm and steady and unshakable as always. "Take a break and get new clothes. The weather is too cold to have missing sleeves."

"Of course," Eren said, while Mikasa's hand once again reached out to his shoulder. Her grip was gentle this time and she started to lightly guide him towards the horses and their waiting friends, who kept a wary perimeter, in case of any further attacks. Levi joined them on the walk back, since his horse patiently waited with the others as well.

"I'm fine," Eren said once they came close, to ward off any questions. He lifted his arm and wriggled his fully healed fingers, hoping to put any possibly lingering worries of Levi's to rest. "It just got my sleeve."

"Damn, you were lucky," Connie remarked and the tense, worried frown on his face relaxed. Krista looked relieved and Sasha gave him a smile, while Marco exhaled heavily, shoulders sagging slightly with openly visible relief.

They got back into the saddle and after hesitating for a moment, Eren left. Mike wasn't too far and he could ride back to the outpost alone, since his friends and Levi with his squad would guard his back. His hands shook around the reins and he didn't rush his mare as much as he could have. He needed a moment to compose himself.

That had been too close. Far, far too close. Eren had never thought that losing a limb might be how he could reveal what he was. Of course he could have pretended to have lost an arm, but that would have brought a plethora of other problems. And while Eren could explain a lot away and could bank on people not coming to some conclusions, since they didn't know shifters existed, letting someone see him heal would reveal that he wasn't a normal person. The only thing more revealing and worse would be shifting in front of everyone.

But, he reminded himself, forcing his heartbeat to calm back down and his limbs to stop feeling jittery, nothing had happened. He had survived, his arm had regrown, Levi hadn't seen anything. 

His hands held tightly onto the reins of his horse all the way back to the outpost.

That evening, Erwin stood up at the end of dinner, drawing everyone's attention. He had held a few speeches throughout their time here, to keep up morale and to remind everyone just how important this all was. Tonight he looked as serious as always, back straight and not a hair out of place. He looked like an unmovable boulder in the middle of a river, forcing the water to part around him instead of succumbing to the waves.

"I wish to thank you all for your hard and important work today and every day since our arrival. The outpost is almost complete and I wish to inform you, that we'll return to Maria in four days." Erwin spoke in a calm voice that seemed to settle over all the soldiers, easing their shoulders and making them perk up a bit. At his last words, a few exhaled in relief.

Erwin continued and the soldiers all around straightened in their seats, their formerly tired gazes turning lively again. "We'll travel back during the night, so we won't have to worry about Titans. Until then, we'll keep going as strong as ever. Humanity is counting on us and we won't disappoint them. This is for all our futures and with your help and your hands, you've all made a step towards freedom. When we leave, this outpost will be done and waiting for our return." He gave them a smile, one that was real and full of fierce pride. "This is our win."

Eren realized he was smiling and as he glanced around, he saw determined faces and the exhaustion seemed swept away entirely. Chatter broke out and whoever had poked at their food before devoured it now. There were no bent spines, no slumped bodies.

Erwin had gotten everyone's spirits fired up again.

Eren felt his smile fade away, when he realized what this meant. In four days, his friends and he would leave. And if he was honest, as much as he wanted to return, they wouldn't be able to. Their disappearance wouldn't be anything they'd be able to explain away. Not without everyone thinking something was going on and that they weren't trustworthy anymore.

~*~

Eren jerked awake with a strangled breath, sweat clinging to him and his body feeling nightmare-weak. He sat up, breathing in the cold air and he gripped the arm that had gotten bitten off earlier in the day. Taking deep breaths, he focused on the people around him, on Marco to one and Mikasa to the other side. On the snores and snuffles people made in their sleep and that one soldier that kept mumbling during his dreams.

Eren wasn't sure which part of his nightmare had been worse, the one where the Titan had just kept bitting him or the one where Levi had seen the truth and had recoiled, his new friends shouting at him in horror.

But, no, he was fine. Everything was fine. Eren reminded himself of that, as he calmed back down.

He couldn't go back to sleep right away, for that he felt too shaky. Slipping out of the sleeping bag, Eren realized that it was even colder tonight than before. Tiptoeing towards the door, he grabbed his winter cloak from one of the hooks along the wall and picked up his boots. There was no way he was going to walk around without something to keep warm.

No one else seemed awake, but as he headed down the stairs, he noticed the faint light that told him Levi was still up. Tucking the cloak more firmly around himself, Eren reached the end of the stairs and blinked in surprise. Levi was up, but he wasn't sitting at the table for once. Instead, he stood by the open door and peered outside.

Eren slowly caught up to him and Levi gave him a nod. Looking outside himself, Eren saw flurries of thick snowflakes falling from the sky. The air smelled of ice and snow and when he inhaled deeply, it felt as though the cold air chased everything else out of his lungs.

"Has it been snowing long?" Eren asked and Levi gave a small hum.

"No. It just started a few minutes ago. I heard one of the night guards call out to the others." Levi shifted to lean against the door frame and Eren could stand right beside him now. They were close, this way, their shoulder's were almost touching. If one of them shifted, they'd brush against each other. Eren found himself glancing at Levi. He looked almost peaceful, backlit by the flickering lantern and gazing out at the quietly falling snow. The snow wasn't sticking around yet, but it wouldn't take long until enough accumulated that it would start covering the ground.

Eren couldn't resist stepping out and lifting a hand to let one of the snowflakes fall onto his hand. It melted immediately and left a brief, bright spot of cold. His breath misted in front of his face and Eren wondered if it was snowing at home too, or if this was a regional thing. At home, the first snowfall was always celebrated by everyone in the village coming together, to organize a big feast. He worried for his mother and friends at home.

"How come we're leaving in four days?" Eren asked and shuffled back into the open doorway, to stand beside Levi again. "Is it just that the walls are done?"

"Not quite," Levi said and he crossed his arms in front of himself. It wasn't a defensive gesture though, merely a way to lean more comfortably against the doorframe. "Too many people are getting sick."

"Yeah, I noticed," Eren admitted. "I was worried about that."

Levi nodded. "Us too. Erwin decided to leave as soon as the walls are finished and even with the cold, we should be back in Maria at dawn. Our injured are well enough for the trip as well."

Eren bit his lip to keep his face hopeful and happy, instead of sad and happy. He was happy to go home, but he...wished he could come back. Write letters. He wished he wouldn't have to give up all the connections he made here, wished there was a way to leave without upsetting his new friends or being an asshole.

Eren glanced up and noticed that Levi was watching him, thoughtful and with a tiny furrow between his brows.

"Are you alright?" Levi asked. "You seem quiet."

"Ah, well." Eren's voice trailed off and he cleared his throat. "Just one of those nights, you know?"

Eren saw understanding brighten in Levi's eyes and he nodded, before looking outside again. Calm silence settled over them and after a minute or two, Eren felt himself relax and he exhaled heavily and quietly, his shoulders sagging a bit. While it was cold, the cloak kept him warm enough for now and the snow didn't fall on him to make the fabric wet. There was no wind blowing either.

With a start, Eren realized that Levi didn't have a cloak with him and glanced at the man. He seemed fine, looking out into the dark and falling snow, but the tips of his ears were getting red and he had his hands tucked beneath his arms.

"You can have my cloak," Eren blurted, his voice a tad louder than he had intended and Levi glanced at him. "If you want."

"Thanks, but I'm fine," Levi answered. "Besides, you need it." 

Eren hesitated. Of course Levi was fine. He didn't even really look cold, maybe he wasn't as bothered by it as others, or more robust, like Mikasa. And true, Eren would start shivering rather quickly without the cloak. Still, it was _cold_ and for now, he felt fine enough.

Eren reached up and with a quick twist of his fingers, the buckle of the cloak opened and he pulled it off to hold it out. Levi, instead of being offended or annoyed like Eren had worried, actually looked kind of amused. A little.

"Just..." Eren didn't know what to say and felt relieved when Levi uncrossed his arms and accepted the cloak. He didn't move from his position against the doorframe and more or less threw the cloak over one shoulder. Eren resisted the urge to tug it more properly into place.

"You're a bit of a strange one," Levi mused, surprising Eren. "Most people aren't that straightforward when talking to me."

If not for his thoughtful tone, Eren would have joked about it. Because Levi was definitely intimidating and Eren knew firsthand just how utterly terrifying he could be. But that wasn't all Levi was and that, more than anything else, what Eren liked about him. Eren liked that under his cool and composed exterior, Levi cared and always kept an eye out for others. Eren always felt welcome whenever he came down the stairs and Levi had never once made him feel foolish for seeking him out.

And, while Eren was very aware that Levi was a commanding officer, he just...didn't really feel as though they were superior and subordinate. For one, Mike was his squad leader while he was here and Erwin commanded the survey corps of Maria overall. And two, Eren's true superiors were at home. They were the instructors and old hunters, who organized everything and enforced rules. So while Eren very much respected Levi, he didn't feel as though he had to keep his mouth shut and his head down around him.

Eren shrugged, unsure if he should say all that or even how to say it.

Levi looked back outside and they fell quiet again. Eren wondered how much he'd miss this, once he was back home again. He'd miss the people here, he knew that, both his new friends and Levi, but he'd also miss these late night moments, the quiet and calm, that bit of peace in-between days of danger and terror.

However, no matter how much Eren wanted to stay like this for much longer, the cold seeped into his clothes. They were his sleep wear too, so it wasn't like they offered much protection. He subtly lifted his arms and tried to pretend that he was just crossing them, not wrapping them around himself.

Eren shivered and Levi huffed softly, giving him a dry look. "And now you're cold. Come on, let's go back inside."

They stepped back in and while Levi closed the door, Eren wandered back to the table. At Levi's gesture to go ahead, he sat down. To his surprise, Levi walked up to him and pulled the cloak off to drape it around Eren's shoulders.

"Warm up, I'll make some tea." With those words, Levi disappeared into the kitchen before Eren could say anything else.

Ducking his head and letting his hair fall forward, Eren hid a smile, while he adjusted the cloak to wrap comfortably around him. His chest felt warm all over and he felt a happy tingle along his spine. 

A few minutes later, Levi returned with two cups and Eren smiled at him in thanks as he accepted the tea. He'd miss the tea, too and he resolved to savor it as much as possible. Sipping carefully, the cold was chased out of his bones by the time he finished his cup and Eren realized that he probably should head back up to get enough rest for tomorrow.

He didn't want to. He didn't want this moment to be quite over yet, especially since he didn't know if there was time for another one of these late night tea meetings in the next days. A light nudge against his leg caused him to jump in surprise and he looked up at Levi.

"Get some sleep, you look tired," Levi said quietly and Eren thought that his voice sounded a tad gentler too.

For a second, he wanted to protest. This might be the last night he got to spend like this. But leaving was inevitable and maybe, it was for the best if he didn't linger.

"You're right," he said and rose, reaching for the cup, only for Levi to wave him off.

"I'll clean up. Good night, Eren."

"Good night, Levi," Eren answered and after a moment, he pushed the chair back against the table and left. Still, he couldn't help but glance back and he blinked in surprise, when he noticed that Levi watched him leave. Levi raised an eyebrow, face deadpan and Eren found himself smiling, chuckling softly as he headed up the stairs with big steps.

His chest, however, ached slightly.

~*~

Eren felt relieved and yet strangely restless, when Mike's squad was part of the construction work for three days in a row. He was kind of glad to be away from Titans for a bit, especially when his arm ached with phantom pain whenever he thought of what had happened in the last fight. He hadn't dreamed of it again, but he had noticed that his sleep had become light and he woke at every odd sound and too loud snore. Maybe his sleep just wasn't deep enough for nightmares.

It didn't matter much, in the end. Today was their last day at the outpost. And Eren's, Armin's and Mikasa's last day with the survey corps. There was no time to talk with Armin in the morning, since they left the outpost for day guard duty right after an early breakfast. But his friends knew and they had managed to steal bandages yesterday when the doctors had been on their evening round, looking after the injured ones. Armin had even managed to swipe a pot of salve that he could put on his healing stitches. So they were as prepared as they could be in that regard.

Contrary to everyone's expectations, the snowfall hadn't stopped. It had lightened since that first night, but there was a gentle layer of white on the ground, with the grass still peeking out. It crunched beneath the horse's hooves and everything seemed quiet. They all wore as many warm things as they could beneath their winter cloaks, though after a few hours out in the snow, even that didn't help much.

Mike sent them back to the outpost in teams to warm up, so the part they guarded was never without soldiers to keep an eye out for Titans.

It was quiet, though. Even as the day dipped toward the afternoon, Eren couldn't see anything. The snow showed no disturbances either. Aside from the tracks of their horses and a few wild animals, nothing had come through. It set him slightly on edge, mostly because things had seemed alright before and a second later, Titans had shown up and attacked them. 

By the time the sun set and still nothing had happened, Eren was more relieved than paranoid, though. They deserved a calm day, especially since it was their last too.

"Pack your bags when we're back at the outpost," Mike ordered as they headed back. "Don't bother with taking off your gear, we'll leave right after dinner."

At least they didn't have to worry about how to steal gear, Eren thought. All that was left was to find a moment to slip away unnoticed. Since Levi and his squad were more likely to ride ahead, they just needed to stick to the back of the whole procession and once no one paid attention they could slip away in the dark. At least, Eren planned on doing so.

There was no moment to talk with Mikasa and Armin in private. The moment they arrived at the outpost, everyone bustled around them. The outpost had turned into a hive of action and anticipatory excitement. Even the sick soldiers had perked up and everyone was eager to go home.

"Is everything alright?" Marco asked, when they rolled up their sleeping bags. There was concern in his eyes. "You look...you look kind of sad."

"Uh, just..." Eren gestured around with one hand, clutching the sleeping bag with the other and trying to find the right words. "Just some thoughts, you know? I look forward to going home."

Marco gave him a warm smile. "Me too." He glanced at Eren and Mikasa. "Oh, do you guys want to come over? You could get out of the barracks for a bit and my mom doesn't mind. She'd love you guys." Marco suddenly seemed more unsure. "Uh, if you want to, of course. You guys are new in the city, you don't have a place to stay, outside of the survey corps, right? Renting a place is really expensive too, since the council started to run out of space to build more houses."

Eren felt speechless for a long second. It felt like a stone suddenly got lodged in his throat. He forced himself to smile. "That sounds great, thank you, Marco."

Marco gave his shoulder a pat. "Anytime, you're all always welcome. Oh, that reminds me, does Armin feel ready for the trip?"

"He healed well," Mikasa answered and somehow had wrangled her sleeping bag perfectly back into the provided bag. Eren had to force his inside and it honestly looked like some fat, malformed worm. "He'll be fine on the way back."

Armin did feel ready to take on the journey. While he wouldn't be able to walk much on his own, as long as he had healed enough to be carried, that was all they needed.

Eren wished he could say something, could say goodbye somehow. But there was nothing to say and so he ensured he talked a bit with everyone during dinner. He even handed Sasha his whole bread roll, which made Connie roll his eyes with a smile and Krista chuckled as Sasha turned glittering eyes at him, thanking him for the food and then promptly devouring it.

And then, they were ready to go. The snowfall had grown a tad lighter and they kept the light of their lanterns low, just in case. The carts were loaded with the injured and their gear and what supplies they had left and two squads were assigned to guard their flanks and carry lanterns. Levi and his squad would right ahead, to warn the others of any ditches and any Titans that stood still and should be avoided.

"Ready?" Armin asked softly, as Mikasa and Eren helped him on the back of a cart. "I'll pretend to need to relieve myself and you guys can help me a bit away from the group. Then we run."

It was the best way to get Armin away from the cart. It would take until dawn for them to reach Maria, that was plenty of time to get the opportunity they needed. Eren and Mikasa gave him an understanding nod. They weren't part of the guarding squads, so they could stick close to the carts and be ready to run.

As the riders got ready, Eren saw Levi not too far away and couldn't resist slipping away for a moment. This would be the last time they'd talk anyway. If Eren ever saw him again, he'd probably be a titan and their easy companionship would be gone.

"Eren," Levi said, half greeting and half question, as though he expected Eren to have a reason to seek him out. "Do you need anything?"

"No," Eren answered and then had no idea what to say, feeling suddenly awkward, he couldn't help but give Levi a small, lopsided smile. "Just wanted to come over."

Levi hummed, noncommittal and reached up with one hand to gently scratch his horse's neck. His horse lowered its head, snuffling softly as he seemed to find just the right spot to scratch. Eren watched them with a faint smile and a few people sent curious looks their way, but were too busy to stare. Despite everyone bustling around them and a few shouts rising to get something moving, Eren found a piece of calm and quiet here. Maybe it was because people didn't bother Levi and gave them a bit of a berth.

"Alright, spit it out, is everything alright?" Levi asked and drew Eren out of his wandering thoughts. Blinking, Eren realized that Levi had his horse's head over his shoulder now, in what looked almost like a hug, to scratch it behind the ears. It was such an unexpected, endearing sight that Eren felt warmth spread in his chest. He'd almost call it fondness, only that it felt stronger than that.

"Yeah, don't worry." Even while he said it, Eren could tell that his voice could have sounded more convincing. His heart was drawn in two directions, however, and so his reassuring answer had ended up a bit lackluster. He tucked his cloak more firmly around himself and lied, "I'll tell you later, if you want."

Levi lightly tipped his head to one side, eyes unreadable and gave a small nod. "We can talk in the canteen when we're back, once everyone has settled down. It should be quiet."

"Sounds good," Eren said with a smile that felt real, because he really would have loved to do that. A part of him had wondered if, once everything was back to normal for Levi, he still would have wanted to spend time with him. The answer was yes, it seemed and Eren almost, almost wished he could stay, again.

Mike's voice rose over the din and Eren hurriedly took a step back. "Safe ride tonight."

Levi gave him a nod, gently tapped his horse's cheek and it lifted its head away. Even while Eren turned around to make his way over to his mare, Levi was already up in the saddle. By the time Eren had joined up with Mike and the others, Levi and his squad were up front with Erwin.

Within minutes and a last couple of orders, they moved out. Eren offered to hold the reins of one of the horses that weren't being ridden, either due to their riders being dead or injured. This way, he already had a horse for Armin, in case he was up to riding on his own. If not, he could be with Mikasa or Eren, until they were far enough from the survey corps that Eren could shift. This was it. They really were going to leave.

They were surrounded by gentle darkness and drifting snowflakes. The clouds were thick enough tonight, that not even a bit of moonlight made it through and for the first time, Eren didn't feel tense when riding away from the outpost. Titans were nonthreatening at night and that fact made everyone more relaxed. There was even a soft bit of chatter here and there, as people talked quietly. Everyone still kept an eye out, mostly so the horses and carts had no trouble with big stones or sudden holes, but the urge to constantly scan the horizon for threats was muted.

A few times over the next one or two hours, Eren caught himself peering ahead, picking out Levi and his squad or glancing around to make sure his new friends were all still there. And he kept an eye on both Armin and Mikasa, ready for any sign that they intended to move forward with their plan. Armin was the only one still awake, the other injured soldiers had dozed off, resting safely under piles of blankets. Even Jean had fallen asleep.

The clouds thinned just enough, that the moon and a few stars peeked through a small hole in the clouds. It was a beautiful sight, with the snow lit by silver moonlight and the still falling snowflakes looking like tiny specks of glittering, drifting white. The forest to their far left looked like the outline of looming, quiet darkness. The tips of the trees moved in a breeze that hadn't reached the survey corps yet.

Only, no, that wasn't quite right. Eren frowned and narrowed his eyes, staring over at the forest.

"Mikasa," he called out quietly, unsure if he just imagined it. "Do you see that too? Are the shadows moving?"

She nudged her horse closer to his, leaning forward and peering out from beneath her hood. A confused frown tugged at her brows. Eren stared at the forest as well, confused and bewildered, when he suddenly realized what he saw. What was _moving towards them_.

"Titans," he spat out, too surprised to raise his voice, before he inhaled and shouted: "Titans to our left!"

The soldiers around him jolted, startled and disbelieving. Half of them turned towards him, reprimanding him not to play a tasteless joke, that Titans were motionless at night, while the other half looked at the forest.

"Titans!" More shouts rose and unrest broke out across the soldiers. The shouts reached the front of their procession, just as Marco and Krista pulled up beside Eren.

"How's that possible?" Krista asked, her eyes wide. "They don't move at night!"

Before Eren could answer, Erwin's voice cut through the uproar, sending out two squads and ordering the rest to fan out and guard the carts. Before Eren could move along with them, Armin gestured for him to wait. The sleeping soldiers stirred awake, just as Armin, with a grimace of pain, managed to pull himself up the side of the cart and reached for the horse Eren had with him. Understanding what his friend wanted, Eren nudged them even closer and with a grunt of effort and a wheeze of pain, Armin pulled himself into the saddle. He had his hood up, which made it harder to see his face in the dark.

"We should run," he whispered, voice tight with pain, as he gathered the reins in one hand, the other wrapped around himself. Mikasa quickly flanked his other side, as they moved away from the cart and the tense, nervous faces now peering out to watch the riders. No one had paid much attention to them, they were all too caught up by the impossibility of Titans moving at night.

"How's that possible?" Eren hissed, as they fell back a little further and then he hesitated. Shouldn't he help?

"Maybe they're abnormals," Armin suggested, but even he sounded doubtful. His face was tense and pale. "But this is our chance."

It would be. They could slip away and everyone would consider them dead if they didn't return. Simple, easy, clean. And wrong. This wasn't how Eren wanted to do it, not at all. He couldn't help but stare back at the approaching Titans. Before he could decide to go with his friends, Sasha and Connie caught up to them.

"Eren, quick - damn Armin, what are you doing?" Connie asked, sounding baffled and worried. "Get back in the cart!"

"I can ride for a bit," Armin said. "If there are less people in the cart, it can move faster."

Connie looked doubtful, but a shout drew his attention and he cursed. "Shit!"

"I'll help," Eren said. He couldn't leave _like this_. He couldn't turn his back on these people, on his new friends. Or on Levi, no matter how little Levi probably needed his help.

"I'll hang back," Armin said with a lowered voice and a nod. "When the Titans are dead, make sure you separate from the others and I'll ease away."

Eren quickly spurred his horse on and Mikasa was at his side a moment later. Armin was safe with the rest of the soldiers and from the looks of it, enough people remained to ensure they could fight any other Titans off.

His horse raced across the snowy ground and Eren had a moment to spare to pray that his mare wasn't going to trip over any holes in the ground. That would cause both of them to crash and she might break a leg.

The first of the Titans was already dead, by the time Eren and Mikasa reached the Titans. Levi and his squad were just a pace behind them, since they had been further away due to guarding their front. Staring up at the Titans, Eren realized that something was horribly, chillingly off about them. Their eyes were bright, reflecting the moonlight much like an animal's. They were fast and dangerously quiet for their size, their arms so long their hands reached down to their knees. They weren't abnormals, he thought. They were something else.

Flinging himself out of the saddle, Eren raced up, dodging past a grasping hand. He noticed that the fingernails were sharp and pointed, which he hadn't seen on Titans before. Their nails were always blunt, always round. Zipping around the shoulder, he raised the blades high and cut across the neck and through long hair. Or maybe their necks were hairy. He couldn't see well enough in the dark to be sure and everything about these Titans was so fucking wrong, they might as well have some extra fuzz.

A chunk of flesh was carved out by his blades and the Titan collapsed with a massive burst of steam. A third one died and a glance showed that it had been Levi, soaring through the air as if he was carried by invisible wings. Another glance let Eren know that only two more Titans were left. Before he could get ready to attack them, Mikasa had taken down one and Connie the other, their faces grim.

Eren let himself fall a bit, before catching himself briefly with some gas, landing roughly on the snow covered grass. His breathing was going faster and he quickly looked around, tense and waiting for any more Titans. Most of the soldiers who had reached the Titans first had gotten injured or killed. Sasha was already bandaging some up, along with a few others, while Isabel and Krista pulled two who could no longer walk into the saddle in front of them, to hurry them back to the carts where they could get treatment from the doctors.

"What was that?" Connie asked, startling him out of his worried watching. "Titans don't move at night!"

"It's so exciting!" Hanji shouted from farther away. At least someone was happy about this. "Oh, I need to check them out before they're entirely gone!"

"We have to return to the others," Levi's voice cut in and Eren glanced over, to see him wrangling a protesting Hanji away from the disintegrating Titans. Levi called over his shoulder: "Everyone, bring the injured, stay together and return!"

Whistling for his horse, Eren purposefully moved a bit slower, letting the soldiers move farther and farther away. Krista, Connie and Sasha were quick to catch up to the others, especially since they had injured soldiers riding with them and everyone hurried back to the carts as quickly as possible, to get their comrades to the doctors. Marco, however, waited for them. Damn it.

Just as Eren got a foot in the stirrup, he noticed a trembling in the ground beneath his foot. Fuck. Oh no. There were _more_?

"There are more Titans," he said urgently, swinging up into the saddle. Marco's eyes widened and Mikasa immediately drew her blades again. Glancing back, Eren made a split second decision. "Marco, ride back with the others. We'll distract them."

"What? No!" Marco hurried his horse towards them, even if it meant he moved away from the bulk of the survey corps. "Are you insane? You won't survive that!"

"We'll catch up to you," Eren interjected, before he could say more. "Marco, you guys need to run, there are too many injured."

"Then I'll go with you," Marco determinedly let one hand fall to his blades.

Eren shook his head. "You need to warn them." Most of all, Marco needed to leave, so Eren and his friends could leave, after drawing the Titans away. Eren could even shift, once they got a bit more distance. "I promise you, we'll be fine."

Marco looked visibly torn and time was running out. The Titans were only getting closer. Marco's face firmed. "You'll come back and you will stay alive."

Eren nodded. "I promise, we'll be okay. Go."

"I'll send Levi," Marco said and pulled his horse around, squeezing his legs and sending it racing towards the group.

"Let's go," Mikasa said and they turned their horses away from the survey corps, galloping into the dark.

Two Titans loomed out of the snow covered night and Eren saw that they had the same glowing eyes, pointy nails and long hair with scruffy necks.

"I'll take the one to the left," Mikasa said, letting go of the reins and kicking her feet out of the stirrups. Eren made a noise of agreement and they propelled themselves out of the saddles, their horses curving off to the side the moment they were gone, to avoid getting trampled by the Titans.

"Here you ugly fuck!" Eren shouted at the Titan, drawing its gaze away from the light of the survey corps, which were swiftly leaving, the glow of their lanterns growing fainter and fainter. Good.

Slicing his way along the arm that reached for him, Eren realized that, compared to other Titans, this one didn't react to the pain. No screaming, no recoiling. Instead, it tried to backhand him and he stopped pressing the triggers just in time to drop a bit and avoid the blow, before he zipped forward again.

Throwing himself around to its back, he pulled himself up its shoulders with his hooks and landed against its neck, blades carving into the flesh. The angle wasn't quite right, he realized and it took a second attack to leave a large enough wound, that it collapsed in a plume of steam.

Landing in the snow a few paces away from it, Mikasa joined him a moment later. They listened closely and carefully, since it was too dark to see well without the shine of the lanterns from the survey corps. Nothing. It was still and quiet, as if the peaceful winter night had never been disturbed in the first place.

"Let's go get Armin," Mikasa said and whistled for their horses. "And we should keep an eye out. There might be more of these Titans around."

"Do you know why they moved at night?" Eren asked, while they got back into the saddle and hurried back to where the survey corps had been.

"No," Mikasa said, her voice grim. "But maybe someone at home does."

Maybe, someone at home knew what was up with all of those freak Titans. The ones even worse and different than the abnormal ones. Eren certainly hoped so, because if they had no idea, then...well, something was certainly going on.

They found the tracks of the survey corps a moment before Armin caught up to them. Even with the moonlight slowly fading, due to the hole in the clouds closing back up, Eren could tell that he looked strained. 

Armin still gave them a relieved smile. "I'm glad you're alright." He glanced over his shoulder. Not even the faintest bit of light from the survey corps was still visible. "I think you can shift safely now, Eren."

"Right." Eren took a deep breath and ignored the seeping, aching sadness about leaving and focused on the relief and happy anticipation to finally see his friends and mother again. 

They set the horses free after removing their sleeping bags and saddle bags and Eren wrapped an arm around Mikasa and Armin, a part of him yearning to finally shift again. He lifted his hand to his mouth. "Let's go home."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope this was an enjoyable read!  
> And I hope I didn't overlook too many mistakes, and I'll be sure to check over the chapter again in the next few days!


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I wish you all fun while reading and I hope this chapter turned out well! 
> 
> (I'll read over it again in the next couple of days as well, to take care of any mistakes that slipped me by)
> 
> Edit: Due to me being overexcited about some part of the story, I entirely forgot about one of the plot points. That mistake has since been rectified, so don't be surprised when you find a new bit of writing in here. Apologies for the mess up!

Sinking his teeth into his hand, Eren felt his titan form burst forth, the ground racing away from him, as bones and muscles snapped into place and the skin spanned across his body, his friends settled down on his shoulders. Eren immediately reached up and let Armin slip into his palm, before he moved it to the shoulder Mikasa was on. They'd be warmer cupped in his palm and he could shield them from the snow with his other hand.

Inhaling deeply and exhaling heavily, Eren glanced across the night dark land. While exhilaration and relief beat like a drum beneath his breastbone, to finally shift again and to go home, there was a small, insistent tug in his chest that caused him to look back. Nothing and no one was to be seen behind them, only gently falling snow, that slowly started to cover their tracks. No lantern light and no dark shapes moving across the snow.

Briefly, Eren wondered if Levi and his squad would come for them, or if he couldn't leave the survey corps and the injured soldiers without all the protection they could have. Eren forced the thought away the next second. He should be glad that Levi wasn't to be seen, should be glad they escaped rather well and that they could leave in the first place. He wasn't, not entirely. He was relieved to go home and that there weren't any other trouble, that much was true. And yet, a part of him felt sad and remorseful. He felt kind of shitty about just running away, without a way to let their new friends know that they'd be alright.

A touch against his thumb drew his attention and he shifted the hand he used to cover his friends to peer down at them. Armin was lying against his fingers and Mikasa was sitting at his side, her hand slipping from his thumb. He couldn't make out their expressions in the dark, but he could imagine that they might be worried or concerned that something was up.

"Is everything alright?" Armin asked, voice raised slightly to be heard. "Did any of them follow us?"

Eren shook his head, hoping they could see that movement well enough. He couldn't really say anything as a titan and tried to make a negative and then a calming noise, before he started moving. As soon as his friends found comfortable positions and gave his fingers a pat, he cautiously tried a fast jog. Armin stopped him rather quickly and Eren felt a pang of worry and regret. His friend must be hurting quite a bit.

Large steps however, he found out, were okay. He was crossing the distance faster than they would have on foot and even on the horses. The horses didn't quite have his stamina and Eren didn't have to worry about them tripping over holes or stumbling into ditches. His feet were simply too big to be bothered by that and there was only one large boulder by a hill that briefly caused him to stumble, but he caught himself and kept moving.

Eren carried his friends for as long as he could, keeping them warm and safe in his hands, one for his friends to sit and lie on and one to cover them with. When he noticed his strength waning, he wondered if his stamina for shifting had suffered under the two months they had spent with the survey corps. It felt like he was exhausted sooner than he had expected.

Gently lowering his hand until his friends could easily slide from his palm and came to stand in the snow, Eren backed up and shifted back. As he dragged himself free from the neck, icy air greeted him and he huddled deeper into his cloak, feeling a slight shiver wracking down his frame in response to the temperature shift. His knees felt a tad wobbly and his eyes itched with exhaustion.

"Are you okay?" Eren asked, quickly catching up to his friends and leaving his disintegrating titan form behind. "Was traveling like this okay?"

"It was tiring, but more bearable than I had expected," Armin answered, while Mikasa crouched down before him. They had decided that she'd carry Armin on her back, even if it wasn't the best position for his healing chest. She could carry him in her arms, but Mikasa had admitted that she'd tire sooner and wouldn't be able to move as fast.

"Let's keep going until sunrise," Mikasa said and once Armin's arms wrapped around her neck and she had her hands beneath his knees, she rose again. Eren couldn't see Armin's face in the dark, but he heard the strained breath that escaped his friend. "Eren, can you keep going?"

"Yeah, I can," Eren answered. He was tired, but he could push on until then. But he'd have to get a couple of hours of proper rest. "How can we sleep in this cold?"

"We'll find a safe spot from the snow and huddle together," Mikasa answered. "But I'll only try to get a fire going if we can find a place that's safe from Titans, otherwise it's too dangerous."

Right. The smoke would lure the Titans to them. Eren swallowed nervously and walked forward when Mikasa started moving. The snow crunched beneath their feet and their breaths were almost loud in the silent night. It was so quiet, if he focused a bit, he could even hear the snow land on the ground. At one point, they reached a different forest and decided to travel along the tree line.

When the sun rose, Eren felt exhausted and worn out down to the bone. As soon as the growing light let them see more than before, Mikasa led them to the forest they had traveled along. They managed to find a spot beneath a massive tree, whose roots had partly risen above the ground, forming a small, sheltering cave that was mostly covered by fallen, dry leaves. It was a bit too open for most woodland creatures and not big enough for something like bears, but it was enough for all of them to squish into. 

There thankfully wasn't any snow inside yet. The canopy had caught most of the snowfall and what had made it through had been caught by the roots and the leaves that covered them. It smelled like wet earth. They spread out the sleeping bags, one open beneath them and they pressed together, as they covered themselves with the other two layered above them. Armin was kept between Eren and Mikasa, just to be safe. Eren, despite his worries, fell asleep within moments.

In all honesty, he was a little surprised when he woke up again and realized that he wasn't all that cold. A little bit, especially around the feet and where a bit of his shoulder hadn't been covered, but it could have been far worse. Without the sleeping bags and his friends, Eren was sure he would have frozen to death. 

He was very hungry too, which brought attention to a different kind of problem. Mikasa had stolen some food from the supply cart just before leaving the outpost, but it wasn't enough to last three people for almost two weeks, especially with Eren shifting. There was no way to cut down travel time and if the weather became particularly horrible or they managed to get lost, it would take them even longer. Eren knew which direction to head at least, the sun's position would guide him during the day, but if the sky stayed covered so thickly in clouds at night, things would be a lot harder. Especially as a Titan and no extra light source.

"We'll have to hunt," Mikasa said, her face grim as they poured over the rations she had managed to grab. "As often as possible or we won't make it."

Eren mentally adjusted his plans. They'd have to stick to the forests as much as possible, to get the most food. Though, from the looks of it, they might have to go hungry for a day or two here and there. As long as they managed to make it back home alive, he was willing to go through that.

At least they had enough bandages for Armin.

~*~

Eren felt ready to cry when the achingly familiar forest ring of the shifter villages came into view. The sun was setting and he was exhausted, though he pushed on a bit more in his titan form. He was always exhausted ever since they left the survey corps. Traveling like this, where it was freezing and food was scarce, as was good sleep, was draining and strenuous and he was hungry and tired and cold. Even now in his titan form, it felt like there was a chill clinging to his human body.

It had taken them a bit over two weeks to get back, mostly because they had run into a blizzard, which had nearly killed them. At least they had been rather successful whenever they had hunted for food, even if it hadn't been quite enough with how much they traveled each day. The snow hadn't really stopped falling, heralding and early and deep winter and the snow had piled up to their knees, which had slowed them down whenever they had to walk on foot. At least they hadn't met many Titans, especially the further they went from the city and whenever Eren was in his titan form, they largely ignored him, unless he attacked them. Which Eren hadn't done for once, too worried about his friends and the cold and their very limited supply of gas.

Eren made a low noise at his friends, who stirred beneath his hand. The only upside was that, despite their rough journey, Armin had kept healing. Not quite as well and fast as he would have under better circumstances, but he kept recovering. Eren was pretty sure they could remove the stitches once they were home. 

They had insisted on ensuring Armin bathed, for a given sense of the word, considering he only cleaned his wounds and the area around it with whatever freezing water they had found. Eren and Mikasa had tried to stay clean was well, but it the cold had ensured they all more or less stank quite a bit now, especially since washing clothes hadn't really been possible.

"Finally," Armin breathed with relief, once he and Mikasa peered past Eren's fingers and spotted the forest as well. Snow was falling gently and the light of the setting sun was dim through the cloud cover.

Lengthening his stride, Eren hurried forward until they reached the first trees. When Mikasa signaled at him to let them down, he paused in surprise and gently lowered his hand so his friends could stand in the snow.

"Turn back," Mikasa said and Eren gave her a confused blink. He wouldn't have the strength to transform again if he did and they still had to cross the forest. Mikasa pointed at their cloaks with the survey corps insignia. "We need to deal with these first."

Ah, shit. Right. Eren had totally forgotten about that. Stepping back, he dropped his titan form and dragged himself out of the disintegrating flesh. The cold that hit his body made him shiver and he made his way through the snow towards his friends.

"You two also have new gear," Armin pointed out and shit, that was another thing Eren had forgotten. They couldn't just discard the cloaks or even stuff them into their bags, it was far too cold for that and their clothes were made for frost and pre-winter weather, not for the sort of constant icy winds and knee deep snow. Damn, their clothes weren't exactly their normal stuff either.

"Turn the cloaks inside out," Armin suggested after a moment and took his cloak off to demonstrate. This way, the insignia was hidden and if they were careful, Eren and Mikasa's gear would be covered enough not to draw attention, especially once it was dark. 

Eren was glad to see that Armin could move with barely a wince now, even if he still had to be slow and careful and didn't have his full range back yet. Armin would probably need some time after healing to regain full flexibility and strength. Eren and Mikasa copied him and their cloaks looked like normal green now, not too differently to the cloaks they usually used. Well no, these cloaks were thicker and made to keep warm, but Eren hoped again that the setting dark would hide that.

"Ready?" Eren asked and he wasn't sure why he was getting half restless and half nervous. He wanted to go home, but he was worried as well. They had been gone a long time and he hoped that in the dark and with their return, no one would look at their clothes too closely. His friends nodded and Mikasa helped Armin onto her back. While he could walk for a bit himself now, it was late and they were all exhausted.

The forest was familiar, even after their months away and with every step, Eren found himself picking up the pace, his heart beating faster, until he walked with long strides. Mikasa matched him without complaint, even while carrying Armin. Finally, light became visible between the trees and soon after, they emerged to see their home village lying in front of them. The village was quiet, with the windows lit by warm firelight and in the distance, Eren saw the gentle, small dots of the lights from one of the other villages. They were finally back home and the relief was slightly dizzying.

Moving through the snow, Eren just barely kept from jogging. He was still tired and sore and hungry, but he felt reenergized, at least for this moment and he longed for home, for warmth and food and getting clean and finally seeing his mom again. They stepped onto the main street, right by Reiner's house and Eren was surprised to see Reiner standing outside at the corner of the house and talking to a blond, bearded stranger with glasses.

"Think about it, alright?" The stranger said, voice understanding and calm. Eren couldn't see Reiner's face from this angle, but he noticed the tense line of his friend's shoulders and that he had tipped his head slightly down, his hands in fists at his sides as if he'd rather cross his arms in front of his chest, but forced himself not to. Reiner looked the way he always did when he felt like he had to agree to something, even if he wasn't happy about it.

Just as the stranger stepped back, Reiner glanced up and noticed them. He froze, his eyes going wide and mouth falling open. The expression on his face was startled and full of disbelief, before something complicated crossed over his features. Grief and confusion and finally, relief so strong it took Eren off guard. 

Eren only had a moment to notice how the stranger glanced at them as well, only to do a double take, eyes widening, when Reiner had already vaulted over the fence. He full on ran into them, his arms wrapping around all of them and only his strength and Mikasa's keeping them from tumbling straight into the snow, since Eren hadn't braced himself for impact. Eren grunted in surprise and felt Reiner's hand tightly gripping the back of his cloak, their temples lightly knocking together with the force of the hug.

"You're _alive_!" Reiner rasped, pulling back just enough to look at them without letting them go. His eyes were still slightly wide.

Reiner looked helplessly glad and still half grieving and Eren felt his heart drop into his stomach, ice suddenly shooting through his chest. Had they been declared dead? Oh no, they had been gone long enough for that, and if the other hunters hadn't found any signs or traces of their survival, they would be considered killed in action. Oh fuck.

"We're okay," Eren quickly tried to reassure, reaching up to grip Reiner's arm, noticing that he wore a thick wool sweater but no coat. He didn't seem to feel the cold right now though. "Well, mostly, but we're okay."

Reiner just stared at them as though he had no idea what to say or what to do, as if he wasn't entirely sure they were really real and Eren thought he might see a glimmer of tears. He crushed Reiner back into the hug and felt Mikasa do the same, noticed Armin, who had been set down, freeing an arm from their tight tangle to grip Reiner as well.

"We're here," Armin said, voice slightly raspy from emotion and exhaustion. "I'm so sorry, we never meant for this to happen."

"What _happened_?" Reiner ground out, his face half pressed against Eren's shoulder, half against Mikasa's. His back and shoulders were bunched and tense and Eren felt his heart clench.

"Are you alright?" The stranger suddenly interjected. He had rounded the fence and had hurried to their side. He had a happy, relieved smile on his face, though Eren noticed that he mostly looked at him and barely at the others. "We, we all thought you were dead."

"Fuck," Reiner hissed against their shoulders, still not letting go and Eren briefly wondered if he was hiding tears, when the stranger spoke up again.

"Those are wonderful news! I'm your - your father's assistant, Zeke Jaeger," he introduced himself, briefly placing a hand on his chest and tipping his head in a polite greeting. This was the first time Eren had heard about an assistant, maybe the guy was new? He certainly had never seen Zeke before. Eren had no idea of there was another Jaeger family in one of the other villages, but if there was, no one had mentioned it to him before. Maybe it was because the guy wasn't a shifter and Eren had spent most of his time with the instructors and older hunters while he had grown up and trained to take down Titans, so they wouldn't have met before.

Zeke smiled warmly and still full of relief, which was just a tad strange. They didn't know each other, after all. Maybe he was just a very compassionate guy. "Your parents will be so happy to hear of this."

Eren blanched. Oh no. Oh no, if Reiner and this guy thought they had been dead, then everyone else thought that. His _mother_ thought that. He had no time for this weird stranger and with a pang of regret, Eren gently patted Reiner's arm and pulled away.

"My mother, I need to -" he broke off as Reiner let go.

"Of course, go," his friend said, voice rough and breath slightly harder than before. He had his head tipped in a way that made it impossible for Eren to see in the dark if he had cried or not. "Go, I'll tell the others. But you'll explain yourself tomorrow! We'll show up first thing in the morning, understand?"

At this, Reiner did look up, eyes red and he poked Eren in the chest, a bit harder than he usually would and with a hand that shook slightly.

"Of course," Eren nodded quickly, still reeling and caught off guard by everything. "I'm so sorry."

"You're alive," Reiner said with a shake of his head. "Never apologize for that."

Feeling terrible all over again, Eren hurried away with a last, hesitating glance at their friend. Zeke didn't stop them, but Eren felt his gaze on him until they rounded the corner and reached their home. The light was on and Eren ran towards the steps. The snow had been cleared off the paths, so they weren't hindered by it. Reaching for the lock, Eren realized that all their keys had been left in the forest along with their backpacks and other gear, back when the survey corps had found them.

Raising his fist, feeling shaky and worried sick, Eren quickly knocked a few times, filled with a sense of restless urgency. Slow steps shuffled towards the door and with a click of the lock, it swung open. The first thought Eren had was that he had never seen his mother look like this before. Not even his father leaving all the time had given her such dull, red rimmed eyes and an expression of silent despair. Her face was pale and thinner than before, there were shadows beneath her eyes and her hair was without shine, her clothes dark and colorless. Mourning clothes.

Then her eyes widened, once she saw him standing there and Eren opened his mouth. "Mom..."

Tears fell down her cheeks and before he could say anything else, she reached for him, hands cold and hard as she gripped his shoulders, as if she couldn't believe he was real. Her gaze flickered past him after a long second, to spot Mikasa and Armin. A wounded noise escaped her once she looked at all of them and then Eren found himself dragged inside along with Mikasa and Armin and crushed in another hug. His mother broke out into sobs and he clung to her in return, feeling tears sting his eyes.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," he whispered, voice growing rough and cracking around the words. "We're okay, we got into trouble, but we're back now."

She shook her head and just hugged them tighter, gasping through tears and sobs and collectively, they sank to the ground, Armin shifting enough to hug her back properly as well without pressing down on his still sensitive and stitches riddled chest. They clung to each other in a knotted tangle, hands clutching tightly and his mother's cries filling the entrance of their home. Cold seeped in from the open door, but that didn't matter nearly as much as holding on. Eren felt a tear or two escape his tightly closed eyes and his heart felt torn in his chest. He hadn't wanted this. He had never wanted to hurt his mother or his other friends. He hadn't planned on staying away that long.

"You're alive," his mother gasped, one trembling hand reaching up to gently pet through his sweaty and greasy hair and she tucked Armin and Mikasa even more against her side. Her voice was a shaking whisper. "Oh, _thank you_."

Finally, after long minutes of gently rocking and clutching onto each other, she pulled back and her hand caught his, holding onto it with a tight grip, while she managed to grip both Mikasa's and Armin's cloak in her other hand. She glanced between them, her cheeks and eyes red from crying and an expression in her eyes that made Eren feel like the lowest dirt. He had done this.

"What happened?" she asked, voice rough and eyes haunted. "They said you were...after all this time..." She bit down on another sob. Taking a deep breath that shuddered audibly in her lungs, she reluctantly let them go and ushered them to their feet. "What happened, you don't look well. Come, sit down in the kitchen, you must be cold."

Eren was aware that they were all a bit too thin, gaunt around the face after over two weeks of rough, hard traveling and not enough food. Armin was on the last legs of his healing and he couldn't hide his grimace as he rose to his feet. His mother zeroed in on it and ushered them into the kitchen, while she kicked the entrance door closed.

"Now, tell me," she said, her hands still holding a tremor, as she quickly assembled a plate of food and brought the kit of emergency first aid his father had left over to the table. "What happened? Did you get hurt? Why didn't you come home?"

"We got into trouble," Eren answered and hesitated slightly. Should he lie to her? After everything? But what if she'd forbid them to go again? It was forbidden to get into contact with the city folk or the survey corps. "A blizzard -"

He cut off when she gave him a sudden, wounded glare, expression so strong it struck him silent. "Don't you _dare_ ," she said, voice breaking on the last word and tears once again spilling down her cheeks. "Don't you dare lie to me. You think I don't know your cloaks, when I sewed them myself? You think I don't know your gear, when I helped you clean it often enough? This is _not_ yours."

She pointed at their cloaks and gear with an unsteady hand, before she roughly brushed her tears away. "I was going to - you were gone." Her voice broke. "Don't...don't lie to me."

"I'm sorry." Eren rose to his feet and pulled her into a hug. He felt Armin and Mikasa join them, while his mother hugged them back tightly, her breathing hitching, before she took a step back.

"We'll tell you everything," Armin promised quietly, eyes wide and Eren could see that he felt just as horrible as he did.

"Please, sit," Mikasa added, eyes dark with regret and led her to a chair, while Eren pushed one for Armin and himself closer.

With quiet words, they told her everything. From the first encounter and their repeated return to the forest, to being found by the survey corps. She checked out Armin's wounds while they talked and the healing had come along well. The stitches were still red, but they had started to scar and there was no sign of any possible inflammation or anything around the black thread that had been used. 

"We wanted to come back sooner, far sooner," Eren promised, once she had put some salve on the wounds and had them rewrapped.

"But then I got hurt," Armin interjected and motioned at his chest, his mother's face pale and her mouth pressed into a tight line. "I'm fine now, but it was...rather bad, to be honest."

"We managed to run away a bit over two weeks ago," Eren said. "Armin was healthy enough and we got an opportunity to leave. But then we got caught in a blizzard and were delayed further." He swallowed and his sight blurred slightly despite him trying to stay calm. "I'm sorry. I'm _so_ sorry, mom."

"I'll forgive you," she sniffed, lifting one hand to wipe over her cheeks. She gave them a serious, grim look. "If you promise to never hide something like this from me. Never ever again. Tell me these things. I know you think I'm just your mother, that I don't know enough, but I can help too. I don't..." She bit her lip and her voice grew rougher. "I didn't know where you went, where the hunters might look for you."

"I didn't want to worry you," Eren blurted out and winced, lowering his head. That had backfired spectacularly. "And it's forbidden, to talk with city folk if you're not a trader. I was...worried about getting us into trouble. This is my fault."

"I wish you would have trusted me," his mother said and Eren bit his lip as his chest ached. This was never what he had wanted. "Promise me, you have to tell me where you go from now on."

"We promise," Mikasa said, quiet and with a slightly rough undertone to her voice. She held one of her hands, their knuckles white from the tight grip. Eren reached out to take his mother's free hand and she gripped him back just as rightly, tipping her head to rest it gently against the top of Armin's head.

Armin nodded, serious and regretful. "We'll never do this to you again."

"No more lies," Eren promised, desperate to make all this even the tiniest bit better. "I'm so, so sorry."

His mother pulled them all into hugs again, which was a bit awkward with all their knees slightly in the way, but Eren hugged her back. Suddenly, he felt bone deep exhaustion. Even the worn feeling from before couldn't compare to the absolute drained way he felt now. After a long minute, his mother pulled back and she looked as tired as he felt.

"I'm so glad you're alright. I forgive you and I'm still _furious_ with you, but I'm so, _so_ glad," she whispered, leaning forward to press a kiss to all their foreheads. Then she wrinkled her nose. "Oh, you all stink."

Eren couldn't help but chuckle ruefully and saw her lips twitch into a small shadow of a smile, before it fell away again. Eren knew in that moment, that they would talk about all this again. Possibly a couple of times. He still felt horrible about having done this to her. 

A thought made him pause briefly. "Father, is he..."

"At work," she said and her voice was short and brittle in a way he hadn't heard before when she talked about his father. "I'm sure he'll be back once he hears of your return. It...he didn't take this well either."

"We met his assistant on the way here," Armin said quietly. "He's probably going to inform him right away."

"An assistant?" his mother asked, a confused frown tugging at her brow, before her expression cleared slightly. "Oh, he's talked about maybe hiring someone. The assistant must be a new addition. Now." She took a deep, still slightly shaky breath and straightened, wiping the last traces of her tears away. "Hand me your cloaks and I'll adjust them later so they don't give you away. And keep your gear hidden."

"You think we shouldn't tell anyone else?" Eren asked hesitantly. She pressed her lips together, thinking for a moment. Her face was still pale and the shadows beneath her eyes made her seem exhausted, but there was light in her eyes again.

She took another deep breath and released it slowly. "I...let's talk tomorrow. I don't know what to think about this, but keep it quiet for now, unless you trust someone else with this."

She ensured they all took some food and then ushered them up the stairs, while collecting their cloaks over one arm. She accompanied them to their rooms and hovered in the hallway, looking as though she was afraid they were going to vanish the moment she looked away.

"Sleep well," she told them at last, voice soft and still scratchy from crying. She still looked horrible exhausted, even with some color finally seeping back into her cheeks.

"Get rest as well, mama. I love you," Eren told her and her lips twitched into a small smile, softening the harsh lines of grief still left on her face.

"I will. I love you too." Reluctantly, she stepped back and Eren closed his door after a moment, exhaling heavily. He let his pack fall to the floor and began to unbuckle his gear. He carefully pushed it beneath his bed when he was done, since he had no other place to hide it. That would have to be good enough for now. And even though he smelled rank after over two weeks of no baths, he only managed to eat the food his mother had pushed into his hands, before he got under the covers and fell asleep.

He was too exhausted to dream.

~*~

Eren woke to someone roughly landing on his knees and yanking the blanket back. With a noise he'd deny to this grave and back and an uncoordinated flail, he managed to roll onto his back and blinked up at Ymir's face. For a second, he caught the look of utter relief and dark grief in her eyes, before she grabbed the pillow and unceremoniously tried to smother him with it.

"You little shit," she said, voice rough and yet too delighted to be even close to angry. "How the hell did you survive?"

Eren managed to wrench the pillow from her, coughing and spitting out a stray thread that had come lose. Before he could answer, her nose wrinkled and she leaned back. "Ugh, you _stink_."

Sitting up, Eren almost ended up nose to nose with Ymir, because she had no shame and always managed to make him feel uncomfortable whenever he tried to do the same to her. Despite her words, she dragged him into a hug that was too tight, almost strangling the air out of him. Her arms were long, like the whole rest of her and managed to wrap around him like a vice. 

"Sorry," he whispered, voice raspy from sleep and the turmoil of last night and his chest tightened once again. "I'm sorry for scaring you."

She scoffed and pulled back, giving him a gentle scuff on the head. "You don't scare me. Ugh, but your smell could kill Titans at this point. Go bath and meet us downstairs."

With those words she clambered off him with languid, easy movements and took his blanket with her. Eren cursed against the cold air while she sauntered out of the room, flipping him off over her shoulder. Eren got up, grabbed a change of new clothes and finally got a bath. The water was heavenly warm and it felt good to get rid of all that sweat and dirt. He washed his hair twice as thoroughly as possible and finally got to shave properly again. They had tried their best during their journey, but without a mirror it had been a passable job at best and the long traveling and cold hadn't really been ideal for grooming either.

When Eren hurried down the stairs, clean and warmly dressed, he found all his friends and his mother in the kitchen. His mother had cooked up a warm breakfast already, nothing too heavy for their stomachs, but plenty. Eren felt a strong flash of relief, to see she wore one of her normal dresses, if darker and made of heavy wool. No more mourning clothes.

Eren had a moment to notice that Annie had a hand on Armin's shoulder, her fingers curled into the fabric of his thick sweater. Before he could say anything, Bertolt reached him with one long stride and a noise of happy relief, though Eren had noticed the wet sheen in his eyes. The hug he was dragged into was tight, but not as strangling as Ymir's because even like this, Bertolt was always careful and worried about hurting others.

"You're okay," Bertolt whispered into his shoulder, folding his longer frame down and Eren hugged him back tightly. "We were so worried."

"Yeah, we looked everywhere for you," Ymir added from her spot in Eren's usual chair. She had tipped it back and balanced it on two legs, with one of her legs thrown over Mikasa's lap. It was a telling sign that Mikasa didn't shove her off and instead had a hand grasped securely over Ymir's knee.

"What happened?" Bertolt asked and pulled away, his hands resting on Eren's shoulders and he peered at him with weeks of worry and fear, mingled with relief to find them all alive. "Where were you all this time?"

"We got into trouble," Armin spoke up and then hesitated, visibly unsure on what to say next. Or how to say it. If he should lie or not. Eren himself wasn't sure.

Before Eren could speak himself, the front door flew open with a crash and heavy, running steps were in the hallway, followed by his father skidding into the kitchen. Eren couldn't remember the last time he had seen his father so uncontrolled and visibly emotional. His father's eyes were wide, his hair slightly disheveled from its usual, neat fall and he looked pale, slight shadows beneath his eyes. A noise of utter relief came from his father and the next second, Eren found himself dragged into a tight hug. His father pressed a kiss against Eren's temple, surprising him, while one hand cradled the back of Eren's head.

He didn't know why, but seeing his father so obviously affected by his perceived death was...strangely surprising. Eren knew his father cared for him and loved him, but their relationship had grown so distant and superficial over the last years, and strong or comfortable displays of affection had disappeared entirely. Eren hugged his father back, hearing a tiny, chocked back sob.

"I'm okay," he whispered, one hand lightly rubbing his father's back, the other clutching the thick coat his father hadn't even bothered with taking off. He probably was wearing his shoes too, dragging snow and dirt into the house. No one cared. "It's okay, I'm okay."

To Eren's further surprise, his father held onto him longer than ever before, until he took a deep breath and pulled back, only to press a kiss to Eren's forehead.

"What happened?" his father asked, hands grasping his shoulders and eyes confused and relieved and searching, a shadow of grief clinging to him.

"They're going to explain," Eren's mother cut in gently. "But Grisha, Armin got injured, I'd feel better if you could take a look."

"Oh, of course." Grisha let go after a last, gentle squeeze and turned to Armin, face worried but taking on the reassuring look Eren had seen him giving his patients. "Can you walk? I have everything we need in my office."

Now that he said it, Eren couldn't see his doctor's bag anywhere. His father gently ushered Armin with him and once they were gone, there was a knock at the front door.

"Excuse me?" someone called and it took Eren a moment to recognize Zeke from last night. He barely remembered his voice. After all that had happened, Eren had pretty much forgotten about his father's new assistant. "Can I come in? The door is open and I have Grisha's bag with me."

Eren's mother quickly stepped out of the kitchen and Eren felt the impatience of his friends and noticed that Bertolt had stepped closer again, when his friend's fingers snaked out to lightly touch his arm, as if he still couldn't quite believe that they were alright. Reiner dropped heavily into Armin's vacated chair and Ymir watched them all with attentive, sharp eyes. His mother returned with Zeke just as Eren opened his mouth to say something.

Immediately, the atmosphere in the kitchen shifted. Reiner straightened slightly, as did Bertolt. Annie, who had stepped up behind Ymir, looked away. Which was kind of weird. Eren would have to ask them later if something was wrong. Ymir at least seemed unperturped.

"Pardon the intrusion," Zeke said, a cordial smile on his face, that turned almost friendly when he glanced at Eren. In the light of day, Eren got a better look at the man who his father had hired. There was curiosity brightening Zeke's eyes and Eren had the suddenly wondered if his father talked about him at work. If his father might brag about his son and family. It was certainly the only thing that would explain why Zeke seemed curious about him, as if he wanted to talk to him. At least, that was the impression Eren got.

Behind Zeke, Eren saw his mother walking past the kitchen, holding his father's large doctor's bag in her hand and bringing it to the office. Thankfully, Grisha had the same supplies at home, more even, since he had more room tostore medicine. Eren was sure most of his father's stuff in his office was just medicine upon medicine upon bandages and salves and surgery thread and who knew what else.

"It's good to know you're alright," Zeke said, giving Eren and Mikasa a glance, before he paused. "Is your friend alright?"

"He got injured, but he's almost healed. Dad is just looking him over," Eren said and at the same second, noticed that he hadn't called his father 'dad' in a while.

Eren didn't know why, but he felt weirdly defensive around Zeke. Whether it was because the guy seemed kind of friendly in a familiar way, as if he knew Eren when Eren didn't know him at all, or because Reiner was obviously uncomfortable around him, Eren couldn't tell. 

Well, if he was honest, he was just a bit upset about the fact that his father could hire an assistant, but hadn't done so before _and_ had left his mother alone when she needed him. The last part was hardly Zeke's fault, but the guy was a stranger who had suddenly popped up and Eren felt too churned up and worried and guilty and just all around sorry, to deal with a stranger that acted as though they could be great friends. Or maybe he was reading it all wrong and Zeke was that friendly with everyone and there was a reason why Reiner hadn't been happy last night. Eren hoped Reiner's father was okay and their conversation had nothing to do with any possible injuries Eren didn't know about yet.

"Good, it's good you're all fine," Zeke said with a nod. "Well, don't mind me. I'm just here to help Grisha."

With those words and a last smile, he ducked out of the kitchen with a polite nod.

Eren glanced at his friends and found Ymir watching Zeke's retreat with a face of bored indifference, while Reiner cleared his throat, suddenly looking weirdly awkward.

"What happened to Armin?" Annie asked quietly, her gaze falling to Eren.

Eren couldn't help grimace at the memory. "He got bitten by a Titan."

Reiner cursed quietly and Bertolt threw a worried look to where Grisha and Armin had disappeared. Ymir frowned heavily, a twist to her mouth that spoke of unhappiness and Annie was just utterly still for a second. Heavy steps caused them to glance up and Eren's father appeared in the open kitchen door, with his mother right behind him.

"Armin's asking for you," his father told Mikasa and Eren. "We'll set the table, you guys are too thin." His father turned to the others. "Will you stay for breakfast?"

Ymir snorted. "Sure, they still owe us an answer."

Mikasa pushed Ymir's leg from hers and stood up and Eren worried if something had happened, since Armin had asked them to come to him. They exchanged a look as they walked down the hallway. His father's office was thankfully close and when they stepped inside, it smelled of the salve his father liked to use for flesh injuries.

"I can take the stitches out in a week," Armin said as they entered and once the door closed, he grew serious. "What do we tell the others?"

Eren dragged a hand through his hair, feeling torn and horrible for what he had put his friends and parents through. At the same time, the same reservations as before made him hesitate. Mikasa cut her eyes to him.

"I won't lie," she told him, firm and quiet and brows furrowed. "If we lie here, then it means we don't trust them."

Armin grew grim. "Having held back information before was different, and they'll be pissed at us when we tell them the truth. But you're right, Mikasa when we lie here and now, that is something we won't be able to take back. And...I don't want to either."

"I don't want to lie either," Eren admitted, propping his hip against his father's desk, while Armin slid off the examination table. "I want to tell our friends." He hesitated and glanced at the door. "And my father...I don't know. I'll test the waters when that Zeke guy isn't around."

Zeke was a stranger who might as well rat them out to the other hunters if he knew of what they had done. Armin looked relieved and Mikasa gave him a curt nod, but he could tell that she agreed with his plan, was even pleased with it.

"Let's go then," Armin said and they left the office. In the kitchen was a bit of contained chaos. Zeke was still around, though he was talking quietly with Eren's father out in the hallway, while his mother had gotten his friends to help out with setting the table.

"We'll tell you later, what happened," Eren whispered to his friends, once he joined them in distributing plates. Ymir gave him a shrewd look, while Annie glanced at them, from where she had pulled back a chair for Armin and Reiner and Bertolt gave him confused looks, but nodded as well.

Breakfast was a tight affair full of accidental elbowing. The table simply wasn't big enough for all of them and Zeke stayed as well, which meant there was even less space. Eren was sandwiched between Mikasa and his mother and tried to eat without disrupting them too much. His father asked them all sorts of questions and Eren answered where he could and Armin helped him answer evasively at times, so they wouldn't have to lie. His mother caught on and Eren noticed the conflicted expression in her face, before it firmed and she spoke up, gently settling a hand over her husband's.

"Let them recover, Grisha," she told him softly. "It was...it was rough for them. Let them recover and they can tell us all the details later." She said the last part with a significant glance at Eren, Mikasa and Armin, wordlessly telling them that they would have a long talk about this. Eren had already expected as much last night and he gave her a small nod in return.

"Of course," his father relented with a small sigh and leaned forward a bit to glance past his wife with a small smile. He still looked tired, but there was a lightness in his face that Eren hadn't seen in...years, possibly. "Get plenty of rest and drink as much as you can."

"Yeah, dad, don't worry," Eren said with a nod. Water had been a bit less of a problem, even if snow wasn't the ideal thing. But they had found a river they had been able to follow for a few days and they had ensured to fill their canteens. Though, all that cold water had given them quite a few stomach aches.

His father seemed reassured and conversation became a bit more normal. Eren's friends held their own questions back, until breakfast was done and they had helped Eren's mother clean up. Armin was firmly told to remain seated and to rest. Just as they dried their plates, a knock at the door caused them to pause. Eren's father, who had put the dried cuttlery back in its place, went to answer the door. He returned after a moment and glanced at Zeke, who until then had helped them wash dishes by the sink.

"My apologies," Eren's father stepped back into the kitchen and glanced at Zeke. "Could you get my bag?"

"Sure." Zeke dried his hands and stepped back from the sink.

Eren's father gave him a regretful look. "A kid broke his leg and it seems to be bad. I'll be back in a few hours, alright?"

"We'll be fine," Eren reassured his father, though he had to admit that he wasn't quite thrilled to see him go. He was glad to get the stranger out of the house though, if only so that he could properly talk with his friends.

Eren's father and Zeke left with a quick goodbye and the rest of breakfast was taken care of within minutes. Eren's mother brushed a hand over his head, pressed a kiss to Mikasa's temple and squeezed Armin's shoulder on her way out of the room.

"So." Ymir turned a chair around and sat down, staring at them. "Spill."

"You're not going to like it," Eren warned and she gave him an unimpressed look.

"No shit. You were gone for nearly three months." There was a twist at the corners of her mouth, as though she held back an expression and instead folded her arms over the back of the chair. "For a moment, I thought you were going to lie to us."

Eren blinked in surprise and saw Bertolt and Reiner do the same. Annie gave them a glance and the smallest furrow appeared between her brows. Ymir lifted an eyebrow as she looked at them all.

"Really? Come on Eren, whenever we ask you something and Armin answers quickly, it's a lie." Ymir glanced at Armin, who looked caught off guard. "You're good, but I've known you guys since we were kids. Others can't tell, but I sure as shit can when you keep secrets. Which I don't mind, I don't tell you everything either." She leveled them with a serious look. "But you were gone, so this is different."

"The survey corps found us," the words were out of Eren before he could quite realize it and then winced at the looks his friends gave him. Ymir looked genuinely surprised, Annie's eyes had widened slightly and Bertolt and Reiner looked startled and worried.

Taking a deep breath, Eren told them what had happened, with Armin and Mikasa pitching in. His friends only interrupted occasionally, to curse or ask incredulous questions.

"How the fuck did you not blow your cover?" Reiner asked at last, looking shocked and disbelieving at everything they had told them.

Ymir narrowed her eyes. "You want to go back, don't you."

Eren sheepishly rubbed the back of his neck and then deflated slightly. "I want to, yeah. But I don't know if I will. Mom might fight us on leaving again and, well...I can't exactly show up out of nowhere months after fucking off in the dead of night, can I?"

"I mean, you _can_ , it's just going to have consequences," Ymir said, pillowing her chin on her crossed arms. "But I think it would be a bad idea."

It would be. Eren just couldn't convince himself to let go of it. He couldn't help the soft sigh that escaped him. "I just want to help them."

A light kick against his shin caused him to throw an annoyed look at Ymir, who gave him a dry look. "You're too damn self-sacrificing, Eren."

"Then take us with you," Reiner suddenly spoke up. There was a thoughtful expression on his face, but something tense along his shoulders as well. His hands were curled into loose fists. "That way, we can keep an eye on you and if you get caught again, we could at least help you escape or inform everyone at home that you're on an extra long hunt."

Ymir sighed. "Sure, I guess that could work. But I'm not getting close to the corps and I won't blow every hunt on accompanying you guys."

"Then only some hunts," Bertolt pitched in, with a hopeful smile that held a nervous edge and he exchanged a quick glance with Reiner. "And you could tell us where you're going, at least." He swallowed and the smile fell away. "We searched everywhere for you, but we had no idea where to start or where to go."

"I'm sorry, really," Eren said earnestly and Bertolt sighed.

"I know and...I understand better. I don't think I would have fared better in your shoes."

"You wouldn't have been in his shoes in the first place," Ymir added, which, yeah, fair enough. Then Ymir grinned and leaned forward. "Hey, so, about that new gear you mentioned, let me try that."

"That isn't all, though," Armin spoke up, causing their friends to pause and look back at them. They told them about the wrong Titans next, the ones that weren't even abnormals and at last, the ones that hunted at night. Eren had skimmed over that topic at first, to get the story of their disappearance out of the way.

"Shit," Ymir murmured and Eren leaned forward.

"Have you seen anything like it on your hunts?" he asked. If they had, maybe they had a chance to figure out what was going on. Or at least how to better fight the increasingly weird Titans.

"No," Reiner answered, his arms crossing in front of his chest and his mouth thinned for a moment. "We've seen nothing like you have. Some abnormals here and there, but not that. And especially no Titans that move at night."

Ymir had glanced at Reiner at his words and Bertolt leaned forward now, face nervous. "We'll keep an eye out, though."

"Yeah," Ymir drawled. "Let us know if you see more of those."

"We will," Mikasa promised and Eren and Armin nodded. Eren however couldn't help but wonder why no one else had seen any weird Titans. Where were they coming from?

~*~

That morning by the kitchen table was the last moment they had some time for a proper conversation for a couple of days. Once the news traveled that Eren, Mikasa and Armin had returned and weren't dead, people dropped by. His mother's friends visited to welcome them back and ask just where they had been. The hunters and instructors had them drop by the office building for an official report and at least until then, they had a proper, believable story cobbled together. Which Armin told, because Ymir was right and he was the best out of all of them at it.

They started the story with Armin getting severely injured during their hunt and that they couldn't safely travel with him anymore. They told the older hunters about holing up in a cave and staying there. They admitted to traveling farther than they should have and that this was the reason why none of the search parties had been able to find them. And on their way back, they had gotten caught in a blizzard, which was true, which had caused them to get lost. Eren told that part and he exaggerated a bit just how much the blizzard had pushed them off their path, which was why they had come back so late.

"It's good that you're still alive," one of their old instructors said gruffly. "Welcome back. Rest and recover, you all look rough."

Eren's father was home more often than he had been in years, but Eren couldn't find a way to properly talk to him. There were people coming in and out of the house, his mother cooked a lot to help them regain weight and his father still had to work. Zeke hadn't been by the house again since, which was kind of surprising. Eren had expected to see the guy around more often, since he was his father's assistant now. Mostly, he had hoped that having an assistant would mean that Eren's father would have more time.

No such luck. Over a week after their return, his father left again, this time not just for a couple of hours or a day. He'd be gone longer. Eren had no idea what to think about that now, especially since he would have liked to talk to his father for once.

Ymir finally found a moment to drag them all into the forest, where Eren and Mikasa let their friends try out the new gear. Armin had gotten his stitches removed just as Grisha had left and he was slowly and carefully working through the plan Eren's father had left, so he'd regain full mobility and to built up what muscles he had lost over the time of his recovery.

"This is really good," Bertolt said with a smile, nose running slightly from the cold and the wind of swinging around. Right now, Reiner and Annie were giving it a try and Reiner was grinning widely. Annie looked focused and serious, but Eren thought that her eyes looked brighter, like glacial blue, which they only ever did if she was actually happy about something. 

Bertolt glanced at Eren and his friends. "Do you think you could get us some new gear too?"

"Oh yeah," Ymir agreed with a grin. "This is way better than the old stuff we have."

Thankfully, their friends understood why they couldn't just give up the new gear for their mechanics to try and replicate. It would cause too many questions, especially after their lies.

"I'll see what I can do," Eren promised. Maybe he could take a gear or two. He doubted he'd be able to steal one for all of them at once, but one at a time might be feasible. 

It got even colder as well, causing Eren to be relieved that they had gotten back when they did. The sort of icy nights they had now would have killed them on their travels, even with the sleeping bags and cuddled together. It was strange, sleeping in a bed by himself, first after weeks of hunting together, then the two months with the survey corps and sleeping in that room with the others and then their travel back together. While Eren was glad for more space and to sprawl himself across the bed, the silence was what kept him awake. No close breaths, no quiet sleep noises that told him his friends were there and alright. 

He missed his new friends in the survey corps as well and laid awake one night or two, wondering if those people hated him now. If they knew of the lies by now and were glad to be rid of them. Or if they grieved them, worried for them and missed them as well.

Most of all, he realized that he really missed Levi. He missed the late night meetings and those comfortable silences and the quiet bits of conversation they had had. He even missed Levi's tea occasionally, especially when he drank the normal simple herbal ones his mother had at home. One night, it kept him awake enough, that he gave up with a sigh and got up.

Eren had planned to head down to the kitchen, to make himself some tea or eat some dried fruit, when he noticed that there was light on in the kitchen already. He tiptoed over and saw his mother sitting by the kitchen table, looking tired and holding a cup of steaming tea in her hands.

"Everything okay?" Eren asked quietly and winced when she flinched, clearly startled. "Mom?"

"I just..." She pressed a hand over her eyes. "Sometimes I can't help but think of the time you were all gone and..."

Eren rounded the table quickly and pulled her into a hug. "I'm sorry, mom." It was all he could say, all he kept saying and he hated that he couldn't do more. That he couldn't make it better.

"I know you want to leave again," his mother murmured when he pulled back again and Eren sat down beside her. "And I hate it."

It took Eren a second to hear what she didn't say. "You won't tell us to stay? You'll let us go?"

Not that she could forbid it. Eren, Mikasa and Armin were grown adults, but Eren didn't want to argue. He wanted his mom to be proud of him, of all of them and he wanted her to understand that this was important to him. He had to do this, he had to help in any way he could.

She gave him such a sad smile, it made his mouth dry. "I would doom you to unhappiness if I don't." She sighed heavily, the air trembling slightly on the inhale and her voice became a whisper. "But it scares me."

"We'll tell you where we'll go," Eren promised. "And Reiner and the others offered to come with us at times. We'll tell them too where we go, so they'll know where to go to check up on us."

"That's a good idea," his mother said and exhaled heavily again. "I just...this won't just go away, Eren, I need you to know that. I don't know if I'll ever be happy about you hunting."

Eren fell quiet, unsure what to say to that. They sat together in silence, his mother lost in thought and Eren found himself thinking back on the outpost. He hoped everyone in Maria was okay. He hoped Levi missed him too, which was maybe a weird thought to have, but it was there and he couldn't make it go away.

At last, his mother turned to him, face serious and eyes solemn with the last dredges of grief that hadn't quite let go of her yet. She reached out and grasped his hands. "Promise me one thing, Eren, that is all I ask." He nodded mutely and she took a deep breath. "Never make me bury any of you."

He squeezed her hands back and hoped his earnest words wouldn't become a lie. "I promise."

~*~

Winter was long and the days felt slow and cold. Eren's mother had sat them down for a couple of conversations, laying down a few more ground rules so she'd feel better about them leaving. Their friends dropped by a lot and Armin grew stronger with every week. When he was finally well enough to head out again, they stuck to small trips and occasionally joined the patrols in the forest.

To hide their new gear, Eren and Mikasa requested a new one, along with Armin. Since only Reiner and Zeke had seen them return, they could lie that they had lost their gear during their travels. It was easy enough to convince them that Armin's and Eren's had broken in the fight that had injured Armin and that Mikasa had left hers behind once her gas had run out and all her blades had been broken. No need to lug around extra weight. The hunters understood, even if they weren't particularly thrilled about having lost gear.

Eren felt restless, though. He wanted to return to the forest, to see that everyone in the survey corps were alright, to see their new friends again and, yeah, Levi as well. His twentieth birthday was next week and after that, winter would have released its clutches enough that they'd be able to go on proper hunts again. They could go.

"I miss them," he whispered one night, when Armin, Mikasa and he sat in front of the fire in the living room. Eren still wasn't thrilled about the cold after nearly having frozen to death in a blizzard and he found himself inching towards sources of heat whenever he could.

His friends paused and he could tell by looking at their faces that they knew who he meant without further explanation.

"Me as well," Armin admitted quietly and quirked a small smile at them. "Jean was a great roommate and the others dropped by more often than I had expected. Krista has a lot of great stories, too, about Maria, about their history and even about that church of theirs and what they believe in."

Mikasa hummed in agreement and then glanced at them. "Do you think we'll get to talk to them again?"

She didn't ask about seeing them, because that might happen. But interacting? Eren might, if he was a titan, but outside of that?

"I don't know," he admitted quietly. Ymir was right when she had said that it would be a bad idea. They had no good explanation, no good excuses, only some flimsy shit about pretending to have survived out in the wild on their own. Unless... Eren straightened. "What if we tell them we returned to the outpost? And that we couldn't head back to Maria because we had no more gas and supplies and there were too many Titans to brave the journey on our own."

Armin perked up at those words and Mikasa seemed thoughtful and she nodded slowly, before Armin paused and sighed.

"If we talk to them, we'll have to go with them too," he said. "They wouldn't just leave us out there. We'd end up in Maria again and I doubt our next get-away will be as smooth. And if they see us running, we won't have any more believable lies or excuses for them."

Shit, Armin was right. 

"If we do decide to do that," Mikasa spoke up quietly. "We'll tell the others beforehand. Nothing reckless." The last part was clearly aimed at Eren, who accepted it with a rueful smile. She wasn't wrong after all. "But how do we explain our lies about being with a trading company?"

"Right." Armin rubbed a hand over his chin and then dragged it through his hair with a sigh. "We could claim to have been hired unofficially. That it was cheaper that way, but that our names weren't in any company books that way?"

"That would only work if they don't have a register at the gates," Mikasa added and Eren sighed in quiet frustration. Shit, they had no idea of the bureaucracy of the cities.

He didn't want to lie. He was getting sick and tired of them and he was relieved that his friends and mother at least knew the truth now. But what could he do? He couldn't very well walk up to the survey corps and cheerfully reveal himself and endanger his home and every shifter in the villages. If he were the only one, he might do it, but he wasn't.

"I'll let you know when I come up with something," Armin said. "I'll ask the traders too, about how the cities do business and how trading with them works. Maybe that will give me an idea."

"Thank you," Eren said and Armin gave him a smile, gently nudging his leg with his foot.

"I like them too, Eren." His voice softened a bit. "It would be nice to see them again. Even if it's just for one more time."

One last time. Maybe they shouldn't, if they already missed the survey corps. But Eren knew himself and he knew that there was a part of him that was selfish and emotional and that he'd take the opportunity to talk to everyone again if he could. To talk to Levi again. Maybe they could even say goodbye the next time around.

It would be a bit reckless, but then again, when wasn't Eren reckless? And so far it had turned out well for him. Maybe, just one more time, luck would be on his side in this matter.

~*~

"Reiner?" Eren called as he knocked at the door. Winter had finally released the land from its clutches enough that the hunters were allowed on longer trips again. They had adjusted their equipment to the weather and had all the rations and supplies they needed. The only thing left before Eren and his friends could go, was to inform their other friends.

Reiner's father opened a moment later, face kind but tired and he turned away briefly to cough into his elbow. The man had gotten sick during the winter, a rather bad case of pneumonia and had only started to recover recently. Reiner had been very stressed and had spent a lot of time at home, to take care of his father. Eren certainly had seen his own father during that time, since his services had been sorely needed.

"Hello Mr. Braun, how are you?" Eren asked, while the man let him inside with a smile.

"Better, thank you. Are you here for Reiner or do you need help with something?" he asked kindly. "If it's the former, he went to visit a neighbor really quickly and you can head up and wait in his room if you want. If it's the latter, well, let me know how I can be of service."

"Everything's fine, thank you. Nothing broke this winter, thankfully," Eren said and Mr. Braun nodded. He wasn't a very tall man, his son had grown a bit taller than him, but he had the same set of strong shoulders, though his eyebrows were a lot bushier than Reiner's and he had a well groomed beard.

"I'm glad to hear that. Well, don't let me keep you. You'll probably won't stay for lunch, will you? You look ready to go." Mr. Braun motioned at Eren's travel clothes. Eren even already wore the cloak from the survey corps, though his mother had carefully removed the stitched on crest. Eren hadn't been able to throw it away and it was now folded together at the bottom of his new backpack.

"I'm afraid not, we'll leave right after I talk to Reiner," Eren said and Mr. Braun waved him on. Eren headed up down the hallway and found the door to Reiner's room open. He had a standing invitation to enter since Reiner's father had gotten sick and Eren had dropped by with food from his mother and medicine from his father in the evenings a lot. Eren had tended to leave the food in Reiner's room, since he'd eat it before going to bed.

Stepping into the familiar room, with the bed pushed up on one side and the dresser beside it. There was a desk with papers strewn across it and shelves with books and knickknacks. Reiner had a room that felt lived in and just a tiny bit untidy, with old socks peeking out from beneath his bed and some stuff shoved haphazardly onto the shelves.

Wandering over to the desk, Eren glanced out of the window to see if he could spot Reiner returning. When he stepped back again, his gaze brushed the papers on the desk before he could stop himself. Eren wasn't one for snooping and he didn't in this case either. He only caught a glimpse of an old looking drawing of a young, slim looking teenager. It was done from the waist up, his hair was dark and combed back and while his expression was serious, his eyes seemed to laugh. Whoever they were, they had a rather pretty face. The guy seemed vaguely familiar, though Eren couldn't put his finger on why. Maybe because the old drawing was of a long dead family member of Reiner's family? It wasn't any of his business though and he just really wanted to get going.

To Eren's relief, the heard the door open a minute later and quickly hurried back outside. Reiner looked surprised to see him for a moment, before understanding flickered across his face.

"You're leaving?" he asked and knocked mud from his boots, before stepping through the open entrance door and taking them off.

"Today," Eren confirmed. "Right now, in fact." He briefly glanced back to ensure Mr. Braun was in the living room by the fire and wrapped in a thick fur cloak, to help keep his chest warm. Eren lowered his voice to a whisper. "We're heading to that forest by Maria."

"Alright," Reiner hesitated for a moment, before he slightly shook his head. "Be careful, alright? We'll expect you back in three weeks at the latest. If you aren't, well assume something happened and we'll come for you."

Eren nodded. "We'll be careful."

Reiner clapped him on the shoulder and Eren waited a moment, when it looked like he wanted to say something. In the end, Reiner just squeezed his shoulder and ushered Eren out, complaining about the house getting cold.

"Take care," Reiner told him one last time and Eren promised to, before the door closed.

Eren hurried back home and pulled the gear from the survey corps from beneath his bed. He had taken careful care of it during the winter, but had kept it hidden as well. Now he strapped it on, pushed the old gear from the hunters under the bed and arranged his cloak so it covered the top of the gear well enough. It should be fine.

Mikasa and Armin were waiting downstairs, ready to go, along with his mother. His mother hugged them all for long minutes, pressing kisses to their cheeks, before she reluctantly let them leave.

"Three weeks," she reminded them, wool shawl wrapped around her shoulders. "Two days more at most, when you're not back by then, I'll send your friends after you."

"We'll be careful, mom," Eren promised and he hated the pinched, worried expression on her face, but he couldn't do anything about it either. The only thing he could have done, was to stay and...he had to go. For so many reasons.

She put a smile on for them. "You better be. Have fun and come back."

They left, leaving the village behind without anyone giving them more than a passing look and wishing them safe travels. No one even so much as looked at their gear and Eren relaxed a bit. Mikasa wore the new gear as well, while Armin had the normal one from the shifters on. He hadn't left with new gear of his own, since he hadn't been able to wear any with his injuries and they hadn't been able to grab an extra one when they had left.

Past the forest, Eren shifted and enjoyed the feeling of the sun and he felt a deep joy and excited anticipation, as the land stretched before him. There was still snow, especially where it had piled in ditches, but slowly spring started to settle in.

Within a few days, they settled into their usual rhythm for traveling and Eren felt like all their moods lifted and grew brighter. It helped to know that his friends looked forward to seeing the survey corps soldiers again, when before it had been just Eren who wanted to see them.

And then, finally, in the evening, their usual forest came into view, with the small belt of Maria's walls in the distance. They were back. Eren paused outside the forest, when Armin patted his neck.

"Don't you think they're heading to the outpost?" Armin asked and Eren tilted his head to glance at him, careful not to pile his hair on Armin. He made a thoughtful noise, which sounded like a growly exhale, but his friends could read his noises pretty well after years of training together. "We should head that way, I think. Especially if we, well if you, want to help."

Eren gave a single, clear nod and then paused. He had no idea where the outpost was from here. He glanced back at Armin, making a low, confused noise. It took his friend a moment to catch on and then he guided him. Armin had always been better at maps and geography anyway, so it didn't surprise Eren that he had an idea of where they had to go.

A day later, they saw the outpost again and decided to settle down in a forest close to it. Not the forest right up against one side of the outpost, but one a bit further away. Eren and his friends set up camp and hunted the Titans in the area, while they waited for anything to happen. Just as Eren wondered if they hadn't shown up too early, he saw a group of riders heading their way in the distance.

Getting his friends' attention, Eren pointed at the nearing group, his heart swelling with joy and relief and anticipation. Their friends were returning!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since i plan on writing a side-story where the POV of other characters during the chapters of the main story will be (like the POV of someone after Eren, Mikasa and Armin left the survey corps). Let me know if there are any parts where you'd like to have someone else's POV as well! I can't promise to write everything, but when I have some extra time, I'll go work on it =)


	10. Chapter 10

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter ended up far longer than I expected it to, and I hope you'll like it and that it turned out well! Happy reading!

Before Eren could take so much as a step towards the approaching riders in the distance, Armin suddenly grabbed his arm, his eyes wide.

"Wait," Armin said, voice urgent. "We can't show us to them."

Eren settled back, a sharp stone of disappointment dropping into his gut. "What do you mean?"

Armin looked a bit unhappy himself. "They're heading to the outpost, if we want our lie of us holing up there during winter to hold up, we have to be there when they arrive. But we promised to be home in three weeks and I still don't know how to explain our lies about our origin."

Shit. Fuck. Eren rubbed a hand over his face. "Alright, what do we do?"

Armin let go of his hand and fell silent, his face deeply thoughtful. Eren saw his eyes flicker a bit from side to side, lips moving a bit as he went through ideas, until he looked up.

"They can't see us this time, we agreed to let the others know if we do anything and I'd like them to know beforehand if we intend to return to the survey corps as well, even if it will be the last time. I still need more time for our lie. But once we know what to say, we could...oh, yes! There are a couple of ruins around here, right? We could say we holed up there during winter and made our way back where when there were no Titans around and the snow had disappeared."

Eren exhaled, relief dissolving the heavy disappointment. "Alright, that sounds good to me."

Mikasa nodded. "We have show ourselves the next time we go on a hunt, the longer we wait, the less our lie works."

That was true. The more time passed, the less they could pretend to have camped out in a ruin to wait for winter to pass and to find a chance to reach Maria. But, for now, they had a plan and Eren trusted Armin. He'd come up with a tale. Even if Eren still wasn't happy about having to lie, he saw no other way around it either. No one could know about the shifter villages.

"Should I shift and let them find me?" Eren asked and Armin hummed thoughtful.

"Maybe not quite yet. Let them get settled in and when they head out for patrols, you can shift. That way, you can conserve your energy better. Though I would recommend to let them find you towards the evening, this way you can retreat into the forest to transform back when they have to rest and hole up in the outpost for the night."

Eren smiled and threw his arm over Armin's shoulders. "What would I do without you?"

Armin chuckled softly in amusement. "You'd probably figure things out on your own sooner or later."

"Nah." Eren gave his shoulder a squeeze and grinned. "And with my bright ideas, I would have gotten myself killed ten times over."

"Don't even joke about that," Mikasa remarked dryly and with an unimpressed look. The next second, he could swear there was a smile in her eyes. "You'd be lost without us."

"Totally and utterly," Eren agreed with a deadpan nod, which made Armin laugh and Mikasa ducked her head in a way that told him she was hiding a smile in the fold of her scarf.

While the survey corps reached the outpost, Eren and his friends relocated their camp. It had been a bit too close to the forest line and they spent the rest of the day finding a well hidden spot and camouflaging it and ensuring it wouldn't be found by any possible patrols.

As they bedded down for the night, Eren was hit by a sudden thought.

"Do you think they're going to be angry with us?" he asked quietly, while he huddled into his winter sleeping bag and the extra wool blanket his mother had made him back. His friends had one as well. It was heavy and took up extra space on their backpacks, but it kept them wonderfully warm in the still cold nights.

"Hm, maybe," Armin admitted. "If we don't explain us well enough and maybe even then." There was a rustle as he rolled to his side to look at Eren. "But if they understand that we had no way of returning to Maria, they'll be more worried than upset for long. I hope."

Eren exhaled heavily and dragged a hand up his face and through his hair, fingers snagging on some knots. It had grown a bit longer again over the winter and Eren probably would have to cut it a bit soon.

"This is all so complicated," Eren whispered and dropped his hands to worm them and his arms back into his sleeping bag. "I...I'm not sorry, though. For getting to know them."

"Good," Mikasa surprisingly spoke up from his other side. "Don't regret it, especially after all we've done to make it possible."

"And we like them too, don't forget that," Armin added and there was a smile in his voice. "And it is complicated, but maybe we'll find a way through that too. At the very least, we were able to help a bit."

Yeah, Armin was right. They at least had done some good. No matter how this whole thing would inevitably end, that bit of good was worth it. It had to be.

~*~

It was Levi and his squad, who found Eren a mere half an hour after he had shifted and started to head to the edge of the forest, the sun low in the sky. Eren felt a happy jolt running through him, once he spotted Levi on his horse and he even felt himself perking up. The squad slowed down a bit, though they didn't stop and kept a cautious distance to him. Eren tried not to feel disheartened when he noticed that Levi once again had his hands on his blades and his feet kicked out of the stirrups.

Eren did his best to appear calm and nonthreatening, keeping his hands relaxed at his sides and his mouth firmly shut. He didn't take a step in their direction, though he really wanted to. He did make a noise though, a low sort of hum that he had used before when he had interacted with the riders. Back before his friends and he had ended up with the survey corps.

The squad watched him a long moment, before Levi spoke over his shoulder. Eren couldn't hear what he said, but a moment later, they kicked up the speed again and moved in a circle back towards the outpost. They most likely would report his presence. Eren hoped that meant he could help somehow, but mostly he felt both excited and nervous.

Mikasa and Armin dropped down from the canopy once the squad was out of view and Eren made a questioning noise. He carefully did not move, since they hadn't anchored themselves down with their hooks.

"We'll stick close by," Mikasa promised quietly, one hand braced against Eren's neck as she peered in the direction of the outpost. "Try not to move away too fast when they're back and you decide to go with them."

"And let us know when you leave the forest or you run out of time and can't leave yourself," Armin added. "Try not to stretch your shift to exhaustion, alright? And remember that, while we can follow you out of the woods, we'll have to keep a distance to remain unnoticed."

Eren nodded, giving them as serious a look as he could. His friends settled down on his shoulders as they waited. It felt like both an eternity and comparatively little time, before they leapt back up into the canopy and riders appeared between the trees again.

"Wohooo! Huckleberry!" Hanji shouted as soon as they were within view, waving one arm excitedly. Eren watched and waited as everyone drew closer. He perked up a bit when he noticed that Levi had also returned with Mike's squad. His friends looked healthy and whole, but also tired and tense.

It was a bit jarring, Eren had to admit. He had grown too used to warm smiles, fond eye rolls and easy conversations with them. To have their easy welcome. To see his friends now, wary and one wrong move away from grabbing their weapons, made Eren want to shrink in on himself. He had never felt monstrous before, not really, but right now, he kind of did.

Levi was watching him with eyes of cold steel and a calmness that wasn't quiet contemplation late at night, but a warrior waiting for a slip-up. Levi's silence wasn't comfortable and welcoming right now, but felt like the tip of a sharp dagger against Eren's consciousness. The silence of a predator, ready to strike if given an opening or reason. It was a jarring difference to how they had sat at that rickety table months ago.

Eren tried hard not to let it get to him. Of course they all would act different now, they didn't know he was a titan and couldn't possibly know his motives. He knew that they didn't really trust his titan form, but somehow, he hadn't thought that their mistrust would be hard to bear. Deep down, if he was entirely honest, he felt sad and aching.

Hanji leapt out of the saddle as soon as they were close enough and anchored themselves in a tree right beside Eren to safely land on a thick branch. They had an excited, happy grin on their face.

"Remember me? I'm Hanji," they said, pointing at themselves. Eren made a noise back at them, allowing himself to pitch it slightly in an agreeable tone. If he wanted to be useful in this form, they had to think he had at least a bit of brain between his ears.

Hanji's whole face lit up. "I still remember you too! Do you remember these guys?" They pointed down at the riders that had spread out a bit, while keeping carefully out of immediate grabbing range. Eren made a noise at the group and Hanji clapped their hands together happily. "He remembers! Guys, he remembers!"

The next couple of minutes were a mixture of Hanji's excitement and them checking if Eren still remembered all they had taught him. Like lifting his hand when they waved or making noises at appropriate people when they were pointed out. It felt just a tad silly to Eren, but he gamely played along, hopeful that he could help later on.

As Hanji jumped in glee at the last successful test, Eren couldn't help but wonder how they'd all react if they found out the truth. Not well, that was for sure. Not when he could turn into the enemy and had lied to them all. Not that he had much of a choice. 

Shifters had always hidden themselves, at least as far as Eren knew. Maybe, before the scientists and the Titans, it had been a bit different. Maybe some people had known about them then. The decision to keep the existence of the shifters a secret had been made back then and Ymir had once wondered if the driving motivation had been shame at the time. If the shifters had been so ashamed of what two of their own had done, that they hadn't been able to face humanity and admit to it. To turning a blind eye to what the scientists had done until it was too late. To not stopping it sooner. To not having a cure.

Today, shifters hid mostly because it was safer. Because the hatred for Titans had spread so far and so deep, none of the cities would take well to knowing titan shifters existed. Even the traders only got to be in contact with the cities a few times during the year, because the shifters needed some resources and things they couldn't get or make on their own, and even the traders had to argue their case. Eren got a headache just imagining all the accusations, death threats and possible kidnappings and experiments a revelation of the shifters would bring. No, staying hidden was safer, even if it made a part of Eren feel guilty as heck about lying to his new friends.

Eren noticed how Hanji crept towards him and gave them a careful side-eye. He hadn't gotten to know Hanji well during his time with the survey corps. They had been a capable planner and organizer for the construction work, while Erwin had kept the soldiers in line and distributed squad duties as evenly as possible. There was a smile on Hanji's face that Eren hadn't quite seen before and he wasn't sure if he should be wary or not.

On the other hand, Hanji had said themselves that they would have kidnapped him if he hadn't been so big, so, wary was probably the best choice. At least until he knew what they wanted.

"Say, Huckleberry," Hanji started and crept another step closer. Eren noticed that Levi had shifted his horse slightly and that he was watching Hanji's progress with an air of silent disapproval and long-suffering exasperation. He had his feet out of the stirrups and his blades in his hands, poised in a way that allowed easy and quick maneuvering with the hooks.

Eren let Hanji shuffle another step closer, though he tilted his head towards them, to let them know he was very aware of what they were doing. Undeterred and with him staying calm, Hanji smiled wider and took more steps, until they were right near the end of the thick branch and close to Eren's shoulder. Eren eyed the branch for a moment. It looked to be holding up. Then again, should they fall, they still had their gear and should be fine. Right?

"We're building an outpost and it would be really helpful if you could drag some trees for us," Hanji continued, leaning forward to peer at him with wide eyes and an even wider grin. The excitement seemed to pour off of them.

"I doubt it's smart enough to just understand you," Levi's voice rose enough to be heard and Eren bit back a wince. Levi had an abysmal opinion of his titan self. Which was understandable, but, well, Eren still liked the guy and he couldn't help but want to make Levi like him as well, no matter what form he took.

"Oh, have some faith, Levi!" Hanji called down cheerfully, not the least bit deterred. "He'll get it once I show him."

To demonstrate their words, Hanji grabbed a twig off the branch and with deliberate, exaggerated movements, proceeded to rip it off. Then they held it out to him with a triumphant motion.

"Now you, Huckleberry!"

Eren couldn't make it too easy, though. So with very, very slow movements, he reached out, always aware of Levi in the corner of his eye. As gently as possible, Eren pinched the twig between thumb and forefinger and took it. Hanji looked gleeful, even if he hadn't done what they had asked.

"He took it!" Their eyes held a bright gleam and their face started to flush. "Look, Levi, Moblit! He took it!"

"A real genius," Levi drawled back and the way his voice tipped into dry sarcasm, made Eren smile on the inside, while he bit back the snort of amusement that wanted to escape him. Who knew what sort of deranged noise his titan throat would make, after all.

Hanji leaned down to rip off another twig and waved it, but when Eren reached for it, they pulled their arm back, making him pause.

"No, you do it," they said and despite the still obvious joy on their face, there was a focused intensity in their eyes. They were determined to teach him. Hanji reached out to rip off another twig with exaggerated movements, waving them at him. They pointed at the twig then at him, then at the branch they stood on. "Now you."

Eren eyed the branch. He wasn't going to rip off stuff as long as they stood on it, just in case it caused them to lose their footing. Instead, Eren reached for another branch and while he had gone for a twig, he ended up breaking off the branch. Well. He held it out towards Hanji, who whooped in joy.

"You got it! Well done, Huckleberry, I knew you could do it!" They cheered and Eren smiled at their enthusiasm, even if he could only do it in the inside of his titan form's neck. His titan form didn't exactly have lips to smile with.

They waved their twigs and dropped them. After a second and a mental shrug, Eren did the same. The branch made a loud, dull sound, as it hit the forest floor. Hanji clapped their hands together, eyes gleaming and grinning so wide, Eren wondered if their cheeks hurt.

From then on, Hanji got him to rip off more branches. Eren knew they were trying to teach him in more detail, to do things on command or to pick the branches they pointed at. If he managed to pick a particularly small branch, Hanji even got him to hand it over after a bit of gesturing and encouraging words. With a bit of wry amusement, Eren couldn't help but feel a bit like a dog. A huge dog that everyone but Hanji mistrusted and he still felt Levi's gaze on him, losing not an inch of intensity. 

He hadn't forgotten what that sharp stare felt like. Eren didn't think he ever would, but it itched at his conscious more than before. Maybe because he knew Levi better now. Or maybe because he missed hanging out with Levi and that wouldn't be possible as long as he was a titan. Eren was well aware that winning Levi over would be a monumental task, if it was possible at all.

"Hanji, it's getting late," Levi called out and Eren noticed that the shadows had grown worryingly long and the lighting in the forest slowly but steadily turned to murky twilight. "We have to go."

"Aw, alright," Hanji sighed and then smiled at Eren. "See you later, Huckleberry. I hope you stick around!"

They reached out with both hands and after a moment of hesitation, Eren reached back, making sure his movements were slowly and telegraphed. He'd like to keep his neck intact and he didn't want to make anyone twitchy. He let Hanji touch the tip of one finger and watched the wonder spread over their face, before they visibly pulled themselves together. Hanji gave his finger a last pat and then pulled back.

"Bye!" They called to him and jumped off the branch, easily maneuvering their way back to their horse.

As the riders gathered together to leave, Eren took that moment to look at his friends. Marco, when he noticed his look, gave him a shaky, pale smile. Jean looked tense and unhappy, but not as angry as previously. Sasha, Connie and Krista however, looked deeply mistrustful and they tensed up when they noticed his glance as well. Eren let his gaze slide away and he noticed Isabel beside Levi. She was watching him with a slight frown on her face and a thoughtful expression, but otherwise she appeared calm, if a little tense. Levi stared back when Eren looked at him at last, gaze sharp and heavy with danger. It was still rather scary, but at least Eren knew that Levi wouldn't attack unless something happened.

With a last wave from Hanji, which Eren returned by lifting his hand, the riders swiftly rode off, disappearing between the trees. Eren stood still and waited, until Armin and Mikasa dropped down from the canopy and landed on his shoulders.

"How are you holding up?" Armin asked. "Are you getting tired?"

Eren was feeling the strain of the shift, but he could keep going another hour, maybe two if he had to. Winter, where they hadn't trained and shifted as much due to the shitty weather, hadn't been helpful when it came to keeping his stamina up. Then again, that was the point. Winter was for taking a break and getting to stop worrying about Titans and hunts.

"You could turn back and we can see if we can hunt for dinner, before the light is entirely gone," Mikasa offered and Eren nodded. His friends jumped onto a nearby tree and Eren let his form collapse, dragging himself free from the neck.

"So, that went well, didn't it?" Armin asked with a smile when they joined him and started looking for animal tracks.

"Yeah," Eren agreed with a smile, before he paused and felt it fade away. "I miss talking to our friends, though."

Armin gave him an understanding look and Eren realized that he, too, would have liked to speak with them. Mikasa gave their shoulders a gentle squeeze and then herded them towards some rabbit tracks.

They managed to catch some and get back to their camp with the last bit of light. Night fell as they cooked the meat over the fire and added some of their rations to round out the meal. They decided to let the fire burn itself out, instead of killing it off right after the rabbits were done. There was no way anyone from the outpost could see it, they were too well hidden in the woods and they wouldn't be able to see the rising smoke in the dark either. The sky wasn't nearly clear enough for that and it wasn't a full moon either. Not even a half moon and all in all, there was little natural light.

"Night," Eren mumbled with a yawn. Mikasa had offered to take first watch and Eren and Armin had rolled out their sleeping bags side by side. Mikasa hummed softly and Armin mumbled a good night, disappearing as far into his sleeping bag as possible, only the tip of his nose and a halo of blond hair visible.

Eren closed his eyes and hoped that tomorrow would be a good day as well.

~*~

They made sure not to cross paths with the survey corps during most of the next day, since it was best for Eren to meet up with them towards the evening. It wasn't too hard to avoid Levi's squads and they kept a generous enough distance to the outpost that they didn't have to worry about being discovered by the day guard.

Still, by the time it was late enough and Eren walked around in his titan form, he couldn't help but feel nervous. The tension and excitement had built up throughout the day and he felt restless and a bit jittery. Thankfully, he was spotted quickly once he poked his head out of the forest and he watched as a rider of the day guard broke away from her group to head back to the outpost. Within minutes, two horses headed in his direction and with a start, Eren realized that Levi was nowhere in sight, because Levi was farther away to check the area for Titans.

Now, Hanji and their assistant, Moblit if Eren remembered correctly, arrived. Eren wasn't sure if he should feel touched at Hanji's confidence in him being a nice titan or if he should seriously question their survival instincts. He decided on both, just to be on the safe side.

"Yahoo Huckleberry!" Hanji called out to him, waving one arm and grinning happily. "Down here!"

After a moment of consideration, Eren lowered himself to a knee. Hanji's face brightened in excitement and they rode their horse right up to him. The animal seemed a bit unhappy with the close proximity, but it bravely and dutifully followed Hanji's commands and came to a stop a pace away from Eren's foot. It would be disturbingly easy to shift back and kick out and kill horse and rider. Not that Eren would.

"I've been wondering when you'll show up," Hanji continued, a wide smile on their face. They pointed up. "Can you be a dear and get me that branch?"

Eren considered their request for a moment, before he reached up and ripped off the branch, setting it down on the ground beside Hanji slowly to avoid unnerving the horse further. Hanji clapped their hands together.

"Well done!" They grabbed the reins with one hand. "Now, follow me, alright?"

They slowly backed their horse up and beckoned with their free hand. Moblit looked as unsure about all of this as Eren felt.

"Hanji, are you sure?" Moblit asked, voice barely loud enough for Eren to hear.

"Trust me," Hanji answered just as quietly. "I know what I'm doing. Huckleberry is smart, it will all work out."

Above him, Eren heard a rustle from his friends. If he followed Hanji, he'd leave the forest and they would have a harder time following, especially with no one knowing where exactly Levi was and if he might already be on the way back. Eren hesitated, but in the end, the knowledge that they could stay only for two more days got him to follow Hanji.

Slow step by slow step, he followed them away from the forest. While Eren was reasonably certain that no one at the outpost was going to suddenly turn around and murder him, he couldn't help but feel uneasy having to separate from his friends.

In the end, Hanji didn't lead him straight to the outpost, but to the forest right beside it, where a couple of soldiers were busy cutting into the massive trees. They all startled like birds when he showed up and warily backed off, dropping their axes to the ground to reach for their blades instead.

"No, no it's all fine!" Hanji reassured and then smiled at Eren, before they gestured at one of the almost felled trees. "Can you get that, Huckleberry?"

Eren eyed the tree and had to admit that it had been chopped at enough that he could finish the job by pushing it over. He could carry it too, though he doubted that he could rip out an intact and healthy tree.

Eren let Hanji demonstrate a few times, before he placed his hands on the tree and pushed. It took more strength than he had expected to get it to move. Wood crunched and splintered and with a whoosh of branches and slowly falling leaves, the tree crashed to the ground. Hanji whooped and immediately beckoned Eren to the next tree.

By the time Levi and his squad showed up, Eren had pushed over all the trees the soldiers had worked on. While he had done that, Hanji had instructed the soldiers to start chopping at the next couple of trees. With Eren there, the time to fell a tree was definitely cut in half.

Levi wasn't happy with Hanji bringing Eren to the outpost without him there, but he didn't seem really upset either. Eren noted that, for the first time, Levi hadn't immediately pulled his feet out of his stirrups either, though he still had dropped one hand to rest by his gear, ready to react should something happen.

"He's doing so well, Levi!" Hanji gestured at the trees Eren had pushed over and, with a bit of prodding now piled together. "We could get the fence done before any Titans end up destroying the outpost again."

"Hm." Levi eyed him and Eren resisted the urge to look back. He was happy to see Levi again, but at the same time, feeling that cold, sharp gaze on him was far from comfortable. Still, Eren was determined to prove himself an ally to them, be it as a titan or a human, so he did his best to appear as calm and nonthreatening as possible.

When the sun began to sink, Eren had pushed over thirteen trees and had piled them together. They were really big and should offer decent protection against most Titans, at least until the survey corps could build a proper stone wall, like they had around Maria. That would take quite a while though, just alone transporting that much stone could take weeks, never mind actually building the thing.

"Alright everyone, good work!" Hanji called out and the soldiers stopped hacking at the trees behind Eren. "Pack up and return to the outpost!"

Eren stood carefully still as the soldiers gave him a wide berth and headed for their horses to hurry to the outpost. They hadn't been happy with his presence at all, but they had kept on working as instructed and Eren had to admire their tenacity and courage. They were all, each and every soldier, dedicated to helping humanity, to making things better for family and friends back in Maria and to finally winning some ground back from the Titans.

With a blink, Eren realized that only a few riders stayed behind. Hanji and Moblit, as well as Levi and his squad.

"See you again tomorrow, Huckleberry?" Hanji asked, fearlessly riding right up to him. Levi slightly narrowed his gaze and followed them, though he kept a bit more of a distance, wary and sharp eyed.

Eren glanced down at Hanji and they stretched a hand out to him, looking hopeful and kind of expectant, as though they knew he'd catch on to what they wanted. Slowly and very carefully, Eren crouched down until he could touch a fingertip to Hanji's hand with the utmost gentleness. Their face brightened up and he was surprised to see their gaze softening just a bit.

"You're quite special, aren't you," Hanji murmured, then grinned brightly and gave his finger a pat. "Sleep well, Huckleberry!"

With those words, they turned their horse around and merrily cantered away, Moblit following behind them. Levi remained a moment longer and Eren involuntarily held his breath at the considering way Levi eyed him. Then he frowned slightly and gave his squad the signal to move. They rode away as well, with Levi going last and always keeping an eye over his shoulder, to keep Eren in his view. 

Eren remained crouched until they were gone, before he straightened. Stepping past the felled trees, he quickly walked and then jogged away. By the time he reached the other forest again, he saw Mikasa and Armin catching up to him. Holding out an arm, he gave them more surface for their hooks to easily sink into. They landed on his bicep a moment later and moved up to his shoulder with practiced movements.

"Everything went well?" Mikasa asked and Eren nodded, a small, satisfied noise escaping him. It had gone really well. 

Armin smiled at him. "I'm glad."

They returned to camp with a tiny bit of light left, though Eren gave up his Titan form along the way. It was fully dark when they warmed their dinner over a fire and settled down for the night.

"We can only stay for two more days," Armin reminded him, while he wriggled into his sleeping bag. "Everyone expects us back on time."

Eren didn't want to worry his friends and family again. The last time had been bad enough and he still shrank into himself at the memory of their grief. No, never again, not if he could help it.

Staring up into the night sky, Eren couldn't help but wonder if the soldiers got enough trees in two days to start on building the fence. Eren had hoped to at least help them with that much, before they had to leave again. But his mom had said to be back in three weeks and they had to leave in two days if they wanted to stick to that promise.

A sudden thought caused Eren to sit up sharply. Mikasa, who had taken first watch, looked over at him, while Armin opened his eyes with a questioning look.

"Oh, that's your idea face," Armin said and sat up as well. "What is it?"

"I do have an idea, but only if you two are willing to help," Eren said and gave them a small smile. Mikasa raised an eyebrow, while Armin gave his shoulder a pat.

"First, tell us what idea you had," Mikasa said and returned to the fire to sit down across from them. "Then we'll see."

"They need trees to protect their outpost, right?" Eren said and leaned forward a bit. "But they probably won't have enough by the time we leave."

"You want to fell trees on your own," Mikasa surmised and Eren nodded. A small furrow pulled at her brows and she seemed to think it over.

"They think you're a Titan," Armin spoke up, drawing their attention. "Do you want them to know you can move at night?"

Right, damn, Eren hadn't thought of that. If he went and felled trees for them to find the next day, they'd know he was active even without sunlight. He sighed and rubbed a hand over his face. He just wanted to help.

"Which forest do you want to fell the trees at?" Mikasa asked. "Because if its here, we can pick one of the corners further from the outpost. That way they won't discover it quickly, but you'll have to drag the trees to the outpost."

"I wanted to do it here anyway," Eren admitted. "Trees falling, especially of that size, is pretty loud, they'd hear me if I did it close to them."

"Do you know how you want to fell them?" Armin asked and Eren glanced at the hatchets they had with them. If the season was too cold to comfortably make it through the night without a fire, they had to have a hatchet or two with them.

Armin blinked and then sighed. "They aren't very big, that's going to take longer. Alright, if we're going to do this, we better start now."

As his friends got to their feet, Eren couldn't help but give them happy and thankful smiles. "You guys are the best." He quickly wriggled out of his sleeping bag. "I'll get you something when we're back. Anything you want."

Mikasa huffed softly and while the scarf hid her lower face, Eren was pretty sure that the corners of her mouth tipped up. "We do it for you." She grabbed a hatchet. "But I wouldn't mind if we went out when we're back home."

Armin nodded and Eren clapped his hands together, feeling like his chest was full of gooey warmth appreciation and affection for his friends. "Alright, a trip to a restaurant it is!"

~*~

When the evening of the next day rolled around, Eren started dragging trees out of the forest they camped in. Their nightly activity had remained undiscovered by the survey corps until then, even though Eren and his friends had slept nearly until the afternoon, since they had worked through the night.

It was a bit funny to see the astonished surprise on the faces of Levi's squad, though Levi himself looked unaffected. Aside from maybe a small furrow between his brows, if Eren wasn't mistaken. He dared to make a noise at them, trying to sound welcoming and less growl-y than usual. It was kind of working.

"Get Hanji," Levi said over his shoulder and one of his people peeled off to ride back to the outpost. Isabel leaned forward and whistled lowly.

"He's smart, isn't he?" she asked and Levi narrowed his eyes slightly, though he didn't respond.

The squad remained where they were, while Eren dragged more trees out of the forest. Just as Eren dropped the last tree beside his pile, he spotted three riders heading their way from the outpost. It was also the moment Isabel glanced to the side and her eyes widened.

"Titan!" she shouted, drawing the attention of the rest of the squad. Eren whirled around and spotted a Titan behind him to the left. Only, this one was by far the most impossible. The Titan was tall, even taller than he, stick thin and it had four arms. No Titan had ever had more limbs than the regular human, which made sense considering their origin.

"What the fuck," Eren heard someone say behind him and he startled into motion, reaching the wrong Titan just in time to keep it from lunging out of the forest and at the riders. He got a good grip on the Titan, though it was stronger than he had expected and Eren almost flinched when it had the height and range to bite into his neck, just shy from where his real body was.

Eren only had a moment to feel two hands grasping at his arms to try and shake his grip, while two other hands suddenly dug into his sides, clawing grooves into his flesh, before Levi was there. Levi looked weightless and unbound, blades gleaming in the light and his gaze unforgiving and utterly focused. Eren had just a split second to marvel at him, before Levi already descended upon the Titan, slicing its neck open so quickly, Eren only saw a blur of dark clothes and a brief flash of blades.

Steam erupted into his face, though Eren didn't let go right away. Instead, he lowered the corpse and watched as the flesh peeled back to reveal the skeleton. The Titan had four shoulder blades, an entirely fucked ribcage, its spine was slightly distorted and yes, it had four arms. What was going on here?

Eren took a step back from the steaming skeleton, his mind feeling kind of numb. A Titan with more limbs was impossible. In all the time since the scientists had fucked up the world, there hadn't been a single Titan with more limbs than a regular human had. And it had been strong too. Belatedly, Eren raised a hand to his neck, but the bloody rip the Titan had left had already healed, as had the wounds on his sides.

Feeling utterly wrong footed and disturbed, Eren glanced around for Levi and his squad. To his surprise, Levi was on the pile of trees, blades still out but his expression was a little less ice and murder. Instead, he seemed considering again, without ever losing his calm watchfulness. Eren suddenly desperately wished that he could talk, that he could shift back and ask Levi if he had seen anything like this before. If he had, maybe it wasn't so impossible that a four armed Titan existed.

Hanji arrived in that moment at breakneck speed. They headed right for the slowly crumbling skeleton, face astonished and disbelieving.

"I've never seen anything like this," they said and Eren swallowed. Hanji turned to look up at him. "Have you, Huckleberry?"

Eren just stared back, his heart beating strongly in his chest. He needed to get home, he realized. They had to leave, to tell everyone about their discoveries. The hunters had to know that the Titans had changed, that something had happened to make them more than abnormals. Shit.

A touch against his leg suddenly startled him out of his thoughts and he glanced down to see Hanji standing beside him. They smiled up at him and then looked utterly delighted as they spotted the trees.

"Huckleberry, did you do that?" they asked, elated.

Levi scoffed. "It sure as shit wasn't us," he said with dry sarcasm and Eren couldn't help but smile, even if he could only do it inside the titan form's neck. He did make a surprisingly soft noise, as a huff of amusement escaped him.

"Oh." Hanji's noise was barely audible and they stared up at Eren, eyes slightly wide and filling with a strange gleam. "Did you understand Levi just now, Huckleberry?"

Ah, damn, he had to be more careful. Eren just stared back evenly, trying to look uncomprehending, until the strange light in Hanji's eyes faded a bit. They still seemed thoughtful, but they moved on to the trees.

To Eren's surprise, Levi sent his squad back on their patrol and stayed behind with Hanji. They accompanied him back and forth to the outpost, as Eren dragged the trees over. The soldiers not on guard duty immediately started hacking the branches off and piling them to the side. To Eren's surprise, he already saw a deep trench surrounding half of the outpost and two of the massive trees he had helped fell yesterday had been put in place. The tops of the trees had been stripped of branches and sharpened to pointy ends. It would certainly help in warding off any attacking Titans.

Hanji then led Eren to the forest by the outpost, where the soldiers had already prepared trees for him to fell. Hanji's faith that he would show up again was both a bit touching and made Eren feel bad. He wouldn't show up again until the day after tomorrow. At least not for a while.

To his pleasant surprise, Mike's squad was on felling duty today and he spotted his new friends among the trees. Marco even gave him a shaky smile and a small wave, with Eren returned by lifting his hand. He got to work then, determined to use the remaining hours of daylight as efficiently as possible. He did end up accidentally overhearing Marco's and Jean's conversation, since they hacked away at a tree closer to him.

"How are you so sure?" Jean asked, accompanied by a particularly strong whack of his axe. His face was tense and unhappy and he avoided Marco's gaze. Then he sighed and his shoulder slumped a bit. "If they really survived that night, they would have been out here all winter."

Marco stared down at his own axe, a pensive and then determined expression on his face. "I can't believe they just died, Jean," he said, voice softer and Eren just barely caught the words. "I don't even care if they lied to us about being with traders, and I'm sure they had a good reason for it. At least I hope so. I just...I want them to be okay, Jean."

With a start, Eren realized that they were talking about Mikasa, Armin and he. A pang seized his chest and he had to swallowing against a suddenly dry throat.

There was a long moment of silence, before Jean rubbed a hand over his face. "I know, so do I. But what now? We can't go look for them. We wouldn't even know where to start searching, all we know is that they disappeared and haven't made their way back to the outpost or Maria."

Marco didn't seem to have an answer to that and he looked so lost that Eren wished he could just turn back and hug him. Promise him that everything was alright and they never meant to hurt them. That the lie had been to save their necks. But he couldn't, so he pressed more insistently against the tree he should fell and tried to ignore the way his chest ached and his eyes burned a little.

Neither Jean nor Marco said anything again and Eren silently stewed in his guilt and feeling sorry all over again. It seemed, no matter what he tried, he ended up making a mess everywhere and hurting people he cared for.

~*~

As the sun set, Eren stepped away from the trees he had helped fell and watched as Mike and his squad headed back to the outpost. A part of him wanted to go with them, to sit at tables together and listen to their stories and jokes. Another part of him longed for Mikasa and Armin and most of all, he couldn't shake the memory of the four armed Titan.

Only Hanji and Levi lingered, the latter most likely to ensure Hanji got back safely. Though, now that Eren paid attention, Levi had both feet in the stirrups of his saddle and no hand near his gear. Which didn't mean much, considering how fast he could be, but it made Eren's heart feel a bit lighter. Maybe he'd get Levi to trust his titan form even a little bit. That would be nice.

"Hey, Huckleberry!" Hanji called from the trees. They had gotten up there to check the whole pile over. From the looks of it, they had enough trees now to shield half the outpost. That was really good progress, especially if Eren could help them in getting the trees into position. That should be easier than everyone maneuvering them around with makeshift lifts. Hanji grinned at him and raised both arms. "Think you can carry me to my horse?"

Eren blinked and a part of him wondered if Hanji would ever stop baffling and surprising him. Most likely not, they seemed to be the type to always come up with new and unexpected ideas. Levi didn't protest, to Eren's surprise, though he did exhale and looked resigned and anything but happy. Hanji gestured for Eren again.

"Come here, Huckleberry." Eren hesitantly shuffled a step closer and after Hanji prodded him for a bit, he carefully reached out. This probably wasn't a good idea, right? He wasn't sure and presented his hand palm up, instead of grabbing Hanji. For one, it was rude to grab someone without permission or outside of dangerous situations and two, Eren really didn't want to test how far Levi was willing to tolerate him and his actions.

Hanji happily hopped onto his hand, looking so elated Eren couldn't help but worry slightly if they might not pass out after all. Hanji seemed to be brimming with jittery excitement. They pointed to their horse.

"Can you get me there?" they asked and Eren glanced over at the animal, which stood still. It had gotten a bit used to him and wasn't quite as tense about being close as before. Very slowly and very gently, Eren shifted towards the horse. Hanji made a surprised sound and quickly readjusted their stance to keep their balance.

Eren pressed his hand into the grass by the horse and Hanji hopped off, laughing and jumping up in joy.

"Yes! Well done Huckleberry! Levi, you should try it as well, he's really gentle!" they called out with a wide, wide grin. Eren couldn't help but glance at Levi and had to bite back a bark of laughter at the utterly unimpressed look Levi leveled at Hanji.

"I'm good," he said, voice utterly inflectionless and Eren felt himself grin. Damn, he wished he could talk with Levi right now. "Now get a move on, before you get any more bright ideas."

"Aw, come on Levi, everything's fine," Hanji protested with a smile, as they got into the saddle and waved at Eren. "Bye Huckleberry, until tomorrow!"

Eren lifted a hand and was once again reminded of the fact that tomorrow was his last day here. A part of him didn't want to leave, once again. Of course he liked the people here and would like to spend more time with them, even in his titan form, but mostly he couldn't help but feel worried that more freaky Titans might show up. Something was going on here and he had to figure out what it was.

Leaving the outpost and returning to camp with Mikasa and Armin appearing at his side again, Eren turned back and told them of the four armed Titan.

"We saw," Mikasa said quietly and if Eren wouldn't know her so well, he wouldn't have heard the unsettled undertone to her voice. 

Armin looked worried. "We need to tell everyone back home," he said, moving to get a fire started before it was too dark to see anything. "Titans like that just...don't exist."

"Why do you think it looked like that?" Eren asked. He had tried to think about it throughout the day, but couldn't come up with a theory. All he knew was that _something_ was going on and whatever it was, it couldn't be good.

Armin's brow furrowed in thought. "No," he admitted softly after a long moment of heavy silence. "I have no idea, Eren. I'm sorry."

"We'll figure it out," Mikasa said, calm once again in her voice and she gave them reassuring looks. "Whatever it is, we'll get behind this."

~*~

The last day Eren helped the survey corps passed like the previous ones. He pushed over trees and dragged them to the outpost, though he did get to help put the trees into the trench as well today. It made quicker work of everything and the soldiers slowly got a bit used to his presence. Most still flinched and shied away, but Hanji's unshakeable confidence and Levi's steady presence were reassuring enough that they hesitantly kept on working. Eren did feel bad about scaring them, but he didn't know what else to do. He tried to keep his movements slow and gentle and avoided staring at anyone, lest they worried he might think about eating them.

To his surprise, right as Hanji called a stop to today's work, Marco joined him, by anchoring himself to the standing part of the fence and pulling himself at eye-level with Eren. He looked a bit nervous, but offered a small smile again. Eren made the softest, gentlest sound he could in greeting. It still sounded a tad growly, to his chagrin.

"I don't know how much you understand," Marco said softly. "But, thank you. And, um..." He rummaged through one of his pockets and pulled out folded paper. As he unfolded it, Eren felt his breath catch in his throat. It was a drawing, of Mikasa, Armin and him. A really good one too. 

Marco looked at him, unsure and yet hopeful. He held the drawing out as much as possible. "Have you seen them?"

Eren didn't know what to do. He wished Armin were here, or Mikasa, so he could ask them, but they weren't here. They were rather far away, hiding from view and keeping an eye on him as much as they could. When Marco's face fell, the nervous hope visibly draining away, Eren couldn't help but react. He reached out with one finger and very gently nudged the paper, making a noise.

Marco inhaled sharply, his face brightening. "Did you see them?" He patted the picture with his free hand. "Mikasa, Armin and Eren? They're our friends."

Eren nudged the paper again, making three different noises for each person on the drawing, the way he did when someone greeted him or was introduced to him. Marco stared in astonishment, then he smiled, wide and so relieved Eren wished he could hug him.

"I'm glad. Are they okay?" he asked and this time, Eren had no way to react. It might be one thing to recognize people on drawings, but it was quite another to reveal he understood language as well as everyone else. Marco paused. "Oh, right." He seemed unsure on how to proceed, before he carefully folded the drawing again and put it back in a pocket. "But, thank you. Really, this is...this is giving me hope."

He gave Eren another smile and Eren couldn't help but make another soft sound back to him. Marco paused and visibly hesitated. His smile slid away to a more pensive expression. Then he swallowed visibly, before holding out a hand, looking determined but also a tiny bit scared. Eren realized what he wanted a moment later and couldn't help the smile that appeared on his face. Slowly, he reached out until one fingertip touched Marco's hand, who inhaled sharply, froze and after a second slowly and shakily exhaled.

"You're...quite something," Marco murmured and pulled back. "Best you get going, Huckleberry, the sun is sinking and I don't know if you like to spend the night somewhere or, something." Marco frowned and muttered to himself. "Do Titans even dream?"

Eren stepped back and when Marco waved, he lifted his hand, feeling lighter and more hopeful than before. He was gaining trust as a titan, slowly but surely. Maybe he'd be able to help even more in the future. As he turned away, he spotted Levi close by, one hand resting on his blades, but otherwise, he seemed calm. Eren held his gaze for a moment and strangely, it felt as though for the first time, Levi was truly evaluating him, measuring him. 

Eren couldn't resist making a noise at Levi and lifting his hand. To his surprise, Levi snorted drily and lifted his free hand in the most sarcastic hand wave Eren had ever seen. He had to bite down on his lower lip inside his titan form's neck to keep from laughing out loud, warmth and fondness filling his chest like starbursts. _Damn, I like that man_ , Eren couldn't help but think, full of mirth and while struggling to hold back his laughter.

Grinning like a loon inside his titan form's neck, Eren returned to the forest where they had their camp, heart light and steps maybe a tad springy. Not even the thought that they were leaving tomorrow at dawn dampened his mood right now. Armin and Mikasa joined him halfway there and they managed to get back to their small camp before the light was gone.

Still grinning, Eren helped them make a fire and then flopped back onto his sleeping bag, smiling up at the dark canopy. The last of the light had faded now and he realized he felt ridiculously merry. Happy even. Mikasa leaned slightly over him, peering down at him with a slightly thoughtful expression on her face, while Armin looked openly curious.

"Today went well?" Mikasa asked. "You look happy."

"Yeah," Eren agreed and couldn't help but giggle a bit as he remembered Levi's hand wave. The next words were softer than he had intended, "Yeah, today was good."

Mikasa and Armin exchanged a puzzled look, before they both looked back at Eren.

"Did you talk to someone in particular?" Armin asked, sounding curious. Eren paused and suddenly had no idea how to explain Levi and why Eren thought he was funny and, well, _Levi_.

"Why do you ask?" Eren opted to say instead.

Mikasa motioned at him, still looking somewhat puzzled. "You're...giggly."

"Giggly?" Eren sat up, feeling baffled and slightly offended. "I'm not giggly, but, uh, Marco talked to me." Eren felt himself grow solemn and serious, his friends pausing at the change of mood. "He believes we're still alive. If he could, he and the others would be looking for us, I think."

Armin exhaled, looking touched and guilty and Mikasa glanced away, her own way to convey that she felt sorry for worrying their new friends and making them feel bad. 

"Let's see them next time," Armin said and his gaze turned determined. "I promise you, both of you, we'll get to return to them."

Eren smiled and threw an arm around Armin, while Mikasa lifted her head enough to let them see the small, soft smile on her face. Armin rested his head on Eren's shoulder and Eren found himself smiling again, happy to have his friends here and his previous good mood trickled back into him a bit as well.

After a moment, Armin cleared his throat and lifted his head. "Well, that doesn't explain why you're giggly though, Eren."

Eren rolled his eyes. "Again, I'm not giggly." He hesitated and noticed that both Mikasa and Armin were watching him attentively, waiting patiently. Eren rubbed the back of his head, his fingers snagging on some tangles in his hair. "Uh, well, Levi was there. It was...nice. Yeah, nice." Eren smiled at them again.

Mikasa and Armin exchanged a look, unspoken words passing between them, until Eren saw their eyes widen slightly and they stared back at him. Uncomprehending and feeling oddly left out, Eren frowned at them.

"What?" he asked.

To his surprise, in a rare expression of stronger emotion, Mikasa dropped her head into her hands and sighed heavily. Armin looked like he had been hit over the head by a pillow, kind of ruffled and surprised.

"Only you Eren," Mikasa said into her hands and lifted her head, staring up as though asking for patience and guidance on what to do.

"What?" Eren repeated, feeling defensive now. "What is it? What'd I do?"

Mikasa and Armin exchanged another look and this time Eren gave Armin a nudge with the arm he had over his shoulders. Lifting a pointed eyebrow, to get them to tell him what they had figured out without him, Eren was met by the most unsure and yet amused expression he had seen on Armin's face in a while.

"Sometimes, I'm a bit surprised how dense you can be," Mikasa said and reached out to ruffle his hair, causing Eren to let go of Armin and flail back to escape. "Just...be careful. Goddamn it."

It was even rare to hear Mikasa curse. As in, that happened only trice so far, in all the years they had known each other. Feeling utterly confused and out of the loop, Eren stared at his friends.

"Uh, sure?" he said, not sure what exactly he was promising, but knowing that he probably was going to mess up something at some point, despite his best efforts. But he was going to try his best to be careful anyway. "I'll be careful."

Mikasa sighed heavily again and turned to get dinner, while Eren turned a helpless gaze to Armin, who caved with a rueful sigh of his own.

"You seem to like Levi quite a bit," Armin said, voice so casually innocent, that Eren immediately squinted at him in suspicion. That tone of voice was never good news. Armin just looked back, patiently and so very innocently.

"Yeah," Eren agreed slowly, wondering what Armin's game was. "He's nice."

"Right, you said that," Armin said. "Just nice?"

"Well, he's funny too," Eren said, ignoring the incredulous look Mikasa sent him across the fire, while she rooted through their bags for rations, since they hadn't gotten around to hunting today. Eren just barely resisted the urge to stick out his tongue at her like a five year old.

"And?" Armin prodded and Eren sat up straighter, a smile sneaking onto his face.

"He's really skilled and, well, nice, as I said. He makes great tee and he's a great captain," Eren continued. He hadn't really gotten to talk to anyone about Levi and how the man was just...Eren wasn't even sure how to put it into words. He just liked him. 

The realization hit him like cold water to the face. His eyes grew wide and he froze where he sat, staring at Armin in realization. He liked Levi. He was crushing on Levi.

"Ah, it clicked," Mikasa remarked from her position by the bags and Eren made a noise that sounded like a breathless squeak.

"Oh no, I like him," he whispered, pressing a hand to his face, unsure if he should be happy about it or not. Eren hadn't even realized what the growing emotions in his chest meant, he had never crushed on anyone, never mind been in love. He had almost thought he simply didn't feel that way for anyone, happy to have his mother and friends in his life and too busy focusing on killing Titans to let anything like a lacking love-life bother him. He stared at his friends. "What do I do?"

Mikasa shrugged and Eren made a face at her. "Gee, that's helpful." At his words, she merely huffed and joined them again, dropping their dinner into their laps.

"Love is never easy," she said, ignoring the way Eren chocked on air. Love? Oh no, no, no, he wasn't in love. Crushing at most, but shit, he could see it maybe growing to love. Fuck. Then Mikasa narrowed her eyes at him. "If that shorty breaks your heart, you break his legs, understood?"

Eren paused in surprise and then dissolved into helpless laughter at Mikasa saying something so utterly and weirdly _her_ , the worried tension draining out of him. Giggling, he flopped to the side to rest against Mikasa's shoulder, who primly opened her portion of the rations and took a bite of dried meat.

"It will be fine," Armin reassured with a smile and a pat to Eren's knee, before pointedly nudging Eren's portion closer to him. "It's just a crush, those fade all the time. Maybe it will be gone before you know it."

"Yeah, maybe," Eren took a bite of his own dried meat and tried not to focus on the thought of Levi or the feelings he had realized just now with the help of his friends. Shit, he couldn't afford to fall for anyone, never mind someone from an actual city. That could only end in heartbreak. 

Still, his thoughts wandered back to Levi again and again during the evening and before he fell asleep and each time, Eren would realize he started smiling, feeling helplessly fond and gooey, warmly happy.

~*~

They managed to return home in time. The weather had been pleasant for over a week and few Titans had encountered their path, which made for good traveling and steady progress. They arrived in the evening and the first thing they did was head home to reassure Eren's mother that everything was fine and to hide their gear. Eren's father wasn't around, which was no surprise and after a round of hugs and promising that everything had gone well during they hunt, they left to report back with the older hunters and instructors.

"A four armed Titan?" one of the instructors repeated, disbelief in his voice and expression. He sighed. "Alright kids, what did you eat out in the field?"

"What? No, we didn't take drugs!" Eren protested, feeling taken aback. This was serious!

"Titans with more limbs don't exist," one of the older hunters pitched in. "Look, we believe you about the abnormals, those are always loose cannons and can be weird as all hell. But that...look, until anyone else reports back Titans like that, we'll just make a side-note, alright?"

Eren felt speechless, fighting down the urge to grab the man by the front of his shirt and make him understand how serious that was. Armin took a step forward, subtly resting a hand on Eren's arm, helping him calm back down.

"We understand, it does sound rather ludicrous," Armin said with an agreeable smile. Eren could tell that it was entirely fake, but the other shifters seemed to buy it. "Still, we ate nothing out of the ordinary and, please, just to appease our worries, do notify the other hunters to keep an eye out. Even if we're wrong, the number of abnormals we have encountered during the last year was unusually high. It's always be a good idea to be prepared."

The old hunter rubbed his clean shaven chin and then sighed, visibly relenting. "Alright kid, we'll pass your story along." He pointed at them. "If you promise me not to eat anything weird out there."

"We promise," Armin said, his agreeable smile turning utterly earnest, while his grip on Eren's arm tightened slightly. Eren shut his mouth, aware that he had been about to speak out in anger and frustration. "Have a good day."

The old hunter waved them on with a grumble, already reaching for a paper to write the message Armin had requested. Armin gently but insistently ushered Eren and Mikasa out. Eren noticed that Mikasa had a darker expression on her face as well.

"Why don't they believe us?" Eren hissed angrily, once they were a bit away from the building. Armin sighed.

"It would be hard to believe for anyone who hadn't seen it themselves." He glanced at Eren. "And, not to speak badly of our elders, but most of them don't leave much anymore. They protect the villages and take care of the Titans in the area, but they don't travel anymore. They probably don't realize how much the world is changing out there."

Eren grumbled under his breath, still angry.

"Man, those are some dark faces," Ymir's voice behind them caused them to turn around and despite his bad mood, Eren felt himself perk up a bit. She gave them a lazy grin. "Yo, so you all returned, huh? How was the trip?"

"You won't believe what we saw," Eren blurted out and Ymir raised an eyebrow.

"Right. Come on then, the others will be happy to see you back in one piece." With a wave, she ambled down the street and Eren and his friends easily caught up to her.

"How was your hunt?" Armin asked and Ymir shrugged.

"Same old. Couple of Titans and sleeping in mud half the time," she answered and Eren realized that she was leading them to Bertolt's house.

Without bothering to knock, she pushed the door open and raised her voice, "They're back! And apparently saw something awesome."

"More like unsettling," Eren muttered and took off his shoes at the door with the others. Bertolt meanwhile poked his head out from the kitchen, smiling in relief.

"Welcome back," he said. "Come in, I've just finished making dinner, it should be enough for all of us."

Eren did feel rather hungry. Since his mother was making food as well, he resolved to eat half here and half at home. Reiner and Annie were already present as well and Bertolt told them to take a seat, while Reiner got more bowls.

"Where's your mom?" Eren asked and Bertolt ladled food from a big pot into the bowls that were handed to him.

"She's at a friend's place," Bertolt said and took a seat last. "I hope you'll like it, family recipe." He turned to Eren, Armin and Mikasa. "Ymir said you saw something?"

Eren almost dropped his spoon in his hurry to tell them of what happened. He skipped a bit over the details of helping at the outpost and especially realizing he had a crush and mainly told them about the four armed Titan.

Ymir frowned, as did Annie, while Reiner looked pensive and tense and Bertolt's eyes were slightly wide.

"Oh," Bertolt said quietly at last and Eren deflated slightly.

"You don't believe us," he sighed, now more resigned and disappointed than angry.

"No, no, I believe you," Bertolt was quick to reassure. He exchanged a look with Reiner. "It's just...Titans like that don't exist."

"They do now," Mikasa piped in after swallowing a spoonful of Bertolt's stew. That reminded Eren to take a bite himself. It was really good.

"'s nice," he said around a mouthful and Bertolt gave him a brief, glad smile, before he turned serious again.

Heavy silence descended, while Reiner stared at his stew with a frown on his face, Bertolt's shoulders deflated slightly and Annie didn't seem to know what to say either. Ymir eyed Eren, Mikasa and Armin for a moment, then the rest of her friends and threw her head back with a groan.

"Great, more shit to deal with," she said, breaking the stillness at the table and startling Reiner out of his thoughts. She leaned forward and by the sound of it and Reiner's reaction, she had kicked him under the table, before she glanced back at Eren and turned unusually serious. "I believe you."

"Thank you," Eren sighed. "Something must be going on if those Titans show up. We have to figure out what's going on."

"Hm." Ymir leaned her hand into her palm, resting her elbow on the table beside her bowl. "Do you know where to start looking?"

At that question, Eren felt himself deflate slightly. "No," he admitted with an unhappy frown. "I don't."

"Well, then we'll have to see if more of those show up," Ymir said. "If they're just in one area, that makes searching easier, right?"

"Yeah," Eren gave her a small grin. "Look at that, you can use your head after all."

Ymir rolled her eyes and Eren pulled his leg back in time to avoid the lazy, light kick she aimed at his shin.

"You can count on us," Reiner said and looked up with a serious expression. Eren exhaled in relief. "We'll help however we can."

"Thank you," he said with a smile. "All of you."

"Yeah, yeah," Ymir waved him off. "Now eat, Bertolt's hard work is getting cold."

They finished dinner together with lighter conversation. Eren and his friends told of their the time around the outpost, while the others recounted some tales from their hunts. Nothing out of the ordinary had happened to his friends, aside from them getting briefly lost in a forest and losing a day of travel. Eren also found out that his friends had returned half a day before them.

"See you tomorrow?" Reiner asked as they filtered out of Bertolt's house. They nodded and agreed to meet for a bit of training in the afternoon, so everyone could recover from their journeys.

Back at home, Eren's mother greeted them with a tasty dish of her own and then ushered them off to take a bath. They didn't smell as rank as the last time they had returned, since they had stopped by a lake briefly yesterday to wash of, but they weren't the cleanest and best smelling people right now either.

After a warm bath that made Eren positively floaty with how wonderful it felt, he promptly fell asleep. To Eren's surprise, he woke earlier than he had expected and after heading down for a glass of water, he spotted his mother's shopping list. Deciding to take care of that while his friends still slept, Eren got ready and left the house with a bag and money safely tucked into a pocket.

He did pause when he noticed that Reiner had a visitor. Zeke was talking to him, outside again and far enough from the street that no one could overhear. No one was around though, since the neighbors had already left for work and whoever else was left was either staying in or had headed to the market by now.

Eren couldn't get a good look at Reiner, but he saw Zeke clap a hand on Reiner's shoulder and Reiner seemed to nod, before Zeke stepped back and turned around. His father's assistant noticed him right away and smiled, waving. Eren waved back after a moment of hesitation.

"Eren, how nice to see you back," Zeke said as he joined him on the street. "Off to the market, right?"

"Yeah." Eren hesitated for a second. "Is dad back?"

"Oh, I'm afraid not." Zeke actually seemed genuinely apologetic. "It's just me, running some errands. It makes it easier for him if he has someone to deliver medicine for him. He's a village over right now. Do you want me to take a message to him?"

"No, it's fine," Eren said and realized that they had started walking, Zeke easily keeping pace, his face calm and relaxed. He seemed downright open and friendly. Eren started to think that the guy was just like that, considering he had acted much the same during their last conversation. He couldn't help but eye the guy. "Since when do you work for my dad?"

"Not that long," Zeke said, tipping his head back in thought. "About half a year now? Maybe a bit less? He hired me before you guys disappeared for such a long time, that's for sure."

Eren wasn't too happy that his father hadn't bothered to tell them about his new assistant, on the other hand, it wasn't like his father had to inform them about his decisions at work. Still, Eren didn't like that he had kept quiet about it.

"Ah, apologies, I seem to have said something upsetting," Zeke said and Eren blinked, realizing that his expression had shifted.

"No, it's not you," Eren had to admit. Zeke was hardly at fault for his father's actions. "He just didn't mention you and I thought with an assistant, he'd be home more often."

Zeke hummed thoughtfully. "Well, I can try my best to help as much as I can, but Grisha is very dedicated to his work."

Eren paused. "Why do you call him by his first name?" Most people called his father Dr. Jaeger and only a small handful called him Grisha.

Zeke shrugged. "He said it would make things more familiar, since we'd be working together a lot. It is a bit weird to call him that, I have to admit."

The last bit was said with a slightly wry inflection, but Zeke's eyes seemed a bit darker for a moment. Eren had to admit that he didn't know what to think about the guy. He seemed genuine and at the same time, Eren couldn't shake the feeling like there was a double meaning to his words at times. Like an unspoken joke no one but Zeke got.

Thankfully, Zeke paused by a house before Eren had to mull further on his father's somewhat strange assistant. "Thank you for the conversation, it was nice talking to you. I'll see you around, Eren."

"Yeah," Eren answered and moved on, returning Zeke's wave, but not bothering to smile back.

The conversation with Zeke was soon forgotten though, after Eren had returned from the market. His mother thanked him for the help and Mikasa and Armin were up by then, so they headed out into the fields to train.

"I've been thinking," Reiner said after they laid in the sand, sweaty and staring up at the sun. The wind had grown warm over the past three weeks and spring was in full bloom. "You want to return to the survey corps for a bit, right?"

"Yes," Armin answered. "Though we're still working out some kinks in our lies."

At Reiner's questioning hum, Armin quickly recounted how they had lied their way into the survey corps and then left.

"They'll know by now that we weren't telling the truth about being with traders," Armin sighed. "That's the part where I can't come up with something good. Why do you ask?"

"Well, we wanted to come with you," Reiner said, causing Eren to sit up in surprise. His friends sat up as well and Eren absentmindedly reached back to get the sand off his shirt and out of his hair as best as possible.

"You want to come with us?" Eren echoed. "But I thought you don't want to get close to the survey corps?"

Bertolt smiled nervously. "We've been talking and we're curious. You said there is a lot in the city, right?"

"So much," Eren agreed empathically and felt himself grin. "I mean, I told you about the art museum already and all the houses and Marco said there is a lot more he wanted to show us."

"We'd like to see that," Annie agreed, calm as always. "And if anything goes wrong, you'll be safer with all of us there with you."

She wasn't wrong. Eren glanced at Ymir, who didn't look happy and sighed roughly.

"Someone needs to watch your asses," she grumbled. "Yeah, count me in."

Armin looked a bit worried now. "I don't know how to incorporate you into our story. Or how to make them accept you into their ranks, never mind the city."

"Say you ran away," Ymir spoke up, causing everyone to look at her. She put her chin into her palm, her elbow resting on her knee. "Say you lied about being with traders because you ran away. And we, your loyal and loving friends, followed you. We couldn't find you and when winter came, we decided to hunker down in a ruin. Where, surprise, surprise, you three showed up after luring the night walking Titans away."

Armin looked thoughtful and slowly, the tension eased from his face, as his eyes brightened up. "Yes, that could work. We'll have to work on some details and figure out why we ran away, but that sounds believable."

Eren felt his shoulders slump a bit in relief. They could go back. They really could go back to their friends one more time. He frowned.

"I'd like a better way of leaving next time," he admitted. "I don't want to hurt them again."

"We'll think of something," Reiner promised. "How about we leave in four days? That should give us enough time to prepare and think of everything."

"Sounds good," Armin said and Mikasa nodded. Eren grinned at his friends.

"Man, you guys are going to love the city." He leaned over to nudge Ymir with his elbow, ignoring her utterly unimpressed look. "Even you."

She scoffed. "We'll see, but I doubt there is anything there worth visiting again." She made a face. "Never mind wanting to stay. Ugh, can you imagine?"

Eren found his thoughts falling to Levi right away and he wisely kept his mouth shut. That was probably one thing he shouldn't tell his other friends, not right away at least. Feelings went away again, right? That was what Armin had said. Yeah, that crush would probably be gone again soon and until then, Eren would just look forward to seeing his new friends again and introducing the others to the joys and awes of a living and breathing city.

He couldn't wait for it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can look forward to a chapter of the side story popping up soon, the first chapter is being written and I'll get it done as soon as I can =)  
> And, as always, there probably are mistakes that escaped my proof reading, so I'll go over it again in the coming days to take care of whatever other mistakes I spot.


	11. Chapter 11

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I really hope this chapter turned out well and may you have a joyful read! =D

Eren wasn't surprised when his mother pulled him into a tight hug and held on for longer than she usually did. He hugged her back and felt the niggling of guilt that crawled up his spine. She was very worried about them, knowing where they'd go and she was _not_ happy about them leaving for quite a while. She was, however, not stopping them from going either, even if Eren knew that she wanted to.

"You'll come back," his mother told him seriously once she pulled back, her hands holding his shoulders, smoothing briefly over his green cloak. His mother had sown the crest of the survey corps back onto their cloaks and they wore them upside down right now, to hide them should anyone be up and about. 

It was easy to see, like this, that Eren had grown quite a bit taller than his mother, but her intense gaze made sure Eren felt quite a bit smaller. She briefly gripped his shoulders tighter. "Promise me that you'll come back, all of you."

"We'll be back," Eren promised, taking her hands and giving them as reassuring a squeeze as he could.

"No matter what," Mikasa added, serious and eyes gleaming with the sort of stubborn strength that had her dragging Eren and Armin to safety a few times in their lives. "We'll be back."

At her words, Eren's mother let go of his hands and pulled her into a hug, Mikasa slightly leaning down to make it easier for her. They hugged each other tightly and his mother held onto her for longer than usual as well, murmuring something that made Mikasa nod. When his mom pulled back at last, she took a deeper breath and hugged Armin, who did not really have a height difference to compensate and Eren saw her press a kiss against Armin's temple.

His mother bit back some tears when she let go and took a step back. Eren tried to ignore the way his guilt had burrowed deeper now, but they had to leave. He _wanted_ to return to Maria and the survey corps. Eren wished there was a way to send her messages or stay in contact with her, but he couldn't come up with anything. Of course the shifters had messenger birds, but he would have to take one along to send it home, which was a terrible idea considering their fragile castle of lies. And there was no guarantee the bird would find a way back to Maria with a return message either, since it had never been taught that route. Or that it would find its way to the shifter villages in the first place.

There were, of course, the traders, which should drop by Maria once in the coming weeks, but there was no way Eren would let them see him and his friends. That would only bring a massive amount of trouble. Eren knew a little about the punishments shifters doled out to those who broke their law, but he honestly didn't really know what happened if one endangered their secret like they were going to do. As far as he knew, there had been only little contact between hunters and the survey corps over the years. It was dangerous for shifters to meet riders in titan form, which Eren was well aware of, and outside of shifting, the hunters stayed out of sight and well away from any soldiers.

It might be that Eren was the only idiot who had felt drawn to the cities in recent years. At least, he was the only one he knew of. Any other shifters he had talked to over the years had been very firm about keeping a healthy distance to any city, be it small or big and to avoid the survey corps under all circumstances.

His mother accompanied them to the door, shoulders tense and a worried frown on her brow, but when Eren looked at her, she managed to summon a weak smile.

"I'll bring you something back," Eren said, gently touching her shoulder. "We'll be back before you know it. And we'll stay safe."

His mother's smile grew painfully fond and she reached out to ruffle his hair, causing him to splutter in surprise. "Bring yourself back, that is gift enough." She glanced at Armin and Mikasa. "Keep each other out of trouble."

They nodded with a smile and after one last round of hugs from his mother, they departed. Eren couldn't help but glance back, the faint morning light making her look a bit like a shadow, standing in the open doorway. His mother watched them leave and he couldn't help but feel a bit like a shitty person. Especially since, at the same time, he really looked forward to going back out there, to meeting up with the survey corps again.

The village was quiet as they left it, it was so early in the morning that most people were still deeply asleep. Their friends however, would already be up and waiting for them.

"You guys have everything?" Reiner asked, once they met at the forest. Eren nodded, unable to entirely contain his restlessness and nervous excitement. He couldn't wait to get back to the survey corps and at the same time, they had to handle this situation really carefully.

His mother, when they had discussed their plans with her, had agreed to tell people, should they ask, that Eren, Mikasa and Armin came home every couple of weeks and that they left quickly again. She would forge some reports in Armin's handwriting, since she could copy his the best. It certainly was unusual for family members to bring reports instead of the hunters, but not unheard of. There were hunters who used every day of the warmer months as much as they could. His mother had helped them get familiar with the forms during their training years, so she knew what to do and Eren was deeply grateful for her support. It was the best solution too, so there wasn't another situation where they were declared dead. The thought made Eren pause.

"What about your parents?" he asked Reiner and the others. "We'll be gone a couple of months, probably, if all goes well."

"I told my dad we're trying something new and that I might not be home for a while," Reiner said. "He's fine with it, as long as I promised to come back."

Bertolt rubbed the back of his head, looking kind of chagrined. "I kind of lied, to be honest. Said I would go with you guys at first and then meet up with a friend who's part of the traders to visit a city. I'll get her something from the city, so my lie will hold at least. She promised not to mention anything should anyone ask."

Annie brushed a strand of hair behind her ear. "I lied too."

Ymir shrugged. "I don't talk much with my folks, I just told them I won't be coming home between hunts anymore for a while. They probably think I'll just stay at a friend's place or something. My old man was fine with it." She snorted. "He even said he was glad to see me become more independent, as long as I keep hunting."

Eren wasn't too surprised to hear that. Ymir's father was the mayor, the one making all the big decisions for the shifter villages and from what he'd gathered, her father was a very busy man. Ymir's mother was quite busy as well, helping her husband be one of the finest mayors they've had in the last sixty years. Subsequently, as far as he knew, they didn't talk much with Ymir, especially since she started hunting, but they still put a lot of pride into who she became.

Since it was only getting lighter, they quickly went on their way, once it became clear there were no more pressing questions. They started their trek through the forest ring, massive trees rising around them and their gear making small clacking noises with very step. With the thick canopy, the early morning light barely came through, leaving the forest shrouded in murky twilight.

"You know," Ymir said after a moment of silence. "I still don't think this is a great idea."

Eren nudged their shoulders together, ignoring the way she raised an unimpressed eyebrow at him. "It will be fine."

Ymir turned to Armin and Mikasa, pointing a thumb at Eren. "Is that how he excuses all his ideas?"

Armin chuckled and gave her a reassuring smile. "We planned as best we could and our story is as solid as we could make it. We'll be alright, Ymir. Besides, no one knows shifters exist, right? And according to the traders, people inside the walls think its madness to leave, never mind stay outside the walls. The only reason they have to doubt our story is if we mess up."

"We can't afford to," Reiner added, casting a serious look at them over his shoulder. He and Bertolt were walking ahead. "We'll need to be on our guard when we're there."

A slight furrow appeared between Ymir's brows, before she shrugged and rested her lower arms on her blade boxes. "Right."

Annie, who walked besides Armin, glanced at him. "What is it like, the city?"

Armin tilted his head back for a moment, looking up in thought. His smile softened and his eyes started to shine a bit. "It's so hard to describe, if you've never seen it. It's kind of overwhelming at first, there are so many houses and people, I honestly didn't know where to look or go first. The place is so big, you could spend months exploring the streets and shops and all it has to offer."

Their friends looked contemplative and Eren couldn't help but grin, a little bounce in his step at the thought of them getting to see Maria. It was impossible for him to describe the city as well, especially with all of them growing up among the shifters. They knew their small villages and big fields and even bigger forests. They knew the heights of transformation and the breathtaking beauty of endlessly sprawling land. Maria had a beauty and allure all of its own.

"Just to be sure," Reiner started and Ymir let her head fall back with a sigh. "You all got a bad pair of clothes, right?"

"Dragged it through the mud and threw it on top of a pile of dirty clothes for two days," Ymir said, waving a hand and giving Reiner a look. "Seriously, trust us to stick to the plan."

He pressed his lips slightly together and Eren glanced between them, as Reiner fell quiet and stared forward again with a frown. Abandoning his place beside Ymir, Eren caught up to Reiner and glanced at him. Bertolt, who walked on his friend's other side, looked rather pensive as well.

"I know I say that a lot, but we'll really be fine," he promised quietly, drawing their attention. "We talked this through in detail and if anything unexpected comes up, trust us to handle it. Armin saved our asses knowing nothing of the survey corps and remembering little of city life. With what we learned since then, we'll be able to talk our way out of things a lot more than before."

"You're right," Reiner agreed, but his smile was tense and his shoulders remained a bit rigid. Bertolt's face remained pensive and he kept fiddling with his gear, his nerves showing.

There was probably nothing Eren could do to calm them down, until they had the dreaded situation of returning to the survey corps done and dealt with. He understood, though he was nervous for another reason too. Eren couldn't help but be worried that everyone at the corps was so upset with them for the lies, that they didn't even want to hear their explanation. There was nothing he could do regarding that fear, all that was left was to hope for the best and hope they would meet the survey corps soon.

After a moment, he fell back to walk between Ymir and Mikasa again. Their trip through the forest was silent from there on out and when they reached the other side, the sun had risen a bit further, casting pale light across the land and the last of the stars faded from the sky.

"I'll shift first," Ymir offered, slightly surprising Eren in the process. He wouldn't call Ymir lazy by a long shot, she was more laid-back and she never shirked her duties or hesitated to get her hands dirty. However, she rarely volunteered herself to shift right out the gate. Out of all of them, Ymir tended to only shift when necessary. Maybe she was more nervous than she let on, if she needed to burn energy.

They backed up and Ymir nicked a fingertip at the switchblade she liked to keep on her person. With a blast of tightly controlled lightning, Eren watched her titan body form around her, until she melded into the neck and a big head with a truly impressive set of teeth shifted in their direction.

"Get on," Ymir managed to get out, her voice deeper and sounding a bit like she was grinding stones between her jaws. They wasted no time in getting on her back and since Ymir tended to run on all fours, this was the best place to hold on.

As soon as they were all secure, she started towards the direction Armin gave her. It took them a little while to really settle into Ymir's running rhythm, since her smaller size meant faster movement and they weren't quite as used to her carrying them, than for example Reiner or Annie, who tended to transform more often.

When Eren no longer felt like he had to hold on for dear life, he turned to his friends. Annie was anchored close to Armin, who more or less stood on Ymir's shoulder to give her directions if she needed them, holding onto a thick strand of her hair. Mikasa was on Ymir's other shoulder, keeping a sharp eye out for any Titans. Bertolt and Reiner were closer to Eren, lower on Ymir's shoulder blades so they wouldn't get in the way of Annie. Bertolt was looking back at the moment, watching the forest retreat and most likely keeping an eye out for Titans as well.

"Hey, Reiner, I wanted to ask something," Eren spoke up, keeping his voice quiet enough that no one but Reiner heard him. 

His friend looked at him, his concentrated frown easing a bit. "Yeah?"

"Is everything alright with your dad? I've seen you talk with that Zeke guy a few times and since he's my father's assistant, I was a bit worried." Maybe the pneumonia had made a return? Eren hadn't been around for two weeks, Mr. Braun might have gotten sick again.

Reiner looked away, slightly adjusting a strap of his gear so it wouldn't dig into his side as much. "My father's alright, don't worry. I was just talking to Zeke about ensuring he wouldn't get pneumonia again and how to help him regain his strength."

Eren made an understanding sound, but at the same time, he couldn't help a strange niggling in the back of his head. Reiner's words had almost felt like a lie. The first time Zeke had spoken with Reiner, Mr. Braun had been fine after all. The pneumonia had come afterwards. Or maybe, Reiner's father really wasn't quite alright after all and had made his son promise not to tell anyone. Mr. Braun could occasionally be quite the prideful man, who preferred to appear strong and reliable to needing help. It wouldn't be surprising if Reiner was hiding that his father had some sort of lasting sickness and that would explain why his words didn't feel entirely truthful. If that was the case, hopefully it was something that could be treated. Maybe that was what Zeke had meant with 'think about it'? Maybe there was a treatment plan that Reiner had to convince his father to agree to or something.  
"I'm glad to hear that, I wish him the best," Eren answered and Reiner gave him a brief twitch of a smile. 

Well, that hadn't a fruitful conversation, but maybe Eren could coax the truth from his friend later. Maybe there was even something helpful in the city, those guys surely had developed all kinds of ways to deal with illnesses. Until then, Eren hoped that this little trip could at least distract Reiner, if he was worried about his father.

The conversation fell quiet again and Eren couldn't help but notice that most of his friends were tense and silent. Mikasa seemed unruffled as always, though Eren could tell that she was a bit restless, as was Armin, who ensured Ymir kept moving in the right direction. Aside from that though, his two friends weren't overly bothered. The rest of them, however, looked rather tense, their faces darker with frowns. Even Annie seemed slightly strained and she kept a sharp eye out alongside Mikasa.

Giving up on conversations for now, Eren settled back as much as possible. At least, with all of them together, they'd cut down significantly on travel time. If each of them shifted for a couple of hours, they could cover a whole lot more distance than Eren on his own.

In the end, it took them four days to get to the forest Eren, Mikasa and Armin used to visit before. The closer they came to Maria, the more obvious it became that they were all nervous. Even Eren couldn't deny that his stomach was fluttering and his chest felt tighter.

"We can still leave," Ymir murmured, as they moved away from the forest, to head towards the outpost. Annie was shifted at the moment, lightly jogging along the tree line, while they all kept an eye out for any riders in the area. Eren doubted that a squad would be here, since he was sure the survey corps were focusing their forces and supplies on maintaining the outpost and building a protective wooden wall.

"You can go, if you want," Eren offered quietly. If his friends really weren't comfortable with the idea after all, he wouldn't blame them. He had been rather scared and panicked when they had ended up in Maria for the first time as well and he didn't want to force them into anything they didn't want. "I don't want any of you to feel obliged to come with us."

The others shook their head and Ymir made a face but didn't protest either. So, they were all still really doing this.

By the late evening, once Annie had changed back and Ymir had taken over, on account of her having the smallest titan form, they finally spotted the outpost in the distance, with the two forest patches. One patch was a bit further away and the one Levi had patrolled every day. The other one was right by the outpost, though it looked as if the treeline had been pushed back. Because of the felled trees, Eren realized a second later. The survey corps had gotten quite a bit of work done since Eren had left. Half of the outpost was currently surrounded by a massive looming wooden fence, large enough that, once complete, the outpost behind it wouldn't be visible anymore.

A trail of visible smoke started to rise from the outpost, while they hung back and waited for the sun to set. The survey corps were still here. Eren couldn't help but feel relieved and excitedly nervous. They were so close! 

The plan, for now, was to get a little closer in the cover of night, so no one would see Ymir and them on her back. They'd set up camp then and get ready to join the survey corps the next day. If everything went well.

Once it was dark enough, Armin gave the signal to move. Just to be on the safe side, they all flattened themselves as much as possible to Ymir's back, while she made her trek across the land. Ymir was moving a bit slower now, since they all had very little light to see by and she was looking for a suitable place for the night. A little while later, she found a loose circle of large boulders in a small depression. It wasn't perfect, but it would keep them a bit hidden. Eren hadn't seen any Titans around, so they should be safe for tonight. As long as there weren't any more night walking freak Titans.

"Alright," Reiner murmured once Ymir stopped beside the boulders, while Bertolt took a deep breath and exhaled slowly. "Let's hunker down for the night and prepare."

While Reiner slid off her back, followed by Eren and Bertolt, Ymir offered her hand to the people directly on her shoulders. A moment later, she set it down, so Mikasa, Armin and Annie could easily hop into the grass. While she backed up to transform back, Eren and his friends started setting up their camp.

They decided against a fire, just to be on the safe side. Once they had set up their camp, it was time to ensure they looked like they had spent a winter roughing it in some ruin. Which meant dirty clothes, a disheveled appearance and, as much as it hurt them, they had to get rid of most of the blades of their gear, aside from one or two, as well as empty the gas. There was no way, after all, that they'd survive a whole winter without running out of those things. They were also going to bang and scratch up Eren and Mikasa's new gear a bit, to ensure it looked more weathered. Everyone else had older gear, which looked like it had seen years of field work.

"We'd better get rid of one more gear entirely," Armin said with a sigh, after he took off his. He had to hide it away, since he had left without a gear of his own. "We'll say it broke, which would make things more believable."

"Fine," Ymir said after a moment and unbuckled her gear, looking pensive and a bit annoyed, which usually meant she was secretly worried.

"Uh, why do you smell like wet dog?" Ymir asked with a wrinkled nose, as Bertolt beside her put on his prepared dirty shirt. It had a hole along the bottom hem and some big spots that looked like Bertolt had dropped it in a muddy puddle at one point. It was kind of disgusting, but that was also the point, since they had to look the part of gritty survivors.

Eren didn't like that he would continue to lie to his friends, but he didn't know what else to do. He couldn't endanger everyone at home just because he wanted to tell his new friends and Levi everything.

Bertolt looked slightly sheepish. "I may have let the neighbor's dog sleep on them. They certainly stink enough now, don't you think?"

"Oh, definitely," Ymir said and finished taking off her gear. She piled it beside Armin's and Annie took her clothes to slip around one of the boulders to change in peace. They would bury the two gears afterwards, as much as Eren hated doing it, but they couldn't risk the survey corps stumbling upon it later on.

Mikasa and Ymir joined Annie a moment later and Eren and the rest of his friends took the chance to quickly change fully as well, slipping into dirty and worn clothes. While Eren and Armin took a moment to roll their survey corps cloaks a bit through the dirt and grass, Bertolt and Reiner got started on distributing everyone's dinner. This was the last of their rations, since they couldn't very well walk up to the survey corps with pockets full of supplies.

The others joined them and Eren had to admit, it was the first time he had ever seen them look quite so dirty, especially Annie. Even as kids, where Mikasa and Ymir had roughhoused a bit more and thrown each other across the training ring, she had been mindful of herself and her things.

They ate in relative silence, cloaks tucked close to ward off the cold winds. But it was getting warmer and Eren suspected that another week or so and the nights would grow pleasant again. Not quite as warm as summer nights, but nice nonetheless.

That night, Eren was sure that he wasn't the only one who struggled to fall asleep. Ymir and Reiner had offered to take first watch and he saw their silhouettes restlessly weaving around the boulders, the dark night making it hard to make out more than shadowy bodies. Once, Reiner stopped beside Ymir, but they were too far and their conversation too quiet for Eren to even guess at what they were saying. At one point, he fell into restless sleep, rolled to the side so his face was almost smushed into Armin's shoulder and Mikasa stretched out above their heads.

~*~

It was daunting, Eren had to admit. Far more than he had expected, but his mouth was dry, his heart racing and his body felt jittery all over, as he watched the riders head towards them. The moment of truth was upon them. Well, no, not of truth, but trying to out-lie their previous lie and hope they could still have a spot among their new friends. Oh god, he was so nervous he felt like throwing up.

Taking a deep breath, Eren hitched his backpack a bit higher, a small part of him quietly mourning that he had had to rough it up, so it looked more weathered, with the straps more worn than before. His mother wasn't going to be happy about this. Swallowing past his sand-dry throat, he lifted an arm and waved it, though considering the riders were heading their way full speed, they had already been spotted. And Eren wasn't dumb enough to shout, considering the very real danger of possibly attracting the attention of any nearby Titans.

When he managed to make out Levi and his squad, his heart suddenly decided to try and crush against his ribs, before trying to strangle the air straight out of him. Oh. His brain felt briefly like it turned into equally panicked and delighted mush. Of course Eren had considered the possibility of meeting Levi and his squad first, since they patrolled large areas, but it hadn't been _real_ until now.

A hand landed between his shoulder blades, forcing him to suck in a breath of air. Glancing to the side, he met Mikasa's unimpressed, though slightly concerned gaze. "Calm down."

Her voice was quiet and firm and Eren focused on the grounding touch of her palm on his back, as he tried not to let his nerves get the best of him. He wasn't overly successful, but by the time Levi and his squad reached them, he was a little less stressed, even if his heart kept racing in his chest.

Eren, courtesy of being an absolute idiot and apparently very smitten with the man stopping his horse in front of him, stood right at the front of their group. For a second, Levi just stared at him, eyes quickly flicking over him, as though to check if he was alright and still had all limbs, before their eyes met. Eren felt like he forgot to breathe for a moment and this time, not just because his stupid heart was racing with utter fondness in his chest. Levi's gaze was intense. Not dangerous as when Eren had been a titan, but he couldn't look away again.

"Are you alright?" Levi asked, voice a tad quieter than Eren had expected as he leaned slightly forward in the saddle.

"Y-Yeah," Eren answered and then immediately felt mortified at stumbling over the word. He cleared his throat. "We're all okay, we made it."

At this, Levi's gaze briefly flickered over his friends, small frown pulling at his brows and Eren was sure he noted everything possible. His heart seemed to beat even faster, this time with nerves and his hands felt weirdly cold. He was _so happy_ to see Levi again and at the same time, he wanted Levi to notice absolutely nothing. To have one off-day, to be a little careless. Anything that ensured he didn't notice that they were trying to hide something. It wasn't realistic though. One of the things Eren love- no, liked about Levi was that sharp mind and even sharper gaze of his. 

"Explain," Levi said and looked back at Eren, while his squad stopped at his side and Isabel made a surprised noise when she recognized them. Levi tipped his head at Eren's friends behind him. "And who are they?"

"Our friends," Eren said, because that was easy and one of the few truths they were going to tell. "We, I...there is a lot we have to tell you."

Levi looked at him a moment longer, the intensity not waning but gaining a thoughtful edge. He then jerked his head at them. "Get up, we'll take you to the outpost. Did you see any Titans?"

"No," Eren said and tacked on, "That's why we dared to travel during the day, we suspected we were close to the outpost."

He dared to take a questioning and quietly hopeful step towards Levi. When Levi reached out his hand without a moment of hesitation, Eren gripped it while trying and failing to bite back a smile. Levi's hands was firm and slightly rough with calluses, his fingers warm and strong. He pulled Eren up on the horse behind him with a strength that made Eren feel like he weighed nothing. He had known Levi was strong, fast and deadly like nothing else, but to feel it in such a way? He felt more delighted about it than he had expected.

"Hold on," Levi said after Eren had arranged their equipment to not be in the way and Eren decidedly did _not_ blush, when he carefully settled his hands on Levi's waist. 

He absolutely failed at that when he noticed that his thighs were slightly brushing Levi's and that he could feel Levi move under his hands, small flexes of muscle along his sides, as he turned his horse towards the outpost, warmth spreading gently from beneath a white shirt.

Eren's face felt kind of warm now and he bit back the urge to smile again. Ducking his head slightly, he glanced to the side to check on his friends and distract himself from Levi's everything. His friends had gotten pulled onto horses and since Isabel was one of the smaller people and both Annie and Armin weren't tall either, she had both of them sitting behind her.

"Ready," Isabel said with a thumbs up and Eren noticed that Levi had glanced over as well, silently waiting for everyone to be done.

With a gentle nudge, Levi's horse sprung into motion and within seconds, they were galloping back and Eren found himself quickly adjusting his grip on Levi. It was a completely new experience to ride behind someone, especially with their gear kind of clacking about. After a second of shifting his legs, he finally got into a position that kept their gear from making a racket and peeking over Levi's shoulder, he saw the outpost slowly but steadily growing closer. His nerves flared up full force again and he couldn't help but hold on to Levi a little tighter, his heart beating fast and hard in his chest.

They reached the outpost in due time and Eren both felt like it took too long and that it happened too fast. He wanted to get it all over with and run from it, his nerves creating a strange dual-sensation that made his hands feel clammy and caused cold sweat to cling to his neck.

As they entered, Eren spotted a number of vaguely familiar faces, all of them looking caught off guard and very surprised, but their friends where nowhere to be seen. They might be on felling duty today.

Levi glanced at him and Eren quickly scrambled off his horse, though he was careful not to bang their gear together. Riding on the same horse with the blade boxes had been challenging enough that, despite the unexpected pleasantness of having Levi close, he wasn't keen on repeating it like that. Without blade boxes though...

Levi dismounted as well, landing in a light-footed way that Eren knew he'd never be able to replicate. It seemed as if even now, gravity didn't quite have the same hold on Levi as it had on everyone else. A recruit hurried over at Levi's glance and quickly took hold of his horse, looking nervous and unsure.

"Take her to the stable until I return," Levi ordered, calm and unruffled. He turned to Isabel and Eren saw that his friends had all dismounted. "Return to patrolling, I'll join you later."

Isabel gave a serious nod, before turning her horse around and leading Levi's squad back into the field, the soldiers closing a heavy gate behind them. The gate looked new. They had had an old one before, but this one had been made of heavier wood and reinforced with iron. Otherwise, the outpost looked much the same, only that they had more equipment with them, especially one that allowed them to lift and move the massive tree logs.

"Follow me," Levi said and Eren startled out of his observations. "I'll take you to Erwin."

When they entered the outpost, Eren felt weirdly relieved to see that the same rickety table was still in the entrance room, with the same creaky chairs around it. Levi was silent as he led them up the stairs, face impassive and gaze never losing its intensity. Eren had no idea if Levi was glad they were alive, if he was mistrustful and suspicious or if he was angry about the lies. He was absolutely certain they knew about their lies about the traders. As quietly as possible, he took a deep breath and exhaled it slowly.

Levi led them further up the stairs then Eren had ever walked. The ground floor held the kitchen and canteen, along with a makeshift bathroom and a few storerooms. The second and third floor were for the soldiers. The fourth and last floor belonged to high ranking officers, along with a storeroom for future ammunition, most likely for cannons that would get transported to the outpost once it was safe.

Levi stopped in front of a nondescript door and after a brief knock, pushed it open. Erwin glanced up from a desk that looked a whole lot more rickety than the heavy table in his office back in Maria, though it was still better than the table downstairs. Aside from a few more chairs and a slightly unstable looking bookcase, the room was empty. Erwin didn't look surprised to see them enter, if anything, he looked unreadable. Either a soldier had informed him of their approach or he had impeccable control over his expressions. Both options sounded entirely reasonable.

Levi stepped to the side, once he motioned at them. "Found them out in the field."

Then both Levi and Erwin looked at them, both their gazes heavy and sharp, though in slightly different ways. Levi's felt more like a honed blade, while Erwin's felt like a million bricks pressing down on him. Eren swallowed.

"Are you well?" Erwin asked, slightly surprising Eren that this was his first question.

"Uh, yes," Eren said. "We aren't injured."

Erwin nodded, before briefly glancing at Ymir, Reiner, Bertolt and Annie standing at his back. "Who are they?" Erwin looked back at him, gaze suddenly even heavier and sharper than before. "And why the lies?"

"We ran away," the words slipped out easier than Eren had expected, even with the practice they had had beforehand so he'd know what to say. Armin was standing at his side, though, reliable and ready to interject should Eren fumble his words. "From Rose and in all honesty, we didn't expect anyone to find us out in the wild. When you did, we didn't know what to say, so we used the first explanation that we could come up with."

"Our friends followed us," Armin added, lightly gesturing over his shoulder. "We were surprised more than anyone else, when we stumbled upon them in a ruin, after that clash with the night walking Titans."

Erwin lifted a brow and Eren got the vague impression that he allowed the expression and not that they had surprised him. Erwin turned to Eren's friends. "That was very risky of you."

Ymir shrugged and took a step forward, body relaxed and face impassive. "When we couldn't find them anywhere, it didn't take us too long to figure out where they might have gone, especially once we heard complaints about missing gear. So we stole some of our own and bailed. Though, to be honest, that we found them was more stupid luck than anything else."

"They're the reason we survived the winter as well as we did," Mikasa added, voice steady. Her face was unreadable, but Eren didn't miss the dark spark in her eyes, the cautious wariness that said she was ready for the conversation to go any way.

"How did you survive?" Erwin asked, lacing his fingers together on his table. "I honestly thought you dead by now."

"We had some extra supplies," Ymir said. "And we found a ruin that offered shelter and protected us from Titans spotting us. The rest was careful planning and rationing the gas for as long as we could."

"Huckleberry, that weird titan, he helped," Eren added. When they had planned their lies, Eren had admitted to some of the things he had gotten up to as a titan, though he had left out the name Hanji had given him. His friends, thankfully, took the new tidbit he added in stride, though he could feel the side-eye Ymir was casting at him.

At this, both Erwin and Levi seemed to straighten slightly. "How did he help?" Erwin asked.

"He saw us hunt and brought us food from time to time," Eren explained. "And he chased Titans away from the area we were in. We didn't see him all the time, he seemed to come and go, but he certainly helped."

And it didn't help to put more good words in for his titan self. If this conversation went well, that could only work in his favor in the future. Right?

Erwin made a thoughtful hum, his gaze never straying from them.

"Why didn't you return to Maria?" Levi asked and he leaned against the window behind Erwin's desk. "It has been over five months. Why didn't you return?"

"That was my fault, at first," Armin spoke up, drawing both Levi's and Erwin's attention. He paused and continued, "When Mikasa and Eren left to fight those night walking Titans, I couldn't help but want to hang back to see if they returned. When they didn't, I searched for them. It was more luck than anything, that we met back up and when we realized we wouldn't find your tracks in the dark, we decided to find a place to hunker down. I got a fever overnight and they were forced to slow down further."

"Titan activity got worse in the morning," Eren lied, lightly touching Armin's back. Gestures like that had been Armin's idea. He had told them to not just stand there like frozen statues regurgitating some story, but to try and move a bit. "We were forced to retreat further and the snow grew worse. We managed to find the ruin our friends were in just before a blizzard hit."

"We decided to try and wait until spring," Armin continued, lightly spreading his hands and looking genuinely regretful. "We knew you wouldn't return to the outpost during winter and our only chance to make it back to Maria, with us running out of gas and blades, was for you to return."

"At one point, we were just focused on survival," Eren said, forcing his tense chest to exhale, before he dipped into a small bow. "I'm very sorry for all the trouble we caused."

"I am glad to see you alive, don't misunderstand," Erwin said and he sounded as calm as before, though Eren thought he detected a faint pleasantness to his voice now. "Though do explain to me, why did you run from Rose? And how did you leave the city?"

_Illegal activity makes the most sense_ , Armin had said when planning their new lies. _That's what we'll tell them._

"We, uh, weren't exactly model citizens," Armin said and rubbed the back of his head, looking embarrassed and sheepish and his expression slid to worried. "We ran because we got into trouble and couldn't pay up. At the time, we thought we had better chances outside the city than within." 

Armin winced and Eren had to silently admire his friend's ability to lie so very well. "And we knew that there were three garrison members who liked to drink when on duty. We just had to be ready at a night when they were supposed to be on watch and wait for them to get drunk enough that they didn't notice us scaling up and jumping over the wall."

"Hm," Erwin lifted his interlaced hands to his chin. "Can we expect those troubles of yours to come seek you out?"

"No," Armin shook his head. "They only operate in Rose, trying to expand their reach past that has never been on their agenda, especially with how dangerous traveling is." Armin visibly swallowed and fiddled with his sleeves and Eren reminded himself to shift slightly too, not to stand there like a tense idiot. Armin asked, "What now? Will you return us to Rose?"

"No," Erwin said and Eren didn't even have to fake the exhale that escaped him. "I personally don't much care for your past, as long as it won't become a problem and you don't go talking about it to outsiders and as long as you remain with the survey corps. You all did prove you were hardworking and skilled fighters."

Erwin cast a glance over Eren, Mikasa and Armin, before looking at the others behind them. "Though I'd like an introduction of your friends."

"I'm Ymir," Ymir said and pointed her thumb at the others. "And those are Reiner, Bertolt and Annie."

"Would you like to join too?" Erwin asked. "Or do you want to return to Rose, now that you've found your friends?"

At this they exchanged a look, before Ymir shrugged. Reiner stepped forward. "We gave up our jobs when we left, if it isn't too much trouble, we'd like to join."

"Do you know what it means to be a soldier?" Levi spoke up, voice cool and slightly heavy, his gaze sizing them up. "Do you have any fighting experience?"

"We trained with them," Reiner said, nodding to Eren, Mikasa and Armin. "We might not have as much field experience, but we know what is expected of a survey corps soldier. We won't disappoint you."

"Hm. We'll see." Levi turned his glance to Erwin, who watched them all a moment longer, face faintly pleasant but giving nothing else away.

"Treat them like new recruits," Erwin decided after a moment and Eren involuntarily held his breath. Had they done it? Did Erwin and Levi believe them? At least enough to take them back? "If we have any more questions for you, we'll call for you. Welcome to the survey corps. And Eren, Mikasa, Armin? Welcome back."

Erwin gave them a smile, the one Eren couldn't read to save his life and it was clear they were dismissed. After a second of hesitation, they filled out of the room and Eren noticed that Levi hung back for a moment, exchanging a few quick words with Erwin. It was too quiet for Eren to overhear and then Levi was accompanying them outside.

He gave them all a glance, seemingly deciding something. "Eren, Mikasa, Armin, you can return to Mike's squad in the morning. You four, I'll assign to Nanaba's squad, she'll show you the ropes."

With those words, Levi turned around and Eren hurried to follow him down the stairs. He wanted to say something, but with everyone around, any sort of words forming in his head got stuck in his throat. Without saying anything else, Levi led them to the soldiers responsible for their supplies and left them there with the instructions to get outfitted and help out around the outpost. A few minutes later, while they were handed cloaks and new gear, Levi rode out of the outpost.

Eren couldn't help but exhale heavily, tension finally seeping out of his shoulders and he became aware of his weak knees and slightly shaky hands and the cold sweat on his back. They had made it. Most likely. There was still a chance for things to go belly up, but so far, at least, they weren't getting arrested or sent back to Maria with a squad to lock them up there. Eren closed his eyes for a second, wiping a hand over his face and brushing back his hair. One of the hardest conversations was dealt with for now.

Ymir did look briefly happy to get her hands on the new gear, but then Eren noticed that she subtly kept an eye out, though her posture never changed from its relaxed calmness. Reiner and Bertolt on the other hand still looked kind of pensive, while Annie's face gave nothing away.

Since Eren, Mikasa and Armin knew the outpost better, they gave their friends a brief tour and showed them in which room to leave their backpacks and sleeping bags. After they cleaned up with icy water and changed into borrowed, new clothes, Eren brought them to the kitchen, because help was always needed either there or with cleaning the outpost. When a mop and a bucket of cold water was pushed into his hands, Eren was glad to have something to focus on, while he waited for all the squads to return. For his friends to return.

Even with rigorously scrubbing the floors and hallways, Eren's stomach was in knots by the time all the soldiers and riders returned for dinner.

"It will be okay," Armin promised quietly, but even he kept tugging at his clothes, a small show of nerves, as he tried to smooth out any wrinkles and be as presentable as possible. Mikasa at their side kept her eyes focused on the entrance door, a bit of tension running through her frame. They all were looking forward to seeing everyone again. Eren was kind of glad that Reiner and the others were currently in the kitchen, it was probably best to introduce everyone to each other after explaining things a bit beforehand.

The door opened and people filtered in, looking windswept and tired from hours of patrolling, followed by people covered in sap and dirt and bits of leaves, looking exhausted from felling trees. Mike's squad was one of the last to enter and Eren instinctively moved forward the moment he spotted Jean and Marco enter, conversing quietly.

The two spotted them a moment later, freezing in place and their eyes going wide. Eren tried to smile, but it came out wobbly and worried and when he opened his mouth, no words formed. It wasn't necessary either, since both Marco and Jean rushed forward and Eren met them halfway in a hug that nearly sent them falling. They just barely managed to regain their balance and Eren heard a chocked back sob from Marco, his hands tightly holding onto his shirt.

"The fuck?" Jean half shouted and his voice cracked around the words, holding on tightly as well. "How are you all still alive?"

"I knew it," Marco said against Eren's shoulder, a breathless laugh escaping him and breaking on another sob. "I knew you were still alive."

"Oh shit." Eren heard from the door and it sounded like Connie, followed by rushing footsteps. From the corner of his eye, Eren saw Sasha rushing to crush Mikasa into a hug, who hugged back tightly as well, while Krista threw her arms around Armin.

Jean pulled back first, roughly mussing up Eren's hair, though Eren only protested halfheartedly, when he spotted the shine in Jean's eyes.

"You have _a lot_ to explain," Jean said and it sounded kind of like a threat, before he turned around and dragged Armin into a hug, who had just been let go by Krista. Krista wasted no time to hug Eren, her smaller frame fitting a bit easier beside Marco's than Jean's had.

"I'm so glad," Krista said with a smile, tears in her eyes. "Marco and I, we never stopped believing in you."

"How did you make it?" Sasha asked from Eren's other side, while Connie poked Jean aside to hug Armin. "We all hoped, of course, but we didn't know for sure that you were still alive."

At this, Marco finally pulled back and wiped a quick hand over his shoulder, giving Eren a watery smile heavy with relief. Krista moved over to hug Mikasa as well and Eren startled when Connie unexpectedly dragged him into a tight hug.

"You have some serious luck," Connie grumbled, but there was a smile on his face and Eren hugged him back as well, grunting in surprise when Sasha crashed into his other side to wrap him and Connie into her hug.

"Let's sit down," Marco said, once the two let go, their group tightly clustered together. Looking at them, Eren felt both fierce fondness and ugly, deep guilt rising in him. This was, if one wanted to be precise, his fault. Because he had been born a shifter, because he had secrets to keep and a home to protect. He never wanted to hurt them, but looking at them, it was more than clear that he had.

"I'm sorry," he said and swallowed heavily. "I'm so sorry for worrying you."

"We all are," Mikasa added softly and Sasha exhaled with a fond smile, throwing an arm across Mikasa's shoulders and ignoring the dry look that earned her.

"I, gracious friend that I am, will forgive you at the price of your breadrolls for a week," Sasha said, voice grave and full of mock importance. Then she grew more serious. "But you have some things to explain too. I take it you talked with Erwin already?"

"We did," Armin nodded. "Are you alright with talking about this after dinner? I don't want half the canteen to overhear."

"Of course -" Marco said, only to stop when Sasha lifted a hand. She studied Armin closely, then Eren and at last Mikasa, before she nodded.

"Alright," Sasha said and then smiled at them. "You can start paying off your breadroll debt tonight."

Eren couldn't help but chuckle at her, before he paused. "We have to introduce you to some people."

At this, Marco and the others turned to him. Jean had sidled up to Marco, offering a handkerchief that looked hand embroidered along the edges, who took it with a small sniff and a quiet _thank you_.

"What do you mean?" Krista asked and tucked herself under Marco's arm, brushing away a stray tear in the corner of her eyes. "What people?"

"We had friends in Rose," Armin explained. "And, well, they followed us, when they couldn't find us. We met by accident after that night with the night walking Titans. We wouldn't have made it without their help."

Their friends looked somewhat taken back and Connie raised his eyebrows at them. "What the hell."

"We'll explain later, properly," Eren promised. "Unless you want to skip out on dinner and we can explain now?"

"Oh fuck that," Sasha said cheerfully, causing her friends to laugh and Eren noticed that she slightly relaxed at the lightened mood. It was only then that he realized her cheer had been somewhat forced, to make the others feel better. "Come on, before all the good seats are taken."

As it turned out, they didn't really have to worry about that. Reiner and the others had kept a table free for them and with a grumble, some soldiers were willing to shift down to make some more space for Sasha and the others.

"So," Marco said, once they all sat down with their trays of food, glancing at the new faces and he gave them a welcoming smile. "I hear we have you to thank for bringing our friends back alive?"

"They're our friends too," Reiner said, while Sasha held out her hands expectantly. Eren felt guilty enough that he more than willingly gave up his breadroll and Armin did the same. Mikasa handed hers over with the most deadpan expression he had ever seen, which caused Sasha to snicker beneath her breath, before she started to devour her meal.

"I'm Reiner," Reiner said once he managed to wrench his eyes away from Sasha eating at record speed. "And those are Bertolt, Annie and Ymir. And thank you for looking after them, they can be quite reckless."

At this, Jean snorted and leaned forward, pointing a thumb at Eren. "Don't I know it. Did this guy always jump into Titan mouths to save friends?"

At once, four pairs of eyes were on him and Eren just barely kept from choking on his food. He might not have quite told them that had happened. Swallowing, he gave them his most innocent and charming smile, causing Ymir to groan and Bertolt to look kind of stressed.

"He's always been like that," Ymir said, tearing off a corner of her breadroll. "Watch out for when he starts fights on your behalf, that's when you know you'll never get rid of him."

Eren stuck out his tongue at her and smirked when Ymir realized that with Reiner and Bertolt between them, she couldn't kick his leg. Instead, she narrowed her eyes at him. Krista, who sat across from Ymir, leaned forward and drew their attention.

"How long have you known each other?" she asked and Ymir tipped her head slightly in thought.

"Since we were kids." Ymir glanced at Krista and the others. "How long have you all known each other?"

"Since we joined the recruits," Krista said. "I think we were around fifteen at the time."

Marco nodded with a smile. "We stuck together since then and we're lucky that Erwin kept us all in a squad over the years too. Will you join us? Or just head back to Maria with us?"

"Someone needs to keep an eye on them," Ymir said with a nod to Eren, who rolled his eyes at her. He wasn't _that_ bad. "But yeah, we'll join."

Marco made an understanding sound and the conversation died out. The atmosphere at the table wasn't quite as relaxed as it looked at first. Reiner and Bertolt were still kind of tense and Annie carefully watched their table neighbors, eating with slow and measured bites. Marco and the others ate faster than usual and while it was no surprise that Sasha was long done, she watched them instead of trying to pilfer more food.

Ymir stretched out her legs and apologized quietly when Krista jumped slightly, most likely having bumped into her and who waved her off with a smile. 

"I'll just move mine, then you have space," Krista offered, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

"It's fine," Ymir said, but Krista just smiled warmly and shifted in her seat. After a second, Ymir seemed to stretch out her legs and said, so quietly Eren almost didn't hear her, "Thanks."

"You're welcome," Krista answered, a bit quieter than before as well and returned her focus to her food, taking the sort of sophisticated bites Eren was used to seeing from her.

Their group was among the first to be done with their meal and everyone eyed each other, for a moment unsure how to start the conversation.

"There is a storeroom in the back," Connie spoke up. "We can talk there, if you want?"

"Do you need us?" Reiner asked, a small furrow between his brows. Eren reached out to pat his arm reassuringly. His friend hopefully would calm down a bit soon.

"We'll catch everyone up on how we survived," Eren said. "You can go ahead and rest, if you want."

"Alright," Reiner agreed after a moment and stood up, collecting his tray with the empty dishes to take them back to the kitchen. They all were quick to follow him and Ymir raised an eyebrow at Eren, once they split up outside the kitchen. He gave her a reassuring, if slightly nervous smile and she gave a tiny nod, before pausing. She mouthed _Huckleberry?_ at him, with a raised eyebrow and Eren mouthed _later_ back at her, causing her to chuckle and smirk at him, as she followed Annie up the stairs.

Connie led them to the storeroom, which was mostly full with crates and some rolls of dark green canvas. Sasha lit a lantern hanging from a nail by the door and it took a moment for everyone to find a seat. Once everyone was settled, expectant and serious eyes were turned their way. Eren wiped his hands on his pants, trying to ignore the way his heart beat faster again.

"First of all," Jean said and leaned forward slightly, a frown on his face. "Why did you lie?"

Eren exchanged a glance with Armin, before Armin started to explain their whole tale again. From getting into trouble in Rose and ending up making a mistake, which brought them even greater trouble.

"And we decided to run away," Armin finished quietly. "We never thought anyone would find us. When you guys did and brought us to Maria, we didn't know what to say."

"I'm sorry for lying," Eren added quietly and Mikasa nodded, while Armin apologetically and with real regret this time bowed his head. "We were too scared to tell the truth."

_We still are_ , he thought and it was like bitter ashes in his mouth. They were _still_ lying to their friends and for a second, Eren didn't know how to breathe around that fact. He wanted to tell them everything, very much so, he just...had no idea how they would take the truth. Panic and call for Levi and Erwin to tell them everything? Laugh in their faces with disbelief and tell Eren to stop joking? There was no way they'd accept it calmly and the very last thing Eren ever wanted was to make his friends feel scared of him. It certainly wouldn't help should they realize that Eren wasn't the only shifter at the outpost anymore.

He wished that things were easier. That just this once, the world was kinder and a little more fair. Wished he could entrust him with his greatest secret, without fearing for what might happen to his home. To his friends, should the reveal be taken badly.

"It's okay," Marco's soft voice startled Eren out of his dark thoughts and his head snapped up to look at his friend. Marco gave him a sad, small smile.

Connie sighed heavily, rubbing a hand over his face. "I get why you lied. But you know your secrets are safe with us, right?"

"We won't tell anyone," Krista added with a determined face and a hard glint in her eyes. She softened back up a moment later. "I mean, you guys never hurt anyone, did you?"

"No." This Eren could promise with a clear conscious. "Never."

"Don't you have family?" Jean asked, a small furrow remaining between his brows. "Won't anyone miss you?"

"We told my mom," Eren said, which was a version of the truth. "She wasn't happy, but she understood. We promised her to come back and...maybe we can visit, or send her letters at least, once things have cooled off in Rose."

Jean accepted it with a nod, before he exhaled roughly. "I mean, we all pretty much expected you had a reason like that for lying, so it isn't much of a surprise." He rubbed a hand over his face. "Shit, I'm just happy you're alright."

"No more lies though, alright?" Sasha said. "We're on your side and we want to help you."

"You're our friends," Krista added and gave them a warm smile. "We'll have your back."

Eren suddenly felt like he was trying to swallow oil, his throat full of a slick nastiness that chocked up his lungs and his heart lurched painfully. He suddenly felt like crying and he didn't even really know why. His fingers dug into his knees and he turned to Mikasa and Armin, feeling helpless and like a filthy traitor, even though he wasn't betraying anyone. He was just hiding, protecting their home, keeping his friends and himself safe. So why did he feel so utterly rotten?

Armin's eyes were slightly wide and Mikasa's gaze was dark, her hands tighter on her knees as well. Eren opened his mouth and while Mikasa's gaze turned cautioning and Armin's lips thinned a bit, neither made a move to stop him.

"What if..." Eren said and broke off, turning his head to stare down at his knees. "What if there is another secret?"

There was a moment of silence and then the scrape of cloth against wood, before a hand gripped his shoulder, causing him to look up. 

Jean was leaning over to him, face solemn and shadows flickering in the lamplight. "Whenever you're ready. We trust you that it won't hurt us or the survey corps."

Eren pressed his lips together and took a deep breath. "I'm sorry. I need to apologize to all of you again, because..." His words got chocked up in his throat.

"We lied again, just now," Armin's quite voice surprised him and he stared at his friend, who looked tired and sad and solemn. No one moved for a long second.

"What do you mean?" Marco asked, leaning forward with concern. "What was a lie?"

"All of it," Mikasa added, voice low and steady. "We told Erwin that lie, because we want to stay with the survey corps."

"And you can't otherwise?" Jean asked, frowning in confusion. "What's going on?"

"We have people to protect," Eren said and Jean fell quiet again. "Once we know how, we'll tell you everything. I promise."

"Are we in danger?" Sasha asked seriously and Eren shook his head. No shifter wanted to hurt another person. They just wanted to erase the Titans, so humanity could live. So they could make up a little of the horror two scientists had brought down on the world.

"No," Eren said, his voice almost a whisper. "I know I'm asking a lot. I know you have every right to mistrust us and refuse us, but...give us some more time. We'll explain everything."

They exchanged glances and Eren felt Armin's hand on his back, a comforting and supporting touch, promising silently to stand at his side, even if this went bad. Eren realized that he had gone off script once again and that his friends were really good at rolling with it. If this went belly up, they'd have to run. It was dark out and they would have to get Reiner and the others and leave. It would be hard to follow them during the night. Once they had enough distance, they could shift and book it to somewhere safe.

At last, Jean took a deep breath and exhaled, before pinning a serious look on them. "I'm willing to give you that chance. I mean, you did save my life, I doubt anyone with bad intentions would ever do that." 

"And that you admitted to lying couldn't have been easy," Krista added and briefly she faltered, hesitating. "Just...was anything here a lie?"

"Never," Eren promised with utmost sincerity. He never faked his friendship and fondness, never pretended to care more than he did. That was one thing he couldn't do. If he liked someone, he showed it and if he didn't, those people knew. "You all, you're great. Please never think that you're any less my friends for it. I care very much for you."

"Sheesh," Connie reached out to nudge his shoulder with his fist. "No need to get _that_ mushy on us."

But there was a lopsided smile on his face and the others smiled as well. Sasha leaned forward in a way that promised trouble. "Give me your breadrolls for two weeks and we're good."

"You can have all of them," Eren promised, relief singing high in his veins and she paused, surprised, before giving him a crooked smile.

"Aw, come on, don't make me feel bad. Two weeks and then I'll just steal it if you don't pay attention."

Eren couldn't help but laugh for a second. "Deal." He glanced at Marco, who watched them with a tiny smile in the corners of his mouth. "Marco?"

"I'm glad you were honest," Marco said softly. "And I'm really, really happy you're alive and well." He took a deep breath. "Just, promise me one thing. If you need help, tell me, alright?"

That was an easier promise to give, though Eren hoped that it would never be necessary. That things from here on out would be a little easier for them all. A little kinder. Just a little bit.

"I promise," he said and Mikasa and Armin echoed him, once Marco looked at them. Then Marco got up and dragged all three of them into a hug.

"Oh, group hug!" Sasha declared and joined them, Krista wrapping her arms around them as much as possible with a giggle. Connie and Jean exchanged a glance, before Connie shrugged and they joined the hug as well, which really just meant they were one press of bodies, with arms every which way and faces mushed against shoulders. 

They all squeezed each other for a moment, before Connie said, "So, I am the only one who just smells sweaty armpits?"

At which point they broke apart with chuckles and after a round of lighthearted complaining and hands nudging arms, they filtered out of the room to wash down with icy water before bed. Eren was surprised though, when Marco gave them one last hug.

"Thank you," Marco said, glancing at Eren, Mikasa and Armin, gifting them a smile full of relief. "For coming back."

~*~

Eren had to admit that he was waiting for everyone to fall asleep so he could sneak out. He hoped Levi was up tonight and down by the shitty table with equally shitty chairs. Eren hadn't gotten the chance to talk to him, not after Levi had left to rejoin his squad. And even before that, they hadn't really had a moment to themselves. Eren hoped Levi wasn't upset because of the lies. He hadn't looked like it, but then again, his face had been incredibly hard to read.

Listening carefully, Eren realized that everyone had fallen asleep while he had been busy staring at the dark ceiling. It was easy enough to tell when his friends weren't awake anymore. Reiner had a small snore and Bertolt had really deep and even breaths. Ymir half hid her face in her bedroll and sleeping bag, breaths quiet but calm and deep and Annie liked to lie on her back while falling asleep and then proceeded to roll over to lie on her side. Since she had her bedroll close to Armin's, her silhouette was easy to make out in the dark. Mikasa was on Eren's other side and her breaths also told him that she was asleep. Eren knew that they still had to tell Reiner and the others about revealing their lies to their friends in the survey corps, so there wouldn't be any potential mess-ups in the future. That wouldn't a particularly fun explanation, but Eren trusted Marco and the others. They wouldn't say anything.

Sitting up, Eren quietly eased out of his bedroll and sleeping bag and tiptoed over to the door. Since it was still cold, especially with all the stone, he grabbed his boots and eased outside, the door only making a small noise. Once he got his boots on, he snuck towards the stairs, perking up when he noticed the faint glow of light. Levi was there.

Eren hurried down the stairs without making too much noise and as he rounded the last bend of the stairs, he saw Levi, sitting at the table. The same flickering lantern was lit and he held a steaming cup of tea in his hands. His gaze turned to Eren and he watched him approach, calmly and without saying a word. Eren swallowed nervously.

"May I join you?" he asked, as politely as possible and half ready for a rejection. Levi snorted softly and pushed the chair out with his foot. Eren felt his heart beat faster as he sat down, a small, relieved smile touching the corners of his mouth. "Thank you."

Levi raised an eyebrow at him. "You're very polite tonight."

Eren fiddled with his sleeves and his gaze fell down to the table. "Ah, well, you seem kind of angry tonight?"

His words ended up as a question and he glanced up at Levi when he heard a soft hum.

"I understand why you lied," Levi said once their eyes met. "I won't condemn you for it, my own start in the survey corps wasn't particularly glorious." Something in his face seemed to ease and it suddenly didn't seem as unreadable as before. "And no, I'm not angry."

The same guilt that Eren had felt when talking to Marco and the others resurfaced with a vengeance, gnawing at his heart and slithering up his spine to drag sharp nails down his scalp. He swallowed, his mouth dry and his heart heavy in his chest, as he stared at his hands. 

"I'm sorry." The words slipped out without much thought. Eren felt like he had apologized to everyone in his life by now, because of his stupid decisions and stupid heart that got attached and all his hopes to make things _better_. That's all he wanted and still he seemed to make a mess of things.

"What for?" Levi asked and Eren opened his mouth, but no answer came forth. After a moment, he heard the softest of exhales and when a hand landed in his hair to gently ruffle it, he twitched in startled surprise, before holding carefully still. "Stop thinking so much, you're fine."

With those words, Levi got up and stepped through the door leading to the kitchen. Eren reached up a hand to touch the top of his head and felt a soft smile spreading over his face. That had been nice, really nice and a flash of joy lit up his insides, he felt like he had to hug someone or jump up and laugh. Was this what crushing on someone felt like?

His smile dropped away the next second. What was he thinking? Even if there was the tinniest chance that Levi might be interested in him in return, what did Eren expect? That he could fuck off and show up anytime like he wanted? That he could keep lying until he had dug his own grave so deep he couldn't see the sky anymore?

He startled out of his thoughts when a cup was set down in front of him with a gentle click, warm steam wafting up and bringing the scent of Levi's tea with it. Levi sat down without another word and Eren stared at the tea in front of him, suddenly feeling like he wanted to spill the whole truth, just everything. Or maybe cry, just a little. Shit, he was so emotional today. Instead of doing something he might regret, he took a sip and savored it. He had missed the taste, the comforting warmth and sitting here with Levi at night. Guilt still ate holes into his heart.

"What is it?" Levi asked and Eren realized that he kept staring at his tea. He dared a glance up and found Levi watching him, thoughtful and eyes calm and attentive.

"What if...there are things I'm not telling?" Eren asked, the words feeling clumsy on his tongue and he cradled the tea close, as if it could help him somehow.

Levi looked at him a moment longer and then leaned forward slightly. "There is more, isn't there?" he asked and Eren avoided his gaze again, nodding. Levi's index finger tapped his cup twice. "Is it going to endanger us?"

"No," Eren promised, looking up. He would never, ever endanger these guys. He'd sooner stop shifting for the rest of his life than willingly hurt them. "I can promise you that."

Levi nodded and leaned back. "Alright."

Eren blinked, feeling thrown and surprised enough that the guilt lost a bit of its vice-like grip on him. "What? Just, just like that?"

This time, Levi sighed and set down his cup. "Look, I've seen you risk your life for your comrades. You jumped into a Titan to save Kirstein. You'll tell me when you're ready." At Eren's dumbstruck face, he snorted softly, the corners of his mouth maybe twitching up a bit. The tip of his boot lightly nudged Eren's calf. "So stop looking like you're dying. And drink your tea, idiot, it's getting cold."

Eren quickly took a sip, almost scalding his tongue, but his heart felt lighter and something like awe wound through his veins. He hadn't expected that, not from his friends here and not from Levi. He hadn't expected for people to...trust him. Because trust was the only reason why they'd let him keep his secrets and treat him the same afterwards. And Levi wasn't aware of the extend Eren kept the truth from him, but still...still it looked like he had somehow earned a bit of Levi's trust. It felt like the most precious thing and Eren silently vowed to treat it like the treasure it was. He'd do everything he could to be worthy of the bit of faith Levi extended to him.

"Thank you," the words felt like so much more on his tongue. They were simple, but conveyed a world of emotion Eren couldn't hope to voice. Levi hummed in a noncommittal way and kept drinking his tea. Eren found himself smiling and he took another sip, a bit more carefully this time. His shoulders relaxed and he felt a bit sore along his neck and between his shoulder blades. Oh, he hadn't realized he had been this worried.

"I missed this," Eren murmured, ducking his head slightly as he felt his face heat. It felt daring, somehow, to say it out loud.

Levi huffed softly and Eren was surprised to see his face look a bit softer. Or maybe it was the flickering lantern light. "Welcome back. Don't fuck off without backup again."

Eren couldn't help but chuckle, slumping into his chair with a long exhale and he looked at Levi, a warm smile on his face. "I'll just get you, next time."

Levi glanced back at him, eyes a bit more intense than before. "Hm. Good."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not much action, but a lot of reunions and introductions =D   
> As always, I'll go check for spelling mistakes over the next days, to try and see what I missed.


End file.
